by Elks, Carrie
“Ah, he loves it when I get cavities. I always make sure I wear a low cut top so he can look at my chest.” Laura almost smiled. “We should set up a union or something. Start refusing to work when we get awkward customers.”
“You own your shop,” Maddie pointed out with a smile. “You’d only be hurting yourself.”
“Ugh.” Laura slumped down in her stool and grabbed her coffee as Maddie slid a slice of carrot cake onto a plate. “I hate myself sometimes.”
“No you don’t.”
Laura spooned more sugar in. “Okay then. I hate my life.”
“No you don’t.” Maddie grinned.
“Hey. I’m looking for some support here. You’re supposed to be cheering me up.” Laura lifted the cup to her lips for a sip.
Maddie leaned on the counter. It had been a quiet day, which meant nothing had soured her good mood. Not a customer sending her plate back three times thanks to Murphy’s eggs, nor Murphy’s X-rated response as he threw the plate of food on the floor in a fit of pique.
Nothing could push away the glow she was feeling. It was too warm, too deep, too good.
“Hey, you’re still smiling. What’s up with you?” Laura asked.
“What do you mean?” Maddie tried to force her cheek muscles to relax, but they weren’t playing ball.
“I mean you’re all glowy and grinning and stuff. It’s not like you. What happened?”
“Maybe I’m just smiling because it’s a beautiful day.” Maddie shrugged and gestured out of the windows. The sun was beating down on the verdant town square, bouncing off the bandstand and the white painted benches. “Is that a crime?”
“Hmm.” Laura pressed her fork into the cake and scooped up a piece. “I don’t know. What’ve you been doing?”
Maddie laughed. “Nothing. Just working the way I always do. I’m allowed to smile, aren’t I?”
For the first time since she’d stormed through the door, Laura smiled. “Yeah, you are. And you’re pretty when you do it.”
“All that sugar’s gone to your brain,” Maddie teased. “And your tongue, you sweet talker.” Behind Laura’s shoulder, she could see her sister’s Mercedes pull up in the space outside.
She watched as Ashleigh climbed out and smoothed her dress with her palms, clicking the car shut as she walked toward the diner. Suddenly, Maddie’s good mood disappeared. Replaced by a strong sense of guilt as she remembered last night.
Her body tensed. Why should she feel guilty? Gray wasn’t Ashleigh’s boyfriend anymore. Hadn’t been for years. They were two grown adults doing what adults did. It wasn’t anybody else’s business.
Even if everybody seemed to think it was.
“You okay?” Laura asked, turning to glance over her shoulder. “Oh,” she said, turning back with wide eyes. “Big sister is here.”
“Yup.”
Ashleigh pushed the door open, causing the bell to tinkle, and she looked up as though it was a personal affront. Her chest rose as she took in a deep breath of air and walked over to the counter.
“Hey,” Maddie said, trying to keep her voice light. “To what do we owe this pleasure?”
“I was just passing.” Ashleigh smiled. “I decided to visit Gray and say hi. It seemed stupid him being back in town and me ignoring it. So I decided to be the bigger person.”
“You did?” Maddie felt any of her remaining happiness ooze away. “Was he there?”
“He was on the roof when I arrived. He pretty much scrambled down to say hi. It was kind of sweet. Reminded me of when we were at school. He could never do enough for me then.”
“Oh.” Maddie desperately searched for words, but her mind was blank.
“Does Michael know you’re visiting old boyfriends?” Laura asked.
Ashleigh turned around, her eyebrows rising up at the intrusion. “Oh, it’s you. I didn’t see you there. And since you’re asking, I didn’t tell Michael because it was a spur of the moment decision. But I know he’d support my choice. I never give him any reason to doubt me.” She turned back to Maddie. “We talked about you a little.”
Maddie’s breath caught in her throat. “You did?”
