by Claire Adams
“What?” Aspyn said, irritation in her voice.
“You don’t seem to be happy with any of this.” I shrugged. “Is it too much? I thought you’d be happy I bought a house.”
Aspyn’s mouth twitched, and then she sighed. “I can’t believe you actually bought a house.”
“Why? What did you expect?”
“You’re working for Carl. How did you even afford this?”
Was that what all of this was about? I wondered if I should let her know how solid my money situation was but decided against it. Things were sensitive, and I wanted to make sure everyone was coming together for the right reasons.
“I can afford it,” I said, shrugging. “If I couldn’t, I wouldn’t be here, right? That’s not all, though.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I know how hard it must have been for you as a single mother.”
“No, you really don’t,” Aspyn said, her tone turning icy.
Shit. Things were going south. I didn’t get how we even ended in this situation, but I had to salvage it.
“I want to give money for Kadie. Child support.”
Aspyn narrowed her eyes.
I held up my hand. “I know you said you didn’t want to get lawyers involved, and I’m fine with that. It doesn’t have to be official or anything.”
She stepped back, shaking her head, her eyes wide like I’d slapped her or something. I wasn’t sure how she’d react when I made the offer, but I was pretty damn sure she wouldn’t react like that.
“You can’t buy my daughter,” Aspyn snapped.
“What?” I wasn’t sure I’d heard her right.
“You can’t buy my daughter,” she repeated. “She’s not for sale. You can’t buy her love with some blocks and a big room.”
I stepped back, shaking my head, my heart now thundering. What the hell was going on? Why was she acting this way?
A fire lit in me, and to be honest, part of me wanted to ask if she’d prefer I not give her anything at all, given the way she was asking, but I needed to be the bigger man. I didn’t know what was going through her mind, so I couldn’t risk screwing things up.
“No,” I said. “This isn’t about buying her love. I want to help with diapers and toys and crap.” I let out an exasperated grunt. “Stuff that a dad should help with.”
Aspyn stared at me for a few seconds and then her eyes narrowed. I didn’t need to be a psychiatrist to know she was angry.
I scrubbed my face with my hand. “I don’t understand what you’re thinking. Obviously, I fucked up somewhere, but can you just tell me? I think we both know I’m not the greatest at understanding feelings.”
Aspyn glanced over her shoulder at Kadie in the other room, before taking a step forward and then leaning toward me.
“We’re not together,” she said, her voice low.
“Huh?”
“You don’t seem to get that.” She gestured around her. “We’re not a couple. We’re not dating. We’re not together just because we had sex, and I’m not moving in with you.”
It was like an MMA champion had kicked me in the stomach. I wasn’t deluded about how things were with us, but the contempt in her voice made me feel like a piece of a shit.
“Look, I get that,” I said.
“Do you, really? We sleep together, and now you have a house.”
I wasn’t going to stand there and let her say what she wanted. Sure, I’d made my mistakes, but I also knew I was trying to do right by my daughter.
“I’d already done that before we slept together,” I snapped. “So maybe you’re the one who doesn’t get it.”
Aspyn slapped her hands on her hips as her face flashed with anger. Yeah, I’d probably stepped in it, but I didn’t know if I cared at that point.
She glared at me, and I looked away.
No way I was going to find a way back into my daughter’s life by having a fight with her mother.
I held up my hands. “Look, I wanted to prove that I’m not leaving again. I figured the best way to do that was buy a house. It’s not like I can just run. I honestly want to be part of my daughter’s life.” I shrugged. “I also want to be part of yours if you want it, but I get it. I screwed up before, and maybe that ship has sailed, but no matter what happens between us, now that I know that I have a daughter, I can’t pretend like she’s not there.”
Aspyn’s expression softened, and she blew out a soft breath. She was silent for a long while.
“I get it,” she finally said. “I just have to think about all of this. I thought I knew how I felt about all of this, but I guess I don’t.”
“What are you saying, then?” Despite the tightness in my chest, I kept my voice even. More yelling and carrying on wouldn’t help.
“Just saying I have a lot to think about. I don’t know how I feel about anything.” She turned and called out, “Kadie, come on. We’re going home.”
“But I’m playing with blocks, Mama,” the little girl whined back.
“Now, Kadence,” Aspyn shouted, her face red. She hurried into the other room and picked Kadie up. Without another word, she headed out.
My daughter, at least, waved to me as they stepped outside.
I stood there for a long time, just staring at the door, wondering what the hell had gone wrong. I ran through the conversation again in my mind, wondering if I should have said something different or offered something else.
In the end, I didn’t know what I should have done or said. I nodded to myself. Yeah, I was a man who could admit his mistakes, but at the same time, Aspyn had to meet me halfway.
Freaking out because I wanted to pay child support struck me as weird. If I hadn’t paid, she would have probably called me a deadbeat dad. I figured it was probably her still working through her feelings about me even being around again.
Was she trying to set me up to fail no matter what?
Not that I was one to complain about someone having trouble handling their feelings. I’d not exactly done great with that.
Someone knocked on the door, and my heart kicked up. Maybe she’d come back to apologize.
I headed over to the door and opened it with a smile.
