by Paula Cox
“Okay,” Artie said. “How about you let a guy up and grab a cold one first?”
Jax loosened his grip, but he still stood between Artie and the bar, the shattered pool cue never leaving his hands. “Get a drink after,” Jax said. “Explain yourself right now.”
Artie started to object when he simply cracked his knuckles and hung his head. If the bald man couldn’t even bring himself to meet Jax’s eyes, this had to be far worse than anything that he could have ever imagined. “It’s like this,” Artie said. “Sully’s a fiend when it comes to the numbers.”
“Tell me something I don’t know,” Jax countered. “What does this have to do with Lena?”
Artie’s eyes darted around the room. It was as if he suddenly seemed scared that someone might overhear whatever it was that he had to say. But Jax would not relent, and Artie started to fill in the blanks.
“It was like right before she took off.”
When she had changed towards him, when she had grown cold. He had no desire to linger in the mystery. All he wanted was the why.
“Come to think of it, I kind or remember you coming to me about that – had all those questions as to what you might have done wrong. Pretty sure I told you there was no stain on your hands.”
“Stop dancing, Artie,” Jax hissed. “Get to the god damned point.”
Jax threatened him with the pool cue again, and Artie looked like he was beat as he waved his hands before his face and spoke fast. “All right!” he bellowed. “Old Sully was in for more than he could even hope to get his hands on. Even if his luck started to change. Word was that the Boss was going to bust him up so bad so he’d have to like eat through a straw.”
Jax searched his memory for something even close to the confession, but nothing sprang to the front of his mind, and he told Artie as much.
“Like you wouldn’t have challenged him,” Artie continued. “We all knew you were sweet on the blonde – even then.”
“Fine,” Jax said. “But last I saw, old Sully is still walking and playing the fool. So where did he come up with the money?”
“It was Lena,” Artie admitted. “Just like now, the little girl came through for him.”
“But that doesn’t make any sense. How could she have gotten her hands on that kind of money?”
Artie’s face darkened, and Jax’s heart burned in his chest as he spoke softly. “Other kinds of currency, kid. You know how he rolls.”
No. No he wouldn’t have…
A question started to form around his lips when the door crashed open. Jax turned hard at the sound of Eric whistling a flat tune, and as their eyes locked, Jax forgot Artie and turned his rage on his stepfather. “You bastard! You son of a fucking bitch!”
Eric was too stunned and too slow to speak as his stepson charged towards him and grabbed his collar.
“It was you!” Jax screamed. “Fucking asshole!” Plowing his fist into his gut, Eric doubled over, and Jax took advantage of his weakness to force him towards the pool table. Holding him down there, Jax struck him again and again, barely registering the feel of Artie’s hands as he tried to pry him away.
“Don’t do it, Jax!” Artie said. “I shouldn’t have said anything!”
Jax tried to push him off as Eric kicked his legs out from under him. Falling to the floor, Artie braced Jax’s body before the point of impact, and Eric struggled to his cheek as he wiped away the blood dribbling from his mouth. Spitting a loose tooth at Jax’s feet, Eric looked at the pile of shattered glass with a smirk.
“What’d I miss?” Eric asked. “Must have been something major.”
Artie kept him at bay as Eric stepped back to the bar and pulled out a bottle of whiskey. He took a straight swig and grimaced as he tapped his fingers against the hardwood. “Someone gonna start talking? Or do I need to call the rest of the boys back from the run?”
Whispering for Jax to stay still and cool down, Artie moved to the bar and suddenly spoke fast. “My fault, Boss,” he said. “Sort of let something drop.”
“Something?” Eric asked as he took another sip. “So you ladies gonna keep me in suspense, or maybe I can guess.”
Jax struggled to his feet, seething with each step as he glared into Eric’s eyes. “What the hell did you to Lena?” Jax demanded.
“Oh for Christ’s sake! Can’t you think about anything like that little piece of tail? Why not just find her and get your rocks off. Bet that’d do you a world of good.”
“Like you did?” Jax asked.
Eric’s eyes were cold as he took another drink. “Artie, Artie, Artie,” Eric chided. “Thought you were made of stronger stuff.”
“Slip of the tongue, Boss,” Artie pleaded. “Won’t happen again!”
“Not when I’m through with you!” Eric barreled toward the bald guy and looked ready to smash his face in when Jax intervened. Pushing Artie back, he raised his fists and sneered.
“Pick on someone who can really fight back!” Jax spat.
Eric started to unspool his belt as he laughed. “Maybe it is high time that I put you over my knee, boy. Pound some sense into your head.” He snapped the leather against Artie’s abandoned stool, but Jax kept his glare hard and focused as his mind filled with Lena and what she might have endured.
“You hit her, too?” Jax demanded.
“Hit who?”
“Lena! My Lena! You gonna stand there with a straight face and tell me that you didn’t hurt her?”
