by Lynn Galli
Should I tell her anything at all? I wished Briony was here. She’d know what to do. She could talk to anyone, anywhere, anytime. I rarely had to say anything to strangers when she was around. But she couldn’t be here because this would be a surprise. I wanted it to be a surprise, if I could do it.
With one last glance at the rings, I said, “Thank you for your help. They’re lovely, but I’m just looking.” I nodded once and turned toward the exit. Maybe I’d try another store next week or next month.
After only two steps toward the door, it opened and I heard a familiar voice. “I almost didn’t come in.” Looking up from the ground, I took in the sight of the voice’s owner. Willa, my only friend, until I met Briony, that is. Even more terrific. I'd driven 126 miles to a jewelry shop that specialized in engagement and wedding rings specifically to avoid running into anyone I knew, much less the one friend I’d had before Briony opened my world. Truly, what were the odds of that happening?
As if reading my mind, Willa offered, “My plane got diverted to National along with several other flights, so the airport is out of rentals. I was on my way to the place up the street and saw you heading out without a purchase. Didn’t find one you liked?” My eyes darted to the door. I knew it was five steps away, thirty-eight steps to my car, 126 miles home, seventeen steps to the building’s staircase and sixty-two steps up to my apartment.
Two hours and fifteen minutes tops. I could start walking now, taking those steps back to safety, back to only a semblance of a normal life, but a hell of a lot better than I’d ever imagined for myself. Fuller than I’d ever dreamed possible. And I could do it without a word to Willa. She’d never hold it against me. She’d call me next week to hang out, even if I walked out without saying anything to her now. But I wasn’t that person anymore. I had learned that over the last year. Briony’s faith had changed me.
Still I didn’t know what to say to my friend. She knew why I was here. With a quick flick of her eyes through the window, she’d guessed instantly. No judgment, no condescension, and best of all, no warning that I had no right to be thinking about this.
“Would you give us a moment, please?” she asked the salesperson who’d started packing away the tray. The woman smiled, obviously thrilled to be dealing with a normal human who understood the subtleties of interaction among the species. “M?” Willa stepped closer to me, nowhere near the limits of my expanded personal bubble, but still closer than I let anyone other than Briony and Caleb get to me. “I came inside because I thought you might be considering not going through with this. I wanted to give you a few extra moments to rethink that if you needed them.”
I felt pressure build behind my eyes. I knew tears would start to well if I didn’t gain control. I looked behind her, counting the steps again. I did need those extra moments. I did. I came here for a reason. I owed it to the woman who’d saved my life by showing me what life was really like. I nodded once, not bothering to reestablish eye contact.
She came a little closer. “You’re thinking you have no right to be here.”
Yes.
“The question’s not on your part,” she guessed.
Exactly.
“You think she might stop, maybe not in five years or ten years, but sometime, she’ll stop.”
God, yes.
“Because no one could ever love you for the rest of your life.” I bit back a groan. How did she know this? We didn’t have these kinds of conversations. Willa, in particular, never had these kinds of conversations. It was why we were friends.
“I was like a robot before I met Quinn,” she admitted softly.
“No feelings at all. I wasn't looking for a relationship. My job didn’t pay me much, and if I started my business, it would be three years before I’d make a dime. What the hell could I offer?
When I met Quinn, she was a pro basketball player. She’s beautiful, fans adored her, she’s funny and clever. She honestly had her pick of anyone she came across. I certainly didn’t look like any of the gorgeous women who threw themselves at her. All I kept asking myself was, what did she see in me?” You’re generous, even without the money you now have and offer freely; you’re generous with your time and attention. You’re smart, gentle, respectful, nonjudgmental. You’re kind. You’re a good friend. I wished my brain would allow these words to come out of my mouth. How could she not see these things?
“Then I realized that I loved the person I became when I was with her,” she continued. “Loved, not just liked. Quinn did that for me. And I no longer feared that she might not stay as long as I could. I’d risk everything for one more day with her.” An involuntary breath left my lungs. “Yes,” I heard myself whisper. I loved how Briony made me feel about everything, including myself. How one touch or one look or one smile from her would temper my nerves. She brought me calm, something I hadn’t known since I was nine years old. And when she was near, I never had to be on alert. She made me feel like life wasn’t something I had to struggle through. It was something to enjoy.
“I’m going to do something that will scare the crap out of you, my friend. Get ready,” she warned.
Please, don’t touch me! I screamed inside my head but remained where I was, resigned to accept the unwelcome touch if it came.
This is Willa. She won’t hurt you. The thought calmed my elevating heart rate.
She reached past me and pulled one of the mirrors over.
“Look in the mirror for a sec.”
I shook my head, not just because I avoided mirrors in general, but because the only person I felt comfortable watching me look in a mirror was Briony.
“Please? I want you to see something about yourself.” She waited for me to relent. “Good. Now, I’m going to say one thing, and I want you to keep looking…Briony.”
I felt the smile start in my heart before it bloomed outward, reaching my face. I knew Willa wasn’t calling out to her because I would have known if Briony was nearby. At first, it was her lovely scent—mountain crisp air with a hint of evergreen and roaring whitewater—that helped me identify Briony’s nearness. Now I could feel her presence, even in a crowded room.
