Golf

by Joshua Piven

  If you realize that you have too many clubs in your bag before the start of the round, you can remove the extra clubs. Do not place the extra clubs in your golf cart. The clubs in the golf cart will be added to the number in your bag. If the round has started and you realize you have too many clubs, you must immediately declare the clubs out of play for the remainder of the round. If you do not immediately notify your playing partners that you have more than fourteen clubs, you will be disqualified. The penalty in stroke play for too many clubs is two strokes per hole, with a maximum penalty of four strokes.

  BALL HITS BIRD OR BIRD CATCHES BALL

  If you hit a flying bird, it is considered “a rub of the green,” also known as tough luck (Rule 19-1). You must play the ball where it lies. If the bird catches the ball in midair and carries it to the green, this is considered fair play, and you can play the ball where it lies.

  BALL LANDS IN OR NEAR A BIRD’S NEST

  If your ball lands in or near a bird’s nest, you may pick up the ball without penalty. You may not drop your ball any nearer to the hole. You must drop your ball as near as possible to the nest and in a way that would allow you to take your shot without damaging the nest. If the nest is in a hazard, you must drop your ball in the hazard (Decision 1-4/9).

  USING THE WRONG CLUB

  There is no such thing as using the wrong club during a round of golf. If you want to tee off with your putter, you can do so without penalty. In general, if the USGA has approved all the clubs in your bag and as long as there are fourteen or fewer clubs, you may use them as you think best.

  USING AN ILLEGAL CLUB OR EQUIPMENT

  All clubs in your bag must comply with the standards for golf clubs set by the USGA (Rule 4-1). If a golf club in your bag does not conform to the USGA standards, even if you do not use it, the penalty is disqualification of either the hole or the match.

  Specifically, the rules state that you may also not use any artificial device or unusual equipment that might “assist” you in making a stroke or play (including distance gauges and measuring devices), or in gripping a club (other than plain gloves, powder, or a towel or handkerchief ).

  FALLEN HAT MOVES BALL

  If during stroke play your hat falls off and moves your stationary ball, you are assessed a one-stroke penalty and you must replace the ball to its original location. You are assessed one more stroke if you do not replace it (Rule 18-2).

  In stroke play, there is no penalty if someone else’s hat unintentionally falls and moves your ball. You must replace the ball to its original position. You are assessed a two-stroke penalty if the ball is not replaced.

  In match play there is a one-stroke penalty assessed against the player whose hat or whose caddie’s hat moves an opponent’s ball. It is a loss-of-hole penalty if the opponent does not replace the ball.

  OPPONENT MOVES HIS BALL

  If your opponent intentionally moves his stationary ball and that movement is not sanctioned by the rules, there is a one-stroke penalty in stroke play and a loss-of-hole penalty in match play (Rule 18-2). There are many situations when a golfer is allowed to move his ball. For example, a player can move the ball to identify it if he announces his intentions and the ball is not in a hazard, or if the ball is located in an area designated as “ground under repair.”

  BALL LANDS IN MANURE

  If your ball lands in manure, you can either play it as it lies or declare it unplayable and take a free drop (Rule23). If the ball is embedded in the manure, however, there is no free relief. Even though manure is a natural object, the manure is no longer a loose impediment if it is attached to the ball. You will incur a one-stroke penalty if you declare the ball unplayable in this situation.

  If your ball lands near or behind a pile of manure, you can move the manure as long as the manure is not embedded in the ground. Rule 23 states that loose impediments can be removed without penalty. Loose impediments are natural objects such as stones, leaves, twigs, branches, and dung (manure). This also includes worms and insects, and the casts or heaps made by them, provided they are not fixed or growing, are not solidly embedded, and do not adhere to the ball. Sand and loose soil are loose impediments on the putting green but not elsewhere.

  USING PUTTER LIKE A POOL CUE

  If you hit the golf ball with the top of a club grip as you would hit a pool ball with a pool cue, you will be in violation of Rule 14-1. You would be assessed a two-stroke penalty in stroke play and you would lose the hole in match play. The rule states that you must fairly strike the ball with the head of the club and not push, scrape, or spoon the ball. A pool cue shot, even if you used the head of the club, would be considered a push under the rules (Decision 14-1/2).

  ANIMAL STEALS YOUR BALL

  If a dog, fox, or squirrel steals your ball as it sits on the fairway, you may replace the ball at the original spot without any penalty (Rule 18-1). However, a ball moved by wind or water must be played where it ends up. A snake that moves your ball is considered an outside agency, like a dog or squirrel, but a dead snake is a loose impediment and may be moved if it is blocking your path. Make sure the snake is actually dead. If you are not sure, you can take a free drop.

  When a ball has been moved by an animal and it is not clear where its original position was, the player may replace his ball without penalty in an area that provides neither an advantage nor a disadvantage by agreement with opponents (Decision 18-1/5).

