by Amy Muscat
“Well, I spoke to my mom and she said that she and my dad would take Ivy over the weekend. So I was gonna say to you that if you get off early Friday, we could go out for something light to eat around 7pm and then go wherever you're taking me about 8pm? I’ve gotta take Ivy to my parents straight after pre-K, ‘cause by time I drop her off and come back it’ll be about 6pm, so that gives me around an hour to get ready. And then Saturday day we can go shopping and have some lunch yeah?”
Blowing out a breath, she said, “Okay. That’s fine. Actually, that’s better anyway, I’ve got shit to do on Sunday and I don’t need a hangover for that. So yeah, it sounds goo- WAIT, why do I need to get off work early Friday if you’re not gonna be back ‘til six and we won’t be leaving ‘til seven?”
“Because you take about three hours to get ready, and then change your mind about your outfit 10 times, and then end up wearing the first thing that you tried on,” I told her in a totally serious voice. She’s a nightmare when we go out, I tell ya.
Snorting, she said, “Fuck off, no I don’t,” and then she got a sheepish guilty grin on her face and I knew she knew that I was right.
I was smiling smugly when she looked back over to me and flipped me off. I cracked up and called her a child, to which she started pouting and further strengthened my child comment. After a minute, she started laughing with me.
After two hours of watching ‘CSI,’ I told her I was turning in as I was still tired from the night before, she said she was gonna do the same.
“Night lovey.”
“Night Charlotte,” calling her by her full name, which she hates, she flipped me off again and called out ‘bitch’ over her shoulder.
Quietly laughing, so as to not wake Ivy up, I walked into the bathroom and brushed my teeth and hair before walking in my toasty warm room and pulled off my street clothes and put on my pj’s before getting into bed, falling into a world of oblivion and dreamt of a boy with dark chocolate hair and dark bedroom eyes...
FOUR
Friday couldn’t come fast enough for me, I couldn’t wait to go out tonight.
I took Ivy to pre-k, went back home and packed her Princess suitcase for her stay at my parents. Then I had a quick wash, chucking my hair up in a messy bun, before I put my work uniform on and made a quick breakfast before going to work, calling out a goodbye to Lottie, who was engrossed in a book, must be a good one as she didn’t even look up as she waved back.
Walking to work, I thought about tonight. I hadn’t been out in so long, I think it was about six months ago that Lottie and I went out together for a girl's night. Lottie goes out occasionally, but even then, she only has a couple of cocktails and then come’s home, and I have the odd wine, but other than that I haven’t drunk.
Getting to the doors of the coffee shop I saw Ruby chatting away with a customer that’s a regular in here, he comes in every day, has an English tea and a lemon slice and sits there for at least an hour and tries to entice a conversation from Ruby, but she’s obvious to it all. It seems like today Mr. English tea bucked up and found the courage to talk to her.
When I walked in and the bell rang, she looked over in my direction, I gave her a thumbs up, while she smiled at me, she quickly looked back to the man, looking lovesick. Awing under my breath, I went to the back to take off my jacket, gloves and scarf. My routine of putting my name tag on, hanging stuff up, I was done. Now I was basically stalling, trying to give them a little space. After five minutes of waiting I heard Ruby calling out ‘goodbye James’, and I walked out to the front to see her smiling, dreamily in a daze.
“Rubyyyy, you finally talked to ‘Mr. English tea,' I’m so happy, did you like him? What did you talk about?” I asked in a rush.
“Whoa, slowdown girl, I’ll tell ya. Okay, so he was just sitting there, as usual, I was wiping down the tables as I was bored and I looked over at him and gave him a casual glance, and it looked like he was gearing himself up for something, taking deep breaths and muttering to himself. Something about stop being a pussy, and then his head just snapped in my direction. I thought he was having a bad day or something and was going to ask for another tea, when he got up, and strode over and kissed me! And then asked, well he more like pleaded with me to go on a date with him, and I said yes!” She exclaimed in a rush and clearly on a high.
“Oh my god, Ruby! I’m so happy for you girl, I really am. So when are you going on this date?”
