And God is he handsome.
I really wasn’t kidding when I told him he was “to die for.” The more I see of him, the more I like.
With how sculpted his arms are I can only imagine how mouthwatering the rest of his body is.
Strong broad chest, defined abs, maybe even that amazing V that only really shredded guys have.
Ughhhhh.
Swoon.
Just the thought of him and his body makes my body tingle with awareness.
My hands trail down my breasts lightly brushing my nipples, with thoughts of how hard Raid’s body is, how it would feel against mine, just skin to skin.
I shake myself out of these less than decent thoughts and breathe heavily.
Good lord, that man’s body does something to me.
For two whole years, I haven’t done anything like that.
Nothing past taking a normal non-sexual shower and getting dressed.
No battery operated boyfriend or anything. Okay, that’s a lie… I do have a B.O.B but I don’t use him that much. Basically, no orgasms for two whole years.
Now all I can think about is how many orgasms in a row Raid could give me.
Which as delicious as that sounds, makes me feel bad. Definitely not as bad as I would have felt a few weeks ago but definitely makes me feel the loss of my husband and more acutely the loss of myself.
I metaphorically threw myself over a cliff of grief when he died that I’m realizing just how much I missed out on. I’m only twenty-six, I have so much I can still do.
So, once again I have to remind myself that I am allowed to feel happy, I am allowed to feel excited, I am probably maybe just a little bit allowed to lust after the hard body I’m becoming more and more infatuated with.
I shut off the tap and step out to dry off, slipping into my standard comfy hoodie and shorts. I make my way down the stairs and pad to the kitchen to grab a bottle of my favorite Moscato.
Settling into the couch with Dahlia making herself comfortable on my feet, I open up my Kindle, wanting to get lost in the tumultuous world of hot bikers and their old ladies.
After half a bottle of wine to myself I must have dozed off because I’m suddenly not in my house anymore with a sleeping pile of fur on my legs.
I’m somewhere warm and light and Raiden is here.
I’m walking toward him, so very happy to be doing so.
He’s standing there waiting for me, so I go to him and wrap my arms around his waist. He feels so hard and so right, up against me, it feels so incredible to be held by him.
Then he’s kissing my shoulder, and my neck, and my jaw.
I feel like I’m going to melt into a puddle right at his feet if he keeps going.
I bring my hand up to his chest, loving how I can feel every muscle beneath his black T-shirt.
He then runs his hard working man’s hand across mine and stops when he feels the ring on my finger.
A ring I hadn’t noticed until just now.
Except this isn’t my engagement ring from Garrett, and it isn’t the wedding band he put on my finger.
The engagement ring is a breathtaking vintage set, taller than my previous one and perfect next to the slim platinum wedding band resting near it.
He’s looking down at it with the same wonderment I am.
So I take his hand in mine, lacing our fingers to reveal to us both an identical platinum band on his ring finger.
Our eyes meet then, and a white-hot electric current pulses through me.
His eyes seem to crackle with energy and passion, which I am swept away in the instant his lips meet mine.
He gives me a bruising heated kiss with enough passion to overdose on.
I want more.
I need more.
His hands hard against my back, crushing my body against his.
He runs them down until they’re resting under my ass and lifts me up, where my only choice is to wrap my legs around his waist.
He’s devouring my mouth with his, giving me pleasure beyond anything I’ve ever experienced and it’s only a kiss. I lean back and bite my lip, feeling how swollen it is from his heated touch.
Still holding tight with my thighs I lean back to get his shirt off, all but ripping it from his body. What’s underneath has me almost drooling, his taught abs, defined chest and so much ink I can’t even see it all.
He grinds up against me, right where I need him to be and I’m panting, needing him so badly I can’t even see straight. I start writhing against him, needing just a little more friction to get where I need so very badly to be.
And then…I wake up.
Fuck. Seriously?
I blink, trying to slow my racing heart and tamp down the unbridled need coursing through my veins.
I look at my phone and it’s a little before midnight. I close my eyes tight, letting out a frustrated breath, willing myself to calm down.
I haven’t been that worked up in ages, and damn I was so close. The echoes of a phantom orgasm just there beyond my reach.
~Raiden~
We’ve been in the desert for almost twenty-four hours.
And it fucking blows.
This is the worst part of being out here, besides the elements, it’s the waiting, the staking out.
Base got wind of an insurgent camp out here and we are here to neutralize the threat. Take ‘em out before they take us out.
I didn’t get into the Marines to kill people, that was never it for me. It wasn’t even my intent to take this route, become Special Ops.
My dad was, and yeah I got in in the beginning for the legacy, live up to what dear old dad did for our country.
But then the Marines saw potential in me and I fell in love with protecting people.
