by Lucia Ashta
“You mistake my reaction. I want to keep going with all my heart.”
Warmth flared within my chest. I wasn’t used to boys—men—being so forthcoming with their thoughts and emotions. I’d long decided the only way to survive the world of dating was to shield my true thoughts so as not to put myself too far out there. So as not to risk my heart. But Leander spoke so openly of possibilities, and seemed to do nothing to protect himself from the hurt I might cause him. Love was dangerous and risky, but this didn’t seem to impede the elf, who’d suggested to his father he might grow to truly love me. So what had him pulling back now?
Leander swallowed as if gathering his resolve, and pulled me flush against his body. The feel of his solid planes made thought unimportant as his lips moved across mine with an infinite tenderness, and I deepened the kiss, wanting to have all of him all at once. His tongue entwined with mine. His hands raced across my body, caressing my shoulders, my back, pooling in the small of it...
And still it wasn’t enough. It was so far from enough that a low growl rumbled in my chest, and at the start of thoughts of my missing lion, I pressed through them, replacing them with a furious desire for the elfin prince. Where his touch had been gentle, mine was demanding. I dug my fingers into his shoulders, his back, his waist, wanting every part of him. When I cupped his ass and pulled his pelvis hard against mine, his breath hitched against my mouth
“Before we go any further, I need to warn you.” His words sounded far away to my enraptured mind. I wondered for a moment at the effect he had over me; no man before him had ever enthralled me like this. It was as if he’d cast a spell over me, and my single-minded focus drove me toward completion with him.
“Hmm,” I murmured noncommittally against his lips.
“I … I’ve never made love with a woman before.”
I blinked at him, working to clear the haze that consumed my mind. “Have you made love with a man?”
“What? No. I’ve never taken that step … with anyone.”
My heart hitched and old fears of rejection flared. “And you don’t want to take it with me?” I really wanted not to ask the question. His enthusiasm for me, and the way his body promised he wanted me, should have been enough to keep the doubts at bay. But the fear that I somehow wasn’t enough had made a home deep inside me, within a secret darkness. It was horribly persistent, whispering that I might not be what Leander wanted, that I might not be enough. It tensed every part of my body, whisking away the heat of my arousal as I waited, breathless, for Leander to dispel the petty fear.
His hands gripped my arms, snapping me from the whirlpool of emotion that tugged me deeper within myself. “Rina.” He waited until I brought my eyes to meet his. “I want nothing more than to share my first time with you. I’m just nervous is all, and I wanted you to understand why I’m acting a little uncertain.”
My gaze must have betrayed the sting of his hesitancy. My emotions had control of me, acting as irrationally as ever.
“Rina,” he urged again, “please don’t misunderstand me. I very much want to make love with you. I’m not wavering because of you. It’s just … I’m used to knowing what to do. I’ve trained my entire life to be the best at everything I do. I … fuck, this isn’t working.”
His eyes blazed, awakening fire behind them as if I were truly staring into twin full moons. He kissed me again. But not like before. This time his kiss relayed the secret fears of his own heart, the ones that urged him to restrain himself, that had made him push me away last term to keep me safe from him—and him safe from me.
But as his kiss swept a blaze across my body, my mind, my heart, I shared the realization he’d obviously arrived at: we couldn’t allow fear to rule our choices. And as he released his fears, I released mine, and they mingled together in our kiss, where they caught fire. In the searing heat of our building passion, our fears disappeared, useless in a world of magic where anything was possible, even true love. The chance of it was worth any risk, no matter how great.
When his hands tugged at my sleeves this time, pulling them low along my chest until the swells of my breasts emerged from the indigo silk, I brought both hands to either side of his face and tugged his lips from the curves of my breasts to my mouth, against which I whispered the words I’d never shared with anyone before: “I’m a virgin too.”
His eyelids fluttered in surprise, and when he moved to pull his mouth from mine, I shook my head. “Not now. I don’t want to talk. We can talk later.”
I threw every bit of conviction and desire into every movement of my lips, of my tongue. Every moan that slipped from between us served to confirm my truth. I wanted him now like I’d never wanted any man before.
I pulled roughly at the silk that contained my breasts until they popped all the way free, nipples reaching for him, as eager as I was for completion. He gasped and pulled away from our kiss to take me in. His starved gaze raked across my bare flesh, traveling from my breasts, to my face, to my bare abdomen.
His fingers were a flash as they yanked his tunic over his head and tossed it to the floor without care. He pressed his muscled chest against my flesh, hot, searing skin meeting in bliss.
My head tipped back as his mouth lowered to my exposed body. Doubt and thought vanished, leaving me perfectly and wonderfully exposed, deliciously ready for all the pleasure Leander was so eager to deliver. As his tongue licked across my breasts, I moaned without restraint and wove my hands in his long hair. He groaned, and I tugged harder.
When he led me to the bed and gently lowered me to it, I closed my eyes and gave myself over to every single possibility between us. I experienced every touch of his hands and mouth as if it were a magic all its own, kindling a fire I’d forgotten existed within me, burning deep inside. When he wiggled me out of my dress, I lifted my hips to make it easier for him to remove the final barrier between us. And when he lowered his naked body over mine, I obeyed his silent request to hold his eyes while we joined, while we both became one for the first time.
