“Ivory.” His hand came up and touched her cheek. She hadn’t seen it coming, but she didn’t flinch away. Actually, she pressed her cheek into it and closed her eyes. It was rough, his blisters had healed and calluses had formed, and it scratched a little, but even that felt good.
“Ivory, I...I’ve been singing for RaeAnne, but the whole time I’ve been sitting there, I’ve...wanted to kiss you. If that’s not something you want, you better say so now.” His voice was just a thread on the late spring air, mixing with peepers down at the creek, and the hooting owl in the distance, and the far-off yapping of coyotes.
Those were familiar sounds.
But his words were foreign and new and terribly frightening.
She opened her eyes, her cheek still pressing in his palm, her heart beating crazily, and her breath almost coming in shallow gasps.
“No... No...” She swallowed. “I’m afraid.” She couldn’t believe she’d admitted that and didn’t know what she was afraid of. Maybe of feeling more than she was ready to. Feeling more than she’d ever be ready to. Or of knowing that he would leave. Possibly knowing that it didn’t mean anything to him other than a romantic liaison in the moonlight. And he’d had plenty of those, she was sure.
His lips pressed together, but he didn’t move closer, and his hand dropped.
“I’m sorry.” His gaze roamed over her face.
She shook her head, her eyes closing for a second. “No. I’m sorry.” She blew out a breath. “I don’t want to be something temporary for anyone. Not just you. I’ve never been interested in temporary.”
He nodded, his expression closed. “I know. You’re right. I can see that.”
She swallowed and had to fight the urge to move closer to him. She wanted his heat and his arms, his touch and maybe even his kiss.
But she’d never been interested in temporary.
She was definitely interested in Chandler. Part of her wanted to take whatever she could get. She supposed that part was her heart. But her brain still had enough lucidity to remind her temporary, no matter how good, wasn’t what she wanted.
Chandler wasn’t long term. He would be good for tonight, she was sure of it, but she’d regret it, if not in the morning, when he took RaeAnne and walked away.
“Good night.” He stepped back, then turned and took the porch steps two at a time, sauntering off into the darkness.
She watched him go. She had the willpower to tell him no—maybe it was self-preservation—but she didn’t have the willpower to turn away, watching until he disappeared inside the barn.
Chapter 16
Chandler was thankful for his daughter. If it hadn’t been for RaeAnne, breakfast would’ve been awkward.
Stringing up barbwire wasn’t the easiest thing in the world to do by himself, but thankfully Ivory had taken RaeAnne and gone to plant the corn seed she purchased.
It had been a really long time since a woman turned him down.
Actually, he couldn’t remember it ever happening.
Ivory hadn’t said she wasn’t attracted or that she didn’t want to kiss him. She’d said she didn’t want to be a temporary thing.
She couldn’t be the only woman in the world to think that way. He wasn’t so jaded that he believed that. It was still an excuse he’d never heard before.
Part of him was embarrassed to have been turned down. But the bigger part of him admired her for sticking to what she believed in and wanted.
He could admire her and still feel awkward, because he hadn’t been shy, and he’d told her exactly what he wanted.
To kiss her.
The lady had declined.
He still did.
Rejection stung.
It didn’t matter how famous a person was, or how many people loved his movies or whatever, it still stung.
He didn’t stop for lunch, figuring that if he worked straight through, he might have the fence finished. He’d been working on and off on it for several weeks, and Ivory really needed to get her cows in it. She was feeding them hay that she could use for feed next year, if she could just get her cows in this pasture. Not to mention, her cows would really enjoy all the green grass.
RaeAnne brought his lunch up—he figured Ivory would send something when he didn’t go down—and he stood and chatted with her for ten minutes while he ate. She reminded him his mom was coming to pick her up at one so she could go and “help” get everything ready for the party. His mom was just looking for an excuse to spend time with her grandkids.
He knocked off around four, figuring that would give him enough time to get ready to go. He wasn’t afraid to face Ivory, and he wasn’t afraid to talk to her. It was just a little awkward after last night.
The sooner he faced her, the sooner it would fade.
He was looking forward to going to the Memorial Day picnic and spending time with her. She might not have any deeper feelings for him, but she was fun to be around, and they seemed to get along okay when he wasn’t trying to push for more.
He’d take a friend. Although he’d like more.
By the time he got his tools, put them away, and got into the house, it was 4:30. Ivory was just coming out of the bathroom, wearing a long skirt that she’d worn when her leg had been burned, and to church each Sunday he’d been there, with a T-shirt that he’d seen before. Nothing fancy. He figured she probably didn’t have any other clothes.
He was pretty sure she’d say she didn’t have money to waste on clothes that she’d never wear. He’d like to see her in something nicer, because he knew she’d look good, but it truly didn’t matter what she wore.
He jerked his head at the bathroom. “Are you done?”
She was holding a towel in her hand, and she fingered it, almost like she was nervous. Her blond hair hung in wet ropes down past her shoulders.
She nodded.
He walked closer to the bathroom, expecting Ivory to move, but she didn’t.
