by Hugh Canham
‘I have of course – as has everyone – been looking in the wrong place. Follow me.’ And he set off round the right-hand side of the house. ‘That must be the bathroom window, mustn’t it? The one sticking out over the moat. It couldn’t have been a bathroom originally when the house was built. They didn’t have bathrooms in 1497, did they?’
‘No, I’m sure they didn’t,’ said Lucasta.
‘Well, anyhow, that’s irrelevant! Now, let me look carefully through these binoculars. I do hope I’m not going to be disappointed!’
‘What on earth are you looking for?’
‘Ah! I think I see it. How very cunning!’
‘Please tell me what you can see.’
‘All will be revealed when we get back inside, I hope. But no, I’m not as athletic as our young thief. I fancy it will be better to ask if we can borrow that rowing boat I see moored over there.’
After about five minutes, it was arranged that the manager would row Hector and Lucasta across the moat to the house, although he obviously thought it was an odd request.
‘Can we just stop here? I hope I can explain,’ said Hector. ‘If you could just let the boat drift . . . If you will look carefully to the left-hand side of the bathroom window, where the brickwork overhangs the moat, you will I think see a piece of nylon fishing line hanging down the wall and going into the moat. As the boat drifts past the window, I think we shall find that the nylon is fixed to a nail or hook just under the overhanging brickwork so as not to be visible to anyone looking out of the window. Ah! As I thought! Yes, there’s a substantial old nail in the brickwork. Have you any idea, sir, why there is an old nail there?’
‘None whatsoever,’ said the manager, resting on his oars.
‘Nor have I,’ said Hector. ‘But undoubtedly our young criminal somehow knew about it. Now, if you can please propel the boat over near the nylon, I shall endeavour to retrieve from the moat whatever is on the end of it.’
This manoeuvre proved difficult and Hector became rather rude about the manager’s efforts to navigate. However, at the third attempt, Hector was able to get his hand on the fishing line, and with Lucasta steadying the stern of the boat against the wall of the house, began to haul the line in gently.
‘I do hope there isn’t just an old brick or something at the end!’ thought Lucasta. ‘We shall look very foolish!’
But no! What undoubtedly was the missing statue covered in mud finally came to the surface at the end of the line, much to Lucasta’s relief.
Hector beamed. ‘The thief must be a fisherman,’ he said, examining the knot which secured the statue to the nylon.
‘But, do you mean that the fishing line has been there all the time and none of us have noticed it?’ gasped the manager.
‘That was because you were all looking for the statue in the wrong place!’ said Hector.
‘The trust is extremely grateful to you,’ said the manager fifteen minutes later when they were inside the house again and in his office. The statue stood on his desk looking extremely dirty and damp, but no doubt it would dry out and clean up reasonably well, thought Lucasta.
‘The young criminal is obviously very clever and probably set on a life of crime,’ said Hector. ‘However, for the moment, we have foiled him. You see, I’m sure he planned it all in advance. He knew there was a large nail under the bathroom window and I have no doubt he sneaked into the private part of the house on one of his previous visits to work out the position of all the rooms.’
‘They are all shown on a plan in the guidebook anyhow!’ said the manager.
‘Ah well,’ said Hector, ‘that made it even easier for him. The difficult part would have been leaning out of the window over the projection, as I found out, and fastening the end of the fishing nylon to the nail once he’d secured the statue to the other end and flung it into the moat. No doubt he intended to come and collect it by swimming across the moat as soon as he was released from custody.
‘It’s amazing!’ the manager said. ‘I’ve phoned Head Office and they are overjoyed. They can hardly believe it!’
It was quite late in the afternoon when at last Hector and Lucasta got away from the effusive manager and various other members of staff.
‘Well,’ said Lucasta, ‘clever old Hector! You really love doing this detection work, don’t you?’
‘Of course I do, much more than legal work. It’s a pity you’re so against my doing it.’
‘It’s not that I’m against you doing it – I just got fed up with the unpleasantness it seemed to entail.’
‘But this one wasn’t unpleasant!’
‘I realise that. But it was rather chilly, and now I think a hot bath is called for. Perhaps you could take us to the new hotel?’
Lucasta was standing by her suitcase admiring the floral display in the hall of the hotel, which had a small reception desk in one corner, when she was aware that there was some terrible trouble between Hector and the receptionist.
‘But I was told by the young man whom I saw before that it would be quite all right and there would be plenty of room!’
‘Well, I’m very sorry, sir, but we’ve only got one double-bedded room left for the night. It’s a very lovely room. Our best room in fact. I’m sure the young lady will love it when she sees it.’
‘But we wanted two single rooms. That’s what I asked for.’
