by G L Davies
Lisa: It wasn’t till years later that I heard about Tyler’s experience that night with the voices but Leon and I both heard those. I’m convinced we heard the same thing. Tyler was at my mums or out playing football one evening and Leon and I had a shower and we felt a little frisky and we nipped into my room for a quickie. I loved sex with Leon, it was always so passionate, and he really knew how to please me. We came, we often came together and we were just lying there with him on top of me and we were panting and kissing and then out of nowhere I thought I heard voices on the landing. I thought, shit Tyler’s home and he’s probably heard us both shagging. Leon rolled off me and hid under the duvet and I could hear him giggling and I pulled the duvet up over my chest too. I lay there and I called to Tyler a few times and no reply, I thought I must have imagined it. Leon was being naughty and touching me under the duvet while I was trying to be all serious and concerned, but there was no one there. I lay back down and faced Leon, our faces close together, we held each other. We were all clammy and sweaty from the sex and we hear the voices again, quiet but close, not from outside in the street but by the bedroom door. I’m just about to get up when I hear someone shout “MINE!” It was really loud, like a gunshot. It was a shock and it frightened us both so much, that’s how loud it was. Leon and I shot out of bed and put on our dressing gowns, there was no one on the landing, no one in the house. I am sure that it was two men talking in angry voices and what did they mean by MINE?, I think one of them was cross that Leon was having sex with me, as time went on I think the ghost got more and more jealous of my partners. But all of these things, these happenings were nothing compared to what it would do next.
Intrusion
Lisa asks for a few moments for preparation, to compose herself, before she is to continue with her story. I take my leave along with the female psychologist who has joined us for this session; we leave the smell of tobacco and coffee in the living room and stand in the fresh air of the garden. It is a beautiful day with a blue sky with the sun behind the house casting long shadows across the lawn and fence. In the fresh air I digest the information which I have been given and I try to make sense of the people who live here and their perception of the events. I have pushed Lisa hard, trying to extract as much information as possible always examining her body language and her tone of voice. My initial reaction is whatever has happened to Lisa, she does believe has occurred. If she believes this to be true, then I have to determine whether this is psychological, or in fact a haunting. I have a very passive aggressive interview style, I appear unassuming but in every word I am looking for clues. Every question is designed to muster as much detail as possible and from the detail I can zero in on the truths or the inconsistencies of the account. I do have doubts about Tyler, I feel that there is something he is hiding or dreading to reveal. I will have to delve deeper into Tyler’s story, I need to bring this element to the surface. Something has happened to him and I begin to fear the worse. What if, what had happened to his mother, the sexual violation, the carnal wrong doing, had also happened to him? I needed answers but I had to be sensitive in my approach. I turn around and Lisa is stood in the kitchen window. She has a reluctant smile; she knows that everything we have discussed so far is easy, compared to this. I often have an emotional disconnection so I can focus exclusively on the witness’s account, but for those brief seconds, as I look back at her, I feel a melancholy for her. All she wanted was a good life for her and her son. She had no expectation of grandeur or of wealth, just of happiness. Please be warned that this part of the investigation contains graphic sexual description and events of an extremely disturbing and chilling nature. Caution is advised.
Lisa: At this time I was convinced that perhaps there were two spirits in the house. The reason I thought this is because there seemed to be a smelly, nasty one and then a sad shy one. Perhaps they were arguing all the time; maybe one was trying to protect me from the other. I’m not sure. Mum seemed to think that maybe it was one spirit with multiple personalities. She said like Gollum in the Hobbit films. That did nothing to relax me at all. In fact it made me more afraid, because with my reasoning at least there was one out there trying to protect me. Tyler had heard two men arguing and so did Leon and me.
Talking of Leon, He got called away up north as his mum took ill, he went up and I never saw him again. I was heartbroken. We spoke on the phone and he said he’d had enough of Pembrokeshire and that he wanted to be home, closer to his family and friends up there. I pleaded that we could perhaps do long distance or maybe I could move up there, anything I could do to keep him in my life but he said no. He said things were complicated but that we could be friends and who knew what would happen in the future, he never kept in touch and eventually I stopped texting. I stopped believing.
I was in shock. I loved him so much and for the first time since Ian, I opened up. I let myself fall madly in love. It was like losing a limb. There was a big empty hole in me and whenever I thought of him that hole would seep a cold sorrow into my heart. I cried and cried as in my heart and mind we would make it, be a family and be together forever. I was so upset that I took a week off work. I was a shambles. Everywhere I went in my home there were memories haunting me of Leon, He had left quickly and without warning. There were clothes of his still at mine. His aftershave, deodorant’s and tooth brush were a constant reminder in the bathroom. The bedroom smelled of him. In the kitchen sat his cup I got him for valentines. All the things he had bought and treated me too were like anchors of what we had and how I could not let go. I just couldn’t believe it was over, I just hoped he would call me and say he was coming home and we would start again. I didn’t want an apology or an explanation. I just wanted him to hold me and kiss me the way he did. I never asked anything of him, I thought we had something easy, something special. I didn’t put any pressure on him, I was considerate to his needs and I just prayed every day for so long that he would text or call. That call never came. Like Ian he just vanished. It is a hard thing to lose someone you love so much, my advice to anyone out there that truly loves someone, is not to take it for granted. I know women that are insecure and stubborn and have lost good men because of it. The men loved them, but were given no choice but to leave, they felt pushed out and isolated. Just hold on to those you love as you never know when you will lose them. Do anything it takes to hold onto it, even if it means admitting your wrong or that you have issues and you need that support, you want that love. Life can be very lonely without the love of a good man. I know this more than anyone.
