by Jo Davis
“Eve? It’s me. Hate to say this, but try the cemetery.”
The blood drained from her face. “Howard, you don’t think he would try to hurt himself, do you? God, I’m losing my mind.”
“No, I don’t think so, but—shit, I’m picking you up and we’ll go together. I don’t want you going out there by yourself. Be there in fifteen.”
Before she could argue, he hung up. Truthfully, she was grateful for his coming to the rescue, especially when she didn’t know what she’d find. She didn’t think Sean would harm himself, either, but the cemetery was isolated, and with this Rose guy on the loose, going out there alone would be stupid.
Waiting for Six-Pack was the longest fifteen minutes of her life.
Please, let him be all right.
Sean tore out of the parking lot, down the street, dodging other cars. Ignoring honks. All he knew was he had to escape the agony searing his chest. Constricting his lungs. He drove endlessly, for how long he didn’t know.
He’d had children. They were gone.
He needed to be where his babies were.
Before he realized where he was going, he pulled through the old iron gate. Drove the Tahoe over the rutted drive, down the grassy path worn with tire tracks. Past a sea of headstones. Loved ones. Waiting for someone to visit, to care.
Or maybe the living just needed to believe there was something left of their spirit.
At the end of one lane, he threw the truck into park and stumbled out. Wove through more stones, careful not to step on the graves. Bad luck to do that. God knew he didn’t need more.
At the end of the row, three neat granite stones rose from the trim lawn. Together, yet alone. Forlorn. Staggering to a stop, he stared at the words.
BELOVED WIFE.
BELOVED SON.
BELOVED DAUGHTER.
“Daddy, look at my collage! It’s for you. Do you like flowers?”
“Come on, Dad, math sucks. I’ll do better next time. Can’t you loosen up?”
“Daddy, where do babies come from?”
“Hey, Dad! I’m the starting quarterback tomorrow night! Woo! Can you come?”
Gone forever. Forever.
“No,” he moaned. “No.”
A huge hot bubble expanded in his chest. Stretched his skin, expanding, tearing him apart. He’d stopped this feeling, numbed it with alcohol, many times before. But now there was no buffer for the grief consuming him. Swallowing him whole.
A sob escaped, and he sank to his knees in the grass. Doubled over clutching his chest. Tried, so hard, to keep the devastation locked away. As he always had.
“No,” he rasped. “No, no, no . . .”
Another sob ripped from his throat, and another. From the depths of his soul, turning him inside out. The pain was not to be believed. He couldn’t survive the onslaught. Didn’t want to.
The sobs were deep and harsh. He’d never cried like this before. The force of it shattered him, left him naked and defenseless. Pouring out his broken heart to God and whoever else would listen.
“Please, no. Don’t let it be true. It’s not true.”
But it was. He rocked, arms around his middle, tears dripping off his chin.
“Please, Bobby. I’m sorry. Mia. Baby, Daddy’s so sorry. Oh, God.”
Then a pair of slender arms wrapped around him. Someone there, kneeling with him, holding him tight.
“Sean, sweetheart. They know it wasn’t your fault, I swear.”
He knew her voice, her scent. Eve.
And he collapsed against her, clinging to his lifeline in the storm. His anchor. Her soothing words began to calm him, reach his stricken soul.
“It’s all right. They know, honey. Shh, I’m here. Howard, too. We’re here for you, always.”
She repeated them again and again, until his cries faded to hitching breaths. Until there was nothing but the two of them. The birds, the grass, the soft evening sounds in the waning light.
“They’re not here,” he whispered.
“I know. They’re in your heart, and that’s where they’ll always be.” She sniffed, holding him tighter.
Wetness soaked his neck, the collar of his shirt. She’d been crying, too, he realized. With him. Sharing his grief.
And he knew in that moment, for a complete certainty, that he loved her.
A few minutes ago, he could have sworn that white-hot ball of agony had blown a hole in his chest. Now, slowly, a golden glow, an incredible sense of peace, filled the hollow space. Time lost all meaning as they remained wrapped around each other. The glow encompassing them both in a tangible bond.
Finally, he pulled back enough to wipe his face, look into her eyes. “I’m so very sorry for the awful things I said to you. Can you forgive me?”
She gave him a watery smile, blue eyes shining. “I love you. There was never a question of forgiveness.”
He ran a finger down one beautiful cheek. “I love you, too. I have for a long time, and I just didn’t know it.”
“Oh, Sean.”
“What’s more, I’d be honored to be the father of our child, should that be the case.”
“You don’t have to say that if you’re not ready.”
“No, I am. I said before my family would’ve wanted me to be happy, but now it’s different. This time I know it.”
“I’m so glad for you. Us.”
“Don’t get me wrong. I will always miss my children, and missing them will hurt. But I can live my life now.” He placed a gentle kiss on her lips. “I want to live it with you.”
“I—I want that, too.” She hugged him again, fiercely. “Why don’t we go? I think Howard is about to wear a rut in the trail over there, worrying about you.”
“Sounds good.”