Aspyn and my daughter weren’t there. Carl was, a dark and worried look on his face.
I blinked, surprised. He had a lot of work to take care at the ranch, and I didn’t want him neglecting his work to help me out with the house.
“Hey, bro,” he said glumly.
“Hey, Carl,” I said evenly.
He couldn’t even look me in the eye. That didn’t fill me with confidence.
“Just figured I’d stop by,” he said.
“You got something to say?”
Maybe something had gone wrong. Maybe the lawyers or the bankers had said this whole thing wasn’t going to work.
Carl just stood there, staring at his feet like he’d got caught stealing grandma’s cookies.
“Come on,” I prodded. “Tell me what the hell is going on.”
“Okay, okay,” Carl said, lifting his head and finally locking gazes with me. “I gotta talk to you about something, bro. Something important.”
Chapter 23
Aspyn
Booze. Lots of booze. That’s what I needed when Saturday evening finally snuck up on me. That’s what I was thinking to myself as I stepped into the Wild Mustang and sat down at a table. No one else had arrived yet, which left me alone with my thoughts and Carrie Underwood singing on the radio.
But even Carrie was against me. After a few seconds, I realized the song on the radio was “Cowboy Casanova.”
On second thought, maybe she wasn’t against me. Maybe the song was talking about my situation all too well, and I should do what she suggested and run for my life.
From what everyone else had said, they were all looking forward to Carl’s old Fabulous Five getting together again. It was almost like the Lord above was arranging things for us to do that or at least our schedules were just working out for once.
Mama wanted to watch Kadie. Joe and his wife were planning to come, but she got called in at the last minute, but his in-laws had come into town on Friday anyway, so they could still watch his kids. He didn’t have the best relationship with them anyway, so I think he was grateful to be able to get out of the house without his wife running interference.
No one had any reason to worry. Responsible adults were watching our children, and even if we let the beer or mixed drinks flow a bit too much, it wouldn’t be a big deal. We could get together, chat, drink, have some wings, and have a great old time.
So why was I so worried? Maybe because I hadn’t talked to Alex since our argument at his house. Perri had been the one to chat with Carl, and he said Alex could come.
I had no idea whether my baby daddy would be chill or bring up the argument. Not to mention this was the first time we’d all hung together since the truth about Kadie’s parentage had come out.
If I could have thought of a way to dodge going without looking like I was trying to dodge, I would have, but I decided I could use the drinks anyway, so I guessed it wouldn’t be all bad. Or at least I hoped.
A waitress stopped by, a sympathetic look on her face. “Just you tonight?”
“No, no. Just the first to arrive.”
She smiled. “Then I’ll come back later, or did you want to get started?”
“How about a couple of daiquiris?” I said.
Perri always liked a good daiquiri whenever I got one. I figured I wouldn’t start in until she arrived.
“Sure thing.” The waitress nodded and headed off.
Perri walked in and waved to me from the door. She hurried over to the table and took a seat. “Look at you, all early.”
“Maybe you’re late.”
She grinned and laughed. “So, the gang all back together again except no secrets, eh?”
I groaned. “Don’t remind me.”
She furrowed her brow. “What? Is that bad?”
“No, no, it’s not bad.” I shrugged. “Things are just weird. I mean Alex is back, and he knows about Kadie, and he’s got the house, and he’s got a room for her set up and everything. It’s all very fatherly and responsible.”
The waitress returned with our drinks. “Here are your daiquiris. Anything else?”
“I didn’t order a daiquiri,” Perri said, a quizzical look on her face.
“I thought you might want one.”
“Um, well, can I get a Coke, too?”
“Rum and Coke?” the waitress asked.
Perri shook her head. “Just Coke.”
“Okay.” The waitress took off.
I took a sip of my daiquiri and smiled. “This is great.”
“Oh, yeah, I’ll have some in a bit.” Perri furrowed her brow. “Just trying to pace myself, you know. I’m not the party girl I once was.”
“Yeah, I understand.”
“Anyway, back to what we were talking about. Of course, it’s going to be weird. I don’t think anyone expected that Alex would move back into town and everything would go back to the same, even if Kadie wasn’t in the picture.”
I gulped down more of my drink. “I guess I wish things could be more like what you have with Carl.”
Perri eyed me, suspicion all over her face. “What do you mean by that?”
“I don’t know. You guys are back together, right? It’s hard to keep track depending on the day of the week.”
She rolled her eyes. “We’re not that bad, but yeah, we’re together. So, what, you’re saying you want to be with Alex? Date him?”
I took another sip of my drink and then let out a long, drawn-out sigh. “No, I don’t know what I want. It’s just that you and Carl can have this on-again-off-again thing, and it’s not a big deal if you don’t know what your plans for the future are.”
Perri snorted. The waitress came back with her Coke. “That doesn’t make it simple or anything,” she said.
“I know. I know.”
Perri rolled her eyes. “Carl takes everything so seriously, and …” She dropped her eyes.
“What?”
“I guess I kind of have the opposite problem. Carl wants more, but I’m afraid to give him more, even though …” She put down her Coke and took a big gulp of her daiquiri. “Yeah, that hits the spot.”
