Instead, I asked, “Do you feel the same?”
She pulled back slowly. Her eyes blinked rapidly as tear-filled as my own.
“Well?” I implored just above being heard.
“I’ve always denied the fact I was attracted to you. Especially, in my heart, because I knew if I even admitted it, then I would have to face what lies beneath.” She paused to take a breath I shared with her, nervous now. “But I can’t help it, Eff, being older now; it’s harder to stay away. I force myself not call you. I use other boys to distract me when it doesn’t work and I grow weak. Just being here and having you all to myself, even with all the crap going on in my life, it still comes out.” She played with skin behind my ear. I relaxed. I knew what she was going to say already. “My body responds to you, my mind is always wondering about you, and I am completely at home in your arms.” She closed her eyes and her face edged heavenward as if she were praying or about to give confession. Maybe it was both? In that moment, I couldn’t tell one from the other. They were indistinguishable. “I love you, Estefan. I do. I admit it now and take it fully into my heart.” She opened her eyes and gazed at me as the tears spilt. I wiped them away and brought my fingers to my lips to taste them.
Again, the doorbell rang. In rapid succession now with the muffled tones of my cousin following: “Hey, you fuckheads, were here, open the god damned door!”
“Don’t cry,” I assuaged her, rubbing her shoulders with both hands, then massaging either side of her neck.
“It’s hard not to, Effy, especially when we know what everyone is going to say.” She grimaced at that. “What are we going to do?” she asked again, only with more emotion, pleading. “They are going to hate us.”
“Fuck what everyone else says,” I stated bravely, if not somewhat naively, because inside, I was just as worried as she was.
“We are cousins, Estefan, first cousins; I think the family is going to have a shit fit if they find out how we feel… what we want to do with one another.”
There it was, stated plainly and as a matter of fact, I had deliberately omitted that fact from my brain, so I could circumvent all of the nastiness that came along with it. I had wanted, for years, to be with my cousin. I wanted to date her. I wanted to wine and dine her. I wanted to make love to her some nights and I wanted to fuck the shit out of her on others. I had loved other girls. I took them to my bed and was quite happy with the results. Yet, Katie was never far from my mind. She was always there.
My ex-girlfriend, Tirza, had blown a gasket on me when I had accidently said Katie’s name at the same time I busted my nut inside her. Thank god, she hadn’t put two and two together and figured out I was speaking about my cousin and not the sophomore we both knew from school. But, the deed was done, nonetheless. She had been furious. I think it was one of the main reasons why we hadn’t lasted much longer after that. She had let it fester. I had uttered another girl’s name at the height of intercourse. She went from being my girl to hating me way too quickly for it to be anything else.
The doorbell went wild then, ringing like howling banshee non-stop for almost thirty seconds.
“Why don’t we start by just answering the door, and kinda figure things out as we go. You and I have always been good at keeping secrets,” I concluded standing up and pulling her along with me. “I didn’t tell anyone about last summer when you grabbed me by the cock, did you?”
“NO!” Her eyes were bulging, then another thought crossed her mind. “I was really going to give you a blow-job that day, you knew that right?” She said it in a rush as if she was glad to be rid of the thought.
“I suspected,” I said simply as we made our way to the front door.
So I had been correct all along. Who would’ve thunk it?
About ten feet from the portal, she sighed again. “But, this is going to be so much harder. When I look at you my pussy gets all twitchy and wants attention. How am I gonna explain its’ sloppiness? I practically gush whenever I have carnal thoughts of you!” She stopped to giggle, covering her mouth with one hand. “I can’t believe I just said that!”
Tell me about it, Kat. I’m gonna be boner-city every day…
“I don’t know if I can keep my hands to myself or looks out of my eyes or expressions off my face.” She cut her stride and stomped a foot.
“Jeez, stop being a drama queen! We will deal with it as it comes,” I explained honestly, because really what the hell else was there to do with the situation. We were first cousins and we wanted each other – plain, motherfucking simple.
