The Dungeon Con: One Foot in the Grave ( Hank Grave Book 1): One Foot in the Grave (Hank Grave series)

by Marty Myers

  Then he returned to instructing Birch. “ We are going to try to use Anatolius and Melody to scry for their descendants. If that works I am going to send you to them to settle our contract so that I can focus fully on the other tasks before us.” Hank and Birch went to the pantry out of the way and prepared to scry when Haman spoke up, “ Master can I please join you in your casting?” Hank paused while the other goblin scowled at the young shaman from where he sat munching on a piece of meat he had snatched up off the edge of a counter. “ All right Haman,” Hank said, “ you can participate in the casting. Are you familiar with how it works?” “ I have done it in different ways than you do, but I was paying attention to what you did earlier,” the shaman said.

  Hank ran him through the chant before they all three chanted it. Hank held a bond to the ghosts so he added them to the group and cast out into the realm the call of kin to kin to search for their missing family. The scrying pool image flew across the sky, passing the mountains and hills and woods before it swooped down through valleys and fields and then into a town where it swooped into a bakers shop. Inside there a spry old man who oversaw three boys of various ages working in the bakery while a cheery old woman worked behind the counter. The ghosts both danced excitedly at seeing them. Many years had passed aging the couple’s daughter but still, she was the same little girl in their eyes.

  Hank was very relieved that they had been relatively simple for him to locate. Then again Hank thought I do have the cooperation of both her parents to locate her. He was sure that they had never been willing to grant Alastasia the same aid no matter the torture the old bat had put them through. After the couple had a few minutes to get a good look at all the family in the shop Hank cast each of their images onto the walls and working quickly he carved their likeness into the rock.

  Hank then brought their view back outside of the shop. He cast a semblance of living health onto Birch and then sent him to the back of the shop. Birch stepped out of the alleyway and on around the shop. He enjoyed running many of these little errands for Hank as it got him out of the dungeon quite a bit. Even now in his current state he was still descended from elves and had spent a lot of his living days outside traveling as an adventurer.

  So far serving the dungeon had been much more pleasant than he had originally imagined it would be Birch mused. Hank actually made a pretty good companion on their trips even if they shared much closer quarters than he had ever experienced before. Birch stopped to knock politely upon the door before he stepped inside the bakery. “ Good day to you,” he said to the smiling lady whom he had just seen in the scrying. He looked around the shop and said, “ might I have a word with the baker if he is available. You see I have a large and particular order I must fulfill here. I feel confident that he can help me satisfy my master.” The lady looked Birch over and walked over to a door which she opened and called for her husband.

  In a minute the old man came out and looked around. “ You were wanting to speak to me,” the baker said. “ Indeed I am,” Birch said, “ I have traveled far to bring you and your wife glad tidings of an inheritance.” He removed four large pouches from his belt and laid them upon the counter with the letter. The couple looked worriedly at the bags as if they contained serpents instead of coins.

  “ You must be mistaken,” the old man said, “ for our families are both humble and poor enough that they could not have left us anything.” Birch said, “ fear not my good man, simply take a look at this letter and you will see for yourself the gist of the matter. If after you have read it you are not satisfied with the particulars I will be on my way.” The old man gingerly approached the counter and picked up the letter. He opened it and slowly read it. Afterwards, he wiped away a tear and gestured for his wife to come over and take a look.

  “ We always wondered fearfully what had happened to them,” he said to Birch as she too read the letter before putting her head down on his shoulder and crying. “ They have at long last escaped her clutches,” Birch said. “ They wanted you and your family to know the danger had at last passed away. They also wanted to help provide for you and your family. Lastly, with this letter Anatolius and Melody felt the need to try to right the wrongs of the past. I hope that this will help accomplish this If you decide to pursue the issue.”

  The baker opened one pouch after another revealing they were all filled with large gold coins with the faces of ancient kings engraved upon them. Their eyes widened at seeing such wealth laid out before them on their humble counter. “ This is more than a lifetimes worth of wealth,” the wife said, gazing at the gold. “ What is a lifetime,” Birch said as he looked at the old couple. “ Live each day happily using just what you truly need. My advice is to quietly stash most of it away and use it for emergencies in your own lives and for generations to come to lessen the hard times. But it is yours to do with as you wish.”

  As Birch said this he backed towards the door. “ I must be going now,” he said. As he opened the door and stepped outside. Then he turned and said one last thing to the family. “ Know that your ancestors really do watch over you from time to time.” The couple closed the pouches and set them behind the counter. By the time they looked back up to thank him, the stranger had gone.

  Birch walked on out of the shop and swiftly around to the back looking around to see if anyone was watching before he disappeared. Back in the pantry Anatolius and his wife had witnessed it all through the scrying and they both thanked Hank and bowed low to him. “ You have fulfilled our deal entirely. We thank you master Hank and your well-spoken man Birch for dealing so nicely with our daughter and her husband. Evermore shall we joyfully continue to serve you to the best of our abilities.”

