by Claire Adams
“Do you think Mom’ll take me to Newbury Street, Dad?” she asked, as she scooped up a forkful of eggs and stuffed them in her mouth.
“I don’t know, do you think she will?” I parroted back, earning a dramatic eye roll and an exasperated sigh.
“I love to look at the designer shops, but there’s an H&M store there that has a jacket I want,” she said, as she spread jam on a second piece of toast. “Do you think Mom’ll buy it for me?”
“Nina, I have no idea what your mother will or won’t do,” I said, trying not to get drawn into a mom versus dad discussion before Remy arrived. “I’ll bet if you’re on your best behavior she’ll be far more likely to reward you.”
“Fine, I’ll be good,” she sighed and then continued, “I missed her. I wonder if she had a good trip. She’ll be really happy to hear about my A on the History exam, won’t she?”
“Over the moon,” I said, nodding in agreement. Nina quickly finished her breakfast and carried her dishes to the sink. I called over my shoulder, “Hey, don’t forget your winter boots. They’re in the front hall closet, Punkin.”
“Oh yeah, I’ll get ‘em,” she said, running into the front room and digging through the closet before yelling, “Got ‘em!”
Nina had gone back to her room to double check her packing when my phone rang. It was Remy.
“Hey, Remy, she’s almost ready,” I said, as I carried my plate to the sink and started the water so I could do the dishes.
“Yeah, about that,” Remy said uncomfortably. “Something’s come up at work, and I’m going to have head out of town again this week. Do you mind keeping Nina while I iron this out?”
“She was looking forward to seeing you today,” I said in a flat voice.
“Blake, don’t start with me this morning,” Remy warned. “I’ve had a rough week, and I don’t need another person on my case right now.”
“It’s not me that you should be worried about,” I said dryly. “Your daughter misses you, and she was looking forward to spending the day with you.”
“What am I supposed to do, Blake?” Remy snapped. “I can’t just drop everything and leave this job half done so that I can spend the day shopping! I’m trying to earn a living here!”
“Hey, I’m not judging you for whatever it is that you’re doing, Remy,” I said defensively. “I’m just saying that your daughter has been bouncing around the house all morning excited about spending time with you, and this is going to disappoint her.”
“She’ll live,” Remy said coolly.
“You’re such a cold bitch sometimes; you know that?” I shot back angrily. During our entire marriage, Remy had always been interested in one thing above all else: Remy. I had hoped that she might place Nina a little bit above herself, but this just proved that a leopard never changed its spots.
“I may be cold, but I’m the one who will be putting our daughter through college, so you should probably be a little nicer to me about the choices I have to make when it comes to building her college fund,” Remy hissed. “I don’t have the luxury of an enormous pension. I stayed at home with our daughter for the first 10 years of her life, remember?”
“Don’t blame me for the choices you made, Remy,” I warned.
“We made them, Blake. We agreed that I’d stay home and raise our children,” she said angrily.
“Children. Plural. We had one child, and you decided we shouldn’t have any more, remember?” I shot back.
“Do not blame me for the fact that I didn’t want to have any more children, Blake Gaston!” Remy raged. “You swore you wouldn’t ever use that as ammunition!”
“You’re right; I was wrong. I’m sorry,” I sighed. “Remy, she’s just going to be really disappointed. She wanted to see you.”
“Don’t you think I know that?” Remy said, in a voice that wavered on the edge of tears. I knew she was trying as hard as she could to do what she needed to do, and I kicked myself for making it more difficult.
“Do you want to talk to her or am I the one who has to break the news?” I asked.
“Can you tell her?” she asked. “I’m on my way to a meeting with a client, and if I talk to her right now, I’m going to end up ruining my makeup.”
“Jesus, Remy…” I said, trailing off before I launched into a lecture on how keeping up appearances wasn’t nearly as important as reassuring her daughter that she loved her and was sorry for disappointing her.
“Don’t start, Blake,” Remy warned.
“Fine, I’ll handle it,” I said. “When are you coming back?”