Maybe it was actually cousin-fucking simple. Ah well, whatever…
“Estefan, come on, think about it! I mean really think about it.”
“No,” was my succinct answer as I reached the door, unlocked it and threw it wide.
Jacob was about to pound on the door with both fists, having forsaken the worthless doorbell at that point. He stood there like an idiot, both arms up over his head, his face frozen in shock, eyes bulging.
Behind me, from the corner of her mouth, I heard Katie say, “You don’t have to be such an asshole about it.”
{ ¹Full Metal Jacket: a 1987 war film produced, directed and co-written by Stanley Kubrick. Usage herein refers to the scene in the movie, following graduation, where Private “Joker” discovers Private “Pyle” in the bathroom loading his rifle with live ammunition – .762 millimeter, Full Metal Jacket. Joker attempts to calm Pyle, who executes drill commands and recites the Rifleman's Creed. The noise awakens the platoon and Hartman. Hartman confronts Pyle and orders him to surrender the rifle. Pyle kills Hartman, and then commits suicide. }
[He can’t take it anymore. His head hurts. His cock aches with the childhood yearnings for his cousin. It’s enough, for now. He climbs, wearily, back to full consciousness. Exhaustion is all he has the strength to feel.]
~~~~~~~~~~~~♦~~~~~~~~~~~~
~ Chapter 12 ~
(Earth Summer – 2385)
Angel Free Town
Flavia awoke sometime in the early afternoon, jumping out of the bed in a flash. She scurried on the tips of her long toes, and Estefan knew in an instant, his long-time companion and protector, had to pee – bad. He smiled to himself as his Neuro-Nanoswarm continued to predict the next grouping of words he would write and he flicked the correct ones in mid-air, he and the million tiny processing units working as a single unit. A good portion of the nanites had settled upon his temples, making the necessary “solid” contact that enabled the Direct Delve software to work properly.
“…from the corner of her mouth, I heard Katie say, “You don’t have to be such an asshole about it” were the last words he typed as the long legged hellcat returned from the toilet, which was really no more than a closet. His ‘Swarm began to disengage itself from him, hundreds of motes fluttering about his head for a few moments, then, they scattered. Some of them joined others, some flew to various corners of the upper reaches of the Null-unit’s inner walls. Another group merged with his sim-screen, returning it to its typical state.
She still wore only the Stym-sheath about her pelvic area, so her firm breasts bounced as she came toward him in the low-level light. It had been at a level affording him enough luminance to continue to write, assisted by the program, without disturbing Flavia as she slept.
He spoke, “Save, full ghost encryption, password set at level designate - Alpha-Omega 1, Priority Delta, Serial Number 01.” He tapped a knuckle on his left hand and made a swiping motion. Before him, the ‘Swarm and its accompanying screen dissolved into nothing.
“What’cha doin’ there, my dear?” she asked as she began to unfasten the high-yield healing cocoon from her mid-section, standing off to one side of him.
He shrugged nonchalantly, “Nothing.”
The word made her stop cold and frown at the ground. The Keeper never did anything without a reason. His time was too valuable. She turned her head to look at him directly.
He had crossed his arms over his chest and wa
s deliberately, peering in the opposite direction.
She finished taking off the Stym-sheath, inspecting herself in a cursory fashion. She was satisfied to see most of the bruising Estefan had talked about earlier had diminished to faint yellow-brown blemishes. She was surprised to find they extended along her thighs from her knees to her crotch. There even some on her round buttocks as well. Yeah, Flavia, he nailed you hard…, she concluded with an inner smile. Then, she remembered his evasiveness and stood straight, her hands on her hips.
“What do you mean ‘nothing’?” she implored, an edge to her tone.
“What do you want me to say – nothing means - nothing,” he said flippantly, gesturing with a hand. She should know better.