“I’m...I’m sorry about last night.” Her voice was so soft he could barely hear it.
He shrugged like it didn’t mean anything and stopped right in front of her. Her knuckles whitened as she gripped the towel tighter. But she didn’t back down.
“There’s nothing to be sorry for. I asked. You said no. Happens all the time.” His tone sounded a lot more casual than what he’d felt all day, and he was kind of proud of himself for being able to modulate it like that and pretend that her rejection hadn’t stung.
She looked down and still didn’t move. “I just, I just didn’t want you to think that I didn’t want that. Because I did. I kind of regretted everything after you walked away. I thought I should tell you.”
All kinds of answers floated through his head. Chief among them was the desire to suggest that she could change her no into a yes right now. But he didn’t want to do that to her.
She’d said no based on her values and principles, and after where he’d been, he had to admire and respect someone who even had values and principles, regardless if they went against his own desires and he ended up not getting what he wanted.
He shook his head with his lips pressed together. “Nope. I appreciate where you come from. And I respect what you’re holding out for. I hope you get it.”
Her throat worked, and she nodded slowly. “Thanks.” She moved to the side, and he hesitated for a few seconds before he walked in the door.
They didn’t say much on the ride there, but the closer they got, the more Ivory bunched her skirt up in her hands and stared out the window.
He made a comment about the weather, and one about the fence being done, and another about the work they had to do next week. She answered in monotones and syllables.
By the time they reached his parents’ house, he was pretty sure she was contemplating grabbing the latch and jumping out.
Every year, his family sectioned off the lower pasture and threw the gate open wide so people could park in that field. It was just a short walk to the house and kept the driveway from bein
g congested and from people being parked in.
He parked and shut the engine off, and then just sat there with his hands on the wheel. As he figured, Ivory didn’t move either.
He suspected he knew what the problem was. It had everything to do with the inferiority complex she had where she thought everyone in town looked down on her. He’d sworn to fix it, but he hadn’t done a very good job, and he didn’t know what to do now, other than reassure her, but they were just words.
That’s all he had. He opened his mouth. “I don’t think you realize how much the people in town would like you if they knew you.”
Her face jerked around, and her eyes were huge as she stared at him. “If they knew me? What are you talking about?” Her words came out fast and almost like an accusation, like the idea that he would suggest that they didn’t know her was ludicrous. “I grew up in this town. Of course they know me.”
“They know you to see you, but they don’t know who you are, because you never talk to anyone.” He could tell his words had had the opposite of his desired effect on her, because her eyes narrowed and her lips tightened.
“I thought you weren’t judging me anymore. I should’ve known better.”
He held his hands up. “I’m not judging you. Sorry if it came out that way. I’m just saying you’re a really great person, and I know that everyone would love to have a chance to talk to you and get to know you.”
“They’ve had plenty of chances.”
He nodded, unable and unwilling to continue to argue.
How did he explain to her that she walked around with a chip on her shoulder, avoided town when she could, and only spoke when someone specifically asked her a question that she couldn’t avoid answering?
Of course the townspeople didn’t know that she wasn’t what they thought she was. Of course it was wrong for them to judge her and to assume that she was like her mother, but part of the fault was hers, too, because she had never tried to show them that she wasn’t what they thought. To show them she was different.
She was just angry that they didn’t see it on their own.
“I’m sorry. You looked nervous, and I was trying to ease your mind. I guess I said the wrong thing.” He hit his hand on the steering wheel and pulled the keys out of the ignition, ready to get out.
Her voice stopped him. “No. Don’t apologize.” She took a breath and let it out shakily. “You’re right. I guess maybe in the back of my head I knew what you just said, but I never let myself think it.”
He turned toward her, trying to meet her eyes, but she kept her eyes pointed down at her lap.
He spoke anyway. “I wish they could see what I see. What I’ve seen on your farm the last few weeks. You’re a true Missourian. Hardworking, with unshakable values and integrity. You’re funny, and you’ve been so sweet to my daughter. And you’ve been kind to me, even when I didn’t deserve it. Give yourself a chance, everyone will love you.”
She was still except for her fingers twisting in the material of her skirt, although not nearly as frantically as they had been.
“I guess you have to know I think pretty highly of you myself. If there’s anything that I can do to make this easier for you, just let me know.”
Two breaths later, and she looked up at him, meeting his gaze with a serious one of her own. “I misjudged you. And I’m sorry. Thank you so much for your faith in me and for your help.”
They were talking about something completely different, but when she looked at him, all he wanted to do was lean closer and slide his hand behind her neck and kiss her like he hadn’t been able to last night.
He shook those thoughts aside. That was obviously not what she needed. Not now. Not last night. Not from him.
“You ready to do this thing?”
His phrasing made her smile, and she laughed. “Yes. With you. Thank you.”
They walked through the pasture toward the big front yard of his parents’ place, carrying the regular rolls and honey rolls she’d made earlier.
He nodded and said hi to a few of his brothers but kept walking up to the table where the food was sitting. RaeAnne saw them and came running, throwing her arms around first him, then Ivory.
