When my phone rang I thought it was Jamey, so I picked it up on the first ring.
“Hey. What are you up to? I was just thinking about you and wanted to make sure you were okay.” Wayne’s voice was not who I wanted to hear. My instant sobs let him know that I was far from okay.
“Peyton, talk to me. What happened?”
“Jamey got arrested for fightin’ with my brother. Now all of a sudden he wants nothin’ to do with me. He pushed me away, Wayne. I don’t know what to do.”
“Where are you?”
“In my car.”
“You need to calm down. You can’t be driving around in that condition. Peyton, you’ve got to get yourself together.”
“I can’t think straight. It’s all happenin’ so fast. I thought we were goin’ to start over. Why doesn’t he want me anymore? What did I do to deserve this, Wayne?”
“Peyton, can you make it here, or do you need me to come and get you. Abigail and I can drive as far as we need to.”
I shook my head, even though he couldn’t see me. “No. I can make it.”
“Hang up the phone and keep your focus on the road. We’ll figure this out. I promise. If you need to pull over to gather yourself just call and let me know. I’m worried about you.”
“I’ll be there soon.” I hung up the phone and immediately started bawling again. No matter how I tried to calm down it wasn’t happening. Jamey had destroyed me, and I just didn’t understand why.
By the time I pulled up at Wayne’s house he was outside on his porch waiting for me. He ran to the car before I could even get out. The moment his arms wrapped around me I collapsed. Wayne wasn’t a big guy, but he managed to pick me up and carry me inside. He sat me down on his bed and left the room, only to come back with a glass of water and a pill. “Take this. It will make you feel better.”
I sat and took the glass in my hand. “What is it?”
“It’s a Xanax. The doctor gives them too me for anxiety. Trust me, you need it.”
“I don’t want to be a zombie.”
“Silly woman, it won’t knock you out. It will just help you to relax. Now if you add a few glasses of wine with it, well that’s a different story.” He winked and waited for me to take the medication.
“Thanks,” I said after I’d swallowed.
“I hate seeing you like this, Peyton. You’ve got a lot going for you. You’ve got your classes, and a big family that loves you. Plus you have me and Abigail. I know you feel like you’re alone, but you’re not.”
I wiped my tears away with a tissue and looked up at him. His comfort meant the world. “Thanks, Wayne. You’re always here for me. I’ll never be able to make it up to you.”
“Being my friend is good enough.” He picked up the box of tissues and grabbed me some more. “Why don’t you go get a bath. There’s shirts and shorts in my third drawer down. Abigail and I were just about to make ice cream sundaes, so once you’re done come out and eat them with us, okay?”
I grabbed his hand before he could walk out of the room. “How did I get so lucky to find you, Wayne?”
“I was the lucky one,” he replied.
It took me a while to get up and head into the bathroom. The last thing I wanted to do was take care of myself. My whole world was turned upside down. I wanted to go to sleep for a month so that I didn’t have to feel the pain of it all.
Soaking in the hot water didn’t help at first, well not until the medication kicked in. Then I just felt calmer. It wasn’t like it stopped me from feeling, or crying. I could have filled the tub with all the tears I had left inside of me.
When I climbed out of the tub and headed back into the bedroom to get dressed I sat down on the bed wrapped in a towel, grabbed my phone out of my purse and dialed Jamey’s number. I just wanted him to explain to me what had happened for him to not want to be with me.
“This is Jamey, leave me a message.”
I waited for the tone and tried my best not to cry as I spoke. “It’s me. I don’t know what’s goin’ on. Last night you told me you loved me. I felt it. I know you weren’t lyin’. I just don’t understand what’s goin’ on. What did I do to make you push me away? Did I say something that pissed you off? Is it because I -.” The phone disconnected before I could finish. I tossed it back into my purse and buried my face into a pillow. It wasn’t like he ever listened to his messages. He told me one time that he only set it up so that people wouldn’t keep calling.