“Friday at the latest, but I’m really hoping that I can wrap this up and be back by Wednesday,” she said, as I heard her flick the turn signal in the car. “Yikes, I’m here. I have to go! I’ll call Nina tonight and explain! Thanks, Blake!”
She disconnected, and I stood staring at the screen of my phone for a full minute as I tried to get my thoughts together. I tucked the phone in my pocket, shut off the water, and headed toward Nina’s room. I stood outside her door and took a deep breath before I tapped on it.
“Punkin, Mom just called,” I said, as I pushed the door open. Nina was sitting on the edge of her bed furiously tapping on her phone. She looked up at me like a deer caught in the headlights and quickly dimmed the screen.
“What?” she said, tucking the phone under her leg.
“Mom just called and said she’s going to have to head out of town again, so she can’t make it today,” I said, bracing myself for the dramatic reaction I was about to have to deal with.
“Are you kidding me?” Nina asked quietly. “Did she really say that?”
“Yeah, she said she’s really sorry, and that she’ll call you tonight after she’s done with her meetings and explain,” I said, watching the emotions rapidly cross Nina’s face. I wasn’t quite sure where they would stop, but I wanted to be close in case she needed me. I added, “She was really sad that she couldn’t make it home today. She was looking forward to your day together.”
“Yeah, sure,” Nina said, flopping back on her bed and staring up at the ceiling. “Whatever.”
“Nina, Mom loves you,” I said. “She’s doing the best she can.”
“I know,” Nina said in a flat voice. “Whatever.”
“C’mon, get up,” I said, trying to think of a way to pull her out of the dark place she was headed. “We’ll go to Newbury Street and get you that jacket you wanted. How about that?”
“It’s okay, Dad,” she said, without looking at me. “It wasn’t that important. Can I be alone for a little while?”
“Sure,” I said backing out of the room. “I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me, okay?”
“Uh-huh,” she said, still staring up at the ceiling.
I cursed Remy under my breath the entire time I was washing breakfast dishes and wondered how I could pull Nina out of the funk before she did something destructive. When Remy and I first separated, Nina had taken it hard and had wound up fighting with a couple of girls at school. We’d taken her to a counselor who’d helped her deal with the emotions she was feeling about the divorce, and after a short time, Nina stopped fighting, but old habits die hard, and whenever she felt bad, Nina would revert to destructive behavior as a coping mechanism. This time I wanted to stop it before it started.
An hour later, Nina still hadn’t emerged from her bedroom, and I was starting to worry. I stood next to the door listening for sounds of anything unusual before I knocked.
“Punkin, how about if I call Emily and ask her to come for dinner?” I called through the closed door. “We could order pizza and watch a movie.”
“Yeah, sure, whatever,” Nina replied. I waited to see if she would say anything else, and when she didn’t, I wrestled with whether to open the door and talk to her or to leave her to process things on her own. I felt damned if I did and damned if I didn’t.
Instead, I called Emily and explained the situation. I asked her to pick up a couple of movies she thought Nina wou
ld like, and told her I’d order pizza to be delivered around 6.
“Are you sure she wants me around tonight, Blake?” Emily asked. “I mean, I’m not trying to take the place of her mother or something. I’d hate for her to think that.”
“She said it was fine,” I said, wondering if Nina would see it the same way. “If she gets upset, we’ll deal with it. I’m not going to put my life on hold just because Remy can’t manage hers.”
“Way to go, Captain Empathy,” Emily chuckled. The sound of her laughter made me smile despite the fact that I was worried about my daughter. She agreed to get the movies and said she’d see us at 6.
“Nina, Emily’s bringing movies and I’ll have the pizza delivered at 6, okay?” I called through the bedroom door.
“Sure, whatever,” she replied. I hesitated and then turned the doorknob. Nina yelled, “Dad! I’m not a baby! Just let me have my privacy!”
“Sorry,” I said, as I let go of the knob and walked back down the hall. I felt like I should have insisted on talking, but the part of me that identified with her need to sulk in private wanted to respect her wishes. I sighed heavily as I rubbed my eyes, wondering how many other parents were suffering through this same thing.