Eric smirked and shrugged his shoulders. “Kid, the cunt came looking for me,” Eric said. “Said she’d do whatever it took to keep her own safe. So I just---”
“You just took it to your disgusting level and you demeaned her.”
Jax kept his fists in check as Eric kicked the broken glass under his feet and licked his lips. “You’re just steamed that you didn’t get to ride her first,” he said.
“Don’t even talk about her like that.”
“And what’s the problem now, little man?” Eric smirked. “Girl’s back home, and you can’t even get a taste?”
Everything clicked. Why she left, why she kept pushing him away when he tried to pull back and make it right. “How could you?” Jax muttered. “She was… she is pure.”
“Not so pure,” Eric said as he flicked a smoke from his pack and struck a match on the heel of his boot. “Give you a play by play if you want?”
Jax wanted nothing but to choke the life from his body. Maybe his mother had run; maybe… no. He hated her for taking the easy way out into the shadows, leaving him in the harsh glare of Eric’s eyes. Made her no kind of mother. But Jax wasn’t the one trapped as his spouse. Did she think her son would finally see him with his full stare and get wise so he could go on his own way? Take off and never look back? Maybe make her way back to his side?
But then there was Lena. “Don’t you even ever think about touching her again,” Jax hissed. “Lena is off limits to you.”
“Really?” Eric asked. “Don’t see her hanging on your heels right now. What if she’s settling some other debts without your knowing?”
Jax wheeled his arm back and punched him hard. Eric crashed into the bar, and the bottle fell from his hand. Artie moved fast to help him, and Jax seized the chance to turn his back in search of his bike. Eric had it wrong; wherever she was, he pictured her sad and scared. And he had to get back to her side and show her, prove to her that there was nothing more to fear now that he knew the truth.
Riding fast and hard, Jax tore through the streets of Deerfield. How had he not seen it? Something so dark was the only reason she would have run away without the smallest word. I should have protected her. I should have stopped her.
Ready to race up the street to her uncle’s house, Jax started to slow when he glanced down the incline. There, pressed against the creek, sat a familiar figure, and even from the distance, a pair of eyes met his as he grinded the bike to a halt. At the fear that she would run and hide at the sight of him, Jax held his ground, and dismounted
his bike.
Lena made no move as he rushed towards her, looking like a deer in headlights as he charged forward. “Jax? What the hell is---?”
He fell to her side and held onto her wrists as she tried to stand and push away from him.
“We have nothing else to say to each other!” she said. “Can’t you just leave me alone?”
“Not until you tell me why,” he demanded.
“What are you talking about?”
“Why didn’t you tell me what he did to you?”
Chapter Eleven
She had gone back to the creek. Needing to see it just one more time, wanting nothing more than to hold the place in her mind as it had always been, Lena crept past her uncle’s sleeping form and raced towards the water. No way he was coming back now. She would have to live on the memory and imagine what might have been.
But now he was back.
Lena’s heart turned to ice as soon as she saw the truth in his eyes. Silent or not, it was still her secret to tell, and now Eric had even taken that from her.
“Son of a bitch!” Pushing Jax away, she fell to her knees and hugged her body close. Shaking around the memory, she felt his hand on her back and curled deeper into the grass as his voice hit her ear.
“Why didn’t you come to me?” he pleaded. “I would have helped you. I never would have let it go that far.”
Lena peered up at him through her fallen hair and sadly shook her head. “Had to help my uncle,” she confessed. “Someone has to have his back, too.”
Jax clenched his fists and sighed heavily as he sat at her side. His hand was nearly at her face when she looked away and bit down on her lip.
“It happened,” she said softly. “And I can’t change it.”
He kept his hands to himself as he curled his fist into the dirt, his voice thick as he struggled to speak. “Tell me,” he started. “I need to know all of it.”
“You need to?” A cold laugh passed through her lips, and Lena turned her eyes towards the sky. “It’s my shame,” she said. “Don’t you think that I wanted to tell you? To tell someone? But I couldn’t!” Jax worked to gather her in his arms when she slapped him away and burst into tears. “I had to live through it once,” she confessed. “And that was more than enough.” Her shoulders heaved, and she started to lose herself in the vile memory as Jax gently pressed his fingers under her chin and eased her eyes to his.
“I get it,” he said. “Is it enough to just say that I’m sorry? For all of it?”
Lena caught her breath and gazed into his green eyes. After it happened, and in every moment since, she had wanted only one thing. And now he was here, touching her and smiling sweetly. “You don’t have to,” she whispered. “I know you would have stopped it if you could of. But I just…”
Jax tentatively took her into his arms and kept his eyes on hers. In that instant, he was back to being the boy she’d known for so long, loved for even longer, and the lure of his hard shoulder was so inviting she couldn’t resist the urge to fall into him as he wrapped his arm around her back.