“Next Friday, Sam’s staying with some of his friends that night, and I told James, that’s his name, by the way, that’s the only night that I was available. We exchanged numbers and he said he’ll call me tonight.” She was grinning like a loon, but I was so happy for her, and I told her so and she thanked me.
The next couple of hours flew by with Ruby constantly smiling and the steady flow of customers. Before I knew it, it was time to finish and pick Ivy up, and take her to my parents’ house.
Telling Ruby bye, she said she would fill me in about her date when we worked together again the following weekend. Waving me away smiling happily again. I made it to the school just in time to see Mrs. Adams opening the door and starting to call out the kids names, she called out Ivy’s name when she saw me and Ivy came sprinting out.
“Hey momma, we going nana’s now?” she asked excitedly, bouncing up and down.
“Yeah, we are, let’s go baby.” Showing her the princess suitcase with all her clothes in and she grinned a big gap-toothed smile at me, before pulling on my hand in the direction of the train station.
****
Arriving at New York Penn Station, we rushed a little as the train was due in fifteen minutes and it was rather busy at this time of the day. Gripping Ivy’s hand tightly, I pulled her tight to my side and walked over to the ticket booth and bought two tickets. One adult return and one child return and paid the $52 before pulling her to platform 2 and not a minute later the train pulled up and we got on and found two spare seats.
For the first half hour, we were en route, Ivy and I were discussing what she would be doing over the weekend, and all the places they would be going together, but after that she wanted my iPhone to play some games, and while she did that I pulled out my latest romance book. That was really the only thing that I bought for my own self-enjoyment.
After reading for about 40 minutes, I put my book away and watched as we pulled into the Poughkeepsie station.
“Come on baby, time to go.”
She nodded, looking a little tired, probably from the long train ride.
Standing outside of Poughkeepsie station I hailed a cab, and spent the next seven or so minutes relaxing in the cab (lazy, I know) on the way to my parents’ house.
Standing outside of my childhood home, I dug through my purse to get my keys out while Ivy ran to the door and started knocking even though no one was home as both cars weren’t there. I thought of all the times I rode down the street on my bike and all the kids that would play at the playground right opposite my house and all the fun stuff that children are meant to do.
I felt terrible that Ivy wouldn’t be able to do those things ‘because we lived in the city.
If I wanted to we could move here and I knew that a job would be lined up asap for me and I could live with my parents until I got on my feet, but this small town is filled with gossips, hell my own mother is one of the biggest gossips around, but I suppose when you’ve got nothing else to do all day, you can talk, and I could never put Ivy through that. I could never put her in a position where people would ask if she knew who her daddy was and she told them no, what questions would come with that answer. I just couldn’t do that to her. I couldn’t.
“Come on momma,” Ivy said, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“Coming, sorry,” I said to the impatient three year old.
Opening the doorway to the house Ivy ran in and I closed the door behind me, before walking into the kitchen and turning the coffee pot on and asking Ivy if she wanted a drink.
“Yes, please,
chocolate milk and cookies”
Going over to the fridge, I saw a note on it;
Hey baby,
I’ll be 5 min., promise.
Love mom x
P.s. Put the coffee pot on please x
“Ivy! Come and have your milk and cookies, please.
“Otay coming,” she said and came thumping down the hallway, before skidding to a stop and plopping down on a chair at the table.
Taking our drinks and a plate of cookies over, we were sitting there for about ten minutes before I heard the key in the door and my mom’s voice calling out to us.
“NANA!” Ivy said, getting up and running to my mother as she came through the door.
“Hi baby! Oh, I’ve missed you sooo much,” she said, picking her up and giving her a big squeeze.
“Me too nana, lot’s and lot’s,” Ivy told her with her arms around her neck squeezing her tight.
“Hey mom,” I said with affection in my voice, even I could hear it. I missed her so much. Her and my dad.
“Hey sweetie. How was the trip?”
“Long, and I gotta do the whole thing again in twenty minutes, so I’m literally making a pit-stop. So next time maybe we can meet half way and you can pick her up? Unless I’m staying the weekend, or you could come pick her up?”
