by Elks, Carrie
“You’re beautiful,” he whispered, brushing his lips down her neck and tasting the salt there. Her hair was damp, pulled back from her face. She arched her back, and he buried his face into her chest, pulling at her nipple with his lips. She unclipped her bra, throwing it into the water.
“I’ll never see that agai… oh…” He sucked her in again, his tongue lapping against her sensitive flesh, and he felt her legs tighten around him. “Gray,” she whispered.
“Yeah?”
“I haven’t… we haven’t got anything.” She gasped as he moved to her other breast. “Condoms, I mean.”
He laughed. “I guess we’ll have to stop ourselves before we get too crazy.”
But he wasn’t ready yet; nowhere near. Not when she was grinding against him with every lash of his tongue, the water lifting her up and down as it gently ebbed and flowed. She shimmied against him until her core was against his hardness, dipping his head to catch her lips with his. She was clinging to him, her body naturally grinding against his.
Yeah, they didn’t have anything, but he still wanted her to come. And when she did, he watched her. Head tipped back and mouth opened with a half-scream, her arms and legs clinging to him like she never wanted to let go.
Christ she was beautiful. He was determined to keep her. No matter the price he had to pay.
* * *
“There’s something I wanted to ask you,” Gray said, putting his silverware onto the empty plate in front of him. They’d just eaten an amazing dish of soft shell crab with risotto and a green salad. Maddie could still taste the gorgeous dressing on her tongue.
“What is it?” she asked, looking over at him. The moon was high in the sky, illuminating his face, highlighting his prominent cheekbones and sharp jaw.
“I want you to fly to L.A. with me. Meet with my publicist.”
She blinked. “When? Why?”
“Because like I told you before, I don’t want this to be the end. I’m falling for you, Maddie. Hell, I think I fell about three weeks ago. But I have to go back to L.A. to record my album, and then I’ll need to go on tour to promote it. That means being back in the limelight, and if I’m there, you will be too.” He swallowed hard. “If you want to be with me, of course.”
Her breath caught in her throat. “Of course I want to.”
“You don’t sound so sure.”
“I’m just afraid,” she admitted, looking down at her empty plate.
“What is there to be afraid of?” he asked her. “I’ll be with you every step of the way. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
Her chest was so tight it felt like her heart was being pushed into her throat. “I’m afraid I’m not good enough for you,” she told him.
Gray winced. “Why would you think that?”
“I’m just being honest.” She shrugged. “Look at you and then look at me. We’re worlds apart. And when people see me standing by your side they’re going to see the same thing I do. They’re going to talk about how you’re batting below your average. How I’m pulling you down. I don’t want that for you,” she said softly. “Or for me.”
He frowned. “Who treated you so poorly that you don’t see yourself the way everybody else does?” he asked her. “Because you’re crazy. Look at you. You’re beautiful, you’re funny as hell, and you sing and play piano like a goddamned angel. If anybody’s batting below their average it’s you.”
Her eyes stung with tears. “There are things you don’t know about me.”
“Then tell me,” he urged.
Her lip wobbled. He walked around the table and dropped to his knees next to her, his warm eyes catching hers. “There’s nothing you can say that won’t make me want you, Maddie. Can’t you tell how I feel about you?”
“I...”
“I’m in love with you, Maddie. It sounds crazy, I know. It’s only been a few weeks, and you’re Ashleigh’s sister, and all those other things stacked against us. But every time I close my eyes you’re there. I wake up smiling every morning because I know I’ll get to talk to you. And when I hold you in my arms, it feels like everything is right for the first time in forever. Since my mom died, I guess. You fill the hole in my heart that I didn’t want to admit was there. So tell me whatever it is that’s making you upset, because I never want to see you cry.”
He pulled her against him, until her head was resting against his shoulder. She breathed in a ragged breath, tears spilling from her eyes. He loved her. The words filled her up. And yet there was so much he didn’t know about her.
“Have you heard of Brad Rickson?” she asked, her lips pressing against his fresh shirt.
He kissed her damp hair. “No. Who is he? An ex?”
Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut. “He was at Ansell the same time I was. We dated for a while. And he just got a contract with your record company.”
“He has?” Gray’s voice was wary. When she opened her eyes again, his were trained on her face.
“Yeah. I should probably remind you who I was before I went to Ansell,” Maddie said, forcing herself to meet his gaze. “I was just a kid. A sheltered one, too. The only time I’d been up to New York was for my interview, and I hadn’t had time to linger. I was the definition of a small town girl, living in a small town world.”
“There’s nothing small about you.” His voice was gruff.
The ghost of a smile passed her lips. “I guess I felt small. Some of that was growing up in Ashleigh’s shadow. I was always Ashleigh Clark’s sister, you know? Just not as pretty or as popular.”
“You want me to tell you how much prettier you are?” he asked, sliding his hands through her hair. “Or I can show you?” He brushed his lips against hers.
She let out a sigh. “Wait. Let me tell you this, then you can decide what you think of me.”
His face was serious when he pulled back, as though he understood the gravity of what she needed to say. His eyes were dark, his mouth a thin line. It made her chest contract.
