by Corn, Laura
That’s a French kiss...down under.
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NO. 84 TRICKS OF THE TONGUE
INGREDIENTS
1 loose tongue
1 short straw
a working knowledge of the alphabet
THE LATIN TERM IS CUNNILINGUS, BUT fortunately, great oral sex is much easier to learn than Latin. In fact, it’s as easy as ABC.
Like any good student, you must first get comfortable in your classroom. So kiss her belly; rub her soft little thatch of hair against your cheek. Drink in that heavenly aroma as you part her thighs. And then... start with one simple lick... like she’s an ice cream cone. Slip your tongue between her lips and run it slowly to the top of her folded flesh.
Unwrap her with your tongue. The ridges and folds of delicate pink tissue will start to swell as you part them with your lips and tongue, mixing your saliva with her own sweet juices.
Now your class begins. If you’ve been caressing her softly — press harder with your tongue. If you’ve been flicking rapidly across her clitoris — slow down into long, deep strokes. From minute to minute, you should change your style... and along the way you will quickly discover what kind of approach she really wants. Feel the way her body responds to each change; listen for her sighs as you zero in on the moves that make her tremble.
Try nibbling — ever so softly — on her inner lips, the labia minora. Draw her clitoris into your mouth by gently sucking on it... in and out; tugging, then releasing. As it swells, it may pop out from under the hood of flesh that protects it — be careful! That little exposed love-button is extremely tender. Start by circling your tongue around it, or gliding lightly across the base before attempting to touch the tender tip.
Make her shiver! Pick up a straw and blow a steady stream of chilling air against her; follow up with your hot, warm breath from closer in. Back to the straw — direct your frosty jet in a slow loop around her most sensitive flesh.
Ready to earn your Ph.D. in oral sex? Use your tongue to trace the letters P, H and D across her clit! And since you’re becoming a man of letters, try the ABCs, or start spelling out her name. Find the one letter that makes her knees go weak. Don’t stop to dot your “I” or cross your “T” and don’t slow down. Focus on O, as in Omigodimcomingdontstopdontstop....
And finally, remember the advice of the wise old man when the lost little boy stopped him on a New York street. “How do you get to Carnegie Hall?” He mused... “Practice, practice, practice!”
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NO. 85 HAWAII BIG O
INGREDIENTS
1 tub with bubble bath
1 bottle of champagne and 2 glasses
tons of towels
a case of candles
music
vacation brochures
optional: 1 waterproof vibe
AHH, THERE’S NOTHING LIKE A LITTLE R & R at a beachside resort to recharge your batteries. Exotic music drifting through the evening air, waves crashing on the shore... It’s incredibly romantic.
It can also be incredibly expensive. But if there’s anything you should have learned about women by now, it’s this: When it comes to romance, it really is the thought that counts.
So improvise! If a Caribbean vacation is beyond your means, a handful of tropical vacation brochures surely aren’t. Pick some up at a travel agency (or print a few from your computer) and leave them lying on the table. Tape one to your bathroom mirror with a note: “I know we can’t really afford it right now, but isn’t it nice to dream about?”
Give her a few days to think about a tropical vacation, and then... give her one, in her own private luxury resort. It’s your bathroom, but it never looked like this before. Candles of all shapes and sizes and colors cast a beautiful glow.
Champagne and glasses are perched on a small table. There’s soft music playing — maybe something tropical, like a steel drum band, or Hawaiian luau music. Towels are piled like sand dunes at the edge of the tub, which is capped with the sparkling white foam of a bubble bath.
Watch her expression as you crack open the door and invite her to peek inside. It’s not just the elegance of the evening, it’s the effort you put into it that touches her heart and brings a smile to her face. Now follow the winding path of candles, laid out on the floor and leading her to the bath.
Drift out to sea with her. Tight squeeze? Sure — that’s half the fun. Make a toast to her beauty. Kiss her... and decorate her face and body with the froth from your artificial surf.
Your slick, soapy skin in such intimate contact is startlingly erotic. Soon your fun play turns to foreplay, and your caresses and strokes, your every move, will send waves splashing onto your terrycloth beach. Every woman knows what a great combination sex and water make. Got a waterproof vibrator handy? Go for it—remember, this is your romantic getaway, your chance to do those things you wouldn’t normally do—or haven’t done in a while...
Daaaah-dum. What’s this? Daaaah-dum.... Could it be?! Dah-dum dah-dum dah-dum dah-dum... look out! It’s the Great White Shark! Dahdumdahdumdahdumdahdum. He’s, um, rising from the depths, and he’s got his eye — (he only has one eye) — on his next victim!
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NO. 86 PANTY ROULETTE
INGREDIENTS
1 pair of panties
DON’T THINK OF PANTIES as something that gets in the way of sex. Think of them as an opportunity to show off your skills.
