by Lucy Ashford
He said, ‘Serena. I realise I don’t deserve another single moment of your time after the way I’ve treated you. Pretending that I came across you and that wretched man Mort by sheer chance. Forcing you into a mockery of a liaison. And worst of all...’ his voice became very quiet ‘...to seduce you was unforgivable of me.’
She looked at him for a moment. Then she said, very steadily, ‘You didn’t seduce me, Raphael. I seem to recall that I gave you every encouragement. Don’t you remember?’
‘I didn’t need much encouragement though, did I?’ His hands tightened on her shoulders; his expression was still haunted and his eyes roved her face. ‘Serena, I longed to kiss you from the moment I danced with you at that ball last November. I wanted you in every way: in my arms, in my bed. I can’t deny it.’
His words rocked her soul. Silently she was begging, Please, Raphael. Please don’t put me through this agony again. Not when we both know it’s impossible. But oh, how easy it would be to sink into his arms, to let him kiss her and lose herself in the sweetness of his embrace, just one last time...
She stepped away from him, seeing how his arms fell empty to his sides. ‘We’ve been through all this. And I cannot see what’s changed. You’ve explained to me that you have to accept your duty, because you are honour-bound to take your sister-in-law to America, as you promised. And—’
She broke off, because now her voice had started to shake, just a little. ‘Raphael, do you mind if I leave you now, to go to find my brother and Joanna in the ballroom? You see, I find all this rather difficult. And surely you have a great deal to do in preparation for your journey?’
He said, ‘I haven’t. Not now.’
She stared at him, feeling a curious swooping sensation in the pit of her stomach.
He took a step closer to her. ‘Serena. I’ve come to tell you that I’m not going to America after all.’
What was he saying? Oh, dear Lord. Just when she’d resolved to be strong and to live her life without him...
‘I’m not going,’ he repeated. ‘I no longer need to go. Please, will you sit down, while I explain?’
* * *
Raphael allowed her the time she needed to settle herself on a sofa by the window. She looked badly shaken and he wasn’t surprised. Dear God, how he’d misjudged her and mistreated her from the start.
He hesitated a moment then sat beside her. Not too close, he warned himself. Give her space. Give her time. Because you’d better not mess things up again, you fool.
When he’d arrived and spotted Lady Joanna across the crowded ballroom, he’d headed straight for her. Of course, she’d been hostile towards him. He couldn’t blame her. She’d said, ‘What are you doing here?’
‘I’ve come for Serena. Do you know where she is?’
‘She was dancing in here a short while ago, so she must be somewhere around. But I’ll tell you this, Monsieur le Marquis. If you upset her again, I’ll have a few words to say about your behaviour—and in public this time. Do you understand?’
‘I understand.’ He said it quietly. ‘And I deserve it.’
After leaving Joanna staring after him in surprise, he’d renewed his search for Serena, pushing his way among the crowds, ignoring friends who called to him just as he ignored the middle-aged matrons who scowled at him and denounced his ill manners.
At last he found her in that unlit conservatory and she’d not heard him enter, which gave him time to steady his pulse rate. His heart had skipped several beats because she looked so lovely in that emerald silk gown with her blonde hair piled high, although as usual some stray tendrils had escaped that he longed to touch and kiss. Then he’d spoken her name, but she’d flinched as if afraid of him, afraid of what he might do to her. Again, he saw the fragility masked by her defiant façade. Remembered how often her efforts to hide that fragility had tugged at his heart even more than her beauty.
How could he have hurt her so badly?
He drew breath to speak again. Should he try fancy words? A declaration of penitence? Just tell her the truth, man.
‘I’ve been to visit my sister-in-law,’ he said at last. ‘At Dominic’s house.’
He registered the huge effort she made to smile. ‘Madeleine must be looking forward eagerly to her new life in America. As must you.’
‘Not any longer,’ he said. ‘Let me repeat. I’m not going to America.’