When Emily showed up, I told her what had been going on, and she shrugged it off.
“She’s a teenager. They’re moody,” she said, as she dropped the movies on the entry table and took off her coat. “Let her tell you when she’s ready to talk. If you force it, she’ll pull back more. Believe me, I know.”
“All right, I’ll trust your expert opinion,” I said, smiling as I reached out and pulled her to me. She wrapped her arms around my neck as I leaned down and kissed her. I could feel the blood rushing away from my brain almost immediately, so I pulled back.
“What’s wrong?” Emily asked, with a worried look on her face.
“Trying to keep it PG,” I said with a wry grin. “You don’t make it easy.”
“Ah ha,” she laughed. “Well, it’s not my job to make anything easy. Hadn’t you noticed?”
I leaned back and let out a loud laugh as she sidestepped me and headed for the kitchen calling, “Where’s the food? I’m starving!”
“It’s on its way,” I said, as I checked my phone and saw that the delivery driver was a couple of minutes away. “Nina! Emily’s here, and the pizza will be here in five!”
“Okay!” Nina called from behind her bedroom door. She emerged just as I was accepting the boxes from the driver. I handed her one and followed her to the kitchen where Emily had set out plates and sodas. Nina smiled, “Hey, Emily. Glad you could come over for dinner.”
“Hey, Nina, I’m glad you asked me to,” she smiled back. “I got a couple of movies I thought you might like. Not so sure your dad will like them, though.”
“Eh, he’ll watch anything,” Nina shrugged, as she helped herself to several slices of pizza and grabbed a soda.
“Hey, I have good taste in movies,” I protested, as I loaded my plate with pizza.
“Yeah, sure, Dad,” Nina said, as she sat down on the far end of the couch and picked at her pizza.
We watched two movies, and by the end of the second one, Nina yawned as she stretched and said she was going to bed. She gave me a hug and patted my cheek saying, “Don’t worry so much, Dad. I’m fine.”
I nodded as I watched her disappear down the hallway, then turned to Emily and said, “What in the hell just happened?”
“I think she’s trying to figure that out,” Emily replied, as she gathered up the plates and carried them to the kitchen. She put the dishes in the sink and said, “I’ve got to get going. I’ve got school tomorrow, and if I don’t get my rest, I’ll have little hope of educating the masses.”
“Aww, do you have to go?” I whined, as I pulled her to me and kissed her deeply.
“Yes, Mr. Gaston, I do have to go,” she said when she came up for air. “As tempting as it is to stay here with you, I have my duties to think of.”
“You’re no fun,” I pouted, as she patted my cheek and went to gather her things.
“Maybe not tonight, but I’ll definitely be fun on Tuesday!” she said with a sly grin. “You’re still going with me to the game, right?”
“I guess,” I moped, as she pulled on her coat and grabbed the movies.
“Buck up, soldier,” she said, as she stood on her toes to kiss me one more time. “We’ll have our time. I promise.”
“I know, but I don’t like waiting for it,” I muttered.
“Good things come to those who wait, Mr. Gaston,” Emily grinned. And then she was gone.
I poked my head in Nina’s room to say goodnight and found her curled up, facing the wall, with the glow of her phone screen creating an eerie light.
“Nina, it’s time for bed,” I said.
“I know, Dad,” she replied, without rolling over. I walked in and sat down on the edge of her bed and rested a hand on her back.
“I know your mom can be tough, but she really does love you, Punkin,” I said. I felt Nina draw a deep breath before she rolled over to face me.
“Dad,” she choked out, as she wrapped her arms around me and cried like a small child. I patted her head and whispered that it would all be okay waiting for her to calm down. When she could finally talk without crying, she said, “I don’t want to live with Mom anymore. I hate it there.”