Panty Skill Number One: attention to detail. Want to know why women spend so much on fancy underwear? Because we expect you to notice. No, it’s even more than that. We get turned on when you notice tiny details about us. It makes us feel loved. Desired, and desirable. Horny, even. So this week, find the sexiest undies she owns, the ones she wears on special occasions, and study them. Then impress the crap out of her:
“Hey, baby, you know those panties you have, the really hot black ones with the lace around the legs and the red bow right at the top?” Of course she knows. She’s surprised to learn that you know, though. “Well, I want you to wear them tomorrow night.” Big leering grin, here. “I have plans for them.”
So now she’s really intrigued, and looking forward to your date. She has probably even shaved in, you know, the panty region. Dinner leads to kissing, and groping, and unzipping. Help her get her clothes off—except for her underwear. Because now it’s time to demonstrate Panty Skill Number Two: the use of panties as a sexual tool. Yes, I mean you can make her come by using her panties, just like you use your fingers or tongue.
Tug on them so they slide across her clitoris and lips. Stroke her through the fabric. I’m telling you, this is hot. You’re stirring up erotic high school memories of the days before she dared to go All The Way—steamy make-out sessions, sweaty nights in cars, bumping and rubbing and almost doing it. Getting close, and getting really wet.
Keep it up for a while. Press your fingertips against her, finger her, just a little inside, with nothing but a sheer layer of fabric between her and your hand. Now introduce her to a truly wild sensation: Oral sex through her panties. Let her feel the heat of your breath. Nibble. Lick. Take your time. Slide the shiny wet fabric around with your teeth and tongue. Bring her right to the edge of orgasm and keep her there until she’s pushing back at you, grinding her underwear against your mouth. Then, when she’s just about ready to come—slip the fabric to the side for direct contact. It won’t be long before she arches her back and bursts into a toe-clenching orgasm.
And it won’t be long before you see those panties again, I promise.
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NO. 88 KINKY CONFESSIONS
INGREDIENTS
photo storage box
notepaper
bedroom toys (optional)
FINISH THIS SENTENCE: A woman will be putty in your hands if you give her _______.
A car? Nope, try again. Diamonds? Nice, but not what I’m looking for. No, the answer is honesty.
Women value honesty. With honesty, comes trust. And with trust, you can tell each other anything. Believe me, that kind of honesty and vulnerability is hot.
Now, here’s something to consider: The majority of American women say they wish they knew exactly what their men want sexually. We want our men to be more honest about what turns them on.
It’s difficult, though, to look your love in the eyes and tell her what you really want. It’s much easier to write what gets you off than it is to say it out loud. This week, you’re going to share your kinky confessions, and you don’t have to say a word. And for that, you’ll need a box.
A fabric-covered, photo storage box is perfect, but there are endless types of boxes available. As long as it’s roughly the size of a shoebox and has a lid, you’re set. On Sunday, put the box in the middle of your bed. Attach a note on the lid that says, “Open Me.”
Inside the box is a sheet of paper titled “Fantasy Box Rules.” On it, write the following: This is our Fantasy Box. I want to share my fantasies with you. Every morning I will confess one of my secret fantasies, and ask you a question. You’ll have until that evening to answer the question. Here are the rules: 1. We will keep our minds open while reading each other’s secrets. 2. We will not talk about the box, and 3. A closed lid means there’s something in the box. If you agree to the rules of the Fantasy Box, put it on your dresser with the lid open. I love you.
Her heart is going to speed up when she realizes what you’ve organized, and she’s going to wish she’d thought of it!
Write out your confessions. Obviously they should be bedroom-related and not, “I ate the last spring roll and blamed it on the dog.” Here are some suggestions. Use them or make up your own; just make them increasingly explicit and risqué as the week goes along:
– I’ve always wanted to make love to you while you wore white fishnet stockings. What’s something I can wear that turns you on?
– I would love it if you talked dirty when we have sex. What are some sexy things you’d like me to say while I’m making love to you?
– I’ve always fantasized about taking you from behind while you’re washing the dishes. Where have you fantasized us having sex besides the bedroom?
– I’ve always wanted to watch you masturbate. What’s something I could do that makes you hot? (Include a toy in the box: something unusual, like a pyrex dildo. They’re pretty, inexpensive and easy to clean.)
– I’ve read that massaging the prostate makes a guy explode during orgasm. I’ve fantasized about trying that while you give me oral. What have you heard about that you’re curious to try?
Again, these are suggestions. Place your true confessions in the box, one day at a time, and wait for her response.
This week, the atmosphere in your house is going to be electric. Starting Sunday, there will be an element of anticipation hanging on everything you say and do. She’s going to be on the edge of her seat wondering what you’re about to reveal (Did he just walk to the bedroom? Is he putting something in the box?). She’s going to be checking the box, you’re going to be checking the box, and the box is going to be revealing things that have never been uttered out loud.