He could almost feel some of the tension draining out of Ivory as she hugged RaeAnne back and chatted with her for a few minutes. That was probably one of the best things that could have happened to her.
There was something about a child that could just make one feel loved and accepted. That’s really probably what Ivory needed, not that he was a psychologist or anything. Far from it.
“Chandler! Ivory!” his mother said as she hurried around the table with her arms spread wide. “So glad you guys could make it!”
Chandler was a little taken aback when his mother went to Ivory first, giving her a huge hug and squeezing tightly.
Ivory met his eyes over her shoulder, and he grinned a little, shrugging. She grinned back before turning her head, closing her eyes, and squeezing, almost like she was just enjoying being enveloped in a hug. Made his heart clench a little, to think about the upbringing that he’d taken for granted and left without too much thought. It was something that she hadn’t had and cherished.
Ivory and his mom chatted for a bit before his mom hugged him, and his dad came over and shook his hand.
Marlowe joined his mom and Ivory’s conversation before she put her arm around Ivory and said, “We have time before we eat for a game of badminton. If you guys wouldn’t mind, Clark and I need some people to play against who are taller than four feet.” Marlowe hit Chandler’s arm as she walked by him. “Come on, boy, Clark’s going to want to whup your butt in badminton.” Out of the side of her mouth, she said to Ivory, “Sorry about the trash talk. It’s a family thing.”
“You don’t have to apologize, and it’s probably going be true. I haven’t ever played badminton. Is it hard to learn?”
Chandler took three long strides and caught up with them, walking on the other side of Ivory.
Marlowe removed her hand from Ivory’s back so she could gesture as she explained to Ivory that badminton wasn’t any harder than using a racket and hitting an object over the net and back.
He was a little concerned that Ivory might be feeling overwhelmed, and he put his arm around her, intending to lean down and whisper in her ear.
Her face twisted toward his, and he couldn’t mistake the relief in her eyes as she leaned into him a little. Maybe she just needed that human contact from someone familiar. He didn’t know, but he kept his arm around her, putting his mouth next to her ear.
“Are you okay with this?”
She nodded, then lifted her head, so he tilted his. “As long as you’re with me.”
“I’m not leaving you.”
The woman lived by herself and supported herself on her farm, taking care of all of her animals, dealing with weather and any problems that arose. She wasn’t timid, and she wasn’t afraid. Not normally.
It made him feel good that he could give her his strength now. Maybe help her a little. Which was odd for him, because most of the time when he was with a woman, he’d been looking to see what was in it for him.
He hadn’t realized until just now, but his relationship with Ivory was different. Definitely more of a give than take.
He liked that she made him a better person.
But he didn’t want to analyze it too much, so he just allowed her body to curve into his and enjoyed the feel of the warm woman beside him, knowing that for now at least, they were a team.
A team that got beaten pretty bad at badminton.
Ivory hadn’t been joking when she said she’d never played before, and he was pretty rusty as well. He hadn’t played badminton since before he left for Hollywood the first time—that was obvious by how poorly he played.
It didn’t take long for Clark and Marlowe to beat them. It wasn’t a shutout, but it was close.
Still, Ivory was laughing by the time they were finished, and he was pretty sure she
was enjoying herself, feeling much more comfortable now and having made a friend of Marlowe.
By the time they finished up, RaeAnne stood with Huck and Kylie, Marlowe and Clark’s children, and Tinsley alongside the court area.
The children happily took their rackets, and the adults walked off the makeshift court which was basically just a net put up in the middle of the yard with two two-by-fours marking the back of each side and invisible lines stretching out from the sides of the net.
A lot more people mingled about, and it was nearly time to eat. Marlowe still talked a mile a minute to Ivory as they turned and began walking toward the tables.
Ivory glanced back at him, and he fell into step beside her. He allowed his hand to brush hers once, then twice.
She didn’t move away, and so he slid his hand around and threaded their fingers together. She allowed it, folding her fingers over his, not exactly clenching tight but holding on.
He squeezed her hand, and she squeezed back.
He knew what his family would probably think, looking at their joined hands, if they hadn’t already suspected something when he walked down with his arm around her. But it was making her feel better, and he’d just have to explain to everyone later that it didn’t mean anything. Although he was pretty sure he’d never brought a woman home and walked around holding her hand. Even Jessica had only been back to Missouri with him once or twice, eschewing what she considered country life.
He pushed that thought aside and enjoyed the feeling of walking with someone beside him. Almost like he had a partner. It wasn’t a bad feeling.
Actually, it was the kind of feeling he enjoyed. He knew there was no competition between Ivory and him like there had been with Jessica.
He wasn’t blaming that on Jessica. It was as much his fault as hers. The competition.
The divorce, on the other hand, he had to blame on her, if there was going to be blame cast. He had been pretty involved in his career, but so had she.
Regardless, it was nice to walk beside someone that he knew was going to support him, and would encourage him, and wasn’t out to one-up him. That was definitely not Ivory. Even when she didn’t like him, she wasn’t trying to put him down.
Sold! In the Show Me State Page 14