by Claire Adams
Why would I go so far? What could I say? Denial could be stronger than meth.
I wasn’t an idiot. I knew I might have been pregnant, but I didn’t want to face the possibility. The thing was, it had seemed so unlikely. I’d only had sex with one man in the last few months. I was even on birth control.
Come on. What were the chances?
A chuckle followed the thought. That’s what they’d tried to hammer home in sex ed. I remember laughing about it in health class with Perri.
No birth control method is 100 percent effective. They’d said it about a billion times. Guess I should have asked Alex to get some condoms after all.
Slumping down on the toilet, I put my head in my hands and let out another long sigh. That’s what I got for having a wild night. Alex had talked about it being a beginning. He was righter than he knew.
I glanced over at my phone sitting on the bathroom counter, considering another call to Alex. After that big show of giving me his number, he’d stopped responding to me the next day. I’d chalked it up to work and exhaustion, but then no response had come the next day after that. Then the next week. Then the next month.
Ouch. It hurt. A lot.
Alex had abandoned me like what we shared meant nothing. He’d given me a big, pretty speech, made me feel special, and then dumped me like garbage.
The worst part was he’d given me all that hope for more. I could have taken it if he’d admitted he wasn’t interested in anything more. It wasn’t like I’d thought sleeping with him for one night meant we were together. So why had he lied to me? Was it just some game to him?
My hand dropped to my stomach. I wasn’t showing yet, but I would be soon. This was his child. He needed to know.
If Alex didn’t want to be involved, then fine. I didn’t care. I wouldn’t even want child support from him if he didn’t want to be part of his kid’s life.
I picked up my phone and sent him a text.
Call me back. I’m pregnant, and I think it’s yours.
Yeah, maybe I should have tried calling him directly, but I didn’t want to feel that stabbing disappointment when I called him and got transferred to a voice mail.
Now, it was just a matter of waiting.
* * *
After a week, dozens of text messages, and a half-dozen calls, Alex still hadn’t responded. So the situation had gone beyond him ghosting me after a one-night stand to him not caring about his own baby.
Well, maybe. It could be that he hadn’t even gotten my latest messages, but it didn’t matter. The more I thought about it, the angrier I became.
The obvious truth was that him ignoring me from the beginning proved he had no respect for me. I didn’t care at that point whether he even did know. I didn’t need him in my life, not if I was another warm body to him. I honestly wondered if he’d only come to the reunion to bang me because we never did it in high school.
I sat on my couch, staring at my phone, silently seething.
It was time for one last attempt. I dialed his number. My heart leaped as it clicked to connect.
“The number you have reached is no longer in service. Please hang up and dial again,” the voice said over the phone.
“Son of a bitch,” I muttered. I almost threw my phone across the room but stopped myself at the last second.
I ended the call. The bastard must have changed his phone number on me. I wondered why he didn’t just block me versus changing his number, but maybe he was worried I’d track him down. Or maybe he’d decided to change a long time ago. Both possibilities pissed me off.
I didn’t care. He’d made it obvious he didn’t want to talk to me from the beginning. Whether he’d changed his number recently or not, he’d stopped responding to me the day after the reunion. There was no way I could let that go.
Everything he’d said that night together at the reunion had been a lie. He’d only wanted a quick fuck before moving on. I’d fallen for it, for him, just because of his nice muscles, easy smile, and dangerous look in his gray eyes. All because of a stupid crush from when I was a teen.
I ground my teeth.
Screw Alex Kline. Screw all men everywhere, the self-centered bastards. It was the two of us now: me and the baby. I didn’t have time to worry about Alex.
I’d considered going to Carl and asking him to talk to Alex, but decided against it. If Alex had gone through that much trouble to avoid talking to me, then I’d let him be free like he wanted. I didn’t want someone like that in my child’s life.
A knock sounded from the door, and I took several deep breaths. I’d asked Mama to stop by my place so we could chat. I hadn’t told anyone, but I figured she should be the first one after Alex.
I hurried over to the door to open it, trying to wipe any anger from my expression.
Mama stepped inside, a suspicious look on her face. “Why did you call me over here, honey?”
I closed the door. “I have some news, Mama.”
Her face twitched. “Oh? Please don’t tell me you’re moving out of Livingston?”
“What?” I shook my head. “No. I love Livingston.”
She fanned herself with her hand. “Oh, thank the Lord. You’ve been in kind of a mood since the reunion, and I thought it might have given you ideas, honey.”
I snorted. “The only idea it gave me is that some people who left this town should never come back.”
My mama nodded slowly, that suspicious look in her eye returning. “Okay, then. What did you want to talk to me about?”
I took a deep breath and let it out. “I’m pregnant, Mama.”
She blinked several times. “Huh? But you haven’t even been dating someone.” She gasped and put a hand over her mouth. “Don’t tell me you went to some sort of sperm bank in Nashville. That kind of thing just isn’t right, Aspyn.”
I groaned and shook my head. “No. It was the night of the reunion. I…” My cheeks heated. “I hooked up with Alex Kline.”
She walked over to the couch and sat. She patted the spot beside me. I joined her.