Pushing to his feet, he gave her a hand up and paused, his gaze roaming over the three headstones once more. He loved them all and always would, but he had to let go. Had to live. “Good-bye,” he said quietly.
Taking Eve’s hand, he led her from the lonely site. To where his best friend stood watching them approach, anxiety etched on his face. Sean walked up to him. Hesitated.
Then found himself wrapped in a tight bear hug, big fists gripping the shirt at his back.
“Scared the fuck out of me.” For Howard, that was strong language.
“Didn’t mean to. I’m sorry.”
“That was a long time coming, my friend.”
“Yes. And I’m okay now, really.”
His best friend pulled back and studied him, apparently judging for himself. “I think you might be right.”
“I am. I’m the luckiest man to have a second chance, and to have a friend like you.”
The big man released him and smiled. “I’m lucky, too. So, before we get too mushy, I’m going to head out, since it seems you’re in good hands.”
“Thanks, Howard. For picking up Eve, and coming for me.”
“Anytime.”
His friend gave Eve a quick hug, and started for his truck. Sean watched him leave, and then he and Eve made their way to his Tahoe at the end of the lane. Suddenly, he was exhausted.
“Stay with me tonight? Then we’ll go to your appointment tomorrow, together. Whatever the news, we’ll face it as a couple.”
“I’d like that.”
He took her by her apartment, where she packed a small bag, and then they were on their way to his place. As he pulled down the long driveway, he made a decision.
They would hunt for a place of their own. A haven to put their stamp on, together.
In his bedroom they stripped to the skin and slid into bed, spooning with her back to his front the way he loved. Reaching back, she stroked his hair. Soothing, comforting.
Loving.
He drifted into sleep, letting love surround him.
And work its healing magic.
14
1991
“Son, do you realize the import of what’s happened?”
Sean swallowed hard, staring at the colonel. �
��Yes, sir.”
“If your story about Rose and his activities is proven true, you’ve helped weed out a traitor. You’re already being hailed as a hero for saving Connors’ life when Rose drew on him. Several of the men witnessed the incident.”
Incident. Such a nice, pleasant word for an event that had just changed life as he knew it.
“I don’t feel like a hero, sir. I feel sick.”
“That’s to be expected,” he said, not without sympathy. “But it’s done, and you did the right thing by coming to me. Turning in a comrade is never easy, especially when you’re as close as brothers. If the other men had done the same the moment they heard the rumors, this might not have happened.”
True, but that applied to Sean as well. He still felt guilty.
The colonel considered him for a long moment. “You’ve learned a valuable lesson in what happens when our humanity must make war with our duty. This will make you a better soldier.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Carry on, Sergeant.”
He left, unsure how he’d finish this tour of duty. He’d much rather save lives than take them.
But when he did finish, in a few months, he was out of the military for good.
Eve glanced at Sean’s profile as he drove them to her doctor’s appointment. He looked a little tired, but he seemed okay. She hoped so, because she never again wanted to see him like he was yesterday—on his knees, the picture of total devastation. His sobs had ripped her in two, and she’d been terrified he wasn’t going to come back from the edge.
Thank God he had, but the much-needed emotional catharsis had left him drained.
“Here we are.”
Giving her hand a reassuring squeeze, he walked her into the one-story office building and down a hallway to a glass door marked with the name of her ob-gyn. After she signed in, she and Sean sat in the waiting area for about twenty minutes, making small talk about everything under the sun, mostly to ease anxiety.
“Eve? Come on back.”
She followed the perky nurse to an alcove where another nurse weighed her and took her blood pressure. Then she was handed a cup.
“Write your name on it and leave us a urine sample in the little window.” The girl beamed at her like this was the most fun thing in the world.
“I know the drill, thanks.” But never for a pregnancy test. Brand-new, frightening territory.
She did the deed, which always required a certain amount of acrobatics, and left the sample. After washing her hands, she emerged from the restroom and was directed to sit in a chair near the alcove where a couple of nurses were bent over the sample, perhaps anticipating telling her joyous news.
Her breakfast threatened to rebel.
The nurse who’d brought her back there stopped and addressed her, still smiling. “The test will only take a minute. They’re pretty fast these days. If it’s positive, the doctor will see you to discuss basic health and scheduling your checkups.”
“Okay.”
When the nurses turned to her and approached wearing pleasant but neutral expressions, she wasn’t sure what to think.
“Miss Marshall? The test came back negative.”
“I—oh. Wow. I wasn’t sure—I mean the home test was positive and those things are usually accurate.” She stared at the nurses, feeling strangely bereft.
“That happens sometimes,” she said, voice sympathetic. “I saw your gorgeous man out there, being so sweet to you. Are you two trying for a baby?”
“No, the positive test took us by surprise.” Boy, there was the understatement of the century. She rose to leave. “But I’d kind of gotten used to the idea.”
The nurse gave her a quick hug. “Don’t worry. There will be another time.”
“Thanks.”
One showed her the way out even though she didn’t need directions, and she checked out, retrieving the billing slip without really being aware of what the lady said. Something about insurance, like she cared at the moment.