“See?” She watched me look at my reflection. “Just her name brings out that beautiful smile. You’re in the right place, M.” She walked around me to examine the tray of rings, mercifully letting me stop looking at myself. “I wanted to give you a little encouragement, but I’ll let you shop on your own.” She started for the door.
“Did you…How did you choose…?” My brain went into super speed mode again, and I couldn’t piece all the words into the right order.
She looked away, studying something on the street before turning back. “Didn’t have to. Quinn beat me to it.” She laughed at my best stunned face. “Briony might do the same, so you better make a decision.”
“No.” Briony wouldn’t. She’d wait for me. Like with every first in our relationship. Our first touch, our first kiss, our first hug, our first time making love. She’d wait for me because she would never, ever rush me. She seemed content to wait for me for everything, but I didn’t want that for her anymore. She loved me, and I loved her, even if I was too much of a freak to tell her. I’d never loved anyone like that. Never. I’d known unconditional love for nine years from Kathryn. Then nothing. Not until last year when I met Briony Gatewood, the love of my life. The woman who made a real life possible for me.
“All right.” Willa held up her hands.
I could tell she didn’t believe me. She didn’t know Briony well, though. She thought that because Briony often spoke her mind that she’d ask me first. But I knew that wouldn’t happen. As surely as I knew that, if I managed to propose, Briony would be okay with not having a ceremony. That she’d agree the best step for us would be to buy a house together rather than me moving into hers. It would make things easier to combine our lives and introduce Caleb into a new living situation. She’d want our house to be an original, one we could restore to its 19th century splendor. She would insist on
that because she knew I loved period architecture but would never insist on it. She would do the insisting for me, everything else she’d leave up to my comfort level. God, I loved her.
I’d worried that conducting our class together again this past summer and practically living together while Caleb was away at camp might smother me. Instead, I loved waking up with her, starting our day together, and really loved walking through the door after work and hearing her call out a sweet greeting, obviously thrilled that I was back for the night. I loved how the little things that I considered selfish on my part, she considered romantic gestures. All summer, I’d bring her coffee in bed to coax her into sharing breakfast with me before I ran off to my first class. She thought it was sweet when really I just wanted to spend time with her before I had to get to work an hour earlier than she did. Or how much she adored when I’d heat up a towel in the dryer while she was taking a bath after a long day, just so I had the excuse to dry her off when she was done. Best of all were the simple moments like movie nights when I could run my fingers through her hair or caress her neck any time I wanted. No, being together every day hadn’t been a hardship at all.
The clincher, though, the reason I was here on this Saturday morning, happened last weekend. I’d been terrified that if Briony ever saw my potential for violence that she’d leave me. I’d probably leave me. But she’d watched me incapacitate an inebriated man who’d grabbed at her outside a restaurant last weekend. She’d watched how quickly and efficiently I’d pulled his arms off her shoulders and swung him around to brace his arm in such a painful way that he’d dropped to his knees. I’d threatened him in a low voice that I no longer recognized. Instead of being horrified, she’d placed her hand on my shoulder and spoke soothing words until I let him go. Her arms came around me, whispers of thanks and assurances of love filled the air around us.
She hadn’t been afraid of me or thought of me as a freak. She hadn’t wanted to end things because I could become a person she didn’t recognize. She still loved me. So, here I was, taking a chance at forever because, even though she didn’t know everything about me, she loved everything about me. I felt that instinctively. As much as I loved everything about her, and I couldn’t manage my life without her anymore.
“Traditional is nice.” Willa brought me back from my musings. She was glancing down at the rings.
“Not right, though,” I joined her. It was probably why I couldn’t decide. Then it hit me. “Yellow sapphire, to compliment her eyes.”
“Very nice.” She stared at me a little longer, knowing the limitations of my comfort level. “If I leave you to it, can I catch a ride home with you? I promise no more of this crazy talk out of me.”
“Sure,” I agreed, relieved that she understood that I had to do this alone. I tossed her my keys and pointed toward where I’d parked the car. She took her leave without another word. Willa had always been the perfect friend for me.
I turned back to the salesperson. “May I see your yellow sapphire stones, please?”
“Of course,” she seemed pleased by my transformation. She took away the traditional diamond rings and resurfaced with six loose sapphires and seven rings with similar type stones.
I saw it instantly. The right one. But I inspected each, saving it for last. Yes, perfect. A thin, platinum band for her long, delicate finger. Two carats, nothing too garish because Briony wouldn’t like that. Roundish, but I was sure the cut had a proper name. I could picture it on Briony’s finger. Picture it there for decades to come. She’d be happy with a simple wedding band. I knew that because of the pictures I’d seen. She’d worn a gold one before. I wanted something different. I wanted her to have everything that she couldn’t have before when she’d married so young. Something singularly beautiful. She deserved beauty everywhere because she brought so much of it with her.
