“Well that’s good, isn’t it?” I ask him, feeling so conflicted and confused.
“It was, but Maddox just… wasn’t the same.” I peek up at him, giving him the time he needs to continue. “He was avoiding me; he didn’t even sit with me anymore.” I hear anger rise in Damon’s voice as he swallows. “The fucker just up and went his own way, like he didn’t need me anymore. He needed me. We both knew that.” His voice is full of raw emotion.
“When I confronted him, he told me he didn’t even realize I was upset. He just assumed…”
“Assumed what?” I ask when Damon doesn’t continue. He shrugs, jostling my position before pulling me back into his hold.
“He left me because I didn’t need him anymore. So naturally, I didn’t want him around.”
I try to tell him how fucking awful it is, but Damon cuts me off. “Don’t worry honey bee, I beat the shit out of him later during training for being such a dumbass. And reminded him that we were supposed to stick together.”
My heart hurts for them, for them both. But this isn’t like that. The way Maddox looked at me when he left… this isn’t the same.
“But this is different from that; he seems angry. He makes me feel guilty," I whisper the last words, and Damon's quick to give me a kiss and tell me that's not why. That it's not me. It's just the way he is. But I hate that answer, and Damon must be able to tell.
“Maybe he just wanted to give us privacy.” He doesn’t look at me as he says it. It makes me think he’s lying to me. There's something wrong, and he knows it. I can feel it.
Damon leans in and gives me a kiss on the lips. “Let me go get you some coffee and I'll talk to Maddox. I’m sure everything will be all right. Don’t worry.”
He pats my thigh playfully as if to cheer me up, and then rolls out of the bed.
And to think I was starting to feel this could last forever, I scold myself angrily. Silly me.
I nearly roll my eyes at my thoughts as I watch Damon leave.
I need to wake the fuck up and stop pretending like this is something it’s not.
Climbing off of the bed, I spot my laptop on the way to the bathroom. Brush my teeth and then confide in Mary. Step one and step two to start my morning.
I already know what she’s going to say though. It's what any sane person would say.
This is temporary. I need to stop being so fucking stupid.
Chapter 18
Maddox
It’s all going to end before I know it. Before I’m ready.
I watch Damon and Bianca on the screened-in porch outside. She’s holding a mug of coffee with both hands, the long sleeves of her sweater covering up half her hands as she blows and then takes a small sip. Her eyes are on Damon the entire time, a smile on her lips.
I love seeing that smile, but it’s for him and not me. He’s the one that makes her laugh.
She really seems to love it here. Of course Damon picked this place. It’s his style, and she fits right in. The more the two of them seem at peace together, the more alone I feel.
It’s not intentional, not in any way. For fuck's sake, Bianca asked me to go out there with them. I watch as Damon waves his hand over to the lake a bit away and Bianca lights up. I don’t know what he’s telling her, but she’s happy. She’s radiant. She’s his.
I turn away from the kitchen window, dumping my black coffee down the drain and heading to the other side of the house. We’ve got work to do. Damon can play house all he wants. He can climb further down the rabbit hole and pretend like this is going to last.
I sink into the sofa, grabbing my laptop off the coffee table; my grip on it is tight, too tight. I have to calm the fuck down. I lean my head back and stare at the ceiling.
What the fuck are we doing? This never should’ve happened. I rub my tired eyes, feeling so damn conflicted. I can’t even sleep anymore. She insists on the three of us sleeping in one bed, which I don’t mind, I love feeling her there, but I can’t sleep with her next to me. I stay up, mesmerized by how peaceful she looks in her sleep. As if she belongs between the two of us. But she doesn’t. My father's anniversary has come and gone, and I didn't even realize it. I was so hung up on my honey bee. So distracted by all of this.
By the fact that I can't have her.
My head slumps forward in defeat as I open my laptop, hating myself for thinking that way. But he’s the fool here. Neither of us wants to share something that isn’t even ours to have.