About two months after Leon left me I went out on a work night out with some of the Girls. They are fabulous. They tried so hard to cheer me up but I had that sadness within and I wasn’t interested in finding another man or having a one night stand. I sat most of the night watching them dance and flirt and they beckoned me over wanting me to join in but I sat there and drank. One of my friends found me in the toilet crying and she just hugged me and said a good dance would help. I went on the dance floor and just stood there bawling as everyone danced around me. I must have looked a right state. The girls wanted to get a minibus to Haverfordwest as there were a few night clubs there but I just was too sad to go and I felt I was just bringing everyone down. I just wanted to go home. Tyler was about sixteen at this time and he was at a mates or a girl’s house. He had a girlfriend around this time. I can’t remember her name. I don’t think they lasted long. I just hoped he didn’t get her knocked up like me and his Dad had. Not that I begrudged Tyler at all, he was my life, and I just wanted him to live a little before he settled down.
Tyler spent more and more time away, given some of the things that had happened in the house I couldn’t blame him, but I wanted the company. Sometimes it’s just nice to know that there is someone else in the house with you. They don’t even have to be in the same room, but it is comforting knowing they are there. I just felt the need to go home, after all, I had drank quite a bit and some fat sweaty man had been trying it on with me, that
depressed me even more, thinking that only a fat sweaty man would be interested in me! Back then I had a great figure, when I made the effort I looked good, I definitely didn’t need the attention of some overweight drunk. I was always confident in how I looked, just not confident with how to talk to men. I think you can understand why that is. They all have a habit of just disappearing out of my life with no warning. Leon did all the work in the early days, he did all the flirting, chatting and chasing. I liked it as he made it easy for me. I guess I am shy.
I got home and was relieved; it was a big step going out for the first time after he left. It can go one of two ways; either you’re a miserable mess reeking of Bensons and heartache or you become a dancing, drinking, pulling machine. Well that’s what I’ve noticed in myself anyway. That night I was utterly depressed, home was a familiar and welcoming place to be, even if I was home alone.
I took off my heels and tights and pulled my dress off over my head. I sat in the living room in just my bra and knickers, drank a pint of water and smoked a cigarette. The curtains were closed, I think it was about eleven thirty, perhaps twelve, I was shattered. I stood up, turned off the living room light and went into the hallway, as I was about to turn the landing light on, I could have sworn that I saw someone stood on the landing. It looked like a figure of a man. Just briefly in the corner of my eye. I thought it might have been Tyler, maybe he had fallen out with his girlfriend or something and had come home. I shouted up for Tyler, but no reply, I turned on the light and there was nobody there. I was drunk and tired and just wanted a pee, brush my teeth and fall into bed. There was no one on the landing, I checked Tyler’s room and he was not there.
I sat on the loo brushing my teeth when I suddenly went deathly cold. A chill spread all over my body, like a freezing cold draught. I just told myself to ignore it, push it away and the feeling will go away. I was past caring to be honest. Ghosts or no ghosts I had a terrible night on the town and an awful couple of months with Leon abandoning me. The feeling quickly passed so I thought see, nothing and I literally fell into bed. I unhooked my bra and flung it across the room, turned off the light and fell asleep.
I woke in the night all confused and disorientated. You know when you don’t know where you are, or what time it is and I think I had been dreaming of Leon. I noticed that I was wet between the legs. I was warm and wet and thought I must have been having a wet dream but then I realised then something was flicking against my clit. Something wet but freezing cold. I panicked and thought that someone was in the house. This wasn’t a dream. I could not move, I could not move a muscle and there was a rushing sound in my ears. I couldn’t scream, I couldn’t turn my head, I couldn’t do anything.
