“Do you still love me, Aria?” he said in a cracked voice. I didn’t let go. Yes, I still loved him but I didn’t know if I was in love with him. Too much had happened, but before I could answer him, Dorian’s voice interrupted us.
“Aria,” Dorian called out to me from behind the door.
Avery stiffened and then pushed me away.
I wiped my eyes as Avery turned and stared into the fireplace.
I knew he was trying to give me space and keep Dorian from seeing his tears.
“Aria, can I speak with you a minute?” Dorian said through the door in his British accent. He was agitated about something.
“Get out,” Avery said. I felt ashamed. I started walking towards the door and as my hand reached for the doorknob I turned back towards Avery.
“I would have done anything for you,” I whispered back to him.
“Until now,” he said defeated. I closed my eyes and tried to calm my escalating heart.
“Do you really think that he can give you a life that I can’t? That he would always be there to take care of you? What happens when the novelty wears off?” Avery said as he swallowed hard. He looked at me like I was a stranger. “If you go to him tonight it’s over between us, Aria.”
My bottom lip trembled and he knew my answer. “I thought you said that you’d fight for me,” I said to him.
He turned and glared at me. “I won’t fight a losing battle. As wealthy as I am, I’m not a movie star. He’s always been your real choice. I won’t make you stay with me. I love you, Aria, and I will always be here if you need me.” He swallowed roughly.
“Now Kitten, I need you to go,” he breathed.
I watched as Avery opened the door for me. I stepped through the door and disappeared into the hallway.
Dorian was waiting for me a few steps down the hall and moved to embrace me, but I put my hands up to his chest and stopped him. I couldn’t do this anymore. I had become undone. I needed to get as far away from here as possible. I looked up at Dorian’s questioning eyes.
“I need to leave. I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore,” I said.
“Aria, without you this place is meaningless to me.” He hesitated, hoping I would change my mind. But I couldn’t. I was numb.
“I guess this is goodbye, Luv. I’ll be leaving at first light to get back to Vancouver. But you have my number, if you’re ever in Vancouver…well you know how the story goes,” he replied.
I nodded, headed up to my dorm room, and packed as fast I could. Most of these clothes came from Avery and I wasn’t going to take them with me.
Tears welled up in my eyes as I packed what little I actually owned. This was a disaster. I lost the love of my life and most of my friends. I needed air. I couldn’t breathe. And the hard cold truth remained. Avery and I had just broken up.
∞
CHAPTER 27
SOMEBODY SAVE ME
Sunday Early Morning, December 9th – Weekend Ten
I tried not to break down. I was a mess but I managed to pull myself together enough to kick off my heels, slip into my boots, and load my car. The snowstorm had strengthened in the past couple hours and six inches of freshly fallen snow made loading my car miserable.
I switched on the ignition, and warmed up the car and took in the last glimpse of the beautiful Manor. I sighed and held its majesty for a memory. The snow was falling thicker now in the still of the night.
Avery had Paramore decorated in white lights for Christmas. It was picture perfect and heavenly as I cried quietly, resting my head on my steering wheel. I was covered in wedding cake and pudding. I ruined my friends’ wedding. I lost my boyfriend. My best friend hated me, and the girl who I thought was a great new friend, ended up as psycho as her cousin, Nate. Her fucking cousin! Oh yea, and don’t forget that Nate was in reality the blogger and mysterious media darling Tor. This fucking sucked. But I can’t stay, not like this, not now.
As I drove down the drive and through the gates, I felt the overall sadness consume me. I waved goodbye to Jamie and the gates closed behind me, there were only a couple Paparazzi camped out now, as most had given up in the snowstorm.
I drove down the mountain knowing that everything in my life was about to change. And it was all because I was selfish. I was the only one who stood in the way of my own happiness. I had to figure out what truly made me happy.
Because of the snowstorm, the normally three-hour drive took nearly five hours. My luck just sucked. But it was a good thing because it was hard to know who was driving drunk when everyone on the road was driving twenty miles per hour.
