by Claire Adams
“I’m listening,” I said.
“I called you, you know. Over and over.” She shook her head. “And texted, over and over.”
I furrowed my brow. There was no way she could have forgotten the conversation we’d had the day before.
“Yeah, you told me this already. We already wen—”
I held up my hand to cut him off. “You don’t understand. I stopped calling, and then I started calling again.”
“Okay, I understand that, but I told you why I didn’t call back.”
“The second time I was calling to tell you I was pregnant.” She locked eyes with me. “And you were the only one I’d been with. Kadie is your daughter.”
My heart thundered. I stared back, not sure how to feel. I’d suspected this for days. It explained the way she’d been acting and the way Carl had been behaving. Hearing it was different than guessing.
I was a father. I had a daughter. Excitement and fear both filled me.
“Kadie is a little over 2 now,” Aspyn said softly. “She’s a sweet little girl.”
“Does she know about me? At all?”
She shook her head slowly. “No.”
“And she never asked?”
Aspyn shrugged. “She’s 2, Alex. She still believes in fairies, dragons, mermaids, and Santa. It hasn’t occurred to her to ask where she came from.”
I closed my ears for a moment and took a few deep breaths. I guess I should have better prepared for this moment.
“I get why you were mad before,” I said, “but why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I thought you’d ignored me both before and after. I thought you didn’t care about me, and I didn’t want a selfish man to be involved with my daughter.”
“Our daughter,” I corrected.
“Our daughter,” Aspyn repeated.
“I don’t have much to say. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I thought you were a selfish guy who only wanted a one-night stand.”
“And the others? Carl?”
“Carl wanted to tell you,” she said. “But I made him promise he wouldn’t.”
That explained a lot about what was going on. If Carl gave his word that he’d follow someone into hell, he’d do it even if the Devil himself showed up at the gates with a nuke.
I blew out a breath, stood, and started pacing. “This is a lot.”
“Yeah, I know,” Aspyn said. “I guess I wanted to say we both screwed up. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. At the time, I thought it was the right thing to do, but now I realize it wasn’t. All I can say is that I’m sorry.”
I paced in silence before stopping and dropping back into my chair. “I’m not mad.”
Aspyn tilted her head. The look on her face suggested she thought I was nuts.
“You’re not mad?” she said.
I shook my head. “I’m not mad. Like you said, we both screwed up. I can say all I want about the accident, but I had plenty of time after that to call. You didn’t try to keep the secret from me at first. You tried to call me, and you just never got ahold of me.”
She nodded slowly.
“The past isn’t important,” I said. “The future is. And now we have to figure out what happens next. Where do we go from here?”
Aspyn shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s not like I’ve been in this position before.”
I chuckled. “I guess that’s something else we have in common.”
She smiled, and we both shared a cleansing laugh. So many years of pain and secrets from both of us. Maybe we couldn’t let them go with one quick meeting in a conference room, but it was a start. Now we were both being honest with each other, and we could move toward something better.
Maybe something more than friendship.
Chapter 15
Aspyn
Alex sat in front me, staring past me, lost in his own world. I’m pretty sure that’s what was going on, at least. I guess I shouldn’t have been so surprised. He’d just learned something major, or at least had it confirmed.
I still wasn’t convinced Carl hadn’t told Alex. He hadn’t acted as surprised as I’d expected. But it was hard to know. He might have worked it out for himself. It’s not that he needed to be a genius to count backward.
At least my stomach had unknotted itself now that I’d told him the truth, and he’d not reacted by pitching a fit.
I wasn’t sure what I’d expected, whether he knew before or not. Maybe more anger, but I was glad he’d been pretty calm about the whole thing. No chair throwing, yelling, or angry accusations about how I’d lied to him.
Alex was right, though. We’d both made our own mistakes. We both did what we thought was right. They say two wrongs don’t make a right, but sometimes it seemed like two rights didn’t make a right, either.
I let out a long sigh as his earlier question bounced around in my head. Where do we go from here?
I didn’t know. I’d never expected this day to come, so it wasn’t even like I’d thought about what to do after it. As far as I’d known, Alex would never come back to Livingston.
Okay, we both needed to move on, and I knew just the thing.
Fumbling, I searched my purse for my little present. I didn’t know what we would do after this conversation, but I had put some thought into what I’d do that day at least.
Alex looked over at me, and I handed him a stack of photos of Kadie. I could have shown him on my phone, but there was something about actual pictures you could hold that made the memory seem so much more real. At least it did to me, and I hoped he felt the same way.
He looked down at the pictures, his face blank.
“The top one is Kadie at the hospital,” I said quietly. “It was an easy birth. We were in the hospital a couple days.”
Alex stared at the picture, a smile forming. “She’s so beautiful.” He put it on the bottom of the stack.
I narrated the next few as he looked at them, his smile only growing wider with each photo.
“The day she came home,” I said. “The first time she put her head up on her own. Her first try at solid food. She didn’t like it.” I laughed, and he joined me. “Her first birthday. Her first steps.”
He came to a photo of Kadie just staring at me. “What’s this?”