“When I arrived at Ansell, it was the first time in my life that people weren’t comparing me to Ashleigh,” she told him softly. “And it felt good. Real good. I felt stronger, older, as though people were finally liking me for who I was.” She bit her lip. “And that’s where Brad came in.”
“He saw you for who you were?”
Her voice caught. “I thought so. He was two years older. He’d spent a couple of years playing gigs and supporting bands to earn his tuition, and that age difference was huge to me. He’d been living in New York for years. He played in bars at night, and had a huge group of friends who all seemed so sophisticated.” She swallowed hard. “So when he started talking to me in the hallways, it felt like I was special.”
From the corner of her eye she could see Gray’s hands curling into fists. As though he knew what was coming next. But he said nothing, his expression neutral.
“He was my first,” she told him. “I hadn’t really had a boyfriend before him. That first night he was gentle and kind, and when I woke up the next morning I was already thinking about how to ask him to come home with me for Spring Break so I could introduce him to my family.”
“Did he come with you?”
She shook her head. “He said he was too busy and had to stay in New York.” She shrugged. “But I guess the truth was, he didn’t want to come. So I came home and spent the whole week dreaming of him, before going back and throwing myself into his arms. I was sleeping at his place most nights by that point. I’d go and watch him at a bar, or join him and his friends at a club. I guess I was trying real hard to be part of his crowd, though I still had this nagging feeling that I didn’t fit in. With the girls, especially. They felt a bit out of reach, like they didn’t want to engage with me.” She pulled her gaze from his. “I drank more than I should’ve, in attempt to fit in. And tried some drugs, too.”
“I know how that feels.”
“I know you do,” she whispered. “Maybe that’s why I feel
so connected to you.”
“So what happened between you and Brad? What made you leave Ansell?”
“It was one night, not long before the end of the second semester. We’d been together for a while by that point, though he never referred to me as his girlfriend. Not in public, anyway.” She bit down on her lip. So many red flags, but she’d been too naïve to see them. Too desperate to be accepted. “He’d been singing with his band and the alcohol had been flowing. One of the girls who hung around with them offered me a pill.”
“What kind of pill?”
“The kind that makes everything feel hazy and good. I was buzzing by the time the bar closed. When Brad suggested the girl come home with us for another drink, I agreed, because I didn’t want the night to end.”
There was a tic in Gray’s jaw. She watched as it dipped in and out.
“There was more drinking when we got back to Brad’s place. Tequila, I think. He put some music on, was his usual charming self. And then he started kissing the other girl.” She licked her dry lips. “Then he told me to kiss her, too.”
“Did you?”
“I did. But I didn’t like it. And I started to get upset.” She looked down at her hands. “You probably think I’m a real prude.”
“I don’t think that at all. I know you’re not. But I know I’d never want to share you with anybody else.”
“I started to get hysterical. Accusing him of cheating on me. And Brad tried to calm me down. He took me in the bedroom, kissed me. Told me I was his number one and he’d never want me to do something I didn’t want to do. He suggested I get ready for bed while he got rid of the girl. So I did. I showered because I felt weird, then I climbed into bed and waited for him. At some point I must have fallen asleep.”
“Did he come to bed with you?” Gray asked.
She nodded. “Yeah. And so did she.”
Gray’s eyebrow lifted. “Did he make you?” he asked, his teeth gritted. “Did he make you have a threesome?”
“No.” Her voice caught. “I woke up to the covers bunched around my feet. And, and they were having sex next to me while I was sleeping. I was so confused at first. Still woozy from the alcohol and drugs. I tried to say something, but the words wouldn’t come out.” She pressed her lips together. “I tried to move, to do anything, but it was like my whole body was weighted down. I guess I was lucky that he didn’t take long to finish.”
“The fucker.” Gray spat the words out.
“That wasn’t the worse thing.” She brought her gaze to his.
He frowned. “What else did he do? Did he rape you?”
“No.”
“Thank fuck. But I still want to kill him.”
“He recorded it. The whole thing. Them having sex next to me while I was sleeping. My reaction when I woke up. All of it.” She exhaled slowly. “Though I didn’t know about that until I walked into school the next day.”
“What happened?” He pulled her against him.
She fought against the urge to pull away, to run, to hide. She wanted to curl up in a ball and block it all out again, the way she had for so many years. To forget about the cruelty she’d witnessed. The pain that had shot through her when she realized he didn’t feel the same way she did.
To forget about the way people laughed.
“Maddie?”
She blinked and pulled herself out of her thoughts. “It was all a joke. A bet. They were all members of some stupid club. Some of them had to swindle money out of people. Others had to face their worst fears. And Brad…” she sucked in a shaky breath. “Brad had to humiliate a virgin.”
“Jesus, Maddie…”
“He uploaded the video to a porn site. Then he printed out fliers with a photo of me and the web address. I was a laughing stock within a couple of hours. Everywhere I went people were watching the video of me sleeping while they had sex.”
“Did you report it?”
“To the dean?” she asked. “No. Not at first. Though Ashleigh contacted them as soon as I told her.”
