by David Vann
This cutter represented the cream of the U.S. Coast Guard. A fast boat for drug interdiction in their most active waters. It would be a crack crew onboard. The captain sounded cheerful and confident, and he spent a full hour planning how we would do this tow, then he took a practice pass, which took another hour.
When he began his real pass, finally, from half a mile away, Nancy and I walked forward to the bow. I had the engines in neutral, our boat dead in the water and rocking hideously broadside to the seas, as requested, so that the cutter would have the privileged position of heading into the waves. It was cold in the wind and rain and spray.
“Let’s do it right,” I said. “Let’s catch the damn thing, pull it in, and get it over the windlass. One time.”
As their boat came closer, we could hear the big engines. They were staying mostly in neutral, engaging only periodically in short bursts of power. They had a spotlight on us and all their lights on. They seemed sleek but not quite in control.
The guys on the aft deck were shouting orders at each other and struggling to keep their footing. Three of them had throwing lines with green glow sticks attached, and a spotter in front was going to say when to throw.
“Not yet, not yet,” he was yelling, and others were yelling, too. They were making it seem much more exciting and complicated than it really needed to be. Nancy and I were just waiting quietly at the lifelines for them to throw.
More yelling, and finally the green light stick came arcing toward us through the rain. Nancy caught it, mostly with her face but also with her arms, and we led it outside our lifelines and stanchions, through the scupper, then pulled in an incredibly long heaving line before we finally reached the loop of the tow line.
The cutter was coming closer. Their stern was swinging toward us, the driver still using his engines only in short bursts. The guys on the aft deck yelled at him to go, go, go, forward, forward, but it was too late. Their starboard stern rose up on a wave and bashed the end of our bowsprit, an explosion of steel on steel and some other fragile object on their boat, a light or something, shattering. Then the driver gunned it fast away from us, and they all yelled to slow down, slow down, because we were holding the end of their tow line. I was afraid we might be yanked overboard or have our limbs torn off, but we just pulled the heavy wet loop as fast as we could over our windlass. I checked that it wasn’t snagged on anything, then signaled with my arms in the air that we were done and told Nancy we should get away from the bow in case the line snapped or the windlass went flying off its mounts.
We hurried back to the pilothouse and I called the captain on the radio, letting him know our end was ready. Neither of us mentioned the collision.
He let out line for a while, getting farther away from us, then caught up the slack and pulled us with a jerk, our bow tipping sideways and coming around fast in an extreme yaw to port then back to starboard. We kept going to starboard, like a waterskier going for outside the wake, leaning away from the tow boat, and I tried to correct with the rudder, which had some effect but not much. The cutter’s solution was to speed up. We whipped back and forth but mostly to starboard, and the captain said he was letting out more line, finding the proper tow length so we’d be in sync on the swells, and the tow did become a bit smoother, if too fast for my tastes, but then the line broke.
Their boat receded, we slowed, and I called on the radio to notify them. We were in a heavy squall, over forty knots of wind blowing buckets of rain into our pilothouse from behind, so that even twenty feet into the pilothouse, the ceiling was wet. The rain was cold, too. This was definitely a northern storm that had come down into the Caribbean. I went forward on deck and pulled up their tow line, about fifty feet, which meant it hadn’t been severed by any chafing on our end.
I stood there for a while staring absentmindedly at the green light shining through the messy pile of their heaving line. I was drenched in the rain, and only my hand on a stanchion was keeping me from being thrown overboard. We would have to catch their line again. I wanted to sleep. I wondered why I persisted in this whole boating thing.
One thing about being at sea is that you don’t really get to stop. You can never say, “Okay, to hell with this, I’ve had enough, I’m outta here.” Until you arrive in port, you’re stuck, and conditions can always worsen, the boat can always break in new ways, whether you’re prepared or not. Even in port, you can slip anchor, blow against other anchored boats in crosswinds and currents, or run aground. In a marina, battering, chafing, and electrolysis are still possible, as are propane explosion, electrical fire, sinking through siphoning and all the hazards of docking, all the expensive things you can run into and crush. A boat simply does not allow for genuine rest. Its essential nature is peril, held in check only through enormous effort and expense.