“Does he know?” she said softly.
“He gave me his number, and we texted a bit, but after that, he stopped returning my calls and texts.” I shrugged. “And he’s changed his number. I guess he doesn’t want any part of me.”
I prided myself and not being one of those chicks who cries at the drop of the hat. Now I don’t know if it was the situation, pregnancy hormones, or frustration, but the next thing I knew, I was bawling like a little kid.
My mama took me in her arms and patted me on the back. “It’s okay, honey. It’s okay. I’m here for you, and I’ll give you any help you need. I’m a grandma now, and being a grandma means I have responsibilities.”
I stayed in her arms for a good while before finally pulling away, sniffling. I wiped my tears. “Thank you, Mama.”
She smiled at me. “And I think I know a thing or two about what it’s like to raise a child without a man around.”
I took another deep breath and let it out, some warmth returning to my heart. It didn’t matter that Alex had turned his back on me. I still had my mama, and I had my baby.
* * *
Perri, Joe, Carl, and I all sat around a table at the Wild Mustang. They were all eyeing me suspiciously. I knew why. They all had bottles of beer, and I had a Diet Pepsi. I couldn’t even remember the last time I hadn’t ordered a beer at the Mustang.
“You suddenly don’t like beer?” Carl said. “Or is this some sort of chick diet thing?”
“I don’t need to go on a diet,” I said, suddenly defensive. I’d gained a little weight because of the pregnancy, but I didn’t think it was that noticeable.
“Don’t listen to Carl, Aspyn. He’s just being dumb.” She glared at Carl.
He winced. “Sorry.”
“I’ve got something to tell y’all,” I said, swallowing. “Something very important.”
They all leaned in, their faces expectant. The thing is, living in a small town, gos
sip was one of our main forms of entertainment, all the excitement of a television drama but with the added benefit of being true.
“I’m pregnant,” I said, “and it’s Alex Kline’s baby.”
Perri let out a loud squeal and leaned over to give me a hug. Joe nodded once. Carl blinked several times, a look of complete shock on his face.
Once Perri was done hugging me, I cleared my throat.
“I’m not sure Alex even knows,” I added.
All three of them stared at me.
“What?” Perri said. “Why?”
“That bastard ghosted me after we slept together on the reunion night.” I shook my head. “Like the next day. He gave me a big speech about how he wanted it to not be a one-night stand and then complete silence. He recently changed his number. So, I’m not sure if he even got my recent messages about being pregnant.”
“He … well, sometimes he doesn’t even send me a message for months at a time,” Carl said. “That’s just the way he is.”
I shook my head. “He’s the one who made a big deal about it. And I get not needing to chat every day, but he couldn’t call me a few days later or something? No, Carl. I know he’s your friend.” I motioned around, “I know he’s our friend, but he didn’t treat me right.”
Joe winced and gulped down half his beer. “Damn,” he muttered.
“You still should try and get ahold of him again,” Carl said. “Or I can. He should know he’s got a kid.”
“No,” I said, slamming my hand on the table.
Several people in the bar turned to look my way. My friends all stared at me, their mouths open.
“If he wanted to be part of the baby’s life, he should have answered the damn phone the first million times I called or texted,” I said. “I don’t want a man involved with me if he doesn’t even respect me enough to call me back a couple days later.” I locked eyes with each of them in turn. “I need you all to promise me. I need you to swear to me not to say a word to Alex. If he comes knocking just because he has a kid, it’ll not be a good thing.”
“But it’s different this time,” Carl said. “He deserves to know.”
I tried to bore a hole through Carl’s head with a look. “He deserves to know? I deserve not to have a man sleep with me and then pretend I don’t exist.” I stared at Carl until he looked away.
“Okay, I won’t,” he said.
Perri and Joe nodded.
“If you’re sure,” Perri said. She sighed. “If you’re really, really sure.”
“I’m sure all right,” I said.
“Like I said,” Joe said with a shrug. “People change. I’m sorry this had to happen to you this way.”
“It’s okay,” I said with a smile. I reached out and patted Perri’s hand. “I don’t need Alex. I have my friends.”
“We’ll be there for you,” Perri said. “You can count on us.”
Joe and Carl nodded.
“Thank you,” I said, trying to resist tearing up again. Stupid pregnancy hormones.
Chapter 6
Alex
“Mr. Nakamura to the white courtesy phone,” a soft female voice called over the loudspeaker. I couldn’t tell if it was a real woman or a computer-generated voice. “Mr. Nakamura to the white courtesy phone.”
It was like déjà vu as I turned a corner and arrived at the baggage claim of Nashville International Airport. A huge crowd had gathered around the conveyor belt, all anxious for their suitcases and bags.
I chuckled at a sudden thought. So many different people, young, old, white, black, Asian, rich, poor, yet we all stood there waiting for our bags like little kids waiting for a treat. Air travel, the great and annoying equalizer.
I shook my head. I’d never thought I’d be heading back to Livingston after losing contact with Aspyn, but here I was almost three years later. Too bad the whole thing might become the beginning of a huge train wreck.