“I just wish you had been straight with me, Lena.”
She smiled at the sound of his name passing though her lips, and she cuddled close to his chest. The smell of his sweat mingling with the leather on his back brought her back to a simpler place and time. Maybe it hadn’t happened at all. Maybe the last year was something out of a nightmare, and this was the sweet awakening so long denied.
“Come here,” he whispered. “Just let me hold you.”
Lena bunched his tee between her fingers, her ear at his heart as it beat beneath her. His hands were slight and slow as he winded his fingers through her hair and moved down her back. Holding him this close, Lena was suddenly struck by the time that had passed between them, so many moments wasted, so many things unsaid. Even if she couldn’t bring herself to talk about the darkest days gone by, she was beyond curious as she met his eyes and dared to touch his cheek. “What happened to you?” she pleaded. “You were so rough with my uncle.”
“I know,” he said. “And I’m sorry about that. But Eric turned me all around.”
“Sort of his specialty, right?” she asked sadly.
They nodded into each other’s eyes, and Jax grazed his fingers against her skin as he smiled softly. “Let’s not bring him here,” Jax said. “He’s taken too much from us already. And this is our place.”
“Still?” she asked. “I mean did you come here without me?”
“You were nowhere to be found,” he admitted. “So yeah. Came and hoped that you might show. Maybe I even dipped my toes in the water or whatever.”
Sitting up as she kept her hand in his, Lena’s eyes traveled down the length of his leg, and her fingers started towards his boot as she sighed.
“Want to do that now?” she asked. “Bet it would feel good after the way that you roared over here.”
Jax nodded, and Lena didn’t need another cue as she worked her fingers around the laces. Pulling the leather from his feet, she stripped away his socks and massaged the calloused surface. But even in his hardness, there was suddenly no fear that he would use his strength to cause her further harm. So despite Eric’s best efforts, he was still every inch her hero, and Lena eased his feet into the water and quickly pushed her toes under the ripples to get closer to his side. Her hand was light in his as their toes swam in the space of the creek, and she kept her eyes on their mingling flesh as she spoke softly.
“Feel good?” she asked.
“Hell of a lot better now that you’re back.” Jax tensed, and Lena met his eyes as he cupped her chin in his hands and brought his lips to her ear. “Are you back?” he asked.
“Made good on the debt, didn’t I? Sort of put my studies on hold.”
“That’s not what I mean, Lena.” Jax found her eyes and started to kiss her when nothing but his breath hit her lips. She sighed at the feel of the warmth surrounding her, and Jax clasped her closer. “I mean are you back with me?”
Lena studied his face and smiled at the sweetness poking through his stare. He started to turn her to her side when she leapt for the water and captured some of the stream in her hands. Pouring it over her head, she swore she saw his mask falling away, and as he savored the shower and smiled into her eyes, the boy she had known best and loved more was right there under her eyes.
“I never wanted to leave you,” she said. “I wanted you then. And I want you now.” She hugged him hard and started to kiss his neck.
Jax’s body mirrored her movements, and he tightened under her arms. “Is this okay?” he asked, his eyes suddenly wide as he relinquished his hold.
“Jax, why---?”
“Because if it’s too much,” he murmured. “If it hurts you in any way, then I don’t want to.”
“Stop.” Pressing her finger to his lips, she kissed his hair and rested her head to his neck as his hands reached the hem of the skirt. Still he hesitated, and Lena had to bring her mouth to his in protest. Kissing him quickly, she felt his smile under her lips, and she placed her hand on his chest. “It won’t hurt at all if it’s you,” she promised. “You, Jax…”
Craving his kiss, she moved to his lap and sighed at the feel of his mouth on hers. She started to dive deeper when he pushed back and caressed her hair. “I missed you so much,” he said. “And I didn’t understand…”
“I wanted you to be the first,” Lena confessed. “My first.” Always in her dreams there was a chance of that, of hiding the darkness away so that she could forget and move past it. “But I’m damaged goods now.” She turned her head away as she confessed, but Jax’s hand refused to let her leave his stare, and he sighed into her cheek.
“Not to me,” he said. “Never to me.”
Lena’s heart filled with hope as he lowered her body to the ground and hovered over her, his hand sweet and light against her hair as he spoke softly. “What that was, what he did to you, that was a crime against everything.”
“Was it?” she asked.<
br />
“Lena…” Jax’s kiss swirled against her mouth, and she started to grab his neck when he pushed back. Her heart caught in her throat at the sight of his eyes brimming with tears, and Jax lay at her side, his head pillowed in her chest as he sighed. “I can give it back to you,” he said. “That first taste”
Could he? Could he really do that and more? The idea of her soul wiped clean of the sin caused heart to flutter in her chest, and she started to kiss him again when the recollection of the darkest night slammed into her soul.