by Skye Jordan
“It would be,” she agreed. “But now…” She gestured to the drawings she needed to de-sexify. “There’s no way they would agree to a line like that. Even if I designed it for myself, having my name attached to a line so sexy might cause them to disassociate.”
“That’s probably true.” Rubi’s smile turned into a petulant frown. She crossed her arms, bit her thumbnail, and stared down at the drawings that needed alterations. “I sure wish you’d reconsider my offer, Lex, and let me in on this. We could do it any way you wanted. Silent partner, involved partner, straight loan with papers, unofficial loan between friends…”
Lexi stepped in and pulled Rubi into a fierce hug. “You’re such a great friend.” She stepped back and held a pouting Rubi by the arms. “It’s really important for me to do this on my own. I’ve done everything up to this point without loans or favors. I’m not proud of much in my life, Rubi, but I’m really, really proud of that.”
“You should be. It’s amazing. You’re amazing. It just kills me to see you work so damned hard and then have someone restrict you like this. And think about it, Lex. If they’re not letting you express yourself, build yourself through your fabulous designs, why are you partnering with them? For the money,” she answered before Lexi could. “And if you’re doing it for the money, how is that any different from partnering with me?”
Lexi rubbed her forehead. “You’ve just confused the hell out of me.”
Rubi grinned and waved one sketch. I think you’re confused because you’ve got an internal struggle going on. “You’ve got this side of Lexi emerging…” She let go of the erotic lingerie sketch, and it floated down to cover the sketches she’d need to alter into a more conservative design if she was going to go through with the competition. “And struggling for control over another side of Lexi.”
An uncomfortable heat twisted low in her stomach. Rubi was voicing something Lexi’s psyche had been fighting with from the day she left Jax.
Rubi smiled, reached out, and squeezed Lexi’s arm. “I have faith those sides will eventually reconcile and merge into the woman you were meant to become.”
Reconcile… Lexi stared down at the sketches lying together with something churning in her subconscious. Merge…
Rubi leaned in, kissed Lexi’s cheek, then swiveled toward the front of the store. The click of her heels broke Lexi out of her trance in time to see Rubi shoot her that million-dollar smile.
“I’ll be checking on your progress.”
When the key turned in the lock as Rubi left, Lexi’s mind was already stirring, searching for the elusive idea hidden somewhere in the deep recesses of her mind.
Sixteen
Jax tapped the truck’s steering wheel and bounced his knee to the beat of Fall Out Boy’s “The Phoenix.” His mind zigzagged all over the place, unable to concentrate on anything—including whatever Tawna was talking about in the passenger’s seat. A movie, that’s right. Something she’d seen a couple of nights ago.
But Jax’s mind drifted to his shoot that day. Had there been too much sand blowing in the valley? Would they need to retake the shots after the producer reviewed them again? If they did, it would put him behind schedule for the fall he was doing on the Paramount set next week. He couldn’t send any of the other guys to do it because they weren’t certified to fall over sixty feet. Wes would be soon, but not soon enough for Paramount. Maybe one of the guys could take over for him on this job if it ran long—
A hand pressed against Jax’s thigh. He jumped and turned, feeling like an idiot when Tawna grinned back at him. She’d moved to the middle of his truck’s bench seat.
“You’ve been distracted all night.” She squeezed his leg. “Something bothering you?”
God, she smelled good. Filled his truck with scents that should absolutely not be in a man’s truck, but that when mixed with the leather and oil and metal, just…shit, turned him on. But it wasn’t really Tawna that turned him on, even though she could have if he hadn’t been ruined three weeks ago.
But he just wasn’t going there.
“Uh, no.” He laid his hand over hers, which had risen too close to his groin. “Just work stuff. Busy, you know?”
She lifted her other hand to his jaw. She stroked his stubble with the backs of her fingers before slipping her hand behind his neck. Her nails grazed his skin, and electricity burned down his spine, making him shift in his seat.
