by G L Davies
I was numb, I thought I would faint. The woman grabbed my arm to steady me. Her touch was warm and soft, she was so reassuring. She smiled and said that she would walk me to my car. I sat in the driver’s seat with the door opened and she knelt there asking if I was O.K. I started crying, asking what this was. What was happening? I asked if I had gone completely mad, she casually replied I had not .It was a shock to me how some random woman in a supermarket car park had seen the spirit of my child. She laughed and said it was natural. She put her hands out and I held them, I wept and wept. She held me close and for the first time in years I let it all out. This woman, a complete stranger, It felt like she was an old friend, someone I could trust, someone who cared for me, like she was a person who loved me.
The beautiful woman was Rachel and that day she changed my life forever. She explained that some people have a gift. It was a true and beautiful gift to see what lies beyond the veil, that when people we love die, they don’t always pass straight into the spirit world. She said my little girl wanted to be with her mummy and her sister. People can disbelieve it as hokum and nonsense but imagine how I felt , how depressed and unsure I was as a woman, as a mother, and then this beautiful soul from nowhere opens a door for me to let the light in, to help me find peace.
If any of you have lost anyone, and are riddled with grief and sadness and guilt, let go of that big sack of rocks, just drop them and embrace the notion that you can make amends, you can say goodbye. Imagine having the chance to tell someone you lost that you love them, that you still love them every day. Sometimes we lose people so suddenly, so tragically. Maybe that morning we could have been nicer, or taken more time to listen or just given them that hug or told them, simply, that you loved them. You can never tell someone enough that you love them; you may feel it’s stupid or daft but tell them, let them know how amazing life is because they are in it.
Rachel taught me all of this. She was part of a local spiritual church and asked me to come along, she said she would teach me and show me. She explained I had a gift too, that it ran in the family and could be harnessed and controlled, so it did not become so confusing and frightening.
I began to attend the Church and its spiritualist service and was surrounded by many incredible people. Some of whom were incredibly ill and others who had lost loved ones. I saw people riddled with cancer smiling and singing and parents of dead children so thankful to hear a message from them. The mediums were so genuine and sensitive and loving. During the healing sessions you could literally feel the warmth and energy surrounding us. It was not a stuffy, bible thumping, fire and brimstone experience, but one of enlightenment, of love and hope and of faith and miracles. Anyone reading this should seek out their nearest spiritualist church and just sit in one service, you will understand then how wondrous it is.
For the first time in years I felt alive, I made friends again, I wasn’t afraid to feel sexy and beautiful or to meet men. I went to conventions all over the U.K and embraced everything. I was growing. Gone was the sad grey and miserable woman, I was a bright and beautiful flower reaching out for the sun.
Over time I began to truly open up, I explored all manner of spiritual beliefs and practices and have seen and experienced many wonderful things. People are so frightened by the unknown, but once you understand it then it’s not so scary. Some of the spirits look horrific from illness or injury, but if it was someone you loved, would you overlook that? Of course you would. They are still human souls at the ends of the day. There are some bad spirits that were bad people, same as there are bad living people. There are other things too, these are not human, they never were and they are terrifying. These entities wreck homes, wreck lives and feed off the negativity, the anger and the depression they wilfully cause. Heartbreak and hatred are like a drug to these entities, empowering them. I bless and cleanse homes and offer spiritual guidance to other people. All of this, thanks to that one woman in the supermarket car park who offered her love and support. She has moved away but we still keep in touch.
I spoke to Rose many times. At first I broke down and sobbed and sobbed, seeing her there so terribly injured, I soon overlooked the physical injury and just saw my beautiful girl. As Lisa grew up into a beautiful young woman, Rose remained young, she is perpetually young now.
Rose never blamed me, she said she felt no pain when she died, she just missed playing with Lisa. She said a spirit boy had told her they should go to the spirit world, but she didn’t want to, not yet, she felt it wasn’t her time. Rose passed on, into the spirit realm, I still have long distance communication with her, as I like to call it, and she is happy. Her face has healed, she told me, and she doesn’t look so scary anymore. Bless her. She has told me a few things that were a shock, to be honest, things that I never expected. I wouldn’t even know how to begin to explain what she has told me.
I love her as much as if she were alive sat in front of me now, I know that when I pass she will be there, my beautiful girl and we will be together again. She is my darling daughter, my beautiful precious girl.
Lisa started to have some serious problems with her home, a tremendous power, a huge and dark force lurked there. One day I saw what was there and it sent a chill through my soul. Lisa has no idea what is there, no idea what is happening, I am afraid with this one that not even I can help. It might not be my help she needs, there is another.
Action
The experiences that the family have shared with me have intrigued and disturbed me greatly. Never in all my years of investigation, have I ever received such detailed and continuous accounts of activity spread over three generations. I decide I have passed the point of no return and realise that secrets are being kept from me. I need all the information I can get in order to dissect these accounts into a fathomable narrative. Could it be that the family have concocted this elaborate series of hauntings, metaphysical attacks and supernatural activity, for a motive unknown to me at this time?
