Late into the day, he awoke with a start to find Tarana looking at him from where she lay, her eyes opened just a slit. She looked miserable. “Djerr, what-” she winced and lowered her voice. “Djerr, what happened? I can hardly remember a thing.”
His body sore from sleeping on the floor all night, Djerr took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. “Tarana, of all the thing you could do...this is probably the worst thing you could have done to me.”
“I'm so sorry,” she whispered, her voice trembling. “Djerr, please believe me. I didn't mean to do this to you.”
“Why?” he asked brokenly. “Just tell me why.”
She shook her head without speaking, her breathing ragged.
“It's like,” He paused, “it's like you think you know a person completely. What they've done, what they're capable of doing, and you love every piece of them. And then they go and do something completely unexpected and it changes everything. You can never really trust them again, because if they've done it once without any warning what's to stop them from doing it again at any moment?” He looked at her, his eyes glassy. “I just don't understand.”
“I didn’t expect to see him there…” she mumbled.
He looked sharply at her. “What?”
“Kalib.” She took a shaky breath and exhaled it slowly. “I never expected to see him there.”
“You-you saw Kalib? The Kalib we knew from Kain?” He narrowed his eyes slightly.
She closed her eyes in confusion. “Wait, isn’t that what you’re upset about?” She opened her eyes again, her heart jumping when she saw that Djerr was sitting up, shaking slightly. “I-I kissed him, Djerr.”
She watched as Djerr’s eyes closed and he buried his face in his arms, his shoulders shaking. “I was wrong,” he said, his voice muffled and sounding strange. “This is the worst thing you could do to me.”
Tarana slowly climbed to her feet, her head throbbing and her stomach feeling unbelievably nauseous. She rubbed her eyes with one hand and stumbled out the front door, closing it slowly behind her. She sat on the front step for a few moments, listening and waiting, hoping Djerr would open the door or say something, but she heard nothing.
Feeling numb, she stood up and started walking. The bright sunlight made her stomach churn even worse, but she squinted her eyes and kept walking, avoiding the stares of the others who passed her on the road. After a long time, she stopped and realized she had wandered away from the main street and stood before the lake from the previous night. It was glittering in the sunlight as a breeze rippled the surface.
She sat down on the bank of the lake and picked up a handful of pebbles from her side and tossed them one by one into the water, watching the splash as they hit the surface. “Just like falling asleep,” she mumbled to herself, standing again. She took a few steps closer, so that the water lapped at her boots. Sitting down again, she dug her hands into the rocks that covered the banks, muddy water spilling over the holes that her fingers dug. Standing again, she took a few steps into the lake. The water flowed quickly into her boots and she shivered at the cold. Trudging through the water, she stopped and stood still for a few moments, then finally pushed off the bank and floated forward, her head raised just above the surface.
Her teeth chattering uncontrollably, she dipped her head under the water and opened her eyes. The water was murky and she couldn’t see the bottom. Her head hurt from the cold. Kicking hard, she dove down, her hands spread in front of her. A lump rose in her throat and she realized she was crying, although she couldn’t feel the tears flowing from her eyes.
It got darker as she swam deeper and in a few moments, she felt the overwhelming desire to breathe, but she forced herself to keep swimming deeper. The lake seemed bottomless as she continued down and she wondered if she was actually moving at all or just swimming in place. Her heart began to beat faster as the murky water grew thicker and darker and she closed her eyes against the sight.
At that moment, unable to contain the need any longer, she opened her mouth and took a deep breath of water. Her limbs flailing uncontrollably, she knew she was too far from the surface, but her body rushed for it anyway as she fought the urge to take another gasp of water.
She opened her eyes again, only to find her vision shadowy and confused. With a last thrash, she went still.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
She heard Rupert’s irritated voice coming to her as if she were far away. Feeling horribly tired, she opened one eye slightly and saw the blurry contents of the cave. She felt an odd rush of relief and disappointment all at once and curled into a ball. All she wanted to do was sleep, couldn’t he understand that?
“Tarana! I’m talking to you.”
Wondering if he would leave her alone if she ignored him long enough, she tucked her head into her arms and curled into a tighter ball. “Leave me alone,” she whispered. “I’ve had enough of all this.”
She heard a loud sigh of exasperation and felt her body being hauled upward. She felt weak and doubted her legs would support her. Her eyelids felt heavier than ever before and she wasn’t sure she could open them, even if she wanted. She felt her body slump back down against the rock, where she lay sprawled out, feeling increasingly weaker, her breathing shallow.
“Damnit,” Rupert muttered. “Tarana, listen to me!”
She noticed a note of concern in his voice now, which interested her. She felt as if she might have enough strength to open an eye, and so she did. The cave looked quivery and strange, as if she were looking at it from underwater. She spotted Rupert nearby, staring off into space with his eyebrows narrowed as if he were greatly concentrating.
Her limbs began to tingle like they had been asleep. It hurt and she squirmed uncomfortably. As she watched, Rupert’ face relaxed and he glared back down at Tarana. “Get up!” he demanded and she did, reluctantly. Her vision slowly returned to normal and her breathing became deeper, the deep tired feeling fading.