Sean rose when she walked into the waiting room, his eyes anxious. But full of love. When she shook her head, he opened his arms and she walked straight into them, burrowing close.
“You’re disappointed,” he said into her hair, kissing her.
“Yeah, I am. But I didn’t know I would be until about two minutes ago.”
“We’ll try again.”
“One day. I know we weren’t ready, but still.”
“I know, baby.” Pulling back, he tipped her chin up. “Why don’t I treat us to dinner and a movie? Let’s enjoy our day together and forget all our troubles for a while.”
“Sounds like the perfect plan.”
“Grimes is set. He’s practically makin’ love to that reactor—he’s so close.” Hammer smiled, showing off a perfect set of white teeth. “I still can’t believe you got him a Red-Level badge clearance. How’d ya do it, boss?”
Jesse straightened from his bent position, loading supplies in a stolen van. “Did you really just ask me that question? Guess you are as dumb as you look.”
Hammer was unperturbed, and chuckled. “Friends in the right places, ones who are sympathetic to our cause.”
“You’ve got that half right. Not friends,” he said coldly. “We’ve got people we use and people who use us. Never friends.”
“Right. Figure of speech, that’s all.”
He eyed the big man. “You’d sell me out for the right price, wouldn’t you?”
“Sure. Price has never been high enough.”
Taken aback for a second, Jesse stared. And then laughed. Big bastard had probably been offered plenty to nail Jesse’s hide to the wall. “I doubt it ever will be. But if it is? You’ve only got one shot.” He patted the man’s cheek, hard. “Make it count.”
As the man ambled away, Jesse considered his own advice. That was how enemies were defeated—they failed to make the most of their shot when they had it. They allowed their emotions, other tangled-up shit in their heads, to fuck with their perception.
Failed to make the kill.
And then the prey became the predator, ripped out the enemy’s throat.
“I’m coming for you, Tanner. Can you feel me? Real soon, you can join your precious little family in their dirt nap.”
Everything was accounted for, the last of the charges loaded and ready to be placed. But they weren’t loaded in this van. This one would serve as the decoy. Disappear, and reappear at a very different destination.
It would carry Sean to meet his fate.
And then his former best friend would scream in terror as the town he loved came crashing down. With Sean buried underneath.
In a surveillance van a mile away, on a rise, Special Agent Nick Westfall turned in his seat to one of the tech guys. “Get all that?”
“Yep. Think Hammer will come through with the names?”
“Let’s fucking hope so, and before he gets his ass killed like our last man.”
“God, I don’t know how you guys do that undercover shit, especially a gig that lasts years. If I was Hammer, I’d go nuts hanging out with those slime-balls twenty-four-seven.”
“Some do. And some eventually buy into their role, become what they hated most.” It was why Nick had gotten out of deep undercover work. Too many monsters.
People had absolutely no idea how real they were.
“Better them than me. I just record the shit.”
“I’ll bet you’ve seen and heard a lot.”
The techie snorted. “Stuff that would turn your hair white. I’ve got a ringside seat.” He shrugged. “But you’ve seen more than me, and up close.”
You have no clue.
He shook himself back to the present, swiped a hand down his face in frustration. “We need to find out where he’s going with that last load of C-4. Dammit!”
“Hammer doesn’t know?”
“Rose is keeping his side project close to the vest. He’s going for Tanner, but we don’t know where or how.”
“A
ll we can do is keep watching and listening. Hope we get something, or Hammer does. Why don’t they just put this Tanner guy into protective custody?”
“Come on, you know better.” He gave the techie an arch stare.
“Oh, right. He’s the bait. You need Rose to come out and play.”
“Exactly. Every criminal has an Achilles’ heel, and Tanner is his.”
And when Rose showed his face, Nick hoped like hell they got to the bait on time.
A cough shook him, and Sean covered his mouth with his napkin. The irritation in his lungs hadn’t gotten much better, and at first he’d blamed it on the smoke inhalation.
“You’ve been fighting that cough for a while,” Eve said, frowning. “Maybe you should go back to the doctor.”
“I think I’m getting a chest cold.” Another cough shook him, and he shuddered.
She leaned over the table and felt his forehead, his cheeks. “You’re really warm. Want to skip the movie?”
“No way. I want to show my girl a good time, and that’s what I’m going to do.” He smiled at her to cover the fact that he’d been feeling worse by the hour all day. But he wasn’t down yet and certainly not out. His baby deserved to be spoiled.
She didn’t look convinced. “Okay, but if you feel any worse, I’m taking you home and putting you straight to bed.”
“Oh, promise?”
“Pervert.”
“You love me that way.”
“True.”
They finished their dinner, chatting about work and their friends. Balancing their lives together, becoming them. The perfect opening presented itself and he sat back in his chair, regarding her, hope blooming in his chest.
“I was thinking. . . . Remember when I said I might sell my place, buy something else?”
“Sure. That sounds like a great idea. New start and all that.” She took a sip of her iced tea.
“I know this is soon, but what would you say if I suggested we look for a new place together? One that’s ours?” Her blue eyes widened and her lips parted in surprise. Was that good or bad?