“Yeah. He said you were sweet, and he told me you were like his kid sister.” Ashleigh glanced at the gold watch wrapped around her delicate wrist. “Can I order a coffee to go? I need to pick up Carter in twenty minutes.”
“Sure.” Welcoming the opportunity to turn her back on her sister, Maddie walked over to the coffee machine and took a deep breath. No drip coffee for Ashleigh Lowe. She always ordered a skinny cinnamon latte. But even the mechanical action of filling the filter and steaming the milk wasn’t enough to push away the hurt of Ashleigh’s words. Had Gray really said that about her? Even if he was trying to throw Ashleigh off the scent, describing her as a kid hurt.
It reminded her of how it was growing up. Always in her sister’s shadow. Even now, when she finally had something good happen in her life, Ashleigh was here to remind her that he’d been hers first.
She put a lid on the cup, then slid a sleeve over it and passed it to Ashleigh, who was standing silently next to Laura. “There you go.”
“How much?”
“It’s on me.”
“Don’t be silly. I know how tight money is. Here you go.” Ashleigh pulled a five-dollar bill from her purse and left it on the counter. “Keep the change. And I’ll call you later, okay?”
“Okay.” Maddie swallowed, though there was still a lump in her throat.
Ashleigh left as swiftly as she came, the door slamming closed behind her. Maddie stood there for a moment, already missing her good humor from this morning.
“Well, your sister’s a bitch,” Laura said, forking the last piece of cake into her mouth. “But we already knew that.”
“She’s not so bad. She has her good qualities.”
“Yeah, well we can discuss those later. Right now I’ve got a few questions for you. What the heck is going on between you and Gray Hartson?”
Chapter Nineteen
“I don’t see much progress on the roof,” his dad said. He coughed loudly, covering his lips with a white starched handkerchief the way he always did. He was well enough to walk outside for a few minutes – and he’d obviously decided to use that time to rile Gray up.
Good luck, old man. Even Ashleigh hadn’t been able to kill Gray’s good mood completely.
“I’m waiting for the materials to be delivered,” Gray said, keeping his voice light. “After that it’s a few days work.” That’s what the Johnson brothers had told him, anyway. “It’ll be done before you know it.”
His dad looked up at the roof with narrowed eyes. “I want it done properly,” he wheezed. “No half baked measures.”
Gray bit down the urge to tell his dad where to go. “I didn’t take half measures with the plumbing and I won’t do it with this.”
“Maybe if you weren’t so busy flirting with married women, you’d get the job done quicker.”
“What?” Gray leaned on the side of the house, surprise pulling his brows together.
“I saw you with Ashleigh Lowe. The two of you looked thick as thieves. You know she has a husband and children?”
“Yeah, I know. And I wasn’t flirting. She came over to say hi and I was polite in return.” He had no idea why he was explaining himself. He didn’t owe his old man anything. Still, the heat started to rise up inside him, the way it always did when his dad was near.
“Best thing she ever did, marrying that man. She’s a clever woman. She knew you weren’t reliable.”
“Is that right?” he asked through gritted teeth.
“You’re not the type who sticks around, are you, Gray? Too busy chasing after the next big thing to think about the people you left behind.” His dad’s eyes narrowed. “Too important to visit your home or think about the people who love you.”
Gray swallowed hard, but the bile kept rising. “Why do you think I’m here? Why do you think I’m spending my free time r
epairing this goddamned house when I could have paid to get it done a hundred times over? For the goodness of my heart?”
“Guilt.” His dad pressed his lips together. “You think it makes up for all those years you never came home. All those times you broke your aunt and sister’s hearts. But a few pipes and shingles prove nothing. You’ll leave again, and we won’t see you for another ten years.”
“You think they’re nothing?” Gray’s voice rose up, it was all he could do not to shout. “All these hours I’ve spent making the house watertight and useable? You want me to stop now? Just leave you with a roof full of holes because you’re too cheap to pay for professional help?”
His dad coughed loudly. “If you want to leave, then go. We’ll deal with it the same way we always have. Without you.”