Not even a full minute passes of scrolling through emails before I hear the back door open and heavy footsteps coming in. They’re fast paced and I know before Damon even gets into the room that he’s excited.
I wait for him to come into the room, my eyes on the open doorway. He stops when he sees me, taking a step into the room, but holding onto the doorframe and leaning in.
“What are you doing?” Damon asks me with a spark in his eye and the trace of a grin on his face. He used to have that look when we were kids. It meant we were gonna get into trouble. That’s exactly what that look says.
“Working,” I answer him, although a part of me wants to know what he’s up to. A part of me wants to get into trouble too, especially if it includes our honey bee.
“I was thinking the three of us should go down to the lake.”
My brow furrows as I answer, “It’s fucking freezing outside.”
“Skinny dipping and then heat up in the shower in the master.” He’s way too fucking excited for this. It’s not even March, and just snowed a week or two ago.
“You’ve lost your fucking mind.” I look back to the laptop and go through all the stills the cameras caught last night. A few deer set them off, but it doesn’t look like there’s anything else.
“Bianca’s down for it,” he says, shrugging. “It was her idea.”
“We’re supposed to be protecting her,” I tell him, my eyes feeling heavy from exhaustion.
“What’s wrong with you? We’re safe out here, and I’m fucking bored.” He looks back at me waiting for a response, but I don’t have one. “We need to do something.”
“What? If I don’t want to go skinny dipping, I’m not going to.” I can feel his eyes on me, trying to read my damn mind. “She’ll still be there later, it’s not like she’s going to leave,” I tell him, finally looking up at him.
A strange look crosses his face. His brow is pinched with a deep crease in the middle of his forehead. He’s looking at me like he doesn’t know me. It almost makes me waver, makes me want to come clean.
That I’m scared we’re going to lose her and end up hurt. That’s the only way I see this ending.
Damon blows out a quick breath and shifts his weight, leaning closer to me to say something, but the cell phone on the table goes off, the vibrations making it move slightly.
I’m grateful for the interruption. I pick it up, although I’m not sure if it’s mine or Damon’s, but I put it on speaker before setting it back down. It doesn’t matter whose phone it is, the person on the other end needs to be answered. It’s Vittoro. Damon finally walks into the room and takes a seat next to me.
“Mr. Russo,” I answer in a clear voice. “It’s Maddox.”
It’s quiet for a moment. “We’ve got a problem, Maddox,” he says and Vittoro’s voice is low. Damon shifts in the seat next to me, his eyes shifting from me to the doorway.
My initial thought is that he knows. That he’s taking her away. I grip the sofa to keep from saying anything, to stop myself from telling him.
“What’s that, boss?” Damon asks after the silence stretches on a little too long. “The two of us are here for you.” I’m glad he did, because I don’t trust myself to speak right now.
“Can we talk?” Vittoro asks. It’s code to confirm if the phones have the blocks on them. And they do. Every phone in here does, and there’s no way to record or trace these conversations from our end.
“Yeah, we’re good,” I answer, my body still coiled and tight.
�
�Vincent’s dead,” Vittoro answers and relief is slow to flow through my body from him not knowing, but also at the fear from another source. My blood’s pumping with too much adrenaline and my muscles are wound up tight and ready to fight.
“Pagliaro?” Damon asks. That’s the only Vincent I’d imagine matters. He’s a trusted advisor and unofficial mediator between the familias. He was respected and always held a neutral position. When I grew up, tense times didn’t last long because of that man. I always wondered how he did it. How feuds could be settled over a few conversations rather than bullets. And I guess now I’ll never know.
“The one and only,” Vittoro answers back, his voice more casual. I almost ask which side it was, but I don’t have to. “They broke the code by sending his dead body back to me as a message. It’s all-out war now,” he says and his voice is cold and his words pick up. “They’re fucking with me now. It doesn't matter though. Both territories are mine. Galanti, Condotti. Both of 'em.”