The last time I’d come, I’d given in to 10 years of lust and slept with her. Now she probably hated my guts and would spit in my face. I almost kind of welcomed it.
The only thing worse than her hating me would be for her to not care at all. I’d thought about her on and off over the last three years, but I’d screwed up. I knew that.
I’d waited too long because I’d been a coward. Because I didn’t want her to know me as the hurt man still dealing with nightmares. I’d even made Carl promise not to tell anyone about what happened once I reestablished contact with him.
The problem was things really were different this time. I wasn’t in Tennessee for only a night. I wasn’t ready mentally to tell myself I was there to stay for good, but I did know I’d be there a while. There was no way I’d be able to avoid running into her.
Damn nightmares. If only I could have controlled them, I wouldn’t have had to come back and face Aspyn again.
“You’ve yet to come to terms with the accident.”
That’s what the headshrinker told me. How the hell could that be true? I thought about it all the time. I even thanked the Lord for sparing me.
Worthless shrink. All that talking and he couldn’t do shit for me. If anything, things had gotten worse, and now I was having nightmares almost every night.
It also didn’t help when I was on a job site and started shaking or smelling gas leaks where they were none. The psychiatrist didn’t help, and taking some time off didn’t help, so I’d gone to my next plan: returning to my roots and old friends.
I blinked. My two large suitcases almost passed by me. Now not distracted by thought, I snatched them off the belt. Unlike the last time I’d come, no asshole was there to bother me.
The suitcases didn’t contain everything I owned, but they did hold everything important. If I couldn’t heal myself in Livingston, I was all out of ideas. I’d worry about that later, though.
An airport cop lingered near the edge of the crowd, a frown on his face, but he didn’t spare me a second glance. Still had all the tattoos and earrings as last time I’d come, but maybe he could sense my weakness and desperation. I wasn’t sure if I should be happy or mad about that.
After a quick glance around, I spotted Carl standing near a wall and waved to him. He waved back. I pulled my suitcases to him.
He rubbed his hands together and shifted in place like he was nervous. I couldn’t blame him. I’d gone from sending him a line or two every few months to barely talking to him for six months at a stretch.
I was a bad friend. I knew that. He probably didn’t want me to come but couldn’t work up the reasons to say no.
Carl came over and gave me a bro hug, patting me on the back. “Good to see you again.”
I wanted to believe he meant that, but I couldn’t be sure. Maybe it was my tired mind playing tricks on me.
“Good to see you, too, Carl.”
We didn’t say anything else as he led me to his truck in the parking lot. I was glad for it. I didn’t want to risk saying something rude.
“Thanks,” I finally said as we reached his truck. “I appreciate you finding some work for me on the ranch. I just need to get out of construction for a while.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “Get my head clear. Good old country air should do me good.”
“Yeah, bro, I can imagine you need a break after what you went through.” He opened the tailgate, and I tossed the suitcases in. “I just wish you would have told me about it sooner.”
“I didn’t want you to worry about me.” I shrugged. “You know me.”
“Yeah, I do. That’s the problem. You don’t have to take on the entire world by yourself, Alex.” He shrugged.
“I’m here, aren’t I?”
“Yeah, you are.” Carl smiled. “Anything I can do to help you out, bro.”
“You’re doing a lot already. I just want … I just need somewhere quiet to think about things.” I shrugged and walked around the other side of the truck to get into the passenger’s seat. “This isn’t anything more than that. Livingston’s a good place to re
lax.”
Once Carl was in and had started up the truck, he turned to me. “You know I feel you on that. I loved this place so much, I never left.” He pulled out of the parking spot. “Maybe you’ll like it so much, you’ll stay.”
“I don’t know about that.”
Carl chuckled. “Well, keep an open mind.”
We fell into silence for the next few minutes. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking. Maybe about what a bad idea it was to hire me or ways to convince me to stay there permanently. I couldn’t be sure, but I was more grateful than I could probably express, even if I were nervous about things as is.
It had nothing to do with Carl. It wasn’t like I’d ever been that great at expressing my feelings. My dad always taught me a man handles his own problems. I wonder if that helped destroy him in the end.
“Is my dad’s old place still for sale?” I said. “You said it was a while back.”
“Oh, I think so. Not sure. I don’t get over to that side of town as much as I used to.”
I nodded slowly. “Maybe I’ll swing by sometime. Just for old time’s sake.”
My dad sold the place right before I went to college. Originally, he’d had a plan to move out of town and follow me. Instead, he ended up renting a tiny apartment and investing the money in some real estate stock deal after I’d left for school. It was supposed to be for some big inheritance for me. He then moved to Phoenix, thinking he was going to live on easy street in the land of sun.
Dad had been a good carpenter but not a great businessman. The whole thing had collapsed, and he lost most of his money.
Even though his heart attack wasn’t right after, it was hard for me to think it didn’t have something to do with it. I couldn’t help but think if I’d never left town, my dad would have never sold his house, never made the investment, and never lost his money.
That kind of thing ate at my stomach even after all these years. It was hard to think I’d killed my dad in a way, killed him because I couldn’t be satisfied with small town life. Couldn’t be satisfied staying there and marrying someone like Aspyn.