I pulled into the drive at home feeling unsure what my next step was. I needed a new beginning. I unloaded my car and started unpacking my things. It was time to close the chapter of this life and start the next.
It was after six in the morning when I decided to take a shower and head to bed.
I plugged my phone into the charger and I saw that I had two messages. The first was Dorian saying that he was there for me when I was ready to talk. I smiled and felt even more reassured that my decision to leave Paramore was the right one.
I wiped the tears from my eyes and replied saying I missed him and that I would call him soon. I just needed some time to clear my head.
I tapped the second message and there was a text that I had missed earlier from Avery saying that he loved me and he couldn’t wait to see me at the wedding. My stomach rolled and I scurried to the bathroom. I just made it to the toilet in time. I sat with my head on the seat as the stress consumed me. Tears streamed down my face. Everything felt worse as I was coming undone.
Pain consumed me and somewhere between drinking almost an entire bottle of whiskey, and trashing the place during a terrible tantrum, I passed out on the floor in the hallway.
I woke to Sara’s voice shouting at me. I still gripped the phone in my hand remembering Avery’s message on the screen. I tried to open my eyes but I couldn’t. I was exhausted.
“Oh fuck,” she cursed. The phone rang and she answered it.
“Yea, she’s here. No, she’s not fine. What the hell happened between you two?” Sara demanded.
Avery made Colt and Sara come after me when he realized I had left last night but he didn’t say why, just that I was freaking out.
Colt lifted me in his arms and then I felt the ice-cold water on my head as the shower sprayed in my face.
I pushed against him. “No,” I cried out. I pushed harder, but I was too weak.
“Aria,” Colt shouted. “You have to wake up!”
“No.” I pushed against him more. I wanted to scream and I wanted to cry. But I just fell limp in Colt’s arms. I didn’t care anymore. I was numb.
Avery and I were both so much a like. We were both masochists. We did this to each other. We pushed people away on purpose, so we wouldn’t get hurt. Neither one of us could ever truly have love.
Sometime later, I woke to a pounding headache and a horrible taste in my mouth. I tried to move my arms but two warm ones were holding them. I forced open my eyes and blinked at a passed out Sara and Colt on either side of me. I tried to sit up as Sara startled awake.
“Aria, you’re awake,” she said in a rough voice. Colt lifted his head.
“I have to pee,” I said in a gravelly voice.
“How do you feel?” Sara asked.
“Horrible,” I said numbly.
“Good. The next time you want to drink yourself into a coma…don’t,” she hissed.
“Yell at me later, help me up,” I said.
Colt slid out of the way and I walked to the bathroom to relieve myself. Thank God. I finished and washed my hands.
“Uhhhhh,” I moaned, lying back down in their bed.
Colt and Sara were both shooting daggers at me, waiting for me to explain my behavior lately. I snuggled my head into the pillow and tried to block them out. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife.
“Guys, I’m fine,” I said into my pillow.
“I don’t think you are. I just spoke to Avery. He’ll be here in a few hours so you two can sort this out,” Colt said.
I sat up and pushed to my feet. I spun a little. “No. I don’t want him here. No!”
“Too bad. You two are a mess and you’re going to talk to him.”
“Colt, no. Mind your own business. This is nothing that you can fix. I don’t care about him anymore.”
“Oh, really. Then why did you trash the place?”
“I was angry, sad, and confused as fuck!” I shouted. I stepped out in the hall. “Where’s my phone?” Colt handed it to me hesitantly. I stepped into the hall and into my room as I checked my messages. There were several from Avery and a few missed calls from him. He freaked out when he found out that I left in the middle of a blizzard.
Sara stepped out into the kitchen. The weight of the world was on my shoulders. There was a text from Dorian saying that he was about to take off but the storm was delaying things and that he was thinking of me. I leaned against the wall and slid lower until I was sitting on the floor and rested my head on my knees.