I fell in love with the comradery and the teamwork. My brothers mean everything to me, and up till now, I couldn’t really see myself on any other path.
Now, sitting out here waiting for the shit to get real, I can’t help but wonder what my next step could be.
This being my third tour, I think I’m getting worn out.
I’m consistently impatient and tired.
I just don’t have the fire I used to getting into the deep shit.
Part of me also wonders if this is Eli’s influence on me. That maybe because she’s letting me get close, I want to get closer. I can’t get closer when I’m this far away.
I stretch my legs out in front of me, trying to relieve some of the tension.
What kind of job would I be good at when I’ve spent the last ten years with a gun in my hand, going places only the best of the best do?
I still think I’ll want to do something where I can protect people, maybe even use a gun in some other way, on a smaller scale.
I’m daydreaming about my possible future career when Weston nudges me.
“Hey man, talk to me I’m falling asleep out here.”
He yawns, which only furthers his point.
“What do you want me to talk about, buddy?”
I turn his way, scanning beyond him looking toward the non-activity that’s happening. “Why don’t you tell me about this girl you carry around in your pocket?”
My hand instinctively goes to the pocket I keep Eli tucked away in.
I bring it out so he can look at her and smirk when he whistles.
“She’s a beauty, brother.”
I take her back and stare down, feeling her melt right into my heart.
“Yeah, she’s breathtaking isn’t she.”
Weston just looks at me with an amused expression.
“Why you looking at me like that, West?”
He cocks an eyebrow and smirks at me.
“Oh, just happy you are finally feeling what it’s like to be in love.”
My eyes widen and I lean over to punch him in the arm.
“Hey now, no one ever said I was in love with her.”
I shake my head and tuck Elli safely back in my pocket.
“You didn’t have
to say anything, I can tell. You all but sprint into the comm tent every chance you get, you wake up fucking happy and you’ve been sayin’ her name in your sleep lately.”
He winks at me and I know I’m red faced.
I had no idea I’d been saying her name in my sleep, it makes sense though. It just brings back the sweet memory of having my wife’s hand in mine, her body pressed up against me. Weston is still looking at me, smug as shit.
Could I be in love with someone I’ve never met?
He leaves me to my thoughts and turns back to the scene in front of us, still ripe with non-activity.
My thoughts are centered on Eli, her smile, her eyes, her laugh. The way she says my name when she asked to take a picture of me so she could keep a piece of me with her.
My fist goes up to rub my chest, right over my heart.
I’ve never been in love before, just had fun fucking my way through my downtime between deployments.
Sure, I want to fuck Elli more than I want to breathe.
Just seeing her long tan legs through the computer made me want to find out what it’s like when they’re wrapped around my waist while I’m rocking into her.
I have to reach down and adjust myself, these thoughts taking a very naughty turn. Honestly, thinking about it, the more I learn about her, her passion, her drive, it just makes me want to know more.
I want to know her fears, her dreams, what makes her happy.
How I can make her happy.
Keep that laugh I love so much ringing in my ears.
I don’t know if this is love but I know this is different than anything I’ve felt for anyone. Which only brings me back to thoughts of a life outside of the Marines.
Outside of the war.
I sigh.
Only about three and a half months left and we’ll be coming home.
I’ll be able to see my sweet girl.
God, I hope she wants to see me.
~Elli~
I check my phone for probably about the fiftieth time today just to see my Raiden.
Huh, my Raiden.
Never thought of it like that before. But I like how that sounds, I’m his sweet girl and he’s my Raid.
My heart beats a little quicker and I’m starting to blush, which is a little mortifying considering I’m in lulu lemon and the girls are looking at me like I’m a loony bird.
I working on calming myself down and purchase my new yoga pants, spendy for sure, but nothing beats quality and now, I have some extra money to blow.
The VA gave me a bonus because I refuse to let them pay me over minimum wage and this was the only way they could show how much they value me.
I tried to give it back, but no one would hear anything about it.
So, here I am spending a little on myself and actually really enjoying it.
Treat yo self, right?
I unlock my car and slide down into her and rev her up, loving how she sounds. Which of course takes me to another thought of Raiden.
I’m coming to realize the more I talk to him, the more I invest in ‘this’ whatever ‘this’ is between us, everything makes me think of him.
For once, it’s a nice reprieve from thinking about Garrett.
I drive home, blasting some old school hip-hop, totally jamming out.
Right as I’m pulling up in front of my house my phone dings with an email notification.
I snatch it up quick and have to swipe the screen five times before I finally get it open because I’m so giddy.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Home
Sweet girl,
What do you think of me getting out of the service?
When I come off tour, I was thinking of changing my path a bit, maybe tweaking it.