She had her thinking face on for a minute before nodding and said “okay."
Smiling gratefully at her I told her I was going to call a cab.
“No, don’t do that, take my car and leave it in the car park, and leave the keys with Tommy, I’ll have your dad take me there to pick it up later.”
“No, you don’t have to do that... okay fine. Thank you,” I quickly said after the look that she gave me. The, I’m-your-mother-and-you-will-do-as-I-say, look. And no one disagrees with that look. Even my dad.
“Right baby, you be good for nana and pops please and I’ll see you on Sunday, okay?”
“Otay momma. I’ll be good I promise,” she said, in her cute voice.
“Good. Now come give momma a big kiss.”
Grinning at me, she jumped off the chair, where she sat again when my mom finally put her down to continue her milk and cookies, and ran into my arms.
Spinning slightly, I kissed all over her little face and squeezed her tiny body.
“Right, gotta go baby, mommy loves you lots and lots. I’ll see you Sun-”
“Sunday I know momma. See you then. And I love you lots and lots too,” she said, with a cheeky grin that melted my heart and made me realize that her grin was the same as his.
Taking a shuddering breath at seeing that grin on her, the same grin I’d fallen in love with, I turned and gave my mom a hug and kiss while she handed me her car keys.
“Love you baby, I’ll see you in a couple days.”
Telling my mom that I loved her too, and to say hi to dad, I picked up my bag, gave Ivy one last kiss and left before jumping in the car and driving to the station.
****
Opening the door of the apartment, I hear Lottie in her room singing away to Adele, very loudly and very off key. I snicker to myself, she thought she had a great voice and was the next Adele, thinking she could sing like her because they were both British.
Fucking idiot. But you gotta love her.
Walking over to her bedroom door, I knocked and called out to her, but obviously she couldn’t hear me over the racket that she was making, so I just opened the door and the sight I saw made me laugh even harder than before; Lottie standing there in her underwear on top of her bed with rollers in her hair, a brush in her hand at her mouth and was belting the song out like no other, while Adele was singing about ‘ Rolling in the deep ‘ from the speakers.
Having heard my laughing, Lottie turned too quickly and tripped on her own feet falling back on the bed eventually bouncing to a stop and huffing as I laughed at her again.
“Don’t bloody laugh at me, you bitch, help me up,” said the cursing Brit.
“Well, I don’t know, you look quite amusing at the moment to me... okay, okay, I’ll help, come on get up, you idiot, “ I tell her walking over to help her up before she kills me with her eyes.
Hefting her up, I helped her off the bed before she asked how long I was gonna be to get ready.
“About an hour, give or take. Don’t think I’ll take longer than that. Anyway, you still aren’t dressed, and god knows how long it’s gonna take you.” I say to her.
“Excuse me, I’ll be forty minute’s tops and I’ll have to wait for you, drinking a large Grey Goose and lemonade as you get yourself ready.”
“Oh really? Well, how about a bet? If I get showered and dressed before you, you have to buy first three drinks and vice versa if you win?”
“Hmm, sounds good. Get ready to buy the first three rounds girly,” she tells me in a smug voice, thinking that she could win this bet. Like fuck. She’s the worst person to get ready, an absolute nightmare, I’ll beat her hands down.
“Bring it on,” She says to me, trying to act bitchy, but failing as her facial expression was too amused.
Laughing at her, I ran out her room and down the hallway into the bathroom and stripped off my clothes and jumped in the lukewarm shower.
After five minutes of washing my hair and body and shaving all the necessary places, I jumped out and started drying myself off. Spreading lotion everywhere, I then started blow drying my hair out and then straightening my curly hair half way down my back, before putting on a little bit of make-up, not too much, as I wear loads most days, but enough to cover my bags and give a little color to my pale face.
Nodding at myself in the mirror, I walked to my room with the towel still wrapped around me and went over to my closet and pulled out a lacy green dress with sleeves that stops at my elbows and just above my knees, teaming that up with a pair of 4in black comfortable peep toe heels, before grabbing my large black clutch and started transferring everything from my old bag into that one; keys, money, phone and my clear lip-gloss. Walking out I put a bit of perfume on, and walked into the empty living room and then the empty kitchen, chuckling to myself as I had clearly won the bet and poured us a drink each, white wine for myself and a Grey Goose and lemonade for Lottie.