On Saturday morning, leave one final note in the box: I want to make your fantasies come true. Meet me in the bedroom, 8pm. Saturday night, you’re going to fulfill her fantasies, and the box has told you exactly how. She’s going to be wet all day just thinking about it. Remember, don’t talk about the box. Just look at her and share a knowing smirk throughout the day.
Before your date, set the scene using her confessions as your guide. Make the bed, dress in something she thinks is sexy, have any toys you might need within arm’s reach, light candles.
Don’t speak; honestly, there’s no need. The box has told you exactly what her box wants and now it’s time to deliver.
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NO. 90 POWER STRIP
INGREDIENTS
2 cell phones with camera feature
household cleaning supplies
big smile
clean underwear
WHEN IT COMES TO AROUSING A WOMAN, timing is everything. Usually, that means making sure she is relaxed and not facing any distractions.
But this week, it means you have to wait... until she is at the grocery store. No, seriously.
Right after she leaves for a weekend grocery run, you are going to begin doing the one thing that makes all women melt: chores. Household chores. Cleaning, fixing, straightening. Most men instinctively avoid housework, but that’s only because they don’t realize how much it turns women on. Those reality home makeover shows, where crews of men come in and fix everything that’s wrong with your house? That’s girl porn. Pure erotica.
Are you still reading? Good. I was afraid I might have scared you away with the chores idea. You won’t actually have to work hard this week. You just have to give the appearance of housework—and combine it with the appearance of stripping. And catch it all on camera.
Begin with some glass cleaner and paper towels. Use your camera phone to snap a picture of yourself wiping down a window and smiling at the camera, then send it to your sweetie’s phone. What do you suppose the other shoppers will make of it when they hear her crack up laughing in the middle of the grocery store? Now take your shirt off, and grab a broom. Take a photo of yourself grinning and sweeping the floor, then send it to her phone. Get out your toolbox and snap a shot of you with your cordless screwdriver. She’ll look forward to each new ding on her phone, waiting to see what surprises you’ve been cooking up. Ooh, cooking! Now there’s a chore she’d like to see you perform! Send a picture of you in your undies and an apron. And then another with you wearing an apron and nothing else. Shot from behind.
Next photo: you with a tool belt and a smile. Next: Rubber gloves. Monkey wrench. Vacuum cleaner. Take a series of self-portraits, each time doing a different chore, and each time getting more and more naked. Send them to her phone, one at a time. Include an occasional text message:
Can’t wait to see you
Working hard
Ready to play
Like what you see?
Come home soon
Of course, you must complete at least one real chore, like cleaning the windows. Remember, it’s actual work that gets her hot. The sight of your bare buns will make her laugh. (Especially if she sees them while she’s in a grocery store!) But the thought of you naked while relieving her of housework is what makes her tingle.
As soon as she gets home, put some britches on, because you need to help her put away the groceries. Then repeat your striptease, live and in person.
And then get to work. On her. Rubber gloves optional.
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NO. 91 THE EXTRA POINT
INGREDIENTS
kisses, hugs, sweet talk
1 hidden rose
her favorite sweets
your favorite board game
stamina — the night is still young!
FREE BONUS! e-tease her from 101nights.com/TheExtraPoint
WHY DO MEN LIKE ROMANCE? Well... mostly it’s because women crave it! Isn’t she always more responsive after a bubble bath by candlelight? Don’t you do everything in your power to seduce her into a night of love? Well, foreplay doesn’t always have to come first.
In fact, it’s afterplay that really make an evening special for a woman. Just as she needs flowers and sweet-talk to get her in the mood, the same treatment can sustain the mood after a steamy, sensual encounter. You might want nothing more than a little shut-eye after working up a sweat between the sheets, but not this week. Tonight’s steamy encounter begins where most of them usually
end.
Buy her a rose, one that comes with a small glass water tube sealed over the end so you can hide it under the bed. When the peak of passion has passed — when she’s still gasping for air after the shuddering climax you brought her to — don’t turn your back on her. Instead, get up out of bed. Light a few candles. Put on some sultry music, like Robin Thicke or John Legend. Bring her a glass of something cold to drink.
Then, once she realizes the fun’s not over yet, bring out the big guns. You’ve put together a little tray of her favorite sweets—chocolate truffles, chocolate-covered strawberries, maybe even M&M’s or Oreos—whatever her heart desires. If you thought she was smiling before...
Next, have a little fun. What’s your favorite board game to play together? Is it something flirty and sexy like Dirty Minds or Loaded Questions? Or something a little more competitive, like Scrabble? Whatever makes the two of you laugh together. As crucial to romance as sex is, creating moments like these is just as romantic—maybe even more.