by Ciara Knight
Too bad he didn’t see how perfect Brent was. If my mother had been right, he still lived in the family cage. The one where he’d never control his own life and future.
“More like he had to put me somewhere so he could keep a deathbed promise to my grandmother.”
“Deathbed promise?” We headed up Main street toward Church. There wasn’t any morning traffic, only an occasional car passing.
“Yes, he promised not to shut down her shop. My father doesn’t want to be bothered with the place, actually, so that leaves me. He gave me the store as a birthday present two years ago. Honestly, I’d like to venture out on my own, start my own business. I want to start my own company to offer active excursions for my father’s resorts.” He glanced down at me with a hint of admiration. “Like you. How did you do it anyway?”
He sighed and looked up Church Street toward Miss Anna Cate’s. “Never mind. Right now, you need to get to Miss Anna Cate. Promise me you’ll come by the store when you’re done. I want to finish catching up.”
I wanted to tell him no. That being with him was too difficult, that it only made me think of all the things that could have been—and never would be. But it was time I embraced the fact I would never be the right girl for him. Piper and he were much more suited. The words of crazy old Miss Melba Cross in her Christmas card one year still haunted me. Best get back to town before wedding bells chime for your old friends. “I’ll try.”
“Remember, I’m the one that can get your car out of the impound lot. You better be nice to me.” He winked and disappeared around the corner onto Main Street before I headed to the third house on the left.
I stood a few feet from Miss Anna Cate’s front porch eyeing the uncharacteristically shoddy condition of her home. The corners of the door molding were rotting, weeds choked the garden, and dirt stained the white paneling. Miss Anna Cate always kept an immaculate home no matter what. We, my circle of friends and I, always thought our music teacher was an angel. Not just because she took care of us, nurtured us, and lifted us up, but because if being neat and tidy put you closer to God, she had to be sitting at his feet.
Well, she was getting older. Perhaps outdoor work had become too much for her. I’d ask Brent to see if he’d do something to help if I did see him later. Certainly, inside would be pristine. My heart warmed at the idea of seeing my old teacher again. No matter what went wrong in my life when I was growing up, Miss Anna Cate was always there. I took the front steps two at a time and rang the bell.
Footsteps approached from the other side and the door swung open with a smiling Miss Anna Cate. She opened her arms and I hugged her. It was as if I’d seen her yesterday. I knew no matter what I could always come home to her. The feeling of completeness filled the empty cavity of my soul. “I’m so glad you came, dear.”
“Of course. You asked I came.” I squeezed her a little, but she felt frail to me, so I released her and stepped back. Indeed, she was thinner and her skin didn’t have that glow to it.
“If all I had to do was send you a letter and that would bring you back, I would’ve done that eight years ago.” Miss Anna Cate flashed that you’re-in-trouble-but-I-still-love-you look.
I averted my gaze to the floor, the weight of my abandonment, my lack of communication over the years, too much to face.
“Oh, now I’m not scolding you. Come on in. I can’t wait to speak to you and hear all your latest news. You are quite successful. A boat chartering business. Of course, I always knew you’d make it big.”
I stepped inside and closed the door behind me. “You were always optimistic when it came to us girls.”
“Hey, you were my daughters. The ones I never had.” She walked a little stiff into the parlor where she collapsed more than sat on the sofa.
My insides churned with worry. I assumed she’d brought me here in some delusional family reconnect kind of way. But now, eyeing the inch of dust, cob webs in the corners, and watching her pour hot tea into cups with swollen hands I knew it was more.
“Tell me, are there any men in your life?” To the point with class, that was Miss Anna Cate.
“No one worth mentioning. Only my partner, who has a girlfriend. It’s purely business I assure you.”
“Too bad, I’d hoped you found some happiness in Key West.”
“I’m happy.” I forced a smile that I didn’t feel. “As you said, I run a successful business.”
She set the tea pot down with a shaking hand and slid my cup toward me. “Yes, well, work isn’t everything.” The way she inched back in the sofa, her far off gaze, it all contradicted the woman I knew.
“Miss Anna Cate, are you ill?” I asked but I wasn’t sure I’d like the answer. It might be one that would send me running to Cuba this time.
She closed her eyes and took a long breath.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude,” I said, my voice quivering. What was wrong with her? My skin pricked with warning that Miss Anna Cate was about to share something I wasn’t ready to hear.
She opened her eyes, offered a sweet smile, and patted my hand. “It’s okay. I didn’t bring you hear to talk about my health, but if it will ease your mind, I’ll share. There is no reason to concern yourself it’s just a problem with my kidneys.”
“Kidney disease?” I whispered more than asked. I cleared my throat and forced a long breath. Even though I had barely spoken to her in years, I thought she’d always be there. That I’d be able to come back any day to talk to her. Regrets of my absence made my belly feel like a free climb gone terribly wrong. She was my rock, my confidant, my friend. My family.
“Yes, dear. But don’t stress. I’m getting treatment. That being said, I do have a request.” She took her hand away and I realized it had indeed provided comfort. Without it, I felt hollow.
“I’ll give you one of my kidneys.”