Their relationships seem strained as if each one is holding something back from the others. I mull over the notion that perhaps this is a hoax, that the secrets and withheld information are nothing more than smoke and mirrors, to disguise holes in their stories, perhaps leading my investigation off track.
I sit in front of Lisa, her hand holding a cigarette, her index finger yellow and stained from chain smoking. She is agitated, she is afraid, and despite my doubts I cannot but feel for her. If what she says has happened, is in fact real, then she is the victim of a terrible wrong doing. In this section I have put the accounts of all three of the family members together, in an attempt for you to understand the different perceptions regarding the spectral intrusion and I ask you to ask yourself, what would you do?
Lisa: I called Mum. I didn’t want to. Not only did I feel ashamed of what had happened, but also, I just couldn’t deal with her mumbo jumbo at this time. No one can tell me that it’s all O.K. I don’t want to hear that the spirits mean no harm. I had been sexually assaulted against my will and shaking some incense about is not going to remove the stench of the memory, the feeling of it inside me. Could you fully understand how that makes you feel? To have no power or control over what is happening to you? I feel so sad and angry for people that have been raped or sexually abused, but in their case sometimes there can be justice, sometimes there can be help. You can’t handcuff a ghost and put it on trial and throw it in jail.
To the people out there reading or hearing this, however it works; I want you to imagine something inside you. I don’t care if you are a man or a woman but imagine something inside you; something touching you, feeling you, thrusting inside you and you can’t stop it. You can feel it inside you cold, throbbing and swelling, pushing as deep as it can inside you. Imagine if you woke up one night and there was a person on top of you having sex with you. A total stranger, you couldn’t scream for help as you had been drugged, but you can still witness it and feel its unloving intrusion on you.
Judith: Lisa called me. She tried to b
e calm but seconds later she broke down. I couldn’t understand her. She was sobbing and whimpering and my first thought was that something terrible had happened to Tyler, an accident, or he’d got into trouble with the police or something. I told her that I would be over as soon as I could. When I put the phone down, a huge chill went through me.
I got there and Lisa was sat in the living room, it was thick with cigarette smoke, I could smell sick too. She was sat there, pale and in shock. I headed over and hugged her and I thought she would break me. She wouldn’t let go and I couldn’t breathe. Her whole body was shaking.
Tyler: I remember that morning, Mum was acting so strange. I thought she was on drugs. She gave me something like forty quid and told me go out for the day as she wanted to clean up the house and wanted a bit of peace. I thought great and I went out with my mates.
Judith: I got Lisa to calm down, to take a deep breath and I sat her down on the settee. She looked at me and burst into a long anguished howl. I had never seen her as upset as this. I tried to make sense of what she was saying but I couldn’t understand. She calmed a little, taking huge breaths, her bottom lip trembling. Eventually she lay on the settee and she just fell asleep.
Lisa: I was so exhausted that I think I just passed out with Mum there. I remember sending Tyler out. I didn’t want to be on my own but I didn’t want him to see me like that. I must have slept for an hour and I woke up. I was so confused to what had happened. Mum was sat in front of me and she had a big glass of water on the coffee table and a large cup of tea ready. It was like when you have been drunk and you wake up and can’t remember where you are or how you got there, then like a bad dream you start to remember bits of the night and you think oh god!
Well take that feeling and times it by a million. I started to shake again but Mum sat by me, put her arm around me and told me to sip some water. She held me for ages, I felt like I was a child again. When you are little you have so much faith in your parents. They are supermen, wise and invincible. I needed her love and compassion so much. Mum looked me straight in the eyes and asked if I was O.K. She said that I needed to tell her what had happened. I told her.
Judith: My little girl told me that a ghost had raped her. Do you have any idea how powerless and angry that makes you feel as a parent? I never said a word; I contained my anger and distress and just held her. Showing my anger would not undo what had been done. I needed to be calm and collected for her. I needed to take control while being there for her.
She told me everything in detail; she was ashamed and guilty and started to howl again when she told me that she nearly had an orgasm. I told her she had done nothing wrong, she had no control over her body and not to blame herself or feel ashamed.
Lisa: I guess I’m lucky to have a Mother who I can tell I was sexually abused by a ghost and she didn’t look at me like I was a nutter.
Judith: I told Lisa not to worry, she and Tyler could stay at mine for a few days till I could make some calls and get some help. I told Lisa to ring work and say that she was ill and would be back in a few days. I needed to speak to my friends at the church. Lisa agreed, I told her to get dressed and we would leave a note for Tyler to come over to mine.
Lisa: I knew it was no good calling the police as there was no evidence. Just the word of a woman who went out and had some drinks and next thing she’s crying rape. I want you to know that I didn’t want to leave my house; I didn’t want it to think it had beaten me. I just needed some time to re-group, to let Mum do her thing and hopefully I could have my home back. Mum said we would see if we could get another house somewhere; see if the council had a house swap available. It broke my heart to think like that but at the time you just want to fuck off and leave all that shit behind.