  BALL LANDS ON THE WRONG GREEN

  If you hit your ball onto the wrong putting green, you may not hit it off the green. There is no penalty for picking up your ball and dropping it off the green at the nearest point of relief (Rule 25-3). Drop the ball within one club-length of the nearest point of relief but no closer to your intended pin. The nearest point of relief would not include dropping it in a hazard or on the green. You may clean the ball when you lift it from the green.

  BALL LEANING AGAINST FLAGSTICK

  The top of the ball must be below the top of the cup to be considered holed. If the ball comes to rest against the flagstick (but is not holed), the stick may be moved or removed. If the ball falls in, it is considered holed (Rule 17-4). If the ball does not fall in, the player must mark the ball at the edge of the cup. If a player pulls out the stick and the ball is moved away from the hole, that individual must replace the ball without penalty at the edge of the cup. Not replacing the ball is a two-stroke penalty in stroke play and loss-of-hole penalty in match play.

  FASHION EMERGENCIES

  SPLIT SEAM

  PIN

  A safety pin is the fastest, most secure way to hold a seam together. However, many golfers sport lapel pins on their jackets, and these may work in a pinch. Two or three pins in the ripped area should suffice for a temporary solution.

  STAPLE

  Staples can be used to repair seams and will not damage most fabrics, provided they are removed carefully. Take care to avoid stretching the seam; the fabric may tear around the staples if it is pulled hard. If you are on the course and have any papers with staples already in them, carefully remove the staples and re-use them on the seam. Poke the ends through the fabric and bend them in. Alternatively, the pro shop, restaurant, or clubhouse will most likely have a stapler.

  TAPE

  Apply very sticky tape to the inside of the garment to hold a seam together. Adhesive tape from a first aid kit should work, though it might mark the garment. Electrical or duct tape will work best. Grip tape for clubs may also be used, but avoid the weaker masking tape and cellophane tape.

  BROKEN SHOELACES

  SQUARE KNOT

  Tie the broken ends of the lace together using a square knot: stack two regular knots, wrapping the same strand over each time. Use the mnemonic “right over left, left over right.”

  LONGER LACE

  Remove the lace and retie it using only the longer end. You may have to skip a few eyelets to have enough length to tie a knot.

  OTHER LACES

  If you have carried your street s
hoes onto the course, they may provide a lace to use in place of the broken one.

  CADDIE’S LACES

  If you have a caddie, try borrowing the laces from one of his shoes.

  GOLF BAG

  Use a small strap or tie from your golf bag, if you have one.

  SUNGLASSES THAT WON’T STAY ON

  STRING OR A RUBBER BAND

  Tie a piece of string or a long rubber band between the two ear pieces and stretch it across the back of the head. This will prevent sunglasses from slipping down a sweaty nose.

  Alternatively, two rubber bands, one on each side, can be twisted around the earpieces to increase friction and reduce slippage.

  GRIP TAPE

  Cut two small pieces of grip tape, which is sticky, and place them on the nose pads on your glasses. The tape will both absorb sweat and keep your glasses from sliding.

  TISSUE

  A small piece of tissue wedged under the nose pads should prevent slippage, but be aware that it may impair vision.

  LOST GLASSES

  BORROW OTHER PEOPLE’S GLASSES

  You may be able to find a pair of glasses from someone who has a similar prescription. You can borrow them when you hit.

  SQUINT

  Squinting actually increases your depth of field by blocking out excess rays entering the retina, allowing images that are fuzzy to become clearer.

  PINHOLE GLASSES

  Pinhole glasses block out excess rays and can improve vision. Draw two circles about the size of a pair of lenses on a piece of paper or cardboard. Use a pin,

  knife, or a tee to poke at least a dozen small holes in each area where you have drawn your circles. Look through your pinhole glasses to improve your vision.

  GAMBLER’S GUIDE

  GAME BETS

  Bingo Bango Bongo—Each hole is worth three points: one point for hitting the green with the fewest strokes, one point for the player closest to the pin after everyone is on the green (it doesn’t matter how many strokes it took to get there), one point for the player in the hole with the fewest number of strokes or to the first player in the hole. A monetary value is assigned to each point, and each player puts that amount in a pot. The player who has the most points at the end of the match wins the pot.

  Pick-Up Sticks—Players wager a certain amount for the front nine, the back nine, and the match. Each hole a player loses gives that player the right to remove one of his opponent’s clubs from play. The clubs can be brought back into play if that player then loses a future hole (but he cannot then take his opponent’s club). Putters can be given “immunity.” The winner of each set of holes (and ultimately the match) gets the pot.

  Scotch Foursome—Also known as Foursome. Two teams bet a certain amount per hole. Pairs of players alternate shots from tee to green until the ball is in the hole. One player drives even holes and putts odd, the other drives odd holes and putts even. The team who wins the match, the front nine, back nine, or the individual holes (whichever had been decided beforehand) wins the money.

  Skins—Each player puts in a certain amount per hole to form a total per-hole pot, or “skin.” The player who wins the whole on a net basis (the score for that hole after adjusting for handicap) wins that hole’s pot. If any number of players tie, the pot carries over to the next hole, again carrying over until a single player wins a hole. If the 18th hole ends in a tie, the final “skin” goes to the player with the best overall score, a runoff going to the player who won the most “skins.” This gambling game is best for threesomes and foursomes.