She took a sip of her tea and leaned back. “No, dear. That won’t be possible. But don’t worry. I’m on a list. What is possible is that you help me with something that means a lot to me.”
“But there’s a test to see if I’m a match, right?”
She held up one hand. “I have no doubt that you’d give me a kidney without a second thought. But that’s not what I need from you. You see, the community center will be closing. This Christmas will be our last pageant.”
I felt like life had just given me a one-two punch of truth. Two things I carried with me: the place I’d spent most of my time growing up; the one place I felt like I belonged. And the one person who made me feel loved. I bought some time by taking my own sip of tea. Honey. The sweet nectar calmed my nerves. How did Miss Anna Cate remember how I took my tea? It warmed my insides and helped clear the muck in my brain. “Tell me how I can save the community center. How I can save you?”
She lowered the cup to the china saucer with pink flowers and gold rim. It was my favorite. She’d gone to so much trouble to make me feel special, the way she always made me feel special. “I’m afraid while the second is being taken care of, the first isn’t possible. I’ve accepted that. All I’m asking is that you come home for Christmas and sing in the pageant with your friends.”
An upper cut of reality to the gut finished me off. I fought to breathe. How could I face my one-time friends who hated me so much they hadn’t spoken to me in years? Of course, phones worked both ways and I hadn’t tried to reach them, either. I didn’t know why I always had to do dumb things, but at least I’d calmed down over the years. Some anyway. “I don’t know. I’m sure that the others will do a great job. I have a business to get back to, and I can’t stay until Christmas, that’s weeks away.”
“I’m sure a successful person like yourself has some employees that can handle the business for a few weeks.”
I did, but that didn’t make staying any easier. I’d hoped to be driving out of town sooner than later.
“If you stay, you might be able to face what you ran away from. Or should I say who. I saw you talking with Brent Donnelly.”
I swallowed the malignant tumor of regrets. “Miss Anna Cate, I think the girls would prefer if I wasn’t involved in this. I’m happy to donate money to save the center, or anything else you need.”
Miss Anna Cate sat forward and took my hand in hers. “Have I ever asked you for anything before Ash?”
“No.” I struggled to find a viable reason to get out of this mess. To leave Christmas Falls and this time never return. It was too painful. I didn’t want to face the town falling apart, my mentor falling ill, and my failures falling into focus.
“I’m asking you now. Will you sing at the Christmas pageant?” Her question didn’t feel like a normal request, it felt like a last request.
Tears pricked the corner of my eyes, but I blinked them away. After all she’d done for me, I couldn’t refuse her anything. “Yes.”
With that one word, I knew I had no choice but to face my past mistakes. Perhaps this was my chance to finally put them to rest and have a chance for a real future. One with relationships that mattered. Clint always said I’d do anything to avoid commitment. Perhaps I’d actually allow myself to have friends instead of only business associates. Maybe I’d even make it past date three without comparing the guy to Brent Donnelly.
Chapter Four
I walked down Main Street not sure where I was going. How did I process all this? If Miss Anna Cate was so unwell, what about my own mother? I plopped down on the bench in front of an empty store space with a rental sign and retrieved my cell phone from my purse. All I knew for sure, was that it was time to check on my mother. How did you call a woman you’ve barely spoken to for years, that never had time for you, that probably knew by now she hadn’t been your first stop when you came home?
You dialed and faced the music. There was no hiding from this one.
In only ten seconds, I heard my mother’s voice. “Hello?”
“Hi, It’s me…Ash.”
“Hello, Ashley. Are you enjoying your time in Christmas Falls?”
She refused to call me Ash, always thought I was trying to be something I’m not. “How did you know?” Silly question, I already knew Christmas Falls news traveled faster than the internet.
“Officer Hutchinson let me know about your troubles.”
Great. “I might have been a touch over the speed limit, but I slowed down before entering town. There was apparently a minor speeding fine that I might have forgotten about from eight years ago.” Why was I explaining myself? I was a grown woman who paid her own bills.
“Of course, you didn’t.”
Her words stung, but not as much as they used to. “Anyway, I called to see how you were feeling.”
“Fine.”
“Are you still working at the grocery store?”
“Yes.”
“Is Dad still working at the Claver farm?”
“Yes.”
Apparently, being a grown up didn’t mean I deserved more than cryptic conversation like we had when I was a child. Maybe she really didn’t want to bother with me, even now. “Are you going to give me more than one-word answers?”
A sigh sounded from the other end of the phone. “What do you want Ashley? I’m sure you didn’t come to Christmas Falls to visit us. Do you need money?”
That stung worse than a Portuguese man-o-war. “No. I’m actually doing well for myself. If you would’ve ever come to visit, you could’ve seen that I run a successful chartering business.”
“I must’ve missed your invitation.” Mother emphasized invitation as if an open invitation for family wasn’t assumed.
Silence. That’s all there was between us besides harsh words. It was always that way. We’d argue and then silence and then goodbye. No, not this time. “Why didn’t you ever come watch me in the Christmas Pageant?”
“That again?” She huffed. “Why didn’t you ever try harder in school? Why didn’t you ever stop and think before you did things?”