Shit, he just needed to take her into her apartment and fuck her. He needed it. She needed it. They’d been dating for weeks with nothing more than a few kisses. Not for lack of trying on Tawna’s part, but due to Jax’s inability to move on from his one night in New York. And she’d made her frustration with his lack of interest in sex plenty clear at the end of their date last week when he’d turned her down. Again.
He pulled onto her street and into her driveway.
Moment of truth.
His gut ached with dread. Dread that he had to have sex for the first time in three weeks with a beautiful, eager, young woman.
He was way more messed up than he’d realized.
He turned off the truck and released his seat belt. Tawny immediately took his face in both hands and pulled him down for a kiss. She had great lips. She was a nice kisser. If that night with Lexi had never happened, he’d have been balls-deep with this woman a long time ago. The kiss grew hotter as they always did, and while Jax was good at making the right moves and going through the motions, the true desire wasn’t there. And there just was no way to will it to appear. He’d tried.
Jax opened his door and climbed out, then took Tawna’s small waist and pulled her from the cab to set her on the ground. Instead, she wrapped her legs around his hips and her arms around his neck and smiled into his eyes. Hers were brown and beautifully shaped. Her hair long and deep chestnut. She weighed barely a hundred pounds and had a great, athletic body. She was funny and normal and sweet. She had a decent job, ambition for more, a normal family, everything Jax always thought he’d wanted.
Until he’d met Lexi.
Tawna kissed him long and hot, then whispered against his lips, “Come in with me, Jax. Stay the night.”
He had three excuses rolling off his tongue that he hadn’t used yet, but paused before answering. He set her down halfway up the walk and held her hand up to the porch. His mind pinged back and forth, telling him to go in, get what he needed, give her what she wanted. But it wasn’t what he wanted, or rather, she wasn’t who he wanted.
God, he was such an idiot. Lexi wasn’t an option. She hadn’t wanted him for any more than one night. He didn’t fit into her world—whatever world that was.
And, if her silence was any indication—no texts or phone calls since she’d walked out of his room—she certainly hadn’t changed her mind. It was over. Shit, it had never really started. He had to find a way to accept that. To move past it.
And then they were at Tawna’s door.
Holding tight to his hand, she unlocked the door, pushed it open, and stepped inside, pulling on his arm. When he didn’t follow, she turned a questioning gaze on him. Damn, she really was pretty. And as sweet and smart as Wes had promised. And…damn Lexi. Damn her for having some spark, some something that made it impossible for Jax to get her out of his mind.
The bright anticipation in Tawna’s pretty eyes dimmed. Her smile faded. She propped her shoulder against the doorjamb with a new look of resignation and stared down at his hand, still in hers.
“You’re not coming in,” she said.
He didn’t know what to say. He’d never gotten to this point with women and turned them down.
“What is it, Jax?” Tawna asked. “I thought we had something.”
“Me too.” Or could have. “The truth is… Before Wes set us up, I was with someone and—”
“I heard,” she said, sympathy turning her eyes sad. “It ended badly. What she did was horrible, Jax.”
His mind was so deep in Lexi, it took him a moment to climb out and realiz
e Tawna was talking about Veronica. And he realized letting her think he was talking about Veronica might make this much easier for Tawna.
“I guess I’m more reluctant that I thought. I’m thinking you played it right,” he said, referencing their discussion about her breakup and why she’d waited so long to start dating again. She smiled a sad, understanding smile and nodded. “I’m…really sorry, Tawna. Can I, I don’t know, call you sometime? If you’re free, great, if not, I totally understand.”
“Of course.”
She leaned in. They kissed. Jax walked back to his truck alone.
And cursed the shit out of Lexi.
Inside the cab, Tawna’s perfume still lingered. Floral and sweet. She was a good person, and Jax hated himself for disappointing her. Hurting her. He slammed his palm against the steering wheel and laid his head back, closing his eyes.
