Tarana turned her head back toward Kirian. “Will you come too?”
With a quick glance toward Roxanne, he sighed. “I suppose I can see how it goes,” he said reluctantly.
“Look,” Roxanne said reluctantly, her expression turning more serious. “There was one other person here to see you, but he’s gone now.”
Her heart dropping, Tarana looked away. “Djerr?”
She nodded. “He stayed long enough for you to briefly regain consciousness, then left. He wouldn’t talk to me much, but I could tell something had happened. I asked if there was anything he wanted me to tell you when you woke up.”
“And?”
“He just wanted me to say that he was glad you were okay. And then he left.”
“Well, where did he go?” she asked in frustration.
Roxanne threw up her hands. “I have no idea. Like I said, he wouldn’t really talk to me.”
Sighing, Tarana threw back the blanket and found she was wearing a nightgown. “Where are my clothes?” she growled. Wordlessly, Roxanne reached down and handed them to her.
“Hang on,” Kirian protested. “You can’t just take off like this. Where will you go?”
“I won’t be gone long,” she muttered, dressing quickly. “I’ve been asleep for three days. Another day won’t matter that much.” And before he could reply, she vanished.
She flew in bodiless form, her energy soaring across the valley like the wind itself. She felt countless other signals of energy, living things radiating their own life force, but she concentrated on the one she knew almost as well as her own. Swooping over the hills and skimming the tops of rivers, she picked through the threads of energy, sorting for the one she was looking for. And when she found it, she grasped hold, letting it pull her ever closer.
Twirling and fluttering through the air, she reclaimed her body as she lightly touched the ground, directly in front of Djerr. He was trudging down a dirt road, his backpack weighing heavily on his shoulders. Seeing her appear, an expression of surprise passed only for a moment across his face and was replaced with a tired look.
“What do you want, Tarana?”
She held out her hand. “Come with me, please?”
He shook his head. “I’m not like that anymore. I’m sick of this. I’m tired of being led on by you, only to be ignored and abandoned a few moments later. I don’t want to just follow you around anymore. I might’ve been content with that once, but it’s different now. That’s not the life I want.”
“Please, trust me? I just want to talk this time, Djerr. Just once more. If you leave after that, I’ll let you go.” With a long sigh, he loosely took hold of her hand and closed his eyes. Taking a step forward, Tarana leapt forward, concentrating deeply on a single place. As her feet left the ground, she felt a sensation of movement. Holding tightly onto Djerr’s hand, she closed her eyes and only reopened them when she felt water trickling around her ankles a moment later.
Catching Djerr as he stumbled forward, she waited for him to open his own eyes and recognize their surroundings. Overhead, the leaves rustled slightly, throwing spots of sunshine into the stream where they lit up a single dragonfly, hovering over the water. She hopped up on the moss-covered log that lay across the stream and found that her feet no longer dangled above the ground. “Sorry,” she said. “I should’ve gotten you to take off your shoes first. I forgot.”
“S’okay,” he said, sitting down next to her. “Why did you bring me here?” he asked cautiously.
“To talk.” She slowly looked around. “This place never changes. It looks exactly the same as last time we were both here.”
He nodded. “We’re the ones who changed.”
“Yeah.” She was quiet for a bit. “So you followed me to Ralinos?”
Shrugging slightly, he leaned back on his hands and looked up at the sky. “Well, I figured you were going to do something stupid, so I headed back to Ralinos. A couple days into the trip and I started hearing rumors you were taking your place as the head of the Wizard’s army. I just came to make sure you were okay, that’s all.” His voice sounded flat and emotionless.
“You were in that crowd down there?”
“Yeah.” He gave a small nod. “I don’t know what you were thinking, getting up there like that. You nearly got yourself killed. That old wizard guy turned out to be alive, huh?”
She sighed. “Yeah. It took me awhile to figure it out. The only reason I realized it in the end was because I remembered the first time I met him. It was after that girl Prisca poisoned me and I was unconscious in the street. I found myself back in the meadow you took me to, in front of the Academy of Magic and Rupert was there, sitting under a tree. He wasn’t expecting me then, so I saw something I shouldn’t have.
“It was like I was in his memories because the academy was brand new again and there were people running around and playing, but there was something off about the whole scene. I didn’t notice it at the time, but when I thought back about it, the tree he was sitting under was the same one I noticed when we were there. It was the same size and everything.