Hector was very red in the face as he came over to Lucasta.
‘Well that’s it – we’ll have to drive back to London, I’m afraid.’
‘Isn’t there another hotel on the other side of the square?’
‘Yes, I saw it when I went to look at the church, but it had a big notice on the door saying “No vacancies”. It looked a rather down-market sort of place, too. I don’t think there is likely to be another decent hotel around here.’
They were both seated in the car and Hector was about to start the engine when Lucasta laid her hand on his sleeve and said, ‘Hector, you know, if you’d like to ask me again now to marry you, I’d say yes.’
Hector didn’t move for some time. Then he turned with an amazed expression on his face and said, ‘Good Lord, do you really mean that?’
‘Do stop saying “Good Lord”! Of course I do.’
‘Why the sudden change?’
‘Well, it hasn’t been sudden. I’ve been thinking it over for some time and I wondered, wouldn’t it be nice to take that double room for tonight?’
‘Good Lord! What, er, you mean before we get married?’
‘Of course. No doubt my father will perform the ceremony, insisting on much pomp and fuss in due course. But he’s always maintained, and God knows how many times I’ve heard him say it, that the bride and groom marry one another and the Church just blesses their marriage and registers it.’
Hector seemed dumbfounded, but eventually said, ‘Well, I suppose that’s right. Never thought about it before.’
‘So, well, you’d better get out of the car and into the hotel and grab that room before anyone else books it.’
The double-bedded room was very nice indeed. Lucasta almost immediately disappeared into the bathroom and Hector sat down in the armchair to read The Times, which he’d not really had a chance to look at that day. Normally he would have smoked a small cigar, but he thought he’d better not as Lucasta would be sleeping in the room and might not like it.
After what seemed a very long time, long after he’d finished The Times, Lucasta emerged from the bathroom in her underwear.
‘I’m sorry, Hector, they don’t seem to give you bathrobes here and I didn’t bring one with me. But I suppose you’d better get used to seeing me in my underwear!’
‘Good Lord!’ said Hector, standing up and gulping. ‘Er . . . but you look lovely in it. It, um, shows off what a wonderful figure you have.’
‘Now don’t start getting excited, Hector. It’s your turn in the bathroom, and I should like a good dinner before anything else!’
Hector insisted
on ordering a bottle of champagne in the bar, followed by a very expensive bottle of wine with their dinner, which fortunately was excellent. Lucasta noticed that he didn’t say much throughout the meal, just kept smiling at her and touching the ends of her fingers across the table. Towards the end of the meal he said, ‘Do you know, I’ve never kissed you except once on the cheek!’
‘Well, possibly you can make up for it soon!’
Next morning at breakfast Hector was disposed to be very jovial and was surprised that Lucasta was looking so solemn.
‘Look, Hector,’ she said, ‘I want to have a serious discussion with you. I don’t want to disrupt your way of life when we get back to London. If you want to go on sleeping in that funny little bedroom of yours and smoking in your sitting room and going to your club for lunch and dinner, I’ll just get a double bed for my bedroom, shall I, and maybe you’d like to have breakfast with me sometimes. I often boil an egg!’
‘Goodness, you don’t mean you’ve changed your mind about our getting married, do you?’
‘Oh no, of course not. I just thought you might want to carry on as you used to, at least some of the time.’
‘Well, it’s very kind of you. Yes, I suppose I should find it a bit odd being in your flat all the time. You could always come and sit in my sitting room. It’s got a nice fire in it generally. Well, you know that of course.’
And later, while they were on their way to London, he said, ‘Look, couldn’t we just go off and get married quickly and quietly at some Register Office? I think that would be much the best thing to do.’
‘I had considered that, Hector. But I don’t think it will do. Your mother would no doubt say that getting married in a Register Office was sacrilege and blasphemy all at the same time. And my parents would be mortified, although they know I’m an atheist.’
‘Oh, are you?’
‘Yes, aren’t you?’
‘No, I don’t think so.’
‘Look, anyhow, I think we ought to have a church wedding in a few weeks’ time. I’ll ring Dad and organise it, and you’d better tell your mother.’
‘You know I’m still a bit worried about my finances.’
‘Why on earth? You sold all the books for a lot of money and you got that big fee from Gloria. And I suppose your mother will pop off one of these days!’
‘I know, and I’ve got an income of my own, but you see I was used to a rather large salary from my old firm in Lincoln’s Inn. When I decided to give in my notice to them and take over the old man’s practice, I hadn’t quite realised how run-down it was and how little money the old man would leave me. I can’t imagine what he did with it all, apart from buying all those books. The practice was very profitable when I worked with him. You know, I don’t like the idea of having a wife without being able to support her properly.’