She walked directly before him, deliberately placing her feminine “v” in front of his face. Hands on her hips, elbows splayed wide. “You know I can crack your password with ease, right?”
He chuckled, reaching around her swiftly and smacking her hard on the butt. “You do that and I’ll do a lot more than just slap you on the ass.” His voice was light, but the mild threat made a mischievous leer spread across her lips.
“Yeah, like what?”
“Just try something and find out,” he challenged his hand still on her left buttock.
She clicked her tongue as he suddenly pulled her closer to him and kissed her loudly on her soft tuft of pubic hair. In spite of herself, she giggled like a schoolgirl. He smiled back.
An expectant hush fell between them within a few heartbeats, until she reached down and pulled his head upward toward her mid-section. He instinctively turned his head and placed it on her abdomen. She ran her fingers over his scalp with her nails as he reached around and hugged her across the twin mounds of her rear end. They stayed that way for a long time, slowly rocking from side to side, in a sway counterpoint to their breathing, but in concert with the beating of their hearts.
He closed his eyes and listened to her insides grumble and pop, churn and crackle, loving the sound of life within her, luxuriating in the smell of her, the feel of her skin, the hidden strength in her body. Even though, they had been together like this for so many years, he never tired of her. He never got used to the excitement she made him feel, the way she made his blood boil with the slightest look or most delicate touch. Maybe it was because they’d grown up together. He had known her since she’d been nine years old, the only other of his girls he had known longer was Katie, but he loved Katie in a whole different manner. Maybe he just liked the fact she was in his arms and he was in hers. Maybe that’s what really mattered – the “newness” of their embrace.
Above him, she stroked the skin upon his head like she was painting him – long, lazy up and down swipes of her hands.
He exhaled loudly. “I decided to take your advice, Flavy,” he admitted finally.
She stiffened a little in his grasp. “Oh, and what advice would you be talking about?”
“I’ve started a journal,” he said simply.
She wiggled out of his arms and squatted before him, her eyes only a few inches lower than his. “About our past?” she asked enthusiastically.
He nodded; distracted by the sight of her pretty pink folds stretched taunt, because of the way she had positioned herself. Her knees were set wide apart. He cleared his throat, feeling himself stir.
“Will you let me read it?” she inquired, her voice tentative, but hopeful.
He pulled his eyes from the promising delights of her vagina. “Oh, I don’t know about that, Flavia, it’s sort of personal. I mean, I’m writing it precisely as I remember it, from my perspective, that’s the way the Delving works. To you, it would probably read like a trashy, hump-hump novel. I don’t want to see the disappointment in your eyes.”
She reached out to stroke his cheek. It was as hard as granite under her fingertips. “I know how you are, Effy. We were kids together, remember? I saw you do some pretty nasty stuff back then. Why would that affect me now? Besides, I would really like to hear what you have to say about the past, about all of us, about… other things that happened. I would love to be able to read something from your mind. I never have, you know. None of us have, Estefan. You’re always so closed off about the past.”
“Can I think about it?” he queried. It was his turn to sound uncertain and encouraged at the same time.
“Sure you can, mi Amor. You know I’d never push you into anything you didn’t want to do. You know that’s not my way,” she replied softly.
He rumbled with subdued laughter. “Unless someone’s near me you don’t like…”
“I just move them out of the way, my dear, and if they don’t want to move - they die. It has nothing to do with you, Eff. It’s their choice if they wish to live or not,” she clarified, then came forward and kissed him lovingly on the lips. “I just want you to know, if you can stomach it, I’d like to read what you are writing, ok?” she said after a time.
“Ok,” was all he said.
She stood and stretched, twisting half way to the side, her hands in the air, balled into fists. “We should clean up and see where this room has taken us,” she advised after she stopped screeching.
“Sounds like a solid plan, but we should eat first.”
It was a quickly fabricated fruit salad they’d consumed to fill their stomachs.