“There was no way that tree looked exactly the same 75 years ago. So I realized he must have really been there, in Kain, in present time, but remembering what it used to be like. Still, I wouldn’t have been convinced if it weren’t for one other little thing I totally overlooked. Rupert was always very, very careful not to use magic in front of me. Oh, occasionally he would change the surroundings of the cave or show me something from my memories, but I didn’t really think he was using magic. It was more like manipulating a dream.
“But then he started to make mistakes. First, he admitted that he created a virus to wipe out all the people in Delobo after I left. Then, there was one time he couldn’t help but use magic right in front of me. Something happened as I was leaving Shae’lin. I was kind of out of it at the time, but he saved my life that time with his magic. One of the first things he ever taught me was that when a wizard dies, his magic is dispersed back into the planet. If he was really dead, he wouldn’t have magic. That’s when I knew he was alive and not some kind of ghost or something.”
“Well I’m glad you figured it out.” He pushed himself forward, off the log. “Seems like everything worked out pretty well in the end.”
“Wait!” she cried, pushing herself forward so that she stood next to him, the water tugging at their feet. He turned away. Clutching his arm tightly, she stopped him from leaving. “Not everything worked out pretty well,” she began brokenly. “I know I’ve been disappointing. And I know I haven’t always acted like I cared about you. But it’s not because I didn’t like you, it’s because I’m afraid to get close to you.”
She bit her lip lightly, trying to explain. “I thought I wanted to be alone. I never asked to come to Kain with Roxanne and Kirian. I didn’t ask for you to come with me that first day in Kain, when I went shopping. I didn’t ask for you to follow me into the army. But once I met you guys, once I fell accidentally into place with you, I didn’t want to leave.”
She loosened her grip slightly on his arm, her fingers leaving a white mark on his skin that slowly faded. “I don’t know how to act around you, Djerr. You’ve known me as so many different people and I don’t know which one is really me. They all kind of are, I guess. But I don’t know which part of me you want to be with and I’m afraid I’m going to slip up and turn into someone you hate, like I did in Shae’lin. If you had ever left me along the way, I wouldn’t have stopped you. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be with you. It just seemed easier to only worry about myself. But the truth is, I’m stopping you now, Djerr. I don’t want you to leave. I’m willing to take a risk, now that I know what it feels like to lose you. If you end up hating me, at least I know.” Her heart was beating quickly as she finished and he slowly turned back to face her.
He seemed to consider her words for a moment, and then shook his head. “I think it’s too late for us, Tarana. I don’t want to go back to hopelessly fol
lowing you around and being deliriously happy with the smallest bit of attention you offer me.”
“That’s not what I’m asking for.” Her hand slipped down his arm and into his hand. “I’m asking for a fresh start. I’m not promising it’ll work, but I want a real relationship with you, not a one-sided one. You’re my best friend, Djerr. I think maybe we can be more. All I want is another chance.”
He gave her a familiar half-smile and his fingers tightened around her hand. “I don’t know. I’m so tired. Come lie down with me while I think about it.” He led her out of the stream and up the bank opposite the town. They slipped into a circular gap where no trees blocked the sun and a small patch of grass and flowers grew.
Reclining on the ground, Djerr put his hands behind his head and closed his eyes. Carefully lying down next to him, she nestled her head against his shoulder and was comforted by the sound of bees lazily buzzing in the clearing around them. Slowly, she felt her eyes close. As she drifted back off to sleep, she heard a whisper in her ear with one simple word: Okay.
The two didn’t wake again until late morning when the sound of a squirrel scolding them nearby startled them both. Groaning, Tarana stretched and sat up slowly, smiling down at Djerr. “Hey, you.”
He yawned and pulled her back down. “So what’s the plan now?” he asked, burying his face in her hair.
She snuggled closer. “I suppose we better get back to Kirian and Roxanne. I think they’re going to help me start rebuilding all the houses and towns that were destroyed during the war. There are people who need to be healed and all kinds of work to do. Will you help us? I could really use you.”
“Of course, Tara,” he said, sounding pleased. “Wait, Kirian and Roxanne are actually working together?”
She laughed. “Well, I don’t know how well that part will really work, but we’ll see. Anything’s possible, after all.”
Brushing back her hair, he nodded. “Yeah, anything’s possible.” Silent for a moment, they stared up at the clouds overhead, watching them shift and change shape, merging together. And with a sound like a soft sigh, the two vanished, leaving only their imprint in the grass.
The Girl Born of Smoke Page 29