by D. N. Hoxa
“Why don’t I what?”
“Fight.”
He looked up at me, and his eyes looked a lot bluer now that the sunlight fell on his face.
“You say you’re a fighter, but you still feel like you need to apologize for what you are. You don’t fight for it. You don’t fight those who judge you.”
He stood up again and smiled sadly.
“Forgive me if I’m wrong. I’ve only known you for a short time, but some things are hard to miss.”
Left completely speechless, I walked around him and towards the cherry tree. Johnny Darling’s face came to my mind. And that man at the motel. And now Jeb. I had felt so little in front of them. Filthy. As if this was my fault. Fighting them had never been an option. I did fight Johnny only because I was terrified he’d tell everyone about me. Suddenly, shame filled me from head to toe. It almost felt like I’d betrayed myself.
I’d sat down on the bench without even realizing it, and Julian was right next to me, looking at me like he wanted to walk right into my mind and see what I thought. I hated him for it. He had no right to attack the little confidence I had left like that. It wasn’t his place to make me second-guess everything I knew. No matter what he thought, I was a fairy. Of course I was ashamed. I didn’t want people to see me, and I couldn’t blame them for reacting the way they did when I’d done the same all my life. Because…why?
“You never answered my question,” I whispered and met his eyes.
“What question?”
“Information. You said you had access to some important information. Care to share it?” The smile died right on his lips. “Just tell me. I’m not going to tell anyone.”
“That’s not the point,” Julian said, analyzing every inch of my face as if he was trying to commit it to memory.
“Then what is?”
“You’re not ready for it.”
I laughed dryly. How could he think that he had any idea about what I was and wasn’t ready for?
“You’re full of shit, just like everyone else. You can just say no. I’m a big girl. I can handle it.”
To my surprise, Julian grinned. He grinned widely, then stood up and walked backwards a couple of steps.
“Then fight me.” With both his hands raised up, he waved for me to follow him.
“Excuse me?”
“You say you’re a fighter. And that I’m full of shit. Why not fight me about it?”
His voice had gone back to cheerful, and as much as I hated to admit it, it made me feel better, too. It was dangerous how easily affected I was by this stranger. So much so that I refused to acknowledge it then.
I stood up, my stomach tied in knots, a smile wanting to stretch my lips. This was more like it. Fighting was a language I could easily speak. My weapons were on me, just like always, and I reached for them. It had been a while since I had a decent sparring with anyone. This was going to be fun.
“No weapons,” Julian said. “Fight me with your magic.”
All the joy drained from my veins. You’ve got to be shitting me! What was up with everyone wanting me to use my magic?
“Forget it.” I turned around and headed back towards the house.
“Come on, Winter. Or are you afraid?” Julian called.
I could hear the smile in his voice. I knew he was just messing around, but I still faced him.
“I’m not afraid of anyone, Julian, but all I have are two spell stones, and I am not about to waste them on you.”
My bomb stones were in the borrowed holster on my hip. I was saving them for a special occasion. This wasn’t one.
“Nobody said anything about spell stones. I want you to fight me with your magic as it comes from your body.”
If I’d had doubts before, this guy had definitely lost his mind. “I’m going inside.”
I turned around and continued to walk towards Amelia’s house, laughing under my breath. No spell stones. He wanted me to fight with raw magic. Had he no idea how hard that was? Conjuring a spell took time, and it took focus. Nobody had time and focus during a fight. Not only that, but I’d gotten my powers just days ago. I had no idea how it even felt to conjure an attack spell and use it in the same second, and that’s not even taking into account that I did not want to use my magic.
I was two steps away from the door when something hit me hard on the back. Instead of sending me flying on air, it froze me completely.
Anger grabbed me by the throat. That fucking bastard.
“If you’re too weak to defend yourself, I get it. All you have to do is say so, and I’ll let you be.”
My hands were shaking by the time whatever spell he’d thrown at me faded. I kept biting my lips because I was better than someone who fell for stupid games like this. I knew better than to bite his bait.
“I promise to go easy on you, but it’s okay if you won’t do it. Some people just don’t have it in them.”
Oh, how lovely the sound of his bones breaking will be. I knew he was playing me. I knew he would say anything to get me to fight him, but he didn’t have to. He was right—things got to me pretty quickly, especially things like being called a coward.
When I turned around, I was smiling brightly. I might have not used magic before in fights, but I knew spells. My mother had made sure I learned a lot of them by memory. And the first one I was going to use was something I’d always wanted to try but could never afford the spell stone for it.
The spell was called Ashes and what it did was make you feel like you were burning. It lit every cell in your body on an imaginary fire, and you know what they say about the worst kind of death. In my mind, the words of the spell unfolded, and I began to chant them under my breath, my lips barely moving. With my hands pulled up in fists, I brought up my magic the same way I did when conjuring my shield.
I couldn’t wait for it to hit Julian and wipe that pretty smile off his face.
The spell ended. I held my breath. Magic buzzed in my bones, so I was pretty sure I’d nailed it, except Julian’s smile never disappeared. He didn’t fall to the floor, trying to take his clothes off. He wasn’t sweating like a pig though it was really cold out there.