“That was after she said her first word. Mama.” I shrugged. “I have a video of it on my computer at home, but no way to print it out.”
Alex chuckled and nodded once, taking another look at all the pictures.
A long sigh escaped my lips. I’d taken all these moments from him. If only I’d tried again after she was born or asked Carl to tell him, then he could have had the chance of choosing, and it was obvious now what he would have chosen.
Three years of feeling anger and self-righteousness, and now I felt guilty for taking the choice away from Alex. The anger lingered, even if I wanted to push it away, but now I could work on finally getting rid of it for good.
I’d just need time. We’d both needed time.
He stood, marching toward the end of the table.
“Alex?” I said, uncertainty in my voice. He’d been smiling before, but the smile had disappeared. He wasn’t frowning either, though. A blank, distant expression rested on his face.
I gulped. Maybe he’d finally snapped after looking through the pictures.
Was he angry with me for keeping his daughter? Had he had enough and was going to storm out? I could understand why he might feel that way, but it seemed weird that he’d suddenly get mad after being so happy before.
“Alex?” I repeated, as he turned and strode toward me.
My heart kicked up. I wasn’t afraid of him, but I also didn’t like that I didn’t know what he was doing, and he wasn’t saying anything back. It was creepy.
Alex stopped right in front of me, towering over me.
“Is something wrong, Alex?” I said, my voice almost squeaking.
“I’m gonna do something I should have done the minute I got back in town,” he said, his voice low. “Som
ething I was too afraid to do.”
I blinked, totally confused. “And w-what is that?”
Alex pulled me roughly out of the chair. Before I knew what was going on, his hungry mouth was on mine. His tongue parted my lips, and he pulled me flush against him, his firm chest muscles flattening my breasts as he kissed me. Even through the layers of clothing on both sides, my body responded to the friction against my nipples and warmth pooled in my center.
My mind blanked as he continued to kiss me.
I should have pushed him away. I should have slapped him. Maybe I should have kicked him in the balls. Just something, anything to let him know he couldn’t kiss me out of nowhere. Instead, I did about the exact opposite. I let my tongue slide over his.
A torrent of memories flooded into my head, as if the kiss was a key that had unlocked a part of my brain I’d hidden away for years, a part that I’d almost feared.
I remembered watching a much younger Alex from afar in high school, admiring the firm muscles of his swimmer’s body. An older Alex then appeared in my mind, from when we’d danced together, laughing after sneaking some beers. Last, I saw adult Alex, muscles and tattoos, over me, grunting, sliding into me, making me moan until I orgasmed and cried out.
A crush. That’s what I’d told myself when I was younger. My feelings for him were nothing more than a crush. But was that it? Why had it destroyed me so much when he hadn’t called me back? If it was only a crush, it shouldn’t have weighed me down.
Even before I found out I was pregnant, I’d cried when I thought Alex didn’t care and was ignoring me. I asked myself what I’d done wrong and why he wasn’t calling me back.
In the present, his hands trailed down to my sides, until they reached my skirt. His rough hands squeezed my ass. I loved the feel and wished those rough hands could be on my skin.
Did I love him? Maybe I had since high school. That night of the reunion, we’d slept together. A lot of people would call it making love. Whatever it was to him, it wasn’t just screwing to me.
Did I love him now? I didn’t know. Three years of anger was hard to ignore.
Our eager tongues competed. Warmth spread from my center, and I wanted to rip off his shirt and run my hands along the tattoos on his arms all the way to his pecs. Then I wanted to go lower and feel that hard cock of his both with my hands and inside me.
No. No. No. What was I doing? I pulled away and then pushed at his chest, breathless.
Alex stared at me. As I looked into his gray eyes, I saw undisguised lust and hunger looking back. I shivered under his gaze and bit my lip. I was already wet, and all we’d done was kiss.
“W-why did you do that?” I sputtered out, my body still flame from the kiss.
“To thank you,” he said simply with a shrug.
“Thank me?”
“For the pictures, and for telling me the truth about my daughter. Now I don’t have to wonder, and now I can get to know her, be there for her.”
“A simple thank you would have sufficed.”
A playful smile appeared on his face. “I’ll remember that next time.”
I almost melted under that smile. This wasn’t the distant man crushed by life and an accident, but the boy I’d known back in high school. The boy I’d fallen for. No, the man I’d fallen for.
“I’m serious,” I said, trying to force some iron into my tone.
Alex held up his hands. “Okay, okay. I don’t want to push you or make you uncomfortable.”
I pointed at him. “You can’t go around kissing me. Just because I told you about Kadie doesn’t mean we’re a couple. Let’s be very clear about that.”
He nodded and grinned again. I probably would have been on firmer ground if I hadn’t kissed him back. Even then, it was taking all my self-control not to throw my arms around his neck and pull him in for another kiss.
It wasn’t real, I tried to tell myself. It was old memories confusing me. We weren’t the same people.
“Look,” I said with a sigh. “I don’t want to get lawyers involved with Kadie. But I do want you to have patience. I’ve not had to share Kadie with anyone but my mother before.” I swallowed. “And it’s going to be confusing for her. It’s not like she’ll understand who this stranger is.” I gestured to him.