I was convinced that there was someone giving me oral sex, lapping at my clit, I thought that maybe I had been spiked and that someone had followed me home and broken in and was now raping me. I was terrified. I was paralysed. I could not even scream. I felt a cold finger push itself inside me, like a man’s finger, it was inside me not rough but gentle and it slid in and out of me in a gentle motion all the while my clit was being licked. It wasn’t forceful but it was freezing cold and that was uncomfortable in itself, I could not see obviously as it was dark and I was frozen but that is what it felt like. I couldn’t feel a head or the shoulders of a person between my legs, or someone lying on me, or close to me. The fingering and the licking stopped and for this I was so thankful. I tried to sit up, to kick and lash out, but still I was paralysed. I just lay there motionless. I couldn’t even cry and I had thoughts of Tyler coming in and seeing his mum being raped. How awful that would be for him. I just prayed that whatever drugs were used on me would wear off or that whoever was doing this would get up and leave. Maybe panic that they were taking too long and leave. I thought as soon as they are gone that I would call the police, call my mum, and just get help from anyone. Over and over in my mind I hoped that Leon would miss me and turn up and rescue me.
I felt icy breath close to my skin moving up my body and then I felt a cold kiss on my nipple. There was a cold tongue, icy lips and breath on my tit and it just suckled on my right breast for what felt like an eternity. There was no arousing sensation like when you have sex, it was so bitterly cold. There was no pressure on me, no weight of a person, just this cold icy breath moving across my body. The cold breath made its way up to my mouth, the cold air touched my lips, filled my mouth and lungs and I felt something penetrate inside my vagina. A cold icy penis, big and hard, throbbing, thrusting and pushing while cold air filled my mouth and air rushed in my ears. It went on forever, deep penetrating thrusts. I feel so ashamed but I started to orgasm, I could feel my vagina clasping onto its cock even though I was numb down there with the cold and then the head of its cock swelled and just when I thought I was about to cum everything stopped. Everything just stopped; from the feeling of cold air in my mouth, the rushing air in my ears, the feeling of a penis inside me. Everything just stopped. I reached for the light, turned it on and lept out of bed. I actually fell out of bed as I was tangled up in the duvet, I lay on the floor in a heap and looked around the room. The bedroom door was shut tight and I could not see anyone under the bed from where I was. I was wrapped up in the duvet and the bed was empty. My heart was racing and pounding in my ears. I found the courage to stand up and check the room. Nothing was there. I even checked the wardrobe and the bedroom windows but they were locked from the inside. There was no one in the room.
I grabbed the hammer from under the bed and I ran on to the landing, I was actually shouting. I think I shouted things like, How fucking dare you touch me and I’ll kill you, I’ll kill you if you touch me again. I was furious. I checked the house and the doors were locked, Tyler was not in his room, not at home. In the living room is a big mirror as you can see and I just stood starring at it. I was naked but my knickers were still on as they were when I went to bed, I felt myself down there, I was numb and wet. I felt like I’d had sex. I sat down on the settee and cried. I was so angry, so confused. Had I been raped? There was no one in the house, yet I had felt, what I thought, was a tongue licking my clit. I felt a finger inside me, I felt breath, lips and a tongue on my nipple, a penis inside me. I felt like any longer and I would have cum. I felt so awfully ashamed. What if I had cum? What kind of person would it make me, to find pleasure in a violation like that? I felt, despite what my mind and heart felt, that my body had betrayed me by enjoying the sensation. It was all so confusing. The time was only 1 a.m., I had been in bed about an hour. It happened all so quickly.
I was about to call the police when I thought what am I going to tell them? That I went out, got pissed, came home, was paralysed and some invisible man had sex with me? They would just think I was some nutter, some piss head having a laugh and would arrest me for wasting police time. I was grateful for one thing, that Tyler was not home. I could not bear to think of him seeing me like this, semi naked, make up all over my face, tears rolling down my cheeks.
I made a cigarette and I howled and howled. I knew what this was; I knew exactly what it fucking was. It was the ghost, it was the fucking ghost. It was the same dirty, cowardly prick that had put its fingers in me when I was on my period. I was so disgusted that I choked on the cigarette smoke and was sick all over the floor. I literally spewed on the floor. My life at this time, I felt, was a joke. No living man wanted to be with me and ghosts wanted to fuck me. I wished to be dead, that mum would look after Tyler. I was miserable and depressed beyond all belief; I was a victim of an illegal sexual act in my OWN home. If it wasn’t for Tyler I would have ended it there, but I couldn’t bear to leave him behind. I know that’s a dark statement and many people out there would do anything to bring people they have lost back to life. People might think that wanting to throw away something as precious as a life is utterly wrong, but until they are in my situation, how could they possibly tell how they would react?
I thought maybe I’d had some breakdown. Maybe after everything with Leon, the strains and pre
ssures of life, I had just gone mad. Or was it a vivid dream? I had heard that in your sleep you can freeze up and not be able to move, but this was so real. The feelings in my vagina and my breast and lips were real. I knew this much. Part of me almost hoped that I had gone mad or that maybe someone had spiked me with drugs which made me hallucinate. I have never taken any drugs, not even smoked weed or anything like that. I hate the idea of not being in control. I do drink, not a huge amount, I hate the hangovers and sickness associated with booze, but I have been very drunk from time to time. I knew that after all the years of hauntings and strange events in the house that the ghost had returned. The same one that fingered me all those years back.