“That’s not an answer,” I said flatly, fighting the rising emotions that always turned me into a blubbering fool when it came to my family.
“Because I figured you’d disappear one day and run off to Hollywood to become a star only to end up on the streets. Small town life was never good enough for you. You were always in trouble, always pulling crazy stunts.”
“You went to Adam’s baseball games, Andrew’s soccer, Alley’s dance recitals, and Abbey’s debates. Why couldn’t you take one day a year to see something I did?” The words poured out and I wanted to shove them back in, but I couldn’t. They’d been trapped for twenty-six years of growing up as the middle child and invisible to my family.
“Because those are all achievements. You signed up for the pageant.” My mother’s words crumbled my resolve faster than a fresh-out-of-the-oven gingerbread cookie dipped in milk.
“I see.”
A long pause then some grumbling in the background. “Got to get to work.”
“Can we meet for coffee or dinner while I’m here?”
“Really?”
“Yes.” Did she have to sound so surprised?
“Okay, I’ve got to go now, though. Talk to you later.”
Click.
No goodbye, no apology, no questions about my life.
I don’t know how long I sat on the bench but long enough to shiver from the cold. The rush of the river kept me company. My sunglasses shielded me from the mid-morning sun and hid the tears that froze in the corner of my eyes.
So much for reconnecting with my parents.
A hand slid onto my shoulder, but I didn’t need to look to see who it was. I could smell the cologne he’d worn yesterday. A woodsy, mysterious aroma. His touch firm, reassuring. Without a word, he slid onto the bench at my side and watched the people pass by for several minutes before he spoke. “I know that look. You spoke to your mother, didn’t you?”
I nodded, unable to explain the gaping wound of rejection.
He took my hand in his and I thought for a moment maybe I had it all wrong. Certainly, he wouldn’t hold my hand if he was still in love with Piper? Hope nipped at my heart.
“Listen, I don’t know why your parents are the way they are. Heck, I can’t even figure out my own parents. But I can tell you that she loves you.”
I harrumphed.
“Take my father for instance. He’s a perfectionist and accepts nothing less from anyone else. I’ve never reached his level of admiration I strive for. Yet, I know I will someday, and I know he loves me in his own way.”
“How do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Be optimistic. You told me how you were forced to take over your grandmother’s knitting store because your dad made a promise he didn’t want to keep.”
He squeezed my hand and the nips turned to mind-numbing love bites. I took a moment to catch my breath. Out of all the superficial dates I’d been on in the last eight years, not one hand holding moment ever had this goose-bumpy effect on me.
He angled to face me. “Because business is not a way of showing affection. In my house, business and love were separate. Not that my dad ever expresses a large amount of affection, but I know he loves me. And when he says he’s proud of me, I know it was earned, not given. He’s a hard man to impress.”
“You’re the most amazing man I’ve ever known.” I sucked in quick, but the words got away from me. “I mean, you’ve always been pleasant and professional and perfect.”
“You mean predictable.” He slumped onto the bench and eyed the clouds rolling over the mountain tops.
“Is that a bad thing?” I asked.
His gaze traveled farther than I could see as if there were answers on the other side of the horizon. “No and yes. I’m tired of being the one everyone relies on. I want to do something that makes me feel alive. I want to start my own business, something that’s outside and active. I want…I want to feel like I’m living life and that I’ve made it on my own” He turned to me. “I want to harness your adventurous spirit.”
/> Was that a compliment instead of a criticism? “Then do it.”
He chuckled. “Easy for you to say. You’ve always been a brave, unpredictable, interesting, full of life woman.” His free hand lifted and touched my cheek. Shivers ran down my back. “The most breathtaking.”
The world stopped for a moment. All that existed was Brent, his bright blue eyes so close to mine I could see the white crystals that flashed their brilliance. His words muddled my mind and my pulse ran away like a rogue reindeer galloping across the sky.
He leaned closer as if to kiss me. My heart skittered, skidded, and skyrocketed.
“You’re cold.” He leaned away and slipped his arm around my shoulder, tugging me into his side.
I needed to ask him about Piper. Ask him if they were still together? I didn’t want to hear they were together, but I didn’t want to hear they weren’t. It would be an opportunity, one I didn’t want. Not now.
After I managed to catch my breath and form coherent sentences I treaded around the subject. “I spoke with Miss Anna Cate.”
“I’m so sorry. I haven’t seen her in a while. How is she doing?”
“Not good. Her house is run down on the outside.” I fought the rise of fear that I’d lose her. I straightened, leaning a little away from him as if his words would be too much to hear while he was touching me…as friends.
“I know, some of the guys in town and I hope to go over after Christmas and fix it up.”
“That’s great.” I toyed with a string hanging from my sweater. “She wants us girls to sing at the pageant this year. She didn’t come right out and say it, but it felt like her final wish.”
“You should do it. The entire town would love that. The way things have been going around here, we could use the good cheer.”
I slid a smidge further away, but I wasn’t sly enough and he noticed retreating his arm to his own side. “I’m not sure any of them would want to speak to me.”