We both sipped our drinks in silence for a few seconds.
“Want some advice?” I said.
“Sure, as long as it doesn’t cost anything,” Perri said, still working on her drink, her cheeks already reddening slightly.
“If you spend too much time trying to figure out what you’re feeling and worrying about the future, it’ll end with you being confused when the future comes.”
Perri put down her daiquiri and stared at me. “What are you getting at?”
I shrugged. “We’re not in high school anymore, Perri. I got a kid. Joe has kids and a wife. Carl and you.” I sighed. “Listen to me. I’m trying to give you advice, and I yelled at Alex because he offered child support.”
Perri blinked and stared at me for a second. “Huh? Did you just say you yelled at Alex because he offered you child support?”
“Yeah.”
“That doesn’t make one lick of sense. So, what, you want Alex to be a deadbeat dad?”
I rubbed the back of my neck. The daiquiri wasn’t giving me the buzz I needed. There were definitely more drinks in my future.
“No, I don’t want him to be a deadbeat dad.”
“I don’t get it, then. I mean, come on, we both know plenty of women who got knocked up, and the daddy doesn’t even want to admit it’s his, and even if he does, he fights tooth and nail to not have to give a dime or anything, and Alex shows up, fully accepts Kadie’s his, buys a house with a room for her, and wants to give child support, and you’re upset?”
I winced. When Perri said it all that way, it did sound stupid. If Alex had done the exact opposite, I’d be pissed with him, and everyone would say he was dodging his responsibility.
“I guess I think he deserves to be a part of his daughter’s life, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to open my heart again to him.” I shrugged.
“No one says you have to.” Perri gulped down the rest of her drink. “You’re just making things more complicated in a situation that’s complicated enough to begin with.”
“Says the girl who keeps breaking up and hooking up with the same man but is afraid of what the future with him might bring?”
Perri rolled her eyes and then laughed. I joined her.
“We’re so messed up,” I said, downing the rest of my daiquiri. Finally, a soft warmth seeped through my whole body along with a pleasant lightness. I almost flagged down the waitress for more drinks but figured getting totally shitfaced 20 minutes into my night was probably a bad idea.
Alex and Carl strolled in. No, stroll didn’t describe what I saw. They swaggered in like they owned the place. I glanced over at Perri, and she shrugged, obviously as clueless about why the rancher bros were suddenly so full of confidence.
They dropped down into seats beside us, both with smiles on their faces. I wasn’t sure if it was my daiquiri or Alex’s smile, but more warmth shot through me. If he was pissed about our little fight on Thursday, he wasn’t showing it.
It also helped that he had on jeans he must have ordered from some tight-ass jeans company. Now, I knew the daiquiri was helping me appreciate his ass more than I probably should have, given our particular situation, but it didn’t hurt to look and not touch.
I sucked in a breath.
“Good evening, ladies,” Carl said with a grin. “I see you got started without us.”
“’Cause you guys can’t get your asses here on time,” I said.
Alex smirked. “Looking this good takes time.”
I rolled my eyes, and Perri laughed.
Just as I was about to say something else, Joe rolled in. It took him a couple minutes to get over to us because he had to go through his normal mayora
l greeting ritual.
When he finally sat down at our table, an abashed look settled over his face. “My wife sends her apologies. She wasn’t supposed to be on call tonight, but someone got sick.”
“It’s okay,” I said. “We all understand.”
The waitress stopped by, and we ordered a couple pitchers of beer. A bonus, I thought, as it’d be easier to pace myself with beer rather than mixed drinks. The sweetness could sneak up on me too easily.
Once our beers were delivered, we settled into a comfortable rhythm, just talking about things. Carl and Alex discussed their plans for expanding the ranch, and the rest of us talked about life at city hall.
It really was like old times. Without the cloud of a big secret drowning us all, it was easy for us to open up.
“So I’m thinking we should call our ranch partnership Ranch 2.0,” Carl said, after downing half a beer in one gulp.
“Ranch 2.0?” Alex said, his tone skeptical. “Just like we’re the Fabulous Five?”
Carl laughed, his face already very red. “It’s good, and you know it.”
The next thing I knew, I was laughing, then Joe, and Perri. Even Alex joined in. No worries, no fears, just five friends laughing at some stupid joke. It really did feel like high school again.
It was about then I noticed Alex had scooted his chair a bit closer to me. The alcohol singing in my blood beat down the defensiveness that wanted to pop up. Instead, I could appreciate those muscled tattooed arms and the woodsy scent of his cologne.
I still kept enough of my wits to tell myself I would not sleep with him that night, but damned if the idea didn’t keep popping into my head, leaving my center a little slicker and warmer than I would have liked.
Carl and Alex shared a look. Alex nodded once to Carl, and the other man’s face turned serious.
I glanced between them, wondering what the hell I’d just seen.
Alex leaned in to whisper in my ear, his hot breath fanning across the side of my face. “Things are about to get interesting.”
I was about to turn and ask him what the hell he was talking about when Carl shot up out of his chair after taking another sip of beer. The drunken ranch bro from before had vanished, replaced by a man whose face was a mask of rigid determination.