“Oh Nina,” I said, knowing that this admission was going to open up a can of worms that I definitely didn’t want to deal with. Remy would never agree to letting Nina live with me full time, if for no other reason than pure stubbornness. But I heard myself say, “Well, we’ll talk to Mom when she gets back and see what we can do, okay?”
“Just don’t make me live there anymore, Dad, please?” Nina said, in a voice so small that it made my heart ache.
“I’ll do what I can, Punkin,” I said, as I kissed her head and hugged her tightly. I just hoped I wasn’t going to disappoint her.
#
After school on Tuesday, Nina came home and locked herself in her room until Emily pulled up in front of the house.
“Nina! Let Emily in!” I shouted from the bathroom. I listened, but all I heard was silence, and I wondered if Nina was telling Emily about her plan to ask her mother if she could live with me full time.
Remy was due home in a few days, and I’d been trying to map out a plan to talk with her, but every possible way of framing the question seemed to lead to only one outcome — Remy’s rage. I knew that she was going to point out the fact that I was in a dangerous profession that kept me away from home for 24 hours at a time and that it wasn’t safe to leave a 16-year-old alone for that time. I knew that Remy was also going to accuse me of turning Nina against her, and the thought of having to counter that nonsense gave me a headache.
I tried to put all of that out of my mind as I wiped the last bit of shaving cream off of my face and patted on some aftershave. Satisfied with the end result, I pulled on my shirt and jeans, grabbed a pair of socks out of the drawer, and took them and my boots into the front room.
“You’re not ready to go?” Nina sighed heavily. “Dad, it’s supposed to be the girl who keeps you waiting, not the other way around.”
“It’s okay, Nina,” Emily smiled. “We can flip the script for Mr. Slowpoke. He’s worth the wait.”
“You’re lucky she’s so patient, Dad,” Nina said seriously. “Not many women would be.”
“I know, I know,” I said grabbing a glass, filling it with water, and drinking the whole thing in a couple of gulps. “I’m almost ready!”
“Dad,” Nina asked. “Did you talk to Mom yet?”
“Not yet, Nina,” I sighed heavily. “She doesn’t get home for another couple of days. You know that.”
“You guys need to get it together,” she said, stubbornly crossing her arms over her chest. “I don’t want to go back and live with Mom!”
“I’m sorry, kiddo, the judge is in charge of the decision,’” I said,
hoping that I wasn’t making a promise I couldn’t keep as I said, “I’ll do what I can to try and convince your mom, but you know how she is about you living with me.”
“Why can’t the two of you ever make a decision about me that I want?” Nina said, pulling away from me. “Why do I always have to do what you want?”
“Because that’s the law, Nina,” I said, trying to stay calm.
“I hate the law,” she cried, as she turned away. Halfway down the hallway, she turned back and yelled, “And I hate you, too!”
“Nina!” I shouted, as Emily grabbed my arm and shook her head. I pulled back my arm back before raising a hand to rub my eyes as I sighed, “Jesus, no one tells you about this shit when you decide to have kids. Maybe this is what sex education in schools should consist of — fights with teenagers that you’ve raised from infancy.”
“What’s going on with her?” Emily asked, as we watched Nina disappear from view. “She was silent at school today, and she didn’t turn in her homework.”
“She’s mad about her mother being gone,” I sighed. “And she’s also mad about the fact that if she wants to come live with me full-time, she’s going to have to ask Remy first.”
“She wants to come live with you?” Emily asked, with a furrowed brow.
“She hates living with Remy,” I said, feeling uncomfortable airing our family’s dirty laundry this way. “I get it, but I don’t want to get in the middle of this battle since it really doesn’t involve me.”
“Huh, interesting,” Emily said, looking back down the hall toward Nina’s room. “I know how she feels.”
“Didn’t get along with your mother either?” I asked.
“You met my mother, what do you think?” Emily said, as she stared at me.
“Yeah, right, sorry,” I said, feeling stupid for having asked the question. I quickly shifted the subject, “You ready to go to dinner?”
“Mmm hmm,” she nodded, obviously lost in thought. I moved close enough to rest my hands on her waist and pull her toward me.