Gray curled his fists together and closed his eyes for a moment, trying to push down the urge to punch something. Anything. His dad knew how to push his buttons. What the hell was he doing here anyway? He could be home in L.A., playing music and relaxing. Instead, he was here, in the small, cloying town he grew up in, getting criticized by his dad for trying to do a good thing.
There was no winning with him. There never was. Why the hell did he keep trying?
“You’re a miserable old man, do you know that?” Gray told him through gritted teeth. “You made my childhood hell after mom died. You pushed every one of us out. We couldn’t wait to leave. Me, Tanner, Logan, and Cam, we were counting down the hours.”
“And yet here you are, right back where you started.”
“Yeah, but not to see you. To make sure Aunt Gina and Becca are okay.”
“They’re fine. They always will be. I make sure of that.” Another cough. “They don’t need your concern or your money. None of us do.”
“You’re going to die a lonely, miserable, old man.”
His dad laughed. It was short and angry and had no humor in it at all. “Not as lonely as you. At least I have my family and my memories, and a town full of friends. What have you got, Gray? A body ruined by tattoos. People who are only your friends because they want what you have to offer. How many of them are real friends? How many of them have called you since you’ve been here? You haven’t had any visitors. So don’t talk to me about being lonely when you’re the one who’s alone.” His dad shook his head and turned away, shuffling off around the corner of the house.
As soon as he disappeared from sight, Gray slammed his hand against the wall. “Fuck!” he shouted. He hated this. He hated him. Why did he still let the old man rile him up like this?
“He doesn’t mean it, you know.”
Gray looked up to see Aunt Gina standing at the back door. From the look on her face, Gray knew she’d heard every word.
“Yeah he does.”
She shook her head. “He loves you, Gray. But he has no idea how to show it. It scares him.”
Gray wanted to laugh. “Nothing scares him.”
“Some things do. Losing your mom scared him so bad he never let himself open up again. He pushes you away because he’s scared you’re going to leave anyway. This way he can tell himself it’s what he wants.”
“That’s fu… I mean, that’s crazy.”
Aunt Gina ignored his almost-swearing. “It’s who he is. He never got over your mom’s death.” She sighed.
“Yeah, well maybe he should have. That way he wouldn’t make everybody else’s life hell.”
“If you think yours is hell, imagine losing the one person who was everything to you. Your soul mate. Then imagine having to stay in the same house and seeing her face in the expressions of your five children. Imagine having to watch them cry and hold in your own tears because those little children need stability.” She reached out to stroke the side of his face. “I know he’s no angel. And that he’s impossible when he talks to you. But he did his best for you. We both did. But sometimes it isn’t good enough.”
He hated seeing the sadness in her eyes. Gray pulled her close and hugged her tight. “You were more than good enough,” he said gruffly.
“Maybe one day you’ll be able to talk to your dad without butting heads and tell him the same,” she suggested when he released her.
“Maybe,” he told her. “But I wouldn’t bank on it.”
The smallest of smiles curled her lips. “Maybe is good enough for me.”
* * *
“Why is everything so much easier when I’m with you?” Gray murmured, pressing his lips against Maddie’s hair. It was almost eleven, and they were sitting in her backyard in one of the old Adirondack chairs. When he sat down, she’d gone to sit in the other one, but he’d pulled her into his lap instead, telling her he needed to feel her. And yeah, maybe she’d needed a little of that, too.
“Because the rest of the world is full of assholes.”
He chuckled. “Truth. Wherever I go, I can’t seem to escape them.”
“Me either. I hear my sister paid you a visit earlier.” Though her voice was light, those words laid heavy on her chest.
“Yeah, she did. But I have no idea why. She said a few strange things then left as quickly as she arrived.”
Maddie turned in his arms until she was facing him. She’d never get sick of looking at his beautiful face. Deep blue eyes, high cheekbones, strong, square jaw. The face that melted a million women’s hearts. “What kind of strange things?”