“This is for you,” Sara said handing me a letter from the university then she returned to the kitchen. I peeled open the envelope and read it. It was from the Dean’s office. I just had my scholarship revoked. My GPA had fallen below a 3.0 and they were informing me that I didn’t qualify for next semester.
I grabbed my phone and frantically logged into my university account. I pulled up my grades and there in black and white, reality hit me. I had failed Human Growth & Development. I had failed Chemistry. I had barely passed my Calculus class. Child Psychology, I barely got a C.
In Microbiology, I got an F. I had just failed out of Nursing School. I wasn’t going to be a nurse, something I had wanted since my father died.
The letter informed me that I needed to meet with my nursing advisor to go over other options. The fact was though; you were only given one chance. I now had failed three nursing courses. That was it. There were no second chances.
As my panic erupted, I crawled to my room and closed the door. Sara was in the kitchen making breakfast for herself and Colt. I pulled myself up onto my bed and buried my face in my pillow so Sara and Colt couldn’t hear me and I cried until I couldn’t breathe.
“Fuck…fuck…. fuck,” I said repeatedly and the tears soaked my pillow.
Finally, a couple hours later after my despair turned to numbness, I sat up, grabbed what clothes were clean and threw them into my suitcase and headed for the door. On my way, I stepped back into Sara and Colt’s bedroom as both their eyes shifted to mine.
“I just failed out of Nursing School. I feel the entire world is pretty much against me right now. I’m sorry for losing control last night. It won’t happen again. I’m taking a vacation and I’m not sure when I will be back. Thank you for coming to my rescue last night,” I said to them both.
Sara’s mouth fell open. Colt scowled. I didn’t really want to argue with either one of them right now.
“Colt, call Avery and tell him not to come. I’m leaving so it would be a complete waste of his time.”
“Aria, stop running away, Avery can help you. He loves you,” Sara scolded.
“I’m not fucking running. I’m doing what I actually want to for once in my life.” Then I turned and headed out of the door, loaded my car and drove to the airport. Hopefully, somebody out there could save me from myself.
∞
CHAPTER 28
STRANGER THAN PARADISE
Monday Morning, December 10th
The flight was long and I was getting antsy by the time we landed. I couldn’t wait to start my new life. I wasn’t sure if I was ever going to go back to KSU. As far as I was concerned, it was onward and upward to better things. I was heading out to meet the man of my dreams and this time it was my choice. I only hoped Dorian would welcome me. I never mentioned I was coming. I wanted it to be a surprise so I could see how he really felt about me. What could go wrong? I was sure he didn’t expect me to come visit him this quickly.
I landed at YVR airport, exited the airline, and made my way into the arrival area. I trudged along the aquamarine colored carpet and passed in front of two tall light-mocha colored statues. I followed the signs that led me to the Canada line and then rode the train for twenty-five minutes to the heart of downtown Vancouver.
I arrived at Waterfront station and it was a short walk to the Seabus terminal. This part of my journey was particularly memorable because the view was breathtaking as we crossed Vancouver Harbor. This place was very different from either Pennsylvania or Ohio. The mountains were bigger and the Ocean more breathtaking.
A light mist fell over the Seabus as the charcoal colored clouds tumbled over each other churning the bay as we moved over the water. It took twelve minutes to cross the inlet where we arrived at Lonsdale Quay. Then just outside the Seabus terminal, I boarded a bus at the transit loop and headed towards Northshore movie studios. I remembered Dorian mentioning this is where he and his partner had their private offices. Most of my favorite TV shows were filmed out here. The film industry was really booming. I was secretly hoping I could maybe land a job out here at the movie studios. It must be amazing to work in the film industry.
We pulled up in front of Northshore studios and I nervously grabbed my luggage from the neighboring bus seat, stepped down out of the bus doors, and walked to the gate.