Five minutes later, Lottie the loser, as I’m going to call her tonight, came into the kitchen with the same smug smile that she had on her face when she thought she was gonna win, but it soon dropped when she spotted me sitting at the table with my wine glass to my lips.
“What the fuck! I rushed to be ready before you! How could you have beaten me? You had to shower for fuck’s sake! I only had to get dressed, and do my make-up. So okay, I changed a couple of times, but bloody hell I didn’t take that long surely,” she ranted, which she does a lot, especially when she was pissed.
“I told ya Lotts you take too dang long, so I knew I was gonna beat you. Oh, come on don’t be a sore loser, and stop pulling that face you’ll get wrinkles,” I said, laughing at the pathetic face, she was pulling; her nose all scrunched up and a pout on her big red lips.
“Bitch.”
“Love you too loser. Now let’s call a cab, and get going.”
****
Standing at the bar of ‘The Red Lounge’ we ordered our drinks from the barman, thanking him with a smile, I received a smile back, before going over to find a place to sit.
“Did you see the looks on that bloke? He was fine with a capital F.” Said Lottie.
“No, what man? I didn’t see anyone nice,” I told her confused about the ‘bloke’ that I’d apparently missed.
“What? How the fuck did you miss him? He was staring at you like he wanted to eat you all up, you lucky cow,” she whined speaking with that pout again.
“I told you earlier if you keep pouting, the wind is gonna freeze that one day and you’ll be stuck looking like an idiot all the time,” I tell her with a grin, to which she stuck her tongue out at me. So childish.
“But no, I didn’t see the hot barman, well, I did, but I didn’t
notice that he was stunning or anything, he just seemed normal to me.”
A stunned look had come over her face before she blurted out the words I never wanted her to ask me as she can see through my lies.
“Do you still love him?” The ‘him’ she was referring to was Ivy’s dad and the love of my life, who spilt my heart open so badly, I didn’t think I’d survive it until Ivy came along and welded it back together again.
Hesitating long enough for her to know that if I said no she’d know that I was lying to her.
“No... I mean, yes... I mean no... I don’t know Lotts. I just don’t know what I’d do if I ever saw him again. I truly and honestly just don’t know what I’d do if I saw him. Yes, I thought the barman was cute. But that’s it, just cute and I didn’t feel a tingle or anything when I look at him, I just smiled as a common curtsey as a thank you for serving me. I don’t know if I’m ever gonna be able to look at another man again like that. In a lusty way or a romantic way, and I don’t think I could do that to Ivy when she thinks her daddy is in the war. If I introduce her to another man and I tell her that’s not her dad she’ll be all confused and I just can’t do that to her or myself just yet,” I tell her in a rush, my voice breaking a lot of times and I could feel tears welling up.
“Oh, Peyton don’t cry. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have brought it up. I know how you get. It’s just that I don’t like seeing you unhappy. But I understand what you’re saying sweetie, I do.” She said, sounding tearful too.
We’re very close Lottie and I. We’ve been friends for almost five years now, and I love her like a sister. She’s helped me out with everything. When Ivy was born and I needed sleep, she’d offer to take her for the night, or when I physically couldn’t afford to feed myself, or put diapers and clothing on Ivy she helped me out tremendously. There was a time when I was gonna become homeless because I didn’t pay two week’s rent and my old landlord was gonna kick me out, but when I called Lottie and told her I’d have to move back home as I couldn’t afford an apartment and a six week old baby and work, she asked me if I wanted to go home and I told her no I didn’t. She told me okay and to hang tight, two hours later she had a mover’s truck at my door and was telling me to pack my shit and Ivy’s stuff and we were leaving now. I did as I was told and moved into her place for a couple of weeks before we got a bigger apartment and have been there since. So in other words Lottie was a best friend, guardian angel and a sister to me.