“I’m not a stranger. I’m her father.”
I shook my head. “You haven’t been here her entire life.”
Alex averted his gaze and nodded once. “Okay, I understand. I don’t want to rush anything. I’ll follow your lead.”
I glanced over at the door. I needed to get out of there before something else happened.
“Okay, so I told you everything, but I should get back to work,” I said, snatching up the brown bag. I’d eat at my desk.
Pictures in hand, Alex walked over to the door and opened it up. “Again, thanks for telling me.”
I took a step then stopped. “One last question.”
“What?”
“You honestly didn’t know Kadie was yours?”
“No? Why did you think I did?”
I shrugged. “I wondered if Carl had told you.”
Alex’s face fell. “No. The guy’s been bending himself in a pretzel to avoid me, which is hard because I’m working for him and living on his ranch.”
“I’m sorry. I asked him to not to.”
“I figured.”
I walked through the open door and headed toward my desk. Alex followed after, his gaze lingering on me for a moment before he nodded and headed for the front door.
There it was. Everything was out in the open, and I knew Carl hadn’t betrayed my secret.
I should have been feeling better about everything, but a pit of uncertainty formed in my stomach. I wasn’t sure if this was the end of trouble or the beginning of it.
Chapter 16
Alex
A massive explosion threw me across the room. I slammed into the wall with a grunt, all the air knocked out me.
On the ground, I gasped, trying to suck in precious air. Pain wracked my body, but as far as I could tell from feeling around, nothing was broken.
Escape. I needed to escape before it was too late. Before I ended up dead.
The fire roared around me. A chunk of the ceiling fell, slamming into another man: a man in a welding mask.
“Help me,” screamed the man from underneath the rubble. “Help me, or I’m gonna die here, Alex!”
Another explosion slammed me against the wall. This time when I landed, pain shot from my leg.
“No,” I shouted. “No!” I tried to move, but my leg wouldn’t budge.
I woke up, sweating soaking my body, my breathing ragged. A nightmare. It was only a nightmare.
I shook my head as I thought over what I’d been dreaming about. The welder hadn’t even spoken to me during the real accident. I’m sure there was a bunch of deep meaning some headshrinker could pull out of that, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to sleep without having nightmares.
Why had they come back? I hadn’t had a bad dream for several days, and I almost thought they’d be gone for good. I supposed I shouldn’t have expected it to be that easy. That didn’t mean I wasn’t grateful for the nights of peace I had managed to find.
It wasn’t like I didn’t have a lot of things going for me to help me fight the bad dreams. I’d even reconnected with Aspyn and found out I had a daughter. Things were looking good for me. Not just good, but great.
I’d even kissed Aspyn with all the passion I’d felt three years before.
Sure, I’d said it was to thank her, but it was also because I wanted her badly. I wanted her to remember what we’d shared and how we could make each other feel.
She talked about us not being a couple, but I wasn’t crazy. I knew what I felt. She kissed me back. The woman wanted me as badly as I wanted her, even if she was still confused and angry.
I didn’t want to rush her. I got it. She’d been pissed at me for a long time. It’d take her a while to work th
rough things. The one thing I had plenty of was time.
I glanced over at the pictures on my nightstand of Kadie. Everything wasn’t about me anymore, or even Aspyn. I had a daughter, and I needed to be strong for her. I wouldn’t lose to the nightmares now that I had a kid to live for.
With that in mind, I got out of bed and headed into the shower to rinse off my sweat-soaked body. After finishing off, I threw on jeans and a shirt. Before heading out, I grabbed the small photo of Kadie in the hospital and slipped it into my wallet. I might not have been there for her short life yet, but from then on, I was going to make sure she was with me everywhere.
I headed out to go find Carl. I still had some unfinished business with my friend. I wasn’t sure if Aspyn had talked to him or not, but since he always seemed to be going somewhere other than where I was, it made me think she hadn’t.
A good 15-minute hike followed until I finally found him out behind his barn hammering in some loose nails on replacement siding.
Lucky for me, Carl was so focused on his work, he didn’t even realize I was coming until I was right on top of him. My shadow tipped him off, and he turned around and stood.
I spotted the panic in his eyes immediately. He wanted to run, but he probably knew it’d be too weird and suspicious.
“You don’t have to worry about it anymore, Carl,” I said. “Aspyn told me.”
He eyed me. “She told you? Told you what?”
“Everything. I know Kadie is my daughter. I also know she made everyone promise not to tell me. I know that’s why you’ve been avoiding me.”
Carl nodded slowly before whistling. “Told you everything, huh? Wow. That’s some shit. Three years.” He averted his gaze. “I wanted to tell you, bro, I really did. But I can’t go back on my word.”
I walked over to him and patted him on the shoulder. “I know. You wouldn’t be any kind of man if you did. She needed to tell me. It wouldn’t have gone as well if she hadn’t.”
Carl watched me for a second, disbelief on his face. “So, you’re not pissed?”
“About Kadie or about you not telling me?”
Carl shrugged. “Either? Both?”