“That’s the one. If it’s not a size six, I’ll need it resized.” I handed the ring over to the salesperson. I couldn’t wait to wear whichever matching band Briony picked, to make it clear to everyone that I was the most fortunate person in the world because I finally belonged with and to someone as amazing as Briony. “How many letters can be on the inscription?” The saleswoman looked at me strangely. She didn’t understand why I would have what she thought was my own engagement ring inscribed, but it wasn’t up to me to make her understand. “Depends on the font, but usually forty or so.” Like with the steps, I knew already how many letters I wanted.
I just needed to know the limit. “Here’s what I’d like inscribed.” I handed over the piece of paper.
I love you, Briony. Always, Mabel.
A breath escaped before she looked back at me. I could tell she thought it was unoriginal, but only because she didn’t know me. I would finally say it. Briony had waited more than a year, seemingly content to have me tell her in other ways. But when I proposed, I planned to say the words I hadn’t said since I was nine. I'd tell her I loved her, then because the words were so hard for me, she’d at least have them with her always.
“I’ll pick it up next weekend.” I handed over my credit card.
This encounter would probably be one of those that the saleswoman would recount for people in the future. Freakiest, but fastest high priced sale she’d ever made. I didn’t like that she’d remember me. Almost enough to make me go to a different store, but I didn’t think I could go through it again.
As soon as I had the ring in hand, I'd go about planning how to ask my love if she’d share her life with me. It would have to be special, something as unique and spectacular as Briony.
Something that would make her feel as amazing as she always made me feel.
* * *
Red tinged the horizon as the sun began a slow decent. I was stretched out on a chaise lounge on the balcony of our suite overlooking the Atlantic Ocean. Virginia Beach, it was my first time here, and for a short weekend trip, absolutely perfect. I felt the calm of the color wash over me as I settled into my chair.
“Everything all right, M?” Briony said from the chair beside me. “You had fun today, didn’t you?”
I tilted to look into the golden brown eyes of the woman I loved. The calm I felt just looking at her overpowered any serenity I could get from a lovely sunset. We’d spent the day sea kayaking, something she loved doing, something I’d never tried. It was fun, but I knew I’d feel the burn of the unused muscles on Monday when we returned to work. “I believe I’ve told you that I always have fun when I’m with you, Bri.”
A beautiful smile erupted on her face. I loved that I could put that smile there, that I was the cause of such happiness for her. It was a new sensation for me and I craved it. “Same here, honey.
I’m so glad you suggested this getaway. It’s just what I needed.” With four classes this semester, I’d known that her schedule was starting to bring her down. I didn’t like seeing her so overworked. I planned to pamper her for the next two months until she could get a more manageable schedule in January.
“You’ve been kinda quiet all day. Anything you want to share with me?”
I loved that she knew me so well. That she knew I was holding onto something, but that I might not want to spill it yet or ever.
She always allowed me this luxury. It was one of the reasons I knew she was perfect for me. Yet her question sparked a thumping heartbeat and extended breathing. I’d suggested this weekend away for a reason. This was the moment. Romantic, spectacular, and with Briony, as always, breathtaking. I just had to open my mouth.
“Are you over-thinking last night, honey?” she asked.
Heat touched my face. Last night. I’d asked her for something neither of us thought I’d ask for, but I needed her to know that I trusted her completely. She’d never suggested I couldn’t trust her, but I knew with someone as insightful as Briony that she might harbor that slight doubt in the back of her mind. She’d forgive it, and had been for a year, but I didn’t want that for her anymore.
“Last night was…” I searc
hed for the perfect words to describe how safe and loved she’d made me feel when we finally defeated what had always been my nightmare.
Fear surfaced in her eyes. I could tell she was aching to say something, but she would let me talk. She was brave enough to listen to me tell her that I’d hated it and didn’t want that ever again. That what I’d asked for now reminded me of the horror I’d gone through, but this time she’d been in the starring role.
I reached out to stroke her soft cheek and down to her throat.
I loved her neck, loved burying my face there, brushing my lips against it, taking her skin lightly between my teeth, running my tongue over the spot that never failed to bring out that husky moan. I lived for that sound. “You were wonderful. It was exactly what I wanted, what I knew you’d do for me.” Her breath of relief brushed across my cheek as she popped off her lounge and slipped onto mine. “You were wonderful, too, you know.”
“You weren’t shocked?” I asked, just a hint of humor because I already knew her answer.
“I saw those scarves and just about passed out, beautiful.” She snuggled in closer to me. “I didn’t think you’d ever want that, but I’m so glad you asked. I’ve loved when you’ve tried it with me. It makes me feel almost liberated.”
The exact opposite of what I thought bondage would be. The exact opposite of my own experiences as a child when I was held down. It was why I’d asked for it. Until last night, I still felt there was one obstacle left in the sharing of our bodies. We didn't need to strive for something uncommon when it came to lovemaking, but she hadn’t lied when she’d told me that she was open to almost anything. I loved being adventurous with her, but when it came to bondage or limiting movement, that particular activity had always been one-sided with us. She’d let me restrain her, but I hadn’t let her reciprocate, not that she’d ever asked. The act calls for complete trust, and she’d given it to me. So, last night, I decided it was time to give it to her. “I’m glad you didn’t pass out, sweet. We wouldn’t have had as much fun.”