After getting myself together enough to stand up, I walked over to the full-length mirror and let the towel drop. There had to be something about me that turned Jamey off. If it wasn’t my personality, or the way I acted, then maybe he didn’t find me attractive.
The sound of the door opening made me reached down and cover myself back up. Wayne stood there in front of me. “Sorry. I was just checking on you.”
I don’t know what made me do it. I’d like to have blamed it on the pill he gave me, but I knew it had nothing to do with my actions. I let the towel drop, revealing my fully naked body to Wayne. I watched him take a deep breath and let his eyes wander. I took a step forward and reached for his hand. When he didn’t pull away I got even closer. While on my tippy toes, I reached up and kissed him on the lips. Wayne leaned against the door and fastened the latch before turning around. He pressed me onto it and picked me up in his arms. Our lips clashed together almost violently, like he’d gone too long and couldn’t control his sexual desires. I tugged on his t-shirt and easily lifted it over his head. Our mouths met again sending us in a whirlwind of kissing. I needed to feel wanted, and Wayne just longed for some kind of release. Within minutes he’d spun us around and tossed me down onto his bed. I could feel his stiff erection pressing into me as he began kissing my neck and moving downward. I reached to unfasten the buckle of his jeans and all of a sudden he froze. He looked up at me with petrified eyes and then quickly climbed off the bed. By the time I sat up he was already putting his shirt back on. “Peyton, I’m sorry. I can’t, we can’t do this.”
I covered my face with my hands. “I know. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what’s come over me.”
He sat down on the bed next to me and handed me the sheet to cover up with. “You’re in a real bad place. You’ve just been traumatized by your ex, and it’s only natural for you to seek out some kind of attention. I’m not mad at you.”
I reached for his hand, but he pulled away. It made my lips begin to tremble. “Oh God, please tell me that you don’t hate me now too.”
He laughed and shook his head. “Of course I don’t hate you. It’s just that I can’t do that, not with you or anyone else. It still feels like I’m cheating, and I couldn’t live with that. Peyton, I told you before how special you were to me, but we can’t be anything more than friends. I love you, but it’s not the way you need to be loved. Be honest with yourself, is it me that you want to be with, or Jamey?”
I let my head fall against his arm. “You’re right. Wayne, I’m sorry. I’d never use you. What is wrong with me?”
He looked over at me and wiped the tears off of my cheeks. “You are coping. You’ve got every right to be irrational. I won’t tell anyone.”
“Thanks. I wouldn’t want it getting out that I stripped down to nothin’ and still got rejected.” We both started to laugh. My head was pounding, and I knew I had to calm myself down. “You’re a Godsend.”
He finally grabbed my hand. “Our friendship is important to both of us, Peyton. Get dressed and come out for some ice cream. Abigail probably ate all the sprinkles by now.”
I watched him stand up and head toward the door. “Wayne?”
“Yeah?” He turned to look at me.
“Will you sleep with me tonight, like we did before? I just don't want to be alone.”
He smiled again. “As long as you don’t snore like the last time.”
I let out a little laugh as he exited the room. He’d gotten me to do it and I was appreciative. For a moment I forgot about my proble
ms. I needed to teach myself how to do that if I was going to be able to get through this disaster in one piece. I had to put on my big girl panties and figure out how to get over Jamey.
When it was time for bed I cuddled up next to Wayne. Though I felt awkward about what had happened between us earlier, being close to him still made me feel safe. “You can stay here as along as you want, Peyton,” Wayne whispered.
“I don’t want Abigail to get the wrong idea.”
“She knows we’re friends. She asks me almost every day.”
I turned to face him. “She asked me before too.”
“Yeah, she’s curious. It’s only natural. I like to think that you being around is good for her. Plus she likes your southern accent. She wants to know why I can’t talk to like you do.”
I giggled. “I don’t have an accent.”
“Yes you do. It’s cute.”