Damon’s expression reflects exactly how I feel. He’s losing it, drunk on power and greed. Vittoro’s letting them affect him.
“They want a reaction? I’ll give them a fucking reaction!” he screams into the phone.
Damon eyes me warily.
“Did you find out anything on the rat?” I ask him, trying to make him focus.
“I don’t trust a single one of the men here.” There’s another break in the conversation, and my breathing picks up. I never thought the Russos would lose the war. Not for a second, but if they do, we’re fucked. It’d be just the two of us against whoever was left. And there would be no way they’d let Bianca live.
“How are the numbers?” I blurt out. I need to know. I’ll kill them all.
“On our side, but they’re desperate and reckless,” he sneers the last word.
“They won’t deal?” Damon asks.
“Deal? There is no fucking deal! That’s what I told that fat fuck, and he delivered the message loud and clear.” My blood runs cold as he continues his rant. “Every last one of them is dead. They’re good at hiding, but I’ll find them. I’ll find every fucking one of them.”
It’s quiet for a moment, neither of us knowing how to respond. It’s not often that war ends like this, with no bargaining, no negotiations, no lives spared.
“Where’s my Bianca?” Vittoro asks, his voice still holding that anger.
Damon answers, “She’s just outside.”
“Go get her, I need to hear her voice right now.”
Damon’s slow to rise, staring at the phone with a threat in his gaze. “One minute, boss,” Damon answers and starts walking away.
“You can talk, but the location stays quiet,” I say.
“I thought you said we could talk.”
“We can, but your end may not be good.” I’m not willing to risk that there’s not someone tapped in on his line, listening to every fucking word he’s saying. He’s quiet, and it pisses me off. We’re not telling him where we are. “Yeah?” I push him for a response, and he gives me one.
“Yeah, I hear you. And how have you been treating my princess?” Vittoro asks. His voice takes on a note I haven’t heard before, and my skin pricks with a sudden chill.
I don’t say anything for a moment, my heart sputtering. If anyone’s ever been able to strike fear into my heart, it’s him. For my entire life he’s been the only man whose name made me want to cower.
But not right now. She’s mine. I resist the urge to let those words slip off my tongue. Instead I take in a breath, my eyes locked with Damon's as I reply, “She’s been a little stir crazy, to be honest.”
Vittoro huffs into the phone, although I’m not sure if it’s a laugh or something else.
“I’m sure you’re taking good care of her, huh?”
I grit my teeth as I hear the back door opening and Bianca’s steps coming close.
“We are. She’s safe here,” I answer him.
“She better be.”
Chapter 19
Damon
“We can’t treat her like that,” I tell Maddox a few hours later.
Bianca is settled in her room with a book, so we have some privacy.
He shakes his head then glares at me as he responds, “You fucking know that by ‘we’ you mean ‘me.’ And I treat her fine.”
I slam my laptop shut and shove it off my lap and onto the coffee table. This argument has been building up for years. It’s Maddox’s pattern. He lets down his guard, and the second any woman starts to get close to him, he goes out of his way to push her away. And before Bianca, it didn’t really matter 'cause none of them really affected him or me. But I can feel that Bianca’s the one to hold on to. I know it. I can’t let that happen with her. What really pisses me off is that I don’t know if he’d be doing this if we weren’t stuck here. I don’t know if he’d just leave her or not. And I can’t fucking stand the thought of him walking away from her. I won’t let it happen.
“Let’s talk,” I grit the words out, and charge out the front door.
“What the fuck is your problem?” Maddox asks, following closely behind.
“This shit won’t fly for long,” I tell him. “We’re about to make an enemy of Vittoro, and you want to have his niece turn on us, too? Get ready, Maddox. Your piss poor bullshit is about to do some damage. Any fucking day now, you’ll feel the blowback. We both will.”
He leans all his weight on the creaky wooden porch railing and stares up at the ceiling. “She’ll be fine. I know what I’m doing.”