“What do you want?” she asked sourly.
“I want you to answer my question!” he returned angrily. “What do you think you’re doing?”
She shrugged. “I told you. I’m tired of all this. I hate it more than anything. I don’t feel like I can trust anyone, you included, and the only person I could trust, I messed everything up with. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do and I’m only making a bigger mess of everything. Those griffins came because of me and none of those people deserved to die. Everyone is killing each other and the people who manage to escape are being torn down by animals that shouldn’t even exist. All I want is to get out of this before I make a bigger mess of everything.” She realized she was shouting in anger.
Rupert’s face grew even surlier. You’re damn right it’s your fault. If you had listened to me when I told you to go back to the stronghold, many of those deaths could have been prevented. I warned you explicitly that this is what would happen and people’s lives will continue to be destroyed until you return to the stronghold and take control of what is yours. Lead the Wizard’s Army to victory like you are meant to do. Now GO.”
In the blink of an eye, she was lying on the bank of the lake, the rocks digging into her back and her skin covered with dirt from the muddy lake. Rolling onto her side, she tried unsuccessfully to stifle her sobbing, then finally let loose. Her tears streaking the dirt down her face, she cried as long and as hard as she could, then finally wiped her eyes and nose on her damp sleeve, stood, and began walking away from Shae’lin, back toward Ralinos.
Chapter 15
That night, she rented a room at an inn with some of the little money she had left. Only as she entered her room did she see what a mess she looked. Staring in the mirror, she rubbed the dirt from her face, then began to comb her fingers through her matted hair. She stared at her reflection, blurring her eyes slightly and trying to look deeper through the mirror until the reflection looked more like Aurora than Tarana. “What am I supposed to do?” she whispered.
; In her reflection, Aurora shrugged. “What do you want to do?”
Tarana bit her lip lightly. “I don’t know,” she replied helplessly. “I want to end this all in any way I can.”
Aurora smiled slightly. “You don’t think you can trust Rupert anymore, do you?”
Shaking her head quickly, Tarana felt herself growing angry. “No, I can’t trust him, but he’s forced me to do what he wants.”
“That’s not true,” Aurora retorted. “He can’t force you to do anything. You always have a choice in the matter.” She paused for a moment. “What has been your biggest mistake through all this?”
Tarana thought for a moment, then cocked her head. “Well, I guess I made too many assumptions. I assumed he was going to help me and I should trust him and I assumed he didn’t have any power outside in the world.” She paled slightly. “If he can kill off an entire town no problem, what’s to stop him from killing me if I get out of line?”
“Well, he’s saved your life a couple times already,” Aurora pointed out. “He’s gone through enormous trouble to make sure you stayed alive and safe. But what else are you assuming?”
Tarana was standing still, staring straight ahead. “Wait, you’re right. I think I understand what you’re getting at…I have made other assumptions. Why didn’t I realize that?” she whispered in amazement.
Aurora grinned wider. “You did!” With that, she vanished and Tarana saw herself again in the reflection.” Feeling a slight glimmer of hope, she quickly finished untangling her hair and went to bed. In the morning, she set out with a purpose. She briefly considered transporting instantly to Ralinos, but felt hesitant. Not sure how much distance was between her and the city, she wasn’t sure if she had enough energy to travel all the way and was afraid of ending up crushed inside a mountain or floundering high above the ground if she only had enough energy to make it part-way.
Quickly counting up all the money she had with her, she found it was only enough to rent a room for a couple more nights. Feeling slightly annoyed that all the work for the previous months had left her poor and homeless after all, she sighed and decided to buy food and supplies before she left the town.
She could see the cliffs far in the distance, so she knew she was heading in the right direction and by following the well-worn path of footprints, she would be able to track her way back through to the other side. After that, she would be forced to simply ask directions until she could find her way back to Ralinos.
The first few days of traveling passed quickly. To her relief, the heat wave had passed and she was able to make her way through the mountain pass in only a few days’ time. On the other side, the weather was cloudy and rainy and small streams of water ran alongside her as she descended into the valley. On this side of the mountains, Tarana was amazed to find that the land was flushed with green. Long blades of grass twitched on either side of the path as raindrops splashed against them.
Reaching out her hand, she brushed it along the top of the grass as she walked, enjoying the wet tickling feeling on her palm. She ate lunch sheltered under the thick leafy branches of a tree, closing her eyes and listening to the light slapping sound of the rain on the leaves. She started slightly, startled when a thick drop splashed down on her nose.
During the day, she often saw other groups of travelers headed in the opposite direction, usually giving her long, strange glances. Ignoring their looks, Tarana continued further away from the mountain pass. To her relief, Rupert continued to ignore her during the night and she slept in relative peace. Nearly a week into her trip, she finally saw another town in the distance, the first since she crossed the mountains. However, when she entered it, she found it abandoned with most of the houses destroyed, the roofs smashed and the walls caved in.