I got quiet for a moment. There was a time when Jamey used to call me cute. It hurt to think about him in anyway, and I couldn’t help myself. “Do you think I’ll ever be able to get over him?”
“Yeah. It may take time, but you’re going to do it.”
“I appreciate the optimism, especially when I feel like it’s impossible.”
“Try to get some sleep. I promise it will help. If anyone knows how to deal with a broken heart it’s me. I think about her everyday, Peyton, but I keep going, because I know I have to. You’ll figure out a way to do the same.”
“What if I don’t want to?”
Wayne pulled me closer and kissed the top of my head. “You’re strength is empowering. If you don’t want to give up I imagine you’ll find a way to get what you want.”
When I closed my eyes I didn’t think about what I’d lost. I thought of ways to get it all back.
Chapter 24
Jamey
“That’s enough rum, Jamey. The bartender is about ready to ask us to leave.” Joey wasn’t in charge of my alcohol consumption. I had everything under control.
“One more shot!” I went to push the stacked shot glasses toward the bartender and they all went crashing behind the counter. I could hear them shattering as they hit the floor.
“All right. That’s enough. Get this guy out of here.” The middle aged man was not to happy with me.
“Come on. It was an accident.”
I felt my body being pulled off of the seat. Ford had one arm while Joey had the other. I tried to fight them off, but both were bigger in stature than me. “I’m not goin’ to let you ruin this night for me.” I looked over at Ford confused.
“What are you talkin’ about?”
“We didn’t want to tell you, since you and Peyton broke up,” Joey explained.
“Tell me what?”
“Ford and Sky set a date. We were comin’ out tonight to celebrate.” I took my eyes off of my brother and looked at my cousin. I suppose I should have been happy for him and Sky. They were happy, and the best of friends. I’d given up my happiness, and my very best friend. I reached down the bar and grabbed someone else’s drink, holding it up in the air. “Here’s to your fuckin’ happiness. Hopefully she doesn’t have a brother that takes everything you love and turns it to shit!” I down the concoction without even looking to see what it was.
The next thing I knew I was being dragged out of the establishment. Joey tossed me down on the curb. “You need to get yourself together.”
“Fuck you. This is the new me. Take it or leave it.”
“Look, I don’t know what happened to you today, but you need to chill the fuck out.” He had me by my shirt, and all I could do was laugh. It pissed him off even more, so much so that he tossed me back down on the concrete and walked back inside of the bar.
I sat back up and looked around at the empty street. I’d been drinking since lunch time and had no idea what time it was now. I didn’t even care. Nothing mattered to me, because I’d done everything in my power to win back my girl only to lose her again for something that I had no control of.
She was out there somewhere hurting and I knew that I was to blame. Forget about my dignity or pride. I didn’t care who saw me acting like a little bitch. I had nothing left to lose. Shayne had stripped me of it all.
He had to pay.
I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and dialed her number. She needed to know what her brother was up to, and what he’d done to keep us apart. I couldn’t lose her like this. She was worth going to jail over. I’d made a mistake.
It rang four times before her voicemail picked up.
“You’ve reached, Peyton. Leave me a message and I’ll call you right back.”
“Pey, baby it’s me. I need to tell you a secret. You’re brother, Shayne, is a douche. He’s like a fuckin’ cock suckin’ prick. Are you there?” I looked at my phone and saw that it had turned off from a low battery. I was so pissed about it that I tossed it across the street and watched it shatter into pieces.
I looked behind me to make sure that my brother wasn’t watching my back. When I knew he’d left me all alone I got up and started walking back to our place. On the way I made a pit stop at Peyton’s beach house. Shayne’s car was parked in the driveway, so I took it upon myself to piss on his tires. He’d probably never know the difference, but I’d never forget it. Then as I was walking away I felt it necessary to let the whole world know how much of a prick he was. The only problem with that was the person sitting on the front porch. I wasn’t sure who it was until she stood up. I started to walk down the street, but she kept following me. After passing two more houses she caught up. I turned to see how close she was and she shoved me to the ground. “Jamey, what do you think you’re doin’?”