Her eyes flew to his and she looked frightened almost, of how he might hurt her next. ‘Raphael,’ she said in a low voice, ‘this is not right. You made a solemn promise to your brother to escort her there. You once told me that since his death it’s been your sole aim in life. The one purpose that’s kept you going—’
‘Until I met you.’ He saw her catch her breath and struggle to find the next one. Indeed, her usual strength seemed to have temporarily vanished.
‘No, Raphael!’ she said at last. ‘We’ve been through all this, haven’t we? I told you—I don’t need you, but Madeleine does, very much so.’
‘But you do need me,’ he said very softly. ‘Just as I need you, Serena.’
He saw her shaking her head and jutting her chin in that stubborn way of hers. ‘How many times do I have to tell you that I’m perfectly content to remain a widow?’
He gave a sudden smile. ‘A Wicked Widow? You won’t be one for much longer, if I can help it. Though you can be as wicked as you like—in private, with me. And with me only.’
As he spoke he leaned forward to take her in his arms and kiss her thoroughly, cherishing the sweet softness of her mouth and the way her body fitted so perfectly against his. Dear God, there was no one like this woman—which was exactly why she was the only one for him.
She pulled away, looking dazed. ‘But your sister-in-law! Your duty, to her!’
‘Let me explain,’ he said, reluctantly subduing the blood pounding in his veins, the heat rushing heavily to his loins. And he told her. He explained how yesterday he’d gone to Dominic’s house to speak to Madeleine about the details of their forthcoming voyage. ‘But then Dominic took me aside,’ he went on, ‘and told me that he needed to speak to me about something very important. Listen, Serena. Dominic wanted to ask my permission to become betrothed to Madeleine.’
At first she looked as if she could hardly speak. Then she whispered, ‘Are you saying that Dominic has fallen in love with Madeleine? So very quickly? How is that possible?’
‘Dominic actually met her some years ago in France. You know, don’t you, that he and I have been friends for many years? He came to stay at our family chateau in the summer before the Revolution, when I was home on leave from the army. My brother had just married Madeleine and I invited Dominic over for a month or so. He’s confessed to me that he secretly fell in love with her that summer—and that he’s never, ever forgotten her.’
Her lovely blue-green eyes were wide with wonder. ‘You mean that all this time poor Dominic’s been thinking of her? How incredible! Although, you know, I always wondered why he hadn’t married, when he must have had so many chances!’
‘Well, there you have your answer. Madeleine is easy to fall in love with if you’re the protective and brotherly type as Dominic is. And I think that everything she’s suffered in the last two years has made him even more eager to take care of her.’
‘But what about her feelings for him?’ Serena asked that more tentatively. ‘After all, she loved your brother very much, didn’t she?’
‘Of course she did. She and Guy were completely devoted to one another. So I suggested to Dominic that he give Madeleine a little more time to think about it, and today—this afternoon, in fact—I visited them again. On this occasion, I spoke to Madeleine on her own.’ He gave a wry smile. ‘She made it quite plain that they’d already decided the matter. She explained to me that though she’d loved Guy with all her heart, she’d always remembered Dominic with fondness. “I
think I can be very happy with him,” she said. So I told her that she was quite right to think she had found someone extremely special in Dominic and their marriage has my wholehearted blessing. In other words, it’s all settled. Dominic and Madeleine are to be betrothed. She no longer wishes to travel to America—and I no longer need to escort her there. All this took some time, which is why I’m late. Please forgive me.’
‘Of course. But, Raphael—I thought you wanted to go to America anyway.’ Serena spoke very slowly, still taking it all in. ‘To start a new life there, you said.’
He took her hand and clasped it. ‘That was my intention. And during the last few weeks, I’ve decided that, yes, I do indeed want to start a new life.’
He felt her hand tremble in his, just a little. ‘A new life. Of course. I understand.’
‘No.’ He lifted her hand to kiss it. ‘No, Serena, you don’t understand at all. I want to start a new life with you. Here in London if you wish—or even among those northern hills and moors you and your brother seem so fond of. We can live anywhere—I feel I can do anything, face anything, as long as I have you by my side!’