‘Well, you are more or less supporting me already.’
‘Well, it’s not the same as being married to you.’
It seemed very odd for them both when they arrived at St James’s Square. It was a Saturday, so the office was not open and Jolly was presumably lurking in his basement. Lucasta would have usually been out somewhere and Hector would have been at his club (which fortunately opened at weekends) or away with any of the friends of his who hadn’t been clients of his firm in Lincoln’s Inn. Not quite knowing what to do with themselves, they sat down in Hector’s sitting room and Hector lit the fire which had already been laid by the cleaner.
‘By the way, have you come across anything at all remarkable among my father’s books in here yet, Lucasta?’
‘Well, I’m only halfway through as I’ve been spending several hours a day trying to get your law library up to date. The books in here are, as your father correctly described them, mainly “reading books”, quite nice, routine stuff. Sets of Dickens, Scott, Thackeray, etcetera, and innumerable novels of the type that I would describe as “yesteryear” – Hugh Walpole, for instance. Then there are history books and general books, some quite strange and interesting. Haven’t you ever noticed their titles?’
‘My dear, I can honestly say that since I’ve lived here I’ve never taken a single volume off these shelves – that’s why I’m so ignorant about them. I brought a large number of books with me from my old flat, and they’re in a bookcase in my bedroom. I’m a fan of Trollope, and I’m reading my way through him. As he wrote about fifty novels, it will keep me occupied for some time. None of the books in here have, up to the present, drawn me to open them. Look at this, for instance,’ he said, taking a volume at random from near the fireplace, where he was tending the fire. ‘Butterflies and Moths, by W.E. Kirby. And next to it, British Birds in Their Haunts, by the Reverend C.A. Johns. Funny, they don’t seem as dusty on top as the others – and what the hell is this?’ he said, peering at the side of the chimney stack that had been revealed when he had pulled out the books. ‘Good Lord, it’s a wall safe – and it’s got a combination lock.’
‘Oh.’
‘Well, I suppose I’ll have to get it opened. It may contain something important. I never knew it was there!’
‘Why don’t you try a few numbers. I think there are usually four. First go clockwise, then anti, then clockwise, and then anti.’
‘Oh no, it could take all day. I’ll get someone to come and open it on Monday morning. Safemakers must know what to do if you lose the combination.’
‘Well, I don’t know. Oh, do go and have a try at opening it! It can’t do any harm. Meanwhile, I’m going to make us some tea. Do you have any in your kitchen?’
‘Oh yes, and there’s milk in the fridge. The cleaner will have left some. She comes on a Saturday morning. Though you said you didn’t want her doing anything in your flat, you remember?’
Lucasta was gone for some minutes while Hector bent down and fiddled with the combination.
‘Look, I’ve found some fresh sliced bread in your fridge,’ she called out from the kitchen. ‘I suppose the cleaner lady bought that too. You have got her well organised, I must say! I’ve made the tea and I’ll do us some toast in front of the fire. It’s just about hot enough now for toasting. It’s jolly funny-smelling tea you’ve got. What sort is it?’
‘Keemun.’
‘Mmm, I see. I could only find butter, no jam. How are you getting on?’
‘I’m not, and my back is getting sore.’
‘Well, kneel down, you’ll find it easier – and be logical about the numbers. Try your father’s birthday first and then your mother’s and then yours.’
Hector knelt down and rather unenthusiastically started twiddling the combination dials while Lucasta started toasting the bread. After a minute, however, she jumped with surprise when Hector cried out in astonishment, ‘I’ve done it. It’s open!’
‘Well done! What date was it?’
‘I can’t remember.’
‘And it’s empty, I suppose?’
‘No, it’s full of rolled-up banknotes. Good Lord!’ said Hector, throwing three or four rolls onto the carpet. ‘And what is this? This looks even more interesting. Yes, these are notices of deposits with a Swiss bank – a whole wodge of them. Heavens, this first one must be the equivalent of about twenty thousand pounds, and this one about ten thousand, and there are ever so many more!’
‘And Hector, so many bank notes that I think you could stop worrying how you’re going to support me!’
‘Goodness, Lucasta, I’m so relieved about this!’ said Hector. ‘And so pleased that we’re going to get married. Well, I suppose we are already according to your father.’ And with that he crawled over to Lucasta.
‘Hector, please don’t get overexcited! I really don’t mind you kissing me when I’m on my knees trying to toast a piece of bread, but you’re pushing my hair into the butter dish . . . Oh no, Hector, no. Don’t you think we ought to count up the money first? . . . I mean, Jolly might come in. No, Hector. I really think we ought to count the money first. Please, please, Hector, the tea will get cold!’
<
br />