I had worked hard to get this boat back after the bankruptcy, and that effort seemed odd to me now. How had I believed that it would not be the same horrific shit over and over if I got back on board? What was wrong with me?
THE CAPTAIN OF the cutter said his crew had tied something incorrectly. Apparently this fifty feet of line I now had on deck had been tied to a longer piece. I said no problem and waited, hoping they’d figure out how to tie a bowline, but they were out there for quite a while and didn’t return, so I called again on the radio.
“We dropped something in the water,” the captain said. “And it looks like we need to retrieve it. We’ll be back in just a minute.”
So Nancy and I waited, curious to find out what they had dropped. We could see them circling around in the rain, and something flashing in the water. Then they seemed to give up. We could still see the flashing.
When the captain came back on the radio, he sounded very calm, as if dropping something in the water and not recovering it were a regular occurrence. He suggested we try the tow from starboard this time, to prevent such extreme yawing. He also wanted to try the approach from upwind, coming down past us, which sounded bizarre to me, but I didn’t feel I could object. I was supposed to leave my boat dead in the troughs again, so it was up to him, whatever he wanted to do, and he had already run into us once, so somehow that seemed to take the worry out of it.
Nancy and I returned to the bow. The cutter was being blown down onto us, its stern sagging, which seemed inevitable and was the reason I wouldn’t have tried from upwind. The captain had to punch the engines to bring his bow around and avoid hitting us again, which put him past us, but his crew threw two lines anyway, into the water. Then he was in reverse, trying to get back, which was not going to work in these waves. Luckily, his crew decided to throw the last line. The thrower did an amazing job, from the distance he was at, and we caught it, led it through the scupper, and hauled in until we had the loop over our windlass.
Back in the pilothouse, I told the captain we were ready and neither of us mentioned that we were towing from the port side again instead of the starboard side. Then Nancy yelled for me and I went aft. She pointed overboard. There was a white canister liferaft floating near us. I looked up on our pilothouse roof at our own liferaft to confirm that it wasn’t ours.
“That must have been what they dropped in the water,” Nancy said. She had one hand over her nose and mouth, which is what she does when she’s laughing so hard she’s starting to snort. I laughed, too. It was pretty incredible. They had somehow dropped their liferaft overboard and then hadn’t been able to retrieve it. And the liferaft hadn’t deployed, either. It should have automatically inflated when yanked by a lanyard tied to deck, but apparently that had never been tied.
Nancy and I checked the towline every thirty minutes and finally asked for slack to adjust the line. It was chafing in several places. The cutter wasn’t careful to stay in front of our bow, however. The new helmsman (the captain had retired for the evening) managed to get his boat behind our boat facing the opposite direction. We were facing one way, with the towline going back underneath our boat, and he was a hundred yards off our stern facing the other
way. How he managed to think this was okay was beyond me. I explained the situation to him, then gave Nancy the radio and went aft with a flashlight. As he pulled us backward through the water, I could see the towline coming out from under our stern on the starboard side, shallow and bent at an angle, which meant it was hung up on something, probably our damaged rudder. I let out a little yell of frustration, and Nancy wanted to know what was up.
“Tell him the towline is caught on our rudder and to quit pulling us backward,” I yelled.
Nancy told him this over the radio, but he kept pulling us backward.
I went to the radio. “Look,” I told him, “you can’t keep towing us backward with the towline caught around our rudder.”
“Roger that, sir, we’re trying to address the problem now.”
“Maybe you could let the line sink, then use the slack to make a turn to port. Hopefully the line will clear.”