Lexi instantly filled his mind like she did every time he closed his eyes. Which was stupid, because he’d never seen her. Not really. Yes, he’d seen shadows, silhouettes, glimpses of that one crystal blue eye, golden eyelashes, and full pink lips in the light of his phone. But that was it. And over the last three weeks, even those small details had faded from his mind. Now he was doing more imagining than remembering, because in reality, she was nothing more than a shadow.
He rubbed his face and swore. The tension in his cock was ridiculous, and he was getting tired of jacking off. “So fucking stupid,” he muttered. “Should have just fucked Lexi and left it.”
But no. He’d held on to her right up until she’d almost missed her flight. They’d made love all night—which he was sure was where his mistake lay. Once they’d made it into bed, the sex changed from wicked-hot fucking to…wicked-hot lovemaking. Sensual, deep, moving. The way she’d insisted on pleasing him touched a place he hadn’t fully realized existed and made the sex ten times as intense, ten times as good as it had ever been. The way he’d needed to please her had been, in hindsight, absurdly important to him. At the time, it had felt crucial, and the payoff, a delirious high.
Yeah, it had been that damn bed. It had changed everything.
He turned the key and pulled away from the curb, his mind turning toward home. An uncomfortable, heavy sensation coiled in the pit of his stomach. He loved that house, but it was so damned big. So damned empty. Usually, that worked for him. But tonight…
He’d go for a run on the beach. Yeah, that would help. Maybe jump in the ocean after. He could use a good cooldown after thinking about Lexi.
He’d taken far more swims than usual lately.
Forcing his mind toward work was easy. Business was great. He only wished he could clone himself. His guys were the best at what they did, real no-fear, no-shit, intelligent guys, but they all specialized in one area or another, making it difficult to schedule the work coming in. And Jax ended up spreading himself thin.
His work cell rang, and he picked it up. “Renegades.”
“Jax.” He recognized Russ Mathers’s voice instantly. “What the hell are you doing picking up the phone at this hour?”
The last time he’d talked to Russ had been the day he’d met Lexi. He was beginning to think he was cursed to live with her inside his head. “I have no life, Russ. How’s everything?”
“Good. What are you up to?”
“Just dropping off a friend. Headed home. Are you still in New York?”
“Yeah. The shoot’s going great. Those scenes you shot with Ty are epic. Seriously, Jax, wait till you see them on the big screen. You do such great work. And as much trouble as you and Ty are to have together, like two little kids loose in a damn candy store, what we got from it was worth the trouble.”
“Give it up, Russ. You love having us together. We make you laugh your ass off.”
“Speaking of, remember when you and Ty were screwing around and you poked him with the lance when he was looking at some babe over his shoulder and he fell off the damn horse? Then while you were laughing your ass off, he grabbed your lance and yanked you down with him?”
Just remembering the incident had Jax laughing so hard, he had to pull over before he took the freeway on-ramp. He put the truck in park and wiped his eyes. All the fun and happiness he’d had between working with Ty and Russ and being with Lexi came rushing back and filled him so completely, he hurt.
“The masters in the studio messed with that digitally,” Russ said, “and turned it into a gnarly fight scene.”
“Oh man,” he said, his gut burning. “I needed that.”
“I could hear it in your voice when you picked up,” Russ said. “I could tell something was bothering you weeks ago. What’s going on?”
Jax sighed, wishing he’d been able to talk to Russ about this when he’d tried—when Lexi was still with him. “Nothing, Russ. Life’s good. Work’s kicking my ass.”
“It’s not that Veronica shit, is it?”
“No, man, I’m way over it.”
“That’s not why I called, but did you hear—?”
“Woods got fired as the stunt coordinator on the Bond film? Yeah, believe me, I’ve heard—numerous times.” Jax had also been dodging calls from Veronica for a couple of weeks as well. “Looks like Veronica isn’t going to get that chance to drive after all.”
“You’re saving her life, Jax.”