He brushed his lips against hers, making her spine tingle. “She said that New York almost killed you.”
Maddie’s mouth went dry. “She did?”
“Yeah.” He frowned. “What did she mean? Why did going to Ansell nearly kill you?”
She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, not wanting to look at him. “It’s old news,” she said softly. “I had a bad experience and wanted to come home.”
“A bad experience? With who? Was it one of your teachers?”
Her ribcage felt like a tightly closed door. He was prodding, trying to pry it open, and part of her wanted to let him. The other part? It knew that once he opened it she was going to have to deal with him knowing the truth. She wasn’t sure she was ready for that. Not yet. Maybe not ever.
“I had a boyfriend,” she said, her voice thin. “And something happened between us that really hurt me. And everybody knew about it. People were whispering about me in the hallways. In the end, all I wanted to do was come home.”
Gray slid his hands around her waist, as though he was protecting her. “What did he do?”
She buried her face against his shoulder. “It doesn’t matter. It’s old history.” She took a deep breath, trying to center herself. She didn’t want to think about those memories now. Not while she was in his arms.
“It isn’t old history if it stopped you playing music.”
“I still play. I teach piano. I write some songs. It’s enough for me.” She licked her lips. “How about you, has anybody hurt you?”
“As in girlfriends?” he asked, his voice low.
“Yeah.”
The corner of his mouth quirked up. “Are we having that talk?”
“What talk?” She looked up again. There was so much warmth in his eyes. She loved the way he knew to stop asking her questions about New York. He never pushed further than she could handle.
One day she’s have to tell him, though. She knew that.
“The one where we tell each other all our guilty secrets about our past relationships. I ask you if you’ve ever been in love, and you ask me if I’ve ever cheated. Then we assess whether the other person is good enough for us.”
“Have you ever cheated?” she asked him, suddenly interested.
“Nope. But I’ve done some things I’ve regretted.”
“Like what?”
It was his turn to look cornered. “Stupid things. Had one night stands with women who were looking for more. Drunk too much and woken up to women whose names I didn’t know.”
“Women?” she asked him. “As in more than one.”
He laughed.
“Yeah, there’s been more than one.”
“I meant at the same time.” Her chest tightened at the thought.
“Are you asking me if I’ve ever had a threesome?”
Her breath caught in her throat as she nodded. The difference in experience between them was all too evident. She’d only woken up once to find something she wasn’t expecting. And that had ruined everything.
But it sounded like for Gray it was a way of life.
He pulled her tighter, his eyes meeting hers. And inside them she could see the honesty she was looking for. He was an open book, and she was desperate to turn the pages.
“I told you before that when I first found success I took advantage of it. Too much drinking, too many drugs, and yeah, there were too many women as well. I used them the way I used everything else. To make me feel better. Less alone. I wanted to feel like a star because deep down inside I didn’t feel like I deserved any of it.”
There was a rawness to his words that touched her. “But you did deserve it. You’re so talented.”
His mouth twitched. “It’s okay. Years of therapy mean I don’t need that kind of validation any more.”
“No?”
“Nah uh.”
She traced her finger down the bridge of his nose. “So have you had any longer relationships since then?”
“A couple,” he said, his lips parting as her finger brushed against them. She could feel the heat of his breath against her skin. “Nothing too serious. Both of them were women in the industry.”
“Do I know them?”
He shrugged. “Probably. But they’re history now. How about you? Any suitors I should know about in Hartson’s Creek? Should I be getting ready to fight for you?”
She grinned. “No. The only guy I spend time with is Murphy. And I can guarantee that he’d give me up without a fight.”
“I can make better eggs than him.”
“I have no doubt of that.”
He traced her spine, his fingers slow and lingering. “So there’s nothing standing between us.”
She shivered at his touch. “There’s a small matter of two thousand miles between your home and mine. And the fact that Ashleigh would throw a fit.”