He flared his wings out to either side behind him, their large span blocking out any suggestion of a world outside of us. Then he lowered his face to mine while his eyes burned with an intensity that rivaled my own. Faith, hope, and tenderness beamed through his gleaming gaze while we merged. He stole my breath … before filling me and sharing his hope.
My heart soared as sensation consumed me, taking me over. I became a magical creature in my entirety. I held the full moons of Leander’s eyes for the duration of my transformation.
I lay in Leander’s arms, half my body draped across his, our limbs entangled in a perfect representation of the merging of our hearts, perhaps even our spirits. My cheek pressed against his chest when I released a sigh of contentment.
“Hey,” he murmured, running a hand over my long hair, pulling me tighter against him with his other arm. “I thought you might’ve fallen asleep for a minute there.”
“Hmm, no, just happy.”
He brought his head down against mine, the curve of his lips against my crown. “Me too. That was incredible. It makes me wish I hadn’t kept us apart last term with my thoughts of doing the honorable thing.”
I chuckled lazily. “I definitely could’ve done with lots of this.”
He whisked his lips across my forehead in a light kiss, and I tilted my head up along his chest to meet his eyes. “I’ll give you all the loving you want now,” he said. “All I want is to give you happiness.”
My heart did an awkward somersault, feeling like it was swimming through my chest.
“Does that make you uncomfortable?” he asked.
“No, of course not. Not at all.” Though it was a slight lie. “I love what you said; I love that you don’t hold back and tell me how you feel. I guess I’m just not used to it. Most guys hold back. They don’t want to seem weak by showing that they care.”
“Caring isn’t weakness, it’s strength.”
“I agree.” Or at least, eventually I’d manage
to convince myself that I didn’t need to protect myself by holding back with him. “I love that you care about me. You’re just different than what I’m used to.”
“Is that a good thing?”
I kissed his chest, bare but for a smattering of dark silver hair that matched his eyebrows, and allowed my eyelids to drift closed. “It’s great. The best thing ever, really. You’re everything I was waiting for.” There. It was a lot easier to speak my heart when those silver orbs of his weren’t staring into my soul. “I love that you’re different. I love that you’re … magical.”
“You’re magical too,” he whispered, as if the matters of the heart deserved a sacred reverence.
“I’m glad I waited to have sex until you.”
“I am too, but I’m wondering, why did you wait when you dated other men?”
“I waited because they weren’t men, not yet anyway. I wanted it to be special, sacred. I wanted to feel, uh, affection for the man I’d share this with. I never felt safe with anyone before you. I never felt, hmm, I don’t know, you make me feel like a queen or something.”
“As it should be. It’s why I waited as well. You heard my father, I was allowed whatever concubine I might want. But every girl I’ve ever been with before you always saw me as some sort of power play. Sure, a few of them liked me for more than that, but there was always a notion of what I might do for them or their families, then or eventually.”
“That must be rough. Though I think I understand a little. All the guys I was with always seemed to want me mostly for my body.” I clenched my eyes as my cheeks flamed at the admission.
“Well, you do have a beautiful body, that’s for sure, but I believe it’s only beautiful because it’s a reflection of what it houses.”
A thick lump of emotion built in my throat. “You know, people don’t talk like you do. I’m not sure they even think like you.”
“Well, then they should, and you seem to think like me. You waited to share love before giving yourself. And by the way, I’m incredibly honored that you chose to give yourself to me. Thank you.”
I nodded against his chest, unable to say a word. I think he understood that I needed a little time to process.
“I’ve known since I was a young boy that I wouldn’t get to choose the person I would marry and share my life with, and once I was old enough to understand how difficult that would be, I vowed that I’d decide who I gave my heart to. My father might decide my union, but he can’t control my heart. I can love whomever I please, and there isn’t a damn thing he can do to stop me. I did share some degrees of intimacy with some of the girls who sought me out, but I felt that if I held this one part of myself sacred, then I was succeeding in defying my father. He and the girls and their families couldn’t use me in their plots of political manipulation.”
“Are you saying the girls’ families sent them to you?” The notion shocked me despite the tension in the king’s court that suggested that any ease was only a temporary measure.
“Absolutely. Just as Father sees me as a pawn, so do their families. They’ll all try to capture the attention of the prince, even if I am second in line to inherit the throne.”
“And what of your mother?”
“She doesn’t have a say, not in this. My parents’ relationship is complicated, and something I’d rather not discuss when I’m in bed naked with you. I’d rather think of other things.”
“Oh yeah? Like what?” I teased.
“Like how I felt as if it wasn’t just an extension of my body that was inside you, but it was truly as if our spirits merged. I’d hoped it could be that way, and it was. Everything about it felt so right, as if my magic had just been waiting to connect to yours. As if—”
“As if we were meant to come together.” My pulse sped up at the courage it’d taken to say that.
“Exactly like that. My magic likes you.” He pulled me up along his body and rolled me on top of him. “All of me likes you.” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively while his body did its part to accentuate his point.