  Hank too was touched inside both by the words of the loyal happy ghosts before him and by the knowledge that the contract was complete and held no sway over him any longer. He could literally feel the relief of its completion. He now had just one more contract to complete. Work, as he might his dungeon, was not yet done and the contract chaffed at him the longer it was unfulfilled. He feared he likely had a monumental task still ahead of him even though he had already done so much there was definitely much still yet to be done.

  For a moment he was tempted to rail against his poorly conceived choice to sign Alastor’s well-written scroll. He could be home right now on the couch with Francis watching some tv. Or he could be writing an imaginary story of good vs evil for his friends to come over and play around a table laden with dice and snacks. Instead, he was trapped here. Oh, how he missed his friends and family all even more now. Hank shrugged the temptation off to scream or cry with the sure knowledge it would change nothing. Instead, he squared his spectral shoulders and smiled at all his people. Sure they were all in service to the Dark Lord but they stood with him together in the Dark’s deep shadow and it counted for much that at least he wasn’t alone in his new life here. If his lot in this life was to eventually rule in a part of hell than to serve in heaven then so be it, Hank thought.

  Next Hank took Birch and his two goblins up to their level of the dungeon so that they could familiarize themselves with its layout and offer some suggestions as he added more details and chambers onto the floor plan. Haman asked Hank to design a secret chamber for the shamans to use while Barlow asked for a couple separate warriors lodges. They both described the most idea goblin breeding pits which Hank also added while thanking his stars he wasn’t a goblin.

  They then mentioned fungus farming which led Hank to make areas for different types of fungus to grow and then to teleport many different types of them in for the goblins gatherers to be able to forage for the tribe. Hank even found out from Haman that some of the ones he collected had powerful magical properties which he could use in some of his death crafting. The goblin’s even made grenade like weapons of one particular poisonous fungus which produced deadly spore clouds. This was turning into Hanks most organic floor by far. Working quickly to finish the core of the level he wondered how interesting the spiders’
chambers would be when it came their turn.

  Chapter 38

  Hank could feel the energies of the gate ramping up down below. He decided to leave the goblins on their new floor for now while he went to gather his elite minions to meet the opening portal. “ Stay here you two and see about getting settled in while I attend to other matters,” he said to them as he left. He brought himself and Birch down to the dwarfs hall where one of his other selves had recently finished raising up the rest of the dishonored dead and arming them and called all of his dwarven wights together. “ The Lord Dark has arrived and is preparing the dragon gate to open to the Dark Citadel. I want you all to be there when it does to show him our progress in the gathering of our horde.” Yngvar approached him and asked, “can you take my kinswoman Yngvild into your service now so that she may join us in standing before the Darkness?” Hank was anxious to get everything ready for the Darkness and Llywelyn’s visit but took a minute to accept her pledge of service. Hank then sent out a call to Captain Cronolith and his crew of pirates and then summoned them down to the Dungeons Heart floor as well. When they all had arrived Hank had Yngvar and Cronolith array their men around the gate room.

  Hank looked over the Black Guards and was at least satisfied that they and their captain Kravoas was in place and behaving themselves. There seemed to be some animosity between the dwarfs and the guards already. With some snarls and hard looks exchanged. Hank could see that Kravoas had eyes only for checking over Captain Cronolith who was looking markedly better today than he had before the two of them had conspired last night to replenish his depleted essence and launch some major repairs to his ship. Hank wondered again about what their past history might be that brought about all this animosity but he had other more imminent matters to be concerned with.

  Hank couldn’t help but feel pride as Alastor and Lord Provoas entered the chamber and looked around at all his assembled minions. Hank had to actually expand the room somewhat to make room for all of them and the guards and skeletons already stationed here and he hadn’t even brought in the entirety of the Dark Dwarfs skeleton brethren which would have filled this chamber and the halls leading out of it. His dead minions numbered in the hundreds now with every chance of multiplying again once he had the chance to sort out the dispute between the separate groups of the Wreckers Guild.

  Provoas then went up to the portal and began chanting along with the Darkness after a while the dragons head reluctantly joined them in the dark chorus. The dark energies in the room continued to build while Hank monitored them rising steadily on this floor of the dungeon. He felt stray energies escaping and passing into the stone and worked at catching and absorbing them within his own aura so that they wouldn’t have a chance to leak out past the wards and protections obscuring their hiding place from the Light.

  Finally, the center of the portal opened up and pulsed before stabilizing and a familiar large chamber could be seen upon the other side. There Llywelyn and the Lord Darkness stood awaiting them. For some reason, the sight of the Lord of Darkness did not bother Hank as much as it had before. Hank bowed to the Darkness as did all of his minions.

  When he rose back up he looked over at Llywelyn, like the last time they had met she wore a long dark robe from which her brown hair could only partially be seen peaking from within her hood. As the portal fully brought the to two locations together she was suddenly pressed up against Hank in a most thoroughly enjoyable way as their two dungeons met through the portal. After a moment Hank managed to take her hand and step back a little tiny bit. She then undid the clasp at the throat of her the robe which opened and fell away to lie at her feet. It revealed that she was wearing the same beautiful blue velvet dress that he remembered so fondly, for it clung to her ample figure displaying it amazingly well. The neckline plunged down to show off her marvelous bust which Hank could hardly not appreciate. Hank was so lucky he thought to himself to have the eye of such a beauty as Llywelyn.