I, on the other hand, got hit so hard on the chest while I thought about my spell, and I fell hard on the concrete on my back. Air left my lungs and my eyes almost popped out of their sockets.
Breathe, breathe, breathe, I told myself and focused all my attention on dragging in air. It took a lifetime, but I finally did it. I breathed like it was the first time I was doing it, and it took me quite a while to get back on my feet.
Julian was right there where I’d left him, smiling like the whole damn world was his. His lips began to move again. He was already chanting another spell, and I doubted he’d fail at conjuring it like I had.
But I never failed at my shield, did I? I could at least do that much.
The invisible shield took place around me as I chanted the words I knew better than my own name. Julian raised a brow. I smiled brightly.
I felt it the second his spell unleashed. I felt it because it hit my shield, just like it should have. But what it shouldn’t have done was break it.
My heart was pounding in my chest as I felt the string of magic that had made my shield disappear. It was gone. All of it.
I looked at Julian, brows narrowed in confusion. “How did you do that?” I whispered. A werewolf couldn’t tear through my shield. Bullets—tens of bullets at a time hadn’t even scratched it! How come a spell could do it?
Julian grinned proudly. “Magic.”
Rolling my eyes, I thought I was going to have a second to get my shit together, but before I could blink, Julian was chanting again. Damn it. I conjured my shield again, and once the magic clicked in place, I began to work on the Ashes spell. I knew the words. I had the magic in me. Its aura shone bright orange within me. It was only a matter of time before I could conjure it.
Before that happened, Julian’s spell hit my shield, but this time, it didn’t break
it completely. I was able to chant the spell again and save the magic, before I went back to Ashes.
“What are you waiting for, Winter?” Julian called, but I tried my best to ignore him. I just wanted to do that damn spell. Since I wasn’t in a real fight, it was the perfect opportunity.
Julian’s spell hit my shield again, and again, nearly broke it. “I can do this all day, you know,” he said and began to slowly walk towards me. Shit. If he got to me, it was probably going to hurt. A lot. Nobody liked pain.
Shutting my eyes tightly, I focused on the magic with everything I had as I chanted the words for my spell. It was a difficult spell, yes, but most witches could do it. The bright light burning inside of me buzzed as if to tell me that it was there for my taking, but I didn’t know how. What I did with my shield was automatic, and I was quickly learning that I could just do the same thing for Ashes.
Julian hit my shield, again and again, and I brought it back as fast as I could. On the third time, I opened my eyes again and found him right in front of me, smiling as always.
“Do you like me so much that you don’t want to hurt me?”
Oh, for God’s sake. “Rot in hell.”
The spell. I had to focus on the spell. I could do it. I knew I could. It was only a matter of time.
“I will if you come with me,” he said, then threw another spell at me.
I was losing focus on my shield, and it almost broke to pieces like the first time, before I grabbed hold of it again.
“I bet you’re angry that I could defeat you so easily,” Julian continued.
He was right. I was very angry. My magic was there. I knew the words of the spell. So why wasn’t it working? Try harder, a voice in my head said, the same voice that used to push me when I trained to be the fighter that I was. I’d learned to listen to it, and I did the same this time. I tried harder.
The magic inside my bones sang to me. The best thing I knew how to do was listen and sing with it. I could move the way it moved. Burn the way it burned. I could let it guide me like a living thing and use my body to prove just how strong it was.
But the strangest thing, my magic didn’t feel like one as it had before. It felt like many. Like a lot of powers, melted together, existing as one. I never heard anyone explain it the same way, and the thought that this could be the fairy magic in me only made me angrier.
“Winter, what are you doing?”
The alarmed voice of Amelia made me snap my eyes open. The sun had hidden behind the clouds again, and the garden looked asleep again. I was standing in the middle of it, and by my feet was Julian, on all fours.
I took a step back, confused at first, until I saw the fine layer of sweat all over his face. Julian looked up at me, his eyes wide in terror, his shaking hands yanking at his shirt desperately. His hair looked wet, too.
Oh, my God. It worked!
My spell had worked.
“What the hell?” Jeb was by the door to the garden, too, and he watched my aunt as she ran to Julian and pulled him up by the shoulders.
“Winter, stop it!” she hissed, looking at me like I was a three-headed alien.
Disoriented, I looked around as if I was expecting to see someone else. A funny feeling reigned in my chest, and it made me feel light as a feather.
“Winter!” Amelia cried. My eyes found hers again. “You’re hurting him. Stop it, now!”
It was then that I looked at Julian again, and found him even worse than a second ago. But why? I’d done the spell. It had worked. I was no longer chanting it. So why wasn’t he on his feet?
“I-I-I…” I couldn’t find the words to tell her that I had no idea what the hell was happening, but looking at Julian’s face, at his wide eyes and open mouth, it rang all of my panic bells in my head. Reaching for my magic this time was easier. It was there, all over me.
Letting it go like I did my shield wasn’t as easy. It wrapped its imaginary talons around me and begged me to stay. But I couldn’t keep it. Julian looked in so much pain.