This has been my path for so long and I just don’t know that I want it to be the only path I take my entire life.
I miss you, Elli. I hope you’re doing okay over there, so far away from me.
Only a little while till I can come home, will you want to meet me?
Will you go to dinner with me?
Sorry for the twenty questions, haha.
I am just so damn tired. Tired of being over here. Tired of not being able to hear your voice when I want to.
Tell me when I can call you.
I need to hear my sweet girl’s voice.
-Raiden
My heart is stuttering in my chest.
There’s blood rushing in my ears and I’m tearing up a little bit.
Raiden wants to see me.
He wants to take me out to dinner.
Oh God, I want that so much.
He’s crazy if he thinks I won’t fucking jump on the chance to spend time with him when he comes home.
I have to see him.
Period.
I tap out my response, hoping he’s around and not busy so he can talk to me more, because…. I miss him too.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: RE: Home
Hi Handsome,
YES.
And I think if you want to get out, you should do it.
I am becoming a firm believer in going for your goals, living your dreams.
I forgot how much I loved being a paramedic, being able to help people and I never want to lose that again.
Helping people, saving them, it brings me so much happiness I can barely stand it.
If you want to change careers, you do it, sweetheart.
I miss you too, Raid.
More than I probably have a right to… Boy, is that scary to admit.
Call me whenever you can and I’ll answer.
I promise I will even if it’s late at night, early in the morning, at work, whenever.
I’ll be here.
-Your sweet girl
I hit send and exhale.
His sweet girl.
I’m wrapped up in the bliss of Raiden, and I come to the conclusion I’ve been his for a while.
I remember when Garrett and I met, it wasn’t love at first sight.
We had to work on it, but we did make it and we loved each other hard.
With Raiden, this feeling is absolutely effortless.
Like falling through the sky, my heart just completely soars when I get to talk to him, get to see him, hear his deep bourbon voice.
Loving Raiden is so easy.
I stop.
Love.
Raiden.
Love.
My chest rises and falls at the realization that I’m not only Raiden’s sweet girl…I’m also falling in love with him.
I stare down at my hands and see them trembling, I know why…it’s because I’m scared.
I am one hundred percent scared to death.
What if this doesn’t work out and ‘this’ between us ends?
It’s barely even begun, and I know already if I lost Raiden I would never recover, going through that kind of loss twice? Unthinkable.
I lean back into the headrest and let my eyes wander, my mind racing, bringing back thoughts of my dream once more.
Raiden and I, married.
A smile tickles my lips and the fear is replaced by hope. A feeling that became so damned unfamiliar that at first I don’t recognize it.
My smile gets bigger, a giggle escaping my dry throat.
Hope, I have hope.
I snap a selfie and attach it to a new email.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Hope
Attachment: elli.jpeg
Raiden,
I wanted you to know I’m wearing the smile you gave me.
Love,
Elli
I had pinned that quote on Pinterest and I thought it would be cute to let him know I feel something…something strong.
But I also want to test the waters and see if he’s falling for me the way I’m falling for him.
I sigh, a happy breath that lets all the anxiety ebb away from me.
I finally slide out of Eleanor and head inside to give the puppy some loving, the sweet feelings left over from Raiden’s email still wrapping me up tight.
~Raiden~
“I’m wearing the smile you gave me…Love, Elli”.
Sweet girl…what are you doing to me?
I print her picture and tuck it away with the other one, getting more and more worn, I can’t seem to not look at it at least fifty times a day.
I step out of the comm tent and almost run straight into Weston who is bouncing from one foot to the other.
“Whoa dude, what are you doing? Spying on me or some shit?”
I poke him in the chest playfully because of course, I know my brother wouldn’t invade my privacy but it’s still fun to take the piss out on him.
“Guess what, man! Guess fucking what!”
He grabs my shoulders shaking me back and forth like a rag doll. I grab his forearms to steady myself and say, “What?!” He is so excited, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like this, it’s absolutely hilarious!
“They’re pulling us out early.”
Did I actually hear him correctly? I can feel my eyes get big and I just stare, not moving, not breathing.
Weston chuckles and starts waving a hand in front of my eyes, trying to break me out of my trance. I slowly blink, bringing him back into focus and finally take a breath.
I choke out, “We…. we’re going home?” My throat suddenly so dry I’m surprised I even spoke.
Weston busts up laughing, smacking me right in the face with his happiness it’s radiating off him in waves.
“Yeah buddy, we’re going home the end of next week!”
He shakes me a little and then turns me around back in the comm tent, where he forces me to sit down, while I’m still in a daze. He bends down next to me and forces me to look at him.
“Skype your girl, call her, email her, whatever the hell you two do, and tell her the good news man.”
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