Tyler: Mum was spending some time at Nan’s, I asked could I just stay at home on my own but mum got cross and said I had to stay with her. It was Nan who told me what had happened. She told me that night, when Mum was asleep. Nan is pretty straight like that, she pulls no punches. She told me our house was haunted or possibly possessed by an incubus and that Mum had been sexually violated by it. At sixteen I was pretty fucking shocked and sickened to be honest. At first I thought how can Nan tell me this sick shit, but when I looked into her eyes I saw she was deathly serious, I thought about all the haunting stuff and thought maybe this was true. How would you react if you heard your Mum was raped by a demon or a ghost? Its batshit crazy, I just wanted to get a petrol bomb and burn our whole house down to the ground. I was furious beyond belief, absolutely tamping.
Nan said she had a plan and was convinced that her mates at the spiritualist church would help and they would perform some kind of exorcism. She was pretty sure they would get our home back, she said that Mum would need a lot of love and attention, that she would get over this in time but it would take a while. I guess something like that would.
Lisa: I did worry that if something had the power to do that to me, what if it turned it’s attentions on Tyler. It might not only be into women, maybe it liked men too. Maybe it would assault him. I tell you now, that some crazy things were going on in my head at that time.
Tyler: I never thought about it trying to have sex with me at the time, that’s quite a frightening thought though.
Judith: Lisa stayed at mine for a few days. Tyler asked if he could just go home, he said he could look after himself but I don’t think he fully realised just how powerful this entity was. It’s not a question of how tough you are or how strong you are. Physical means cannot stop a spirit or a demon. You can’t shoot it or hit it with a cricket bat or throw fire at it or call the police.
I spoke to some of the more experienced members in my church, they agreed that we had to keep this amongst ourselves, we could not allow this at the time to be made public. We had to keep it a secret. We could not afford for every oddball ghost hunter, no offense, or the papers, to swarm the home looking for a story. We did not want to fuel the power of the presence in the home. I hope you understand but we used our own methods to cleanse the house and I am not at liberty to tell you what those methods are. It is sacred to the people involved and something that we don’t want non-believers, or those with no experience, to dabble in. Remember the door to the spirit world can be opened to, not just closed on, intruder spirits. Too many people have played with Ouija boards, séances and played at being clueless amateur ghost investigators. They have no idea how many doors they have left wide open for a multitude of spirits, and sometimes much worse, to enter our realm.
Lisa: A few days after the assault, Mum come home. She had been gone for about two days. She came in tired and frail. She came up to me and gave me the biggest hug ever and said that Tyler and I could go home. I cried so much that morning. The relief was huge. I believed in Mum and I believed in her friends at the church. They are wonderful, kind and beautiful people. I went home.
Tyler: We went home and I have to admit that it didn’t feel like home. I know Nan and her friends cleansed it but all I had in my mind was Mum being abused. That’s an awful image to have in your head. Can you think of your parents in that way? I think it took us both a few weeks to settle back into our home.
Lisa: Taking that first step back into my home was nerve racking. I honestly felt sick at the thought of stepping into my own house. I had this big ball of knots in my stomach but I stepped in and Mum had tidied the place, she had put flowers in vases, lit incense sticks and done us some shopping. It didn’t feel the same as it had the day after the attack. It felt bright and warm and I had every faith in Mum. Well I had to, didn’t I? I had to believe it was over. I would never doubt or stop believing in the supernatural, I would always be weary of what entered into our world, but Mum said she had closed the door and Tyler and I were now safe.
Judith: All I can tell you of the cleansing was that it was exhausting and at times violent. It’s like when the police and council try and evict travelers or squatters. You see it on the news, it gets nasty and violent and people chain themsel
ves to gates. They just don’t want to leave and it takes a huge effort to move them. The time for talk and negotiations are over and it’s time to shift them. That was what the cleansing was like. I know the Catholic Church have exorcisms but what we did that day was something different and very, very difficult but we succeeded…for a time.
Defilement
We advise due caution with this section as it contains a very violent, graphic and disturbing account that some will find difficult to read. The words used to describe the ordeal are based on the actual experiences of those involved and regardless of the validity of the occurrence the imagery presented is one of a most unsettling nature.
Lisa: Things were good for many years, maybe two or so. I don’t think anything unusual happened in the house. I was weary about the house for a while and something like that you can never forget, but as the weeks turned into months I soon began to relax and enjoy my life as I had before. The house seemed brighter and warmer.
I did some research into what had happened to me and it wasn’t uncommon, there were many stories about such things and I felt for the people who had to go through it. I was tempted to maybe join or start a group so that there was support for other victims, but Pembrokeshire is a small place and I couldn’t find or hear from anyone local who had experienced the same. I would imagine there are few people that would admit to being the victim of such an obscene supernatural violation. The nearest person reported to have been sexually assaulted by a suspected ghost was in Swansea, which is about an hour and half away by train. As time passed so did the need to pursue it. Mum, as far as I was concerned, had stopped what had happened and Tyler and I just moved on with our lives
Tyler: We just got on with it, there were times when I would wake up and think there was something in the house, but I think that happens to most people at some time. You are going to be paranoid after something like that happens to your Mum in your home. There were no voices or sounds in the attic, no electrical charges or orbs and I never saw or smelt the Shitty Man again during this time, as far as I knew Mum was fine and nothing happened to her. I had friends and girlfriends stay over and they never complained about it.