He broke off, suddenly terrified because so far she’d shown no sign of responding. He went on in a lower voice, ‘Serena. I know I’ve made many, many mistakes. I’ve treated you abominably by hiding my secrets from you for so long. Maybe I should give you time to think it over and perhaps some day you can forgive me?’
She put her finger to his lips. ‘Raphael. Raphael, you foolish man. I’m head over heels in love with you. Any of my friends could have told you so. You are noble. You are honourable. And after all, if I remember correctly, I practically invited you to seduce me, didn’t I?’
He grinned suddenly. ‘Yes, thank God.’ He was remembering that sweet, sweet night. ‘If you hadn’t, I couldn’t have restrained myself for much longer.’
‘Me neither.’ Serena smiled up at him, through the tears in her eyes. Tears of happiness. ‘I love you, Raphael.’
‘And I love you. So very much.’
He kissed her then, a kiss of ravishing intimacy that said everything, promised everything. Time stood still and, as he held her in his arms, Raphael realised that, finally, here was redemption. Here was the love of his life—the woman who could heal all the hurts, wrongs and evils he’d both witnessed and endured.
‘Speaking of restraining myself,’ the love of his life said a little breathlessly at last, ‘Raphael, please can we leave this dreadfully tedious ball? I’ve had my fill of trying to make polite conversation with boastful men who ogle my figure while the matrons stare at me and whisper about how immodest I am.’
He grinned. ‘They’ll say even more, ma chère, when we announce our betrothal. Only this time they won’t whisper. They’ll make their disapproval heard all across London.’
‘Let them!’ Her eyes danced with delight as he drew her lovingly to her feet. ‘Shall we tell them now? This minute? I cannot wait to see the shock on their faces! Then, Raphael, will you take me home? Please? For more of—this?’
And she stood on tiptoes and kissed him so tenderly, yet with such passion, that he felt whole at last. Complete. Saved. Yes—this woman had saved him.
‘You’ll have all the loving you desire, ma petite,’ he said softly. ‘But first things first. You’re quite right. I think now is absolutely the perfect time to tell the assembled company our news.’
* * *
The guests in Lord Rotherham’s ballroom were speechless when Raphael made his announcement, but then the whole room broke into applause. Joanna had tears in her eyes as she hurried up to Serena. ‘My dear, I couldn’t be more delighted for you. Didn’t I always tell you your Marquis was madly in love with you?’
Serena watched George’s approach with apprehension. But her brother shook Raphael’s hand and said gruffly, ‘Make her happy, won’t you? Otherwise you’ll have me to answer to.’
‘I will.’ Raphael returned his gaze steadily. ‘You can be sure of it.’
‘Good man,’ said George. ‘Good man. We’ll let bygones be bygones, then.’
* * *
Serena and Raphael received much the same reaction from her staff when they reached her house shortly afterwards. Grinling was there, of course—and the footmen and Mrs Penney and Martha. Raphael took charge.
‘You’ll all be pleased to hear,’ he said, ‘that Lady Serena has tonight agreed to become my wife. Grinling, bring some champagne up to her suite, would you? And then—’ his eyes twinkled ‘—we would appreciate a little privacy.’
All the servants scurried off except for Martha, who bobbed a curtsy to them both and whispered to Serena, ‘I’m delighted! So delighted, ma’am!’ Then she vanished, too.
‘Raphael,’ Serena protested, though she was laughing a little. ‘Champagne? Privacy? So blatant! Perhaps we should have been a little more subtle?’
He was already leading her up the grand staircase. ‘Subtle?’ He grinned down at her. ‘When by tomorrow morning, all of the households in Mayfair, servants included, will know our news?’
The champagne was promptly delivered, after which the footman beat a hasty retreat. The next moment Serena was in Raphael’s arms and he was saying, very softly, ‘Let me make this quite clear. I love you, Serena. I love your courage and your kindness and the way you always fight for what is right. I love how you went to tackle Wolverton, on your own. I love how you were prepared to give me up, for Madeleine’s sake—indeed, I think that’s one of the bravest things I’ve ever known.’