“Well,” I smiled, “all of me likes you too.”
“Can I … would you like to come together again?”
I grinned. “I want to come together again, and again, and again. I told you, I’m tired of behaving and having life go to shit anyway. I’m ready to live and embrace every joy it offers me.”
His smile widened. “You’re not sore?”
I bit at my lip, but then pushed on. “I feel like you’re healing me. I know it makes no sense, but it feels like you’re helping to heal me and my magic.”
He grinned. “Excellent. So I can feel good about taking you all over again?”
“Honey, you can take all the pleasure you want from me, because I plan on taking lots more from you.”
“Is that a promise?”
“Definitely.” To prove my point, I sat up and straddled him, running my hands along the length of his chest, continuing down along his firm stomach. When I bent down to kiss him, my breasts pressing against his chest, he curled his wings around us, and claimed me as his.
Magic surged in the cool air of the bedroom, teasing my heated, bare flesh, as the world—and its worries—faded to nothing around us.
4
When Leander wasn’t training me for my battle of doom, the three weeks that remained of our winter break passed in a tangle of limbs, lips, and whispered hopes. He spent every night in my room, and his affection was proving to be a balm to my injured heart and magic. Now the first thing I experienced when I awoke in the morning was contentment, making it far easier to endure the loss of my lion. There was even a small part of me that dared to wish that I’d somehow find a way to get her back, even if I lacked a single idea of how I might manage it.
It was surprisingly easy for us to share time together behind closed doors, though the entire court was obviously aware of our relationship, even if we were careful not to touch outside of our rooms. The sidelong looks of the courtiers had become a predictable constant. I sensed their attention upon me wherever I went within the palace, and even out into the enchanted forest that surrounded it. I suspected, however, that they all assumed I was nothing more than Leander’s mistress. He and I did nothing to dispel the notion, especially since Leander assured me that we had to uphold our part of the bargain if we expected the king to eventually uphold his.
Yeah … Leander still believed there was a chance I’d defeat his brother so he could officially court me. The longer he trained me, the more certain I became that Galen would hand my ass to me on a platter. But hey, I didn’t want to burst Leander’s happy bubble. At least we’d be able to continue sharing time on the academy’s campus, and do so openly, though I’d miss sharing my nights with him. Not even the second prince of the fae would be able to circumvent the school’s strict curfew rules.
Leander and I shared a lazy morning in bed. It was to be our last one here before returning to the Magical Creatures Academy. Heading toward the large hall that served as a dining hall for the king’s courtiers for brunch, we separated. I’d lingered in my bedroom long enough to give him time to settle at the table on a dais at the head of the room, reserved for royalty and a few of the king’s advisers and important courtiers. It was considered a great honor to sit at the royals’ table. I, of course, didn’t, though the fact seemed to pain Leander far more than it did me. The less time I spent in the company of Leander’s family, the better. None of them had done much to make me feel welcome.
I entered the great hall and immediately sensed the flow of attention turn my way. The fae came in all shapes and sizes, ranging from the elves, who were the tallest, to those as small as Fianna and Nessa. Most were discreet, but others, like the king and Leander’s brother, Galen, seemed to get off on making me feel their scorn. It hadn’t been this way when I’d stayed here last summer along with Ky and Boone. The king and prince heir had almost been friendly then. But that was before either realized the extent of Leander’s interest in me, when the
king was satisfied with keeping us apart, figuring that’d be sufficient to discourage the connection already burgeoning between us.
Now, neither the king nor the prince heir was deluded about Leander’s intentions toward me, and they took out their disapproval on me. Blatantly.
News of my intended duel with the prince heir had spread across the court like the juicy gossip it was. Not a day passed without Galen commenting on how much he’d enjoy defeating me. It appeared today would be no exception as he trailed every one of my movements while I served myself an assortment of fruits native only to the land of the fae, but which reminded me of pineapple, strawberries, and grapes. The fae were all vegans, believing animals equal in importance to them, a part of a sacred balance that ideally would imbue all nature.
When I turned to take my seat, I was faced with Galen. I gasped and flicked a glance to the royal table to my left. Leander was already looking at us, his nervousness tangible in the jumpiness of his eyes.
Shit. If he was worried, then I should be as well.
“Hello, Rina.” The way the prince heir drew out my name implied I was a joke of some sort, and I had no doubt I’d been the butt of more jokes than I cared to reflect on. “Quite a late start to the day you’re getting, wouldn’t you say?”
I was smart enough not to say anything. I’d learned the hard way that nothing I said would appease him, I’d only give him more fodder for his belittling. I smiled tightly, hoping that’d be enough and he’d leave me alone.
I gave the prince what I hoped would pass as a respectful nod and rounded him, but when I set off toward an empty spot at the table farthest from the royals, Galen trailed me.
“I was thinking…” he said in a voice loud enough to carry. The hum of conversation around the hall shushed to hear what their prince had to say to the likes of me. “Since you’ll be fighting me...” He chuckled and waited until the courtiers indulged him with a wave of their own mocking laughter. “I’d like to join you during your training today.”