  Hank managed to return part of his attention back to everything else that was happening around them. Luckily it had been a tiny slip of his attention as far as everyone else could perceive. The Darkness emerged from the portal and surveyed those before him. “ It is a disappointingly rare occurrence when my minions exceed my expectations. However, this may be one of those rare occasions. I commanded that you all improve yourselves before my next visit and it appears that you have done so. Hank, you seem to have grown since last I looked and your minions have continued to increase their strength and numbers too.”

  “ Even my son appears to have made great strides in regaining his former power in but a single night. Hmm, were it not being in my own interest and by my own command that this occurs, I might take umbrage from such an exceedingly abrupt and potent advance as I see here. Instead, I commend you all for your hard work. After seeing this I will expect you to continue improving yourselves from now on and to see that you do so I am lending you my foremost expert on dungeon growth. The Queen of the Dark Citadel, Llywelyn herself shall visit regularly to mentor Hank and aid in your performance. It has been a while since a new dungeon rose within my ranks. I had forgotten how much I enjoy critiquing their early development.”

  “ In the meantime I am taking no chances with the welfare of both of my sons now tied to this one dungeon so I am doubling the guard stationed here and on the altar room.” He signaled another troop of Black Guards to advance through the portal. The Darkness approached and In a more conversational voice the Dark Lord said, “ Llywelyn tells me she has persuaded you to make room for the subjects of the Spider Queen to join us here as well. That is a good choice Hank as the Matron of Spiders has long been a dependable ally to us. Make sure to have sufficient prey for her subjects to feed upon and they will tend to their own affairs most satisfactorily.” “ As you say my Lord,” Hank bowed again to the Darkness and waited until he had moved on to speaking to Thane Vander Vegan and his Dark dwarfs and then Cronolith and Alastor before finally taking Provoas on into the altar room to continue with his work.

  Llywelyn said, “ why don’t you show me around your dungeon now Hank.” Hank looked over the crowd and saw Alastor trying to catch his eye. He was getting ready to signal to him to join them when Llywelyn turned him to look directly at her and arched an eyebrow at him. “ Am I not enough to hold your attention already,” she said. “ No it’s not that at all,” Hank said quickly, “it’s just that Alastor has been wanting to meet you.” “ He can have his curiosity satisfied after our own needs are met,” she said smiling seductively and gesturing towards a nearby doorway. Hank obligingly led her out of the chamber towards the great hall.

  As soon as they had left the room she swept him into her mindscape seemingly slowing time for all others and shoved him against a wall before locking him in a passionate embrace. Her hands wandered up and down his body as she lavished kisses upon him. When they, at last, came up for air she said, “ how I have missed you Hank. We have so much to do before we can continue this, but I wanted there to be no doubt in your mind about my desire for you and my intentions.” Hank smiled and said, “ I too have missed you a lot Llywelyn. I am looking forward to getting some time to ourselves. I want so badly to peel you out of that dress.” Llywelyn smiled a seductive smile at Hanks words.

  Hank said, “ before we get to doing anything more can you check me over, I really have not been feeling right and Alastor is complaining that I am not thinking straight at times. I don’t know if its due to taking on so many minions in such a short amount of time or something else.” Llywelyn spoke a chant and began studying Hank intently. “ My my Hank what all have you done since we last were together your essence has grown remarkably since last I was here.” She gasped as she looked further. “ Are you pulling undiluted Darkness straight into your core! How are you doing that? Stop doing that immediately! It’s too powerful, too undiluted to not stain your mind and etch your very soul!”

  Hank quickly reached out through the pendant and stopped the draining process he had
set up to feed into himself from his prisoner. As he did so Llywelyn gasped at perceiving the previously hidden pendant hanging around his neck. “The Tear of Timphany,” she whispered. “ The key to the Dark’s lost oubliette, dear lord Hank, where did you find such an infernal thing?” He said, “ I dug it out of a crypt below Alastaisa’s boudoir while I was looking for a chef for my kitchens.”

  Llywelyn grimaced at the mention of someone who had considered herself a rival to Llywelyn, while she herself had generally only considered the lich to be a nuisance. “ Alastaisa had the pendant,” she asked. “ How could she have had it and for how long I wonder. The Darkness should have felt her claim and relocate the oubliette to her crypt whenever she became its owner. It has a one time ability Llywelyn said each owner gets to move it to the location of their choosing. Hank felt like an idiot at hearing this. Of course, there had to be some way to move the thing around he thought otherwise it wouldn’t be lost. It seemed so obvious in retrospect.

  “ Hank,” she said, “you can not let anyone else know you have this, it is too powerful and too coveted an artifact for them not to try to get it and only through the owner’s death can it transfer hands.” “ Yeah, I figured that out.” He said, “ I don’t know how she managed to hide its transfer when she got it but I didn’t know about its ability to move itself so I didn’t use that.” “ You mean its still hidden in her crypt,” Llywelyn said. “ No, I mean that I and Alastor teleported the whole thing here ourselves.” Hank had never seen Llywelyn caught at a loss for words before.