“Ash, this doesn’t concern you. Just go back to your dickhead husband and mind your business.”
“Are you kiddin’ me? You’re drunk and you just pissed on my car. I should call the cops again.”
I grabbed her by the arms abruptly. “Please don’t I lost Peyton because of it.”
“What are you talkin’ about?”
“It was Shayne. He told me he’d drop the charges if I broke up with Peyton for good. He said if I didn’t then he’d make sure I got locked up again. I should have picked Peyton and just done more time. I know that now. I made the wrong choice, Ash, and now she’s gone.”
Ashley looked behind her to make sure nobody was looking at us. To be honest I think it was late, because everyone’s lights were turned off in their houses. “You’re tellin’ me that my husband blackmailed you into breaking up with Peyton?”
“Yes.”
I watched her silently freaking out. “Listen, Jamey, you need to understand that He’s just worried about his sister. We were there when you broke her heart over and over again. I’m sorry that he made you do that, but it’s not too late. Peyton’s a grown woman. She can make her own choices, and I know how much she loves you. I’ll talk to Shayne. I’m not makin’ any promises, but I’ll try to get him to back off of you.”
She couldn’t begin to understand what was going on. “Ash, you don’t get it. Peyton and me are through. I told her I lied and cheated so that she’d never want to talk to me again.”
“You what? Is she okay?” I watched the mother in her coming out. She cared about Peyton, and I’d made her upset.
I sat down on the curb when it started to feel like I was spinning. My life was out of control. “I don’t know.”
Ashley kicked me in the shin. “Boy, I ought to kick your little ass. How could you do that to her?”
The better question was how could she marry such a loser. “Maybe if you’d kept a leash on your douche of a husband I wouldn’t have had to do anything.”
She paced around in the street. “I need to call her. She must be a mess. I wonder if she went to Wayne’s house.”
Hearing his name pissed me off. Peyton said they were just friends, but at this point any other man was a threat to me. She was beautiful and kind. It was only a matter of time before he saw that and took ful
l advantage of her vulnerability. “Wayne? You think she’d run right to him?”
“After what you did to her there’s no tellin’ where she’s run off to. I can promise you this, if she’s hurt herself in anyway I’m holdin’ you and Shayne personally responsible. That girl’s been nothin’ but good to both of you.”
She’d been too good to me. She’s loved me and forgiven me when I didn’t deserve it.
I stood up and tried to calm her down. “Ash, I love her. I love her so much it’s killin’ me inside. I fucked up again and again, and I have no idea how to make it right.”
She looked me right in the eyes. “Go home, sleep off the alcohol, and make things right in the mornin’. I will deal with my husband.”
“You goin’ to divorce him?” I hoped she was.
“Of course not. I might feel like kickin’ his ass, but you don’t give up on the people you love, especially not after all we’ve been through. If anyone can get through to him it’s me. I’m sorry this happened to you, but you’re the only person who can make it right. Go home, Jamey, before my neighbors call the cops again.”
I walked the rest of the way home in silence. Getting drunk and fighting with my brother had led me to talk to Ashley. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea after all. Now I just had to convince Peyton to forgive me for the hundredth time.
Chapter 25
Peyton
I woke up only when I felt the bed moving. Wayne had climbed out and headed for the bathroom. The clock read eight, so I pulled a pillow over my head and closed my eyes. My head was still pounding and I knew it was a result of all the crying I’d been doing. Honestly, I was tired of feeling this way. I wanted to be strong and independent. My time of dwelling on what I couldn’t have needed to end.
Wayne started a shower and closed the bathroom door. Since I knew he wouldn’t want me doing it, I pulled out my phone and peeked while I knew he was indisposed.
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