“Like hell you do. You’re making a mistake,” I tell him.
“Yeah, well sometimes I do that shit.”
He’s being a dick, and he knows it. “So don’t, then,” I tell him, raking a hand through my hair. “How do you think she’s feeling right now after you just ignored her?”
“Smart enough to know to keep her distance.” He stares straight ahead, running his hand along his jaw. I can see the regret in his eyes already. He knows he’s fucking this up.
“You know damn well that’s not what you want.”
“What the fuck do you know about what I want?”
“I know plenty, dickhead,” I say, eyes narrowed as I fold my arms across my chest to stop myself from making this fight physical. “You’re lying to yourself if you think you’ll be able to let her walk away. I know you’ll be kicking yourself for a fucking long time if you push her so far away that she really does leave us.” He doesn’t answer, so I add, “Or maybe it’ll be Bianca and me leaving your grumpy ass in the dust.”
He whips his head down and meets my glare head on. “Shut your fucking mouth. You’re not getting her all to yourself.”
“Then step the fuck up and treat her like she’s worth a damn… Listen to me, Maddox. I ain’t kidding. If you so much as look at her the wrong way, I swear to God I’m this close to fucking killing you.”
Maddox pushes off the railing with a sharp jerk and turns to face me. “Make your move, motherfucker.”
I shake my head. Of course he’ll respond to the threat of violence this way. “You’re a real piece of work, you know that?”
“Yeah, I know that,” and his voice is laced with anguish.
“Instead of spending all this time being an annoying, reprehensible son of a bitch, just face the real issue.”
“The real issue is you’re a fucking pain in the ass, Damon,” he says back.
“You keep blaming yourself for every fucking thing that happened in your shitty life, instead of taking control where it matters. And I’m so fucking sick of it. All this goddamned feeling sorry for yourself.”
Every vein on his neck pops up. He’s fighting mad now. “You’d better fucking stop right there, Damon,” he warns me.
“No! You need to hear this.”
“Bullshit,” he sneers.
“That’s exactly the reason you're putting us in a fucking impossible situation right now.”
“I'm in this position because…” he starts. Just whe
n I think he’ll get down to brass tacks, he charges down the front steps. “Leave me the fuck alone, Damon. That’s fucking why.” I'm not affected in the least by his anger. I'm used to it. He knows what I'm saying is true.
“That woman in there cares about us… about you. She’s a chance for you to have a better life.”
“You think I don't want that?” he asks me in a strained voice, pointing to his chest.
“Well hell, let me think. One minute you’re thoughtful, and the next, you treat her like shit, act like an angry motherfucker, and you send her so many mixed signals you have her head spinning. What the hell do you want?”
“I don't fucking know,” he mutters, eyes staring out at nothing in particular as he stands in the middle of the gravel walkway.
“Well, I know what I want. And it’s fucking simple. If we survive Vittoro, I’m going for it.”
“It's not that simple,” he says beneath his breath.
“It can be.” I'm firm in my answer. I'm not going to stop until I have exactly what I want.
“Now who’s lying to himself?” Maddox asks me.
At this point, I’m so stuck in the same old cycle with Maddox that I’m close to revisiting my options. I want a life, and someone special in it. Something real that can last. Bianca’s the first person to come along that makes me believe we have a chance at settling down.
Maddox and I are best friends, and I don't want that to change. We've always shared. Naturally, we could share someone for the long haul. Maybe get married, I don’t know, but what I do know is I'm ready to settle down, even if he's not. We’re growing apart, and my patience is wearing thin. He stares back at me with his brows pinched as he takes a seat on the front porch steps. “What?” I ask.
“It’s this shit with Vittoro having a mole,” he tells me. I clench my jaw, hating the reminder.
“What about it?” I ask him.
“Who do you think it is?” he asks me back as if I have a damn clue.
“That’s what Vittoro should be focused on finding out.”
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