There was a small sign listing the various companies inside, one of which was Macallan-Crawford Enterprises. I couldn’t help but feel giddy.
I needed a fresh start to get myself together from the mess I had become. I had only met Avery barely six months ago, and from that time on, my life had been a mess. Now, I was going to make things right. I should have never let him get between Dorian and me; he was the man I was supposed to be with all along. I was sure of it.
I stepped up to the gate and requested to see Dorian Macallan. The guard at the gate told me to wait over there and then he pointed off to the left side of the guard booth. I peered around the corner and there was a crowd of at least fifty young girls all waiting by the iron fence, hoping for a glimpse of the superstar.
My face sank into sullenness; I felt dejected and turned back to the guard.
“No, you don’t understand. I know Dorian. He’s kind of my boyfriend,” I said sweetly as I batted my eyes at the guard, whose nametag read Stevens. He stared at me quizzically and then motioned again with his thumb for me to join the waiting crowd.
“Please, I don’t want Dorian’s autograph. I’m really his girlfriend,” I said.
“Really? Each one of those girls said the same thing. Now, hit the road before I call security, or go wait with all of his girlfriends,” he said abruptly as he shook his head. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, Miss. You’re going to have to step aside, more of Dorian’s girlfriends will be arriving on the next bus,” he said.
“No, you don’t understand. Dorian invited me here,” I said, trying to hide the lie behind my eyes.
“Did he really?” he said sarcastically.
“At least I think so? Yes, I know he did,” I answered hesitantly.
“Would you?” he answered.
“You’re not listening to me,” I said. “I know Dorian.”
“Miss, if you don’t step aside, I won’t wait for security. I will taze you myself.”
I was starting to feel my anxiety creep over me. I had been tazed before by Dorian’s men. It wasn’t cool.
Then a car rolled up behind us and pulled up to the gate. The man inside the car punched a code into the keypad and then pulled his car inward, and as he passed by, he turned his head sideways and met my eyes as I argued with the security guard. I thought I recognized him but I couldn’t quite put my finger on from where.
The car pulled past me and then the driver hit the brakes like he just realized who I was.
I stepped toward the car, to ask where I’d seen him before, but the security guard thought I was
trying to break inside and quickly unholstered his Taser gun, aimed, and hit me with 1.2 million volts, with a crackling ZZZWAAAAAAP!
I couldn’t really describe what it felt like, but in the .08 of a second as I fell downward, I had this weird flash in my mind that I was being hit from behind by an Ohio State linebacker running at full speed. I dropped to the concrete and surrendering into darkness.
“Uhhhhh,” I moaned as my eyes groggily awoke later. I was lying on a black leather couch similar to the kind Avery kept at Paramore. A man leaned over me and asked if I was okay. I looked up into the eyes of the most beautiful caramel skinned African-American man I had ever seen. His head was perfectly shaved and his immaculate chiseled chest burst from underneath his coral colored t-shirt. It was the guy from the car.
“Aria, what a pleasant surprise,” he said, closing the short distance between us and leaning down to kiss my forehead in greeting as he set a cup of tea on the coffee table in front of me. “You look much better now than when you were lying knocked out on the concrete.” I smiled as he winked.
“My name is Canaan. Canaan Crawford. I am Dorian’s business partner. How are you feeling?”
“A little better now that you’re here.”
I smiled up at him in awe of his beauty as my face reddened from my awkward comment. I was still foggy as I shook my head free of its cobwebs and then tried to undo my nervousness. “I knew I recognized you. You’re one of my favorite actors,” I said, trying to recover my dignity.
His mocha skin was perfection and his dark eyes were kind. My vagina was drooling over him, or it could’ve been the remnants of my tazing. He returned my smile.
“Dorian was right about how beautiful you are. Have you ever thought about being in a movie? Dorian and I are getting ready to shoot a feature very soon. I think you would be perfect for it. You must let me talk to Dorian about it,” he said as my face reddened further.
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