I could hear his engines. He was still trying to pull his way out of it, which was impossible. I didn’t want to think uncharitable thoughts about our rescuers, but this helmsman had zero idea how to drive a boat.
“You might consider letting the line sag and sink first,” I said. “My wife will be on the radio, and I’ll be on the stern letting her know where the line is.”
“Roger that.”
I couldn’t help making a comment to Nancy. “If he’d pulled a waterskier even once in his life, he’d know how not to get the line all screwed up.”
“Maybe it’s his first time out,” Nancy said.
I went back to the stern and gave reports to Nancy, which she passed on to the helmsman. He finally let us drift and the line sag until I couldn’t see it anymore. Then he drove a bit, but still going the opposite way, not trying to turn. The line came up and I saw that it was on our starboard side now, the same side as the cutter. If he went now toward our bow, the line would clear.
“Tell him to turn hard to port.”
Nancy relayed the message, but we were drifting over the line. It would go back under us again. Then he gunned his engines, still going in the opposite direction. He was not trying to turn to port at all. He was just going to yank us around from behind at full speed.
“Hold on!” I yelled to Nancy. “We might capsize.”
Our boat yanked suddenly to starboard, tipping over, and I heard a ripping sound of the line coming up through the water then whacking the side of our ninety-foot hull like a piano string. We went fast backward and sideways through the water, I fell down on the deck, grabbed onto the kayak that was tied, and then we went level again, the bow flung around and yanked forward.
“Holy shit,” Nancy said.
I got back up and joined her at the helm. I called the cutter on the radio. “We’re okay, I think,” I said. “And the line’s clear. But that was dangerous and ridiculous. That was the closest I’ve ever come to capsizing.”
No response. So we waited. Then, finally, “Roger that. Line is clear.” Then he asked that we not stop again for chafing. He said he preferred to take the chance of it severing. So I said fine and went to drain the diesel tanks and pump the aft bilge.
After pumping the aft bilge, I used my flashlight to examine the area, as I had several other times, and this time I found a hairline crack, an actual crack in our hull. It was about six inches long, a foot forward of the rudder stock and slightly off centerline to port. I could see water coming up under pressure. I couldn’t help but think of submarine movies after the depth charge hits.
I reported this crack to the cutter helmsman. He said to monitor it and let him know if it worsened. I asked whether I should try caulking it with something, though I didn’t think I had anything that would cure on a wet surface. He said sure, try it.
So I went through our supplies and found 3M 4200, a caulking compound I knew would not cure and would not be up to the job. That was all I had, and it wasn’t worth trying. I hadn’t really counted on cracks in the hull. I had assumed that the integrity of the steel hull, as long as I kept it coated to prevent corrosion, would be the one thing on this boat I could always count on. It was ABS Marine Grade A steel, the best steel you can use for a boat, welded using proper techniques and equipment, and inspected by Bureau Veritas, an international classification society. If you can’t count on that, why bother with any of the rest? All the other work I had done on the boat didn’t really make sense if the hull wasn’t going to stay in one piece.
I tried to reassure Nancy, because she looked worried. I guess being fifty miles from land in thousands of feet of water at night in stormy conditions being yanked through the water at nine knots by a group of incompetents while we had a crack in our hull somehow gave her cause for concern.
“Steel doesn’t really tear,” I said. “Not like how a crack could open up in a cement, wood, or fiberglass hull. The molecules are flexible, you know, like how you can melt a metal into a liquid. I remember this from chemistry. The cell walls in wood are rigid and can crack, but steel shouldn’t do that. So it should be okay to have a crack, and it shouldn’t be able to rip apart any of the rest of the hull.”
This explanation was incoherent, and certainly desperate and inaccurate, but Nancy seemed willing to accept it, at least for now, since there wasn’t much other encouragement I could offer.