She looked up at him quickly. ‘Raphael. Will you report Wolverton for that attack on you?’
‘No.’ His tone was contemptuous. ‘Because the man’s ruined anyway. He knows this all means the end of his pretensions to social standing. No doubt he’ll hold on to his factory and his import business, but I’ll be keeping a watch on him. And that’s enough of Wolverton, because tonight is about you and me and nobody else.’ He took her hand and kissed it. ‘By the way. Did I tell you I love you? If I did, can I tell you again?’
She thought she was going to cry. She dashed a tear away and whispered, ‘I love you, too. So much.’
‘I’m sorry for everything I’ve put you through, Serena. Forcing you into that agreement, when you must have hated every minute—’
‘I didn’t,’ she said calmly. He stared at her. ‘I didn’t hate every minute, Raphael. I was confused and sometimes humiliated a little, but that was my fault, for being stubborn and proud. You see. I was falling for you from the very start. Though I tried not to, because, yes, you were overbearing. And far too handsome for your own good—’
He tilted up her chin with one finger. ‘Too handsome for my own good?’
‘Indeed!’ Her eyes sparkled with laughter. ‘Too handsome and you know it!’ She lowered her gaze. Said more quietly, ‘And I was afraid, because I knew the way I was feeling about you was making me far too vulnerable to—to...’
‘To what?’ His eyes were searching her face.
‘To heartbreak. There. I’ve said it. So I tried to put up my guard. To be hateful to you at times—because I couldn’t bear the thought of the hurt that lay ahead.’
‘Oh, Serena.’ He drew her close again. ‘Are you ever going to be able to forgive me?’
She gazed up at him. ‘Only on one condition.’
‘And what’s that?’
‘That you kiss me again.’
‘C’est mon plaisir,’ he murmured. ‘Serena, my darling, je t’adore.’
* * *
After that, they didn’t talk much. The need in both was too intense—she felt it and guessed he felt it, too, because his steely eyes were almost black. He kissed her and undressed her from her fabulous gown as if—and she caught her breath—as if she were some priceless work of art. A painting by a master. Then he undressed himself and she watched.
He was perfect in eve
ry muscle, every sinew. He was so beautiful he took her breath away. And he wanted her—there was absolutely no doubting it. What they were doing, she thought in her emotion-filled heart, was making love. Yes, love was the word for it, surely. This time there was an extra intensity, an extra dimension to their passion; this time all her senses were tautened to breaking point by the ways he had of pleasuring her. And she, in turn, rose to respond to him, to please him. Daring, adventurous, teasing him with her tongue and lips; taking the lead, which made him gasp in delighted surprise.
Though soon enough he took over again, clasping her in his arms, and she wrapped her legs around his lean hips and was soon engulfed by a crescendo of exquisite, yet nearly unbearable tension. When he’d built her almost to her peak, he stilled himself and gazed into her eyes. ‘Ma belle,’ he whispered. She could feel the power of him deep within her. And then he bestowed on her more kisses, more caresses with his hand down between her thighs, where her bud of pleasure responded to his every touch; all the time he was moving himself harder and more inexorably inside her until she was gripping him tightly and she was engulfed by a heart-stopping tidal wave of ecstasy, her body pulsing and her soul soaring as he, too, drove himself to his release.
For those few exquisite moments, time stood still. As they lay in one another’s arms, the sheets tangled around them, she thought, This is happiness. Not for four weeks, but for ever.
Epilogue
Four months later
‘Well, my dear? Are you ready for your big day?’ Joanna had sailed into Serena’s front parlour wearing an even more outrageous hat than usual, with silk flowers piled high and ribbons trailing.
Serena embraced her. ‘I still can’t believe it, Joanna. Can’t believe I could be so very happy. I know I’m marrying Raphael tomorrow, but I still feel as if it’s a dream.’