A scream escaped my lips. I needed to stop hurting him. I needed to disconnect with my magic and allow him to breathe again. My knees hit concrete. I grabbed his face in my hands, and I asked him to just breathe. I was letting go. I had let go. All would be better soon.
But soon arrived what felt like a lifetime later. By the time Julian sat on the ground and wiped the sweat off his forehead, my whole body was shaking. I couldn’t even remember to ask him if he was okay.
“You did it,” he said breathlessly. “You beat me.”
And even in that state, he found it in him to smile. God, how I envied him.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, feeling worse than before. “I don’t know what happened.”
“That’s okay,” Julian said, and he wouldn’t look away from me.
“No, it isn’t,” Amelia said. She stood up and looked down at the both of us. “Try to keep the magic at a minimum here. You’re still in my house,” she hissed, more at me than at Julian, which was only fair.
I nodded, afraid if I said something, my voice would break again.
My aunt turned around and walked inside the house. Jeb followed, but not before throwing another disgusted look my way. Maybe Julian was right. Maybe I shouldn’t let anyone judge me for who I was. Maybe I should have asked Jeb what the problem was instead of cowering back.
“I was just kidding when I said I’d take you with me to hell,” Julian said, still breathing heavily. “You didn’t have to go so hard on me.”
I knew he was kidding, but that didn’t mean I felt any better. “I could have killed you.” That reminder sucked.
“But you didn’t. I’m really glad you didn’t.” Julian laughed.
“You shouldn’t have made me,” I whispered. “You shouldn’t have attacked me like that. I’m untrained in magic. I have no idea what to do with my powers, and I’m not even sure if they’re normal.”
“They are,” Julian said without missing a beat. “They’re normal. It’s just going to take some getting used to, that’s all. This is just the beginning, Winter.” It sounded very near a promise.
“If this is the beginning, I really don’t want to see the end.” I stood up, too embarrassed to even offer him my hand to help. Keeping my head down, I made my way inside the house.
“It’ll be fine,” Julian called from behind me. “I know you don’t believe me, but it will.”
He was right. I didn’t believe him.
***
Jeb was arguing with Amelia. I could hear their voices from the guest room, and I didn’t need to listen to their words to know that they were arguing about me. Only I could turn two people who obviously liked each other into enemies. It didn’t help with my already pronounced self-confidence issue, but I wasn’t about to show that to anyone.
When someone knocked on the door, I pretended to be asleep. That didn’t stop them from entering, though.
“Winter, it’s time,” Julian said. The sound of his voice alone brought goose bumps to my arms. The image of him writhing in pain, burned by my invisible fire, was with me still.
“I won’t do it, Julian.” They’d all be crazy to ask me to do magic again after what had happened just a few hours ago.
“We agreed that you’d try. It’s going to help you, believe it or not.” Such a fucking smartass.
“So says you. I’m not going to accidentally kill anyone in this house.”
“You’re not, we’ll make sure of it.”
Really fucking fancy. I stood up and faced him. “Like you made sure I couldn’t do what I did to you?” His mouth opened but I didn’t let him speak. “Look, I’m no saint. I’ve killed people before. Lots of them. I killed them because they attacked me. Innocent blood on my hands isn’t something I want to have to sleep with any time soon. So please, just go on and do the spell without me.”
“It’s Bone magic,” he said like I didn’t already know that. “Trust me, I would do it if I could.”
“Then Amel
ia can do it.”
With a dry laugh, Julian took a step back. “You do realize that I’m trying to convince you to do something that you need done for that secret spell you’re going to do?”
Like I said: fucking smartass. “That was before I knew…” how little control I have. The last words got stuck in my throat.
“Every beginning is hard,” Julian whispered.
He was right in front of me now, and before I realized it, he was putting a string of my hair behind my ear. The simple gesture immediately made me feel warm and fuzzy.
“The power that my dragon’s blood is going to give you needs to have some established grounds. You need this, Winter.”
A lump formed in my throat. “What if something goes wrong?” My voice was so weak, it was pathetic.
“Then I’ll be there. I promise you, I won’t underestimate you again,” Julian said with a smile. “Now, come on. Your aunt is waiting.”
I spent the last four hours imagining what I was going to say to both him and my aunt about not doing the Jordan’s Curse, yet there he came and changed my mind just like that. What the hell had I gotten myself into with that guy?
I had no idea, but as I left the guest room, I warned myself to stay as far away from him as possible.
Jeb was nowhere to be seen. Amelia rested her elbows on the kitchen counter, and she was looking down at her hands. I didn’t know her well enough to know her moods, but she definitely didn’t look happy. When she looked up at me, I expected to see exactly what I’d seen in Jeb’s eyes the only two times he’d looked at me, but once again, I was dead wrong. There was no judgment anywhere on her face. No disgust. She was just…Amelia.
“Let’s get this over with, shall we?”
She even offered me a smile. Suddenly, I really wanted to do the spell just to keep her from not looking at me any other way. The guilt had dug a hole in my chest. I hated to have been the reason she and the man she liked argued. I wanted to ask her where Jeb was for a second, but then thought better of it. Not my business.
The cauldron was still on top of the stove. The low burning fire kept the liquid inside to a boiling point. The cauldron was black, so whatever was in there looked black, too.