  Snake—The object of this game is to not “three-putt.” A player who “three-putts” first “holds the snake.” The snake is then held by that player until another player three-putts. At the end of the ninth and eighteenth holes, the player holding the snake must pay the other players a set amount. Combining this game with another gambling game makes life interesting—a player may hit around the green without getting on it to avoid a three-putt, but this may hurt him if another gambling game is being played at the same time.

  SIDE BETS

  Murphy—A player has declared a “Murphy” when he bets that he can get onto the green and into the hole in a certain number of shots.

  Overs—If a player moans about his bad luck, he can be forced to take the shot again if you call an “overs” bet before the ball comes to rest. In this bet, you are betting against that player’s ability to do better. If the whiner makes a better shot, he wins. If not, you win.

  Scruffy—Calling a “scruffy” is to bet that, despite a horrible tee shot, you can still make par.

  Arnie—A bet that is won by scoring par without touching the fairway.

  Bambi—A bet that is won by scoring par after hitting an animal.

  Froggy—A bet that is won by skipping a golf ball across a water hazard.

  GLOSSARY

  GOLFSPEAK TRANSLATION

  Looks Like I’m stuck on the beach. I have gotten stuck in a sandtrap/bunker.

  You’re in the cabbage now. You are in very thick rough.

  That ball’s dead. You are in a position from which you are unable to reach the green.

  Well, that’s an elephant’s ass. That shot is high, but not very long—and it stinks.

  What a goat farm! This is a very poorly maintained course.

  Stop being such a golf lawyer. Stop constantly telling me the rules.

  You left it right in the jaws. You came just short of the cup.

  Now I’m leaking oil. Now my game is really falling apart.

  Don’t overcook it. Do not hit your shot too hard.

  You’re in throw-up range. Your putt is close enough to make, but long enough that you will probably miss it.

  You burned a few worms on that one. You have hit a very poor, low shot.

  Get up on the dance floor! Get up onto the putting green!

  You’re in the soup. You are in a water trap.

  I’m headed for the chopping mall. I am playing a terrible round.

  Nice banana! That certainly was a big, looping slice!

  I fried that egg. I buried that right in the bunker.

  I think I’ll use my knife. I think that I will take that shot with my one iron.

  You whiffed that one. You missed the ball completely.

  I think I’ve got the yips. I doubt that I can sink short putts.

  I guess it’s just the rub of the green. You only have a certain amount of control.

  THE EXPERTS

  FOREWORD

  Jerry Foltz, winner of the 1995 South Carolina Open, is a golf journalist and former touring professional who spent eight years on the Buy.com Tour. He is a weekly columnist for golfonline.com, and has been the on-course commentator for the Golf Channel since 1997.

  CHAPTER 1: BAD LIES

  How to Retrieve a Ball Lost in the Washer

  Source: Frank Miller is a golf construction and industry consultant. He owns a sod farm and a golf green construction company in Kihei, Hawaii.

  How to Tee Off in Front of a Crowd

  Sources: Bruce Jackson of Inside/Out in Provo, Utah, is a specialist in performance psychology. His clients include athletes and business leaders • Jim Campbell is the Director of Golf, Cape Cod National Golf Club, Brewster, Massachusetts.

  How to Retrieve a Ball Stuck in a Tree

  Source: Michael Martinez is a professional tree climber and owner of Specialized Rigging and Tree Care, Inc., a company specializing in the care and maintenance of trees.

  How to Retrieve a Ball from a Gopher Hole

  Source: Frank Miller.

  How to Scale a Fence to Retrieve a Ball

  Source: Greg Gaffney is an eleven-year veteran of the Naples, Florida, police force, and an avid fence climber.

  How to Play Out of a Water Trap

  Source: Jim Campbell.

  How to Play Out of High Saw Grass

  Source: Mark Heartfield is the head golf professional at the Sankaty Head Golf Club in Siasconset, Massachusetts. In the winter he is
director of golf at Orchid Island Golf and Beach Club in Florida.

  How to Carom the Ball off a Wall

  Source: Andrew Campbell is the assistant golf professional at the Merion Golf Club in Ardmore, Pennsylvania.

  How to Thwart a Cheat

  Source: John Morgan is a professional gambler and a confessed golf cheat who lives in Oakland, California.

  How to Stop Thinking about a Horrible Shot

  Source: Randall McCracken is a golf pro at Willow Creek Country Club in Salt Lake City, Utah.

  CHAPTER 2: EQUIPMENT DISASTERS

  How to Stop a Runaway Cart

  Source: Mr. X, who prefers to remain anonymous, is a technical representative and trainer for one of the largest golf cart manufacturers in the world. He has worked with electric, gas, turf, and industrial carts for 14 years.

  How to Get a Cart Out of a Sand Trap

  Sources: Mr. X. • Chad Moore sells and services golf carts at Florida Southern Golf Carts in Brooksville, Florida. • Golf Cars, Inc. in the greater Philadelphia area, Pennsylvania.