Visibly wincing at the extent of the destruction, Tarana quickly walked through the town without glancing back. Several days later, she came across the next town and cautiously entering, she found it still inhabited and intact. Many of the doors were boarded up with signs hung in the window announcing the inhabitants had moved indefinitely, but others had stayed, resolutely sitting on their porches or talking in quiet voices to their neighbors.
She ducked into a bakery, pulling out a couple coins to buy a muffin. When the grim-faced woman handed it over, Tarana asked nonchalantly, “So, do you happen to know the way to the city of Ralinos?”
The woman nodded shortly, sucking in her bony cheeks. “Going to see that wizard woman, huh?”
Tarana blinked. “Wait, they found her?”
“I don’t know if they found her or she found them,” the woman answered. “She’s supposed to be on her way there now. Everyone’s been talking about it today. I thought it was supposed to be a man, but I guess there was some mix-up and it’s actually a woman. Anyway, some of the refugees coming from that direction heard the news and have been spreading it.
“She’s supposed to be arriving sometime in the next month to take over the Wizard’s Army and there’s going to be some big celebration. Everyone wants to see her and hear what she has to say. I know some of my neighbors who are supporting the Citizens’ are even heading over that way to see what’s going on. We’re so far out here, it takes us forever to get any news, you know. I say they’re dense, to be heading over there when they’re just going to be killed by the army, but I suppose you’ve got the same idea. I’d stay away from Ralinos if I were you. You don’t want to get mixed up in that mess. It’s going to be a bloodbath there when the wizard arrives, I bet.”
Reeling from the confirmed realization that Rupert must have other contacts in the world and had already been busy, she was silent for a moment before she realized the woman expected a reply. “Oh, oh yeah,” she stuttered. “I don’t want to get mixed up in that. I’m meeting some friends near there though, so I’ll hurry and try to get there before all that happens.”
The woman sighed. “Well, good luck with that. Anyway, just keep heading down the road, away from the mountains. In a day or two, you’ll reach a river and the road will split in two,” the woman continued giving directions, repeating when necessary until Tarana was certain she had it. Giving the woman an extra coin for her help, she headed out, biting into the muffin.
That day, for the first time since she started the trip, she saw other travelers heading in the same direction as she. The next day, there were even more heading in that direction, and the day after that, there were more heading away from the mountains than toward them. Following the growing mass of people, it took just under a month for Tarana to reach the city. By that time, the travelers had swelled to a sifting throng of people, slowly filtering down the road toward the stronghold.
Unable to walk faster than a slow dawdle, she remained in sight of Ralinos for several days, growing more frustrated each day as she was forced to slip in between people to get any closer to the city. She had never seen such a large crowd and she knew there was no way they could all fit into the city. In fact, it seemed that the city was already full and the people were making no real progress forward.
When Tarana eventually managed to shove her way through the front gate of the city, her stomach jumped and she broke out in a sweat, only partially caused by the huge mass of bodies trying to crush her. Feeling nervous and shaky, she continued forcing her way forward, toward the stronghold itself. When she finally reached the gate to the stronghold, she found two bored-looking Wizard’s soldiers in full armor guarding the entrance. Their very visible swords kept the throng of people at bay and when Tarana approached them, each warily put a hand on the hilt of their blades.
“Whaddya want?” one of them asked tiredly.
“Could you tell General Kendall that Tarana is here to see him?” she asked loudly, her heart thumping against her chest. “He’s expecting me.”
They sighed and glanced at each other, one turning around to beckon a third soldier forward. Tarana thought she recognized the third soldier, a woman, but couldn’t be certain. The first soldier repeated t
he request, then sent the third on her way into the stronghold. “Wait here,” he ordered Tarana. The two soldiers then ignored her, their gaze passing through her as if they hoped she would leave.
However, within only a few moments, the woman ran back, ushering Tarana through the gates. Giving her a second, surprised look, the other two stepped aside to let her pass. Without a word, the woman hurried her forward, pressing a hand firmly on her back. Nearly running to keep up with the woman’s long strides, she found herself whizzing past dozens of armed guards into the interior of the stronghold.
Dashing up the stairs and down a maze of hallways, she was finally guided into one of the rooms, many times larger than her old bedroom in the stronghold. The walls decorated with furs and paintings, she was impressed by his attempt to alleviate the cold atmosphere of the dull stone walls. In front of her, she saw Kendall lounging in a deep chair behind a long wooden desk, which was covered in maps and papers. The other soldier shut the heavy wooden door behind her with a thick clunk and waited nearby. Tarana gave him a half-grin. “Well, it’s good to see you again, Kendall.”
He raised an eyebrow and continued to gaze at her. “So you showed up, after all. I was beginning to wonder if we would have to track you down.”
“Ah,” she said, meeting his gaze, “so you did know who you were looking for. It’s funny, because I thought the only people who knew would be the ones who kidnapped and tortured me awhile back.”
The woman by the door shuffled her feet and Kendall’s face twisted into annoyance, the deep wrinkles on his face growing longer. “We were informed, yes. We were also informed that you would be coming this way in order to take over the army, but I am afraid some in the army might not take kindly to being led by a young girl. You will have to prove yourself to those who doubt you. But that will happen in time.”
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