“Don’t go all dramatic on me. She’ll just go fuck someone else, eventually get her ass in a car, and kill herself. She isn’t the kind to learn from experience.”
“You didn’t used to be that kind either,” Russ said, “but I do have to say I’m proud of the way your changes over the last few years have stuck.”
Jax’s throat tightened. It shouldn’t matter so much, but it did. And he couldn’t afford any more emotion pulling at him. “Thanks, Russ. I’m a work in progress.”
“Aren’t we all? Don’t be surprised if Rimer calls you,” he said, referring to the producer on the Bond film. “The director is trying to take over for Woods, and it’s not working out very well. They’re about twenty million over budget on stunts.”
“Christ.”
“No kidding. Rimer knows you can pull it into the black for him, but I think he’s trying to save face.”
“I don’t care what he’s doing. I’m not all that interested. Even less now that I know I’m going to be pulled in to clean up someone else’s mess.” Especially a mess that was Veronica’s making.
“Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater, now.”
Jax laughed. “Haven’t heard that in…like… Well, I don’t think I’ve ever heard it used seriously.”
“Shut up. I’m old. I’m just saying that stuffing your pride and taking the job if he offers it, pulling it out of the fire for him will earn you one hell of a lot of gold stars. It could really shoot you ahead in an industry that’s already as competitive as it gets. Take it from someone who knows, Jax, you won’t be young forever. Build now, while you can. You may not need the money, but you’d be a hell of a miserable man sitting home in your old age with nothing to do.”
Jax grumbled a reluctant agreement.
“But, like I said,” Russ said, “that’s not why I called. Poe changed a few things around. He’s jockeying, repositioning, you know how he is.”
Jerry Poe was the producer of the Robin Hood remake. A really brilliant man. But brilliance, Jax had noticed, often came with eccentricities. For Poe, that meant rewriting the movie on the fly.
“He wants to run a few more fight scenes,” Russ said. “We were hoping to get you back here for a week. What do you think?”
His mind immediately darted to Lexi. He propped his elbow on the windowsill and slapped his palm to his temple. Idiot. Lexi lives here, not in New-fucking-York. Flying across the country would not get him any closer to her.
“I’m really tight, Russ. I’ll be running across speeding trains and fighting assassins for another couple of days, and I’m taking a hundred-foot fall in downtown Chicago first part of next week.”
“I heard
about you getting dirty for Cruise on that Barcelona flick. Hear he’s pissed the insurance company’s keeping him on the ground.”
“You sure hear a lot for an old man. I’m letting Cruise do everything but run on the train. He knows he’s more valuable than I am. He’s dealing with it. But you can bet your ass I’m going to make it look as fun as fucking possible for the torment.”
“You sonofabitch.” Russ laughed the words. “Can you come play with us after you jump in Chicago—providing you live? You’ll make your brother happy. He gets sulky when you’re not there to entertain him.”
“I’ll live, and for you and Ty, I’ll make it work. How long do you need me?”
“Four, five, eight…ten days,” he said with a smile in his voice.
Jax chuckled and rubbed his eyes. “I’m pretty sure I can squeeze in five. I’ll call you later and let you know for sure.”
He said good-bye, disconnected, and sat there a moment, staring at the phone. Slowly, he slid it back into the case on his belt, moved his hand to the phone sitting right next to it, and pulled it into his hand.
One half of his brain was yelling, Don’t do it. Dooooon’t do it.
The other side was laughing like a mad scientist and rubbing his hands together, whispering, The perfect excuse.
He looked at his iPhone. Tapped into text messages. Lexi’s last note was still on his list of recents because he did a lot more talking than texting.
LEXI: On the plane. Miss you already. XO
He’d asked her to text him when she’d boarded so he knew she was safely on her way home. The rest she’d added on her own. And every time Jax looked at the message, he ended up reading twenty different things into the words.
Jax looked out the windshield. He almost wished she hadn’t done that. Maybe it would have been easier to forget her if she hadn’t left that miss you already dangling.