“I meant the police.”
She shook her head. “The dean wanted to call the police, but I just…” her voice broke. “I couldn’t.” She blinked back tears. “It was so humiliating. I couldn’t stand to be in New York anymore. Ashleigh drove up the moment I called her, and brought me home even though she wanted me to stay and fight for myself.” She pressed her lips together. “She saved me.” And now they weren’t even talking. Her heart hurt at that thought.
“He got away with it,” Gray muttered. “And now he’s got a recording contract and you’re here…” His jaw was tight, his eyes flashing. Maddie curled her fingers around his bicep.
“It’s okay,” she whispered.
“No, it isn’t. I want to fucking kill him.” His eyes drilled into hers. “The thought of him touching you. Hurting you. The bastard deserves to be destroyed for ruining your life.”
“It’s old news,” she told him. “I’m over it. And the fact is, even if he’d never done anything to me, and I’d stayed at Ansell, I probably would have come home after graduating. My mom’s here as well as Ashleigh and her family. I like my life.”
“I have contacts. I can mess him up.”
“No.” Her voice was firm. “I don’t want you to get involved. As I said, it’s history. Over and done with. I just want to move on.” She shifted in her chair. “But can you see now why it wouldn’t work?”
“No.” He shook his head. “I can’t see that at all. I’m not like that asshole. I’d never hurt you like that. I want to protect you, Maddie. I want you to be with me. I don’t want to see you cry like this.” He wiped the tears from her cheeks.
“But you can’t. You’re famous, always in the news. And I can’t…” her voice broke. “I can’t do that with you. I’ve been talked about before and I can’t stand it.”
He cupped her chin with his palm, lifting her face until it was directly in front of his. She could see herself reflected in the depths of his eyes. “Maddie,” he whispered. “You’re damn beautiful. Since you walked into my life.” He smiled. “Or jumped into it, things haven’t been the same. I’ll never be the same. You’re all I think about. Yours is the name on my lips as I fall asleep, and when I wake up it’s still there. Whatever it’ll take to make this work, I’m ready to do it. Just say the word.”
His words took her breath away. She wanted to believe him, she really did. And yeah, she knew he wasn’t like Brad. He was a good guy. She’d been around him enough to know that.
“I’m scared,” she said again.
“There’s nothing to be scared of. I have a great publicist, and she’ll help us with everything. We can just be us. You’ll fly to LA. I’ll fly back here. We can make this work if we want it enough.”
Her heart was hammering against her chest. Not just with the memories of her humiliation, but because of the expression on his face. There was need there, and maybe a little bit of love, too. But more than anything, he looked vulnerable, and it touched her soul.
“I want to try,” she whispered, and he closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, a wide smile broke out on his lips.
“Thank God,” he said. He kissed her like she was the air he needed to breathe, even though when he pulled away he was breathless. “Because I can’t imagine being without you. I’ll call Marco and my publicist in the morning and warn them about this. I promise you I’ll make it okay.”
Maddie sighed against his lips, relief assailing her. He knew and he wasn’t rejecting her. Maybe he was right. Things could work out after all.
Chapter Twenty-Five
He was in love with Madison Clark. Gray had no doubt about it. He’d loved her before tonight, but to know what she’d dealt with in New York made him admire her even more. Yeah, he had rumors printed about him, and done stupid things that had ended up as headlines in the wrong kind of newspapers. But he’d also had a publicist to deal with that, and fans who’d do anything to show they supported him.
But Maddie… It killed him to think about her being so alone and violated. Of somebody like Brad Rickson using her as a joke. Not caring about the hurt he’d caused.
Gray held her hand in his for the entire ride back in the helicopter, then held her body close against his in the backseat of the car that had brought them home, where they were right now. The driver was pointedly staring ahead through the windshield as Gray ran his finger down Maddie’s face and leaned in to kiss her again, her lips tasting salty thanks to her dried tears.
“Can I come in with you?” he asked her, nodding at the bungalow.
“My mom’s in there,” Maddie said, her eyes wide.
“Yeah, I know. But I don’t want to leave you tonight.” He waited for her to fight, but instead her eyes met his and she nodded her head.
“Okay. But let me go in first and check that she’s asleep.” She pulled the passenger door open, then leaned forward to thank the driver.
A smile tugged at Gray’s mouth. She was nothing if not polite at all times. Except to him. He loved that about her.
It was two minutes later that he saw her bedroom window open up. She leaned out and beckoned him. Even from behind, he could see the driver’s grin.
“I’ll head out. Thanks for driving,” Gray told him.
“It’s been a pleasure. I hope you enjoy the rest of your evening, sir.”
Gray glanced at the clock on the dashboard. It showed a quarter after three a.m. “I will.”
“I hope Miss Clark does, too. She’s a lovely young woman.”
“Yeah,” Gray said, his throat scratchy. “Yeah, she is.”
He climbed out of the car and watched it pull away, then walked over to where Maddie was waiting for him at the window.
“You want me to climb in?” he asked her. “Or will you be letting me in through the front door?”