About an hour later, after they each cleaned themselves in the Dermal-scrubber – alone - not wanting to lose themselves in another round of heated sex. Estefan walked to the rear of the Null-unit. He approached the units input console. From a pocket inside his Grav-blazer, he pulled out the same Ident-card the unit itself had given him upon their arrival. He placed it in the correct slot at the top of the console. The card was sucked inside the machine and the console seemed to blossom like a flower, as panel after panel opened, displaying a myriad of flashing sensors and projected LCD screens.
He flicked his fingers over what looked like a set of random lights, but they weren’t. Then, the console spoke: “Where is the plain?”
“In Spain,” he replied.
“Where does it mainly rain?” asked the console a second time.
“On the plain,” he answered.
“Please approach the holo-scanner,” demanded the machine.
He did as he was told, but to the naked eye, it appeared nothing happened. In reality, he had just been scanned – head to toe – his fingertips, his scent, his DNA - evaluated.
After a short time, “Your command?” inquired the Null-unit’s central processing ‘Swarm.
“Initiate deactivation sequence and open both inner and outer doors.”
“As you command, Keeper.”
They stepped back and waited. Ten seconds later, they felt a shuddering underneath their feet as the small portion of the wall before them hissed open followed by another that swung outward. A passage formed through the three-foot-thick wall of the unit. Pale sunlight shone from the outside world.
Flavia was out first, having to turn sideways to negotiate the narrowness of the portal. He watched her with the eyes of a hawk. She glanced around, then up, then around once more before her fingers flashed.
The way is clear, come.
He slithered through the tight fit of the doorway and stepped out into the open. It was still light out, but the reflected sunlight was waning. Its’ rays were more oblique than direct now, but Estefan had figured as much. He knew it was closer to late afternoon than mid-. From where he stood, he couldn’t see much. The giant vehicle they’d just stepped from blocked most of his view on one side. There was a sharp tree-covered incline blocking the other.
Before he did anything else, he stepped to the outer console of the beastly transport. “Resume Sentry Mode,” he said and almost at once the doors sealed shut, the huge Grav-lifts engaged. The ambling vehicle sped off in the same direction it had been going. Anyone tracking it wouldn’t think it had stopped at all, and was merely continuing as it had before. It was just another Glide-hauler trucking on down the road…
It was then Estefan saw the vista before him and he groaned aloud. It was the last place he figure they’d end up, an inconvenient place at that. He shook his head, irritated, as he continued to stare out at the monumentous super-structure of Angel Free Town. It spread out in all directions before him as far and as high as the eyes could see. In his youth, this place had been called Mount Wilson, now it was named merely – Wilson Vista Point, because, in this day and age, one really didn’t consider any of the mountains of earth much more than small hillocks dotting the countryside. With nearly every single metropolitan area stretching higher into the atmosphere than Mount Everest, why would they think otherwise?
Still though, Estefan and Flavia found themselves standing four thousand feet above the basin of Angel Free Town, gazing down at the sprawling second level of the city – this one was as much a replica of old Los Angeles as there could be with the passage of so much time.
“Wow,” began his wife, “didn’t expect for the damned Null’ to drop us off way out in the boondocks.”
Estefan continued to stare at the millions of buildings, vehicles and flying machinery before them, sucking on pursed lips. “Well, this puts a bit of a damper on our travel plans…,” he added rocking back on his heels, his hands stuffed in the large pockets of his blazer.
Flavia watched him out of the corner of her eye, a brief stab of pain wrenching in her heart – it was the same motion her Father used to do when he was in deep thought. Though he wasn’t blood related, somehow Estefan had inherited it from him. The most eerie thing about it was he did it exactly the same. Every time he did it, it was like watching a ghost. It was get-wrenching for her.
“In the old days, I would’ve just hailed a city bus or hover-train to come and pick us up and we’d be out of here as quick as a runny shit out of a drunkard’s ass,” he commented to no one in particular, but it made her grimace nonetheless.
Shadow Seed 1: The Misbegotten Page 17