By around 4 A.M., we could see the lights of St. Croix, and by daybreak we were being towed into a big bay protected from waves. We anchored, then began a long search by radio for yards that could repair us. We finally found St. Croix Marine, a boatyard on the other side of the island. They agreed to an emergency haulout, so Nancy and I picked up anchor and found that we could steer fine in calm conditions. But then, when we were halfway there, cruising along the northern coast, St. Croix Marine canceled the haul because their railway had rust and they were afraid our hundred-ton boat might break it.
I was feeling desperate, since we were now underway, leaking with a crack in our hull, and had nowhere to go for repairs. Nancy came up from below looking oddly happy with her mop and bucket, getting the boat all cleaned up for our charter, keeping the aft bilge water low, and I hated to tell her the news.
“How can they do that?” she asked. “Don’t they know we have a crack in our hull?”
“I know,” I said. “I’m trying to find other options.”
“Well what are the other options?”
“I don’t have any yet.”
“Oh great,” she said, and went back below to pump the bilge again.
After many more calls on the radio, I found one last option, a salvage diver in the British Virgin Islands who had a good reputation and lots of experience and would have underwater epoxy ready. He had done underwater rudder repair for many boats, including removing a rudder, taking it to the shop, then reinstalling it. So I turned to port, my beam to the waves, and motored away from St. Croix.
The steering was easy, but I tried to baby the rudder as much as possible, not putting any force on it. It was a beautiful day, sunny and bright, only a few scattered squalls, none of them in our path. The seas built to five or six feet, so that we rolled slightly in the troughs, but it wasn’t bad.
After about two hours, Nancy reported that the water from the crack was coming in at an increased rate, so I went below to check. The water was sloshing back and forth, as it had before, since we were rolling a bit. The pump was still faster than the leak, but not by a lot. I reported this on the radio. I was still in touch with the Coast Guard. We were an hour and a half from our rendezvous point.
I returned to the helm. “I’m glad we’re meeting the diver soon,” I told Nancy.
Then we heard a loud metallic sound in the stern and the boat went into a spin. I turned the helm but there was no response. I pulled back on the throttles.
“There’s water in the hallway,” Nancy said from down in the main salon. “There’s too much water for the pump.”
I went below for a quick look. The hallway was flooding, already a few feet deep. I knew from our spinnin
g that we had lost our rudder. And I knew from this water suddenly in the hallway that the rudder had taken a piece of our hull with it.
“Grab our ditch bag,” I told Nancy. “And get our important papers from the desk. We’re abandoning ship.” I went for the radio.
“MAYDAY, MAYDAY, MAYDAY,” I called on channel 16. “This is the sailing vessel Bird of Paradise, the sailing vessel Bird of Paradise. We have lost our rudder and are flooding and sinking fast. We are at 18 degrees 9.2 North, 64 degrees 39.8 West, approximately ten miles south of Norman Island. That’s one eight degrees nine decimal two North, six four degrees three nine decimal eight West, approx. ten miles south of Norman Island. We are two persons on board, two adults, David Vann and Nancy Flores. Vessel is ninety feet, white hull, two wooden masts, wooden pilothouse. This is a MAYDAY, MAYDAY, MAYDAY. We are sinking fast.”
“I have your disk with your writing,” Nancy said, holding my red backup disk. “What else do you want?”
“Did you grab all the papers out of the drawer?”
“Yeah. What else?”
“Put a lifejacket on. And first, can you grab my black folding knife? I need it to cut the dinghy free.”
Virgin Islands Search and Rescue (VISAR) hailed me on the radio. They acknowledged the mayday and asked again for my position. They said they had a twenty-two-foot rescue boat responding. I gave my position again.
“Can you also raise your mainsail?” the controller asked.
“Why?” I asked.
“So the rescue boat can spot you more easily.”
This was not a good idea. Our mainsail was huge and took a long time to put up. And it would make us heel over further and also push us forward through the water, even with the boom out. And the boom would be swinging as we rolled. I couldn’t think of a worse suggestion. I didn’t want to sound rude, though, since they were coming out to rescue us.