by Robin Roseau
I looked away. "Not my best moments," I said.
"No one blames you," Lara said. "That was my fault."
"It was all your faults," I said. "Well, maybe not Karen and Serena. But the rest of you, yes. I should have understood. But we're past that. I'm not trying to dwell. Have any of you been as afraid as I was on my ransom night?"
"Yes," Serena, Elisabeth, Lara and Angel said immediately and simultaneously.
"When?"
"For me," Serena said, "the day you were taken from me. I imagine you were more scared."
"No," I said. "I was angry, very, very angry. And deeply disgusted. They were such cowards, and I was sure they were plunging both packs into war. That made me very angry."
"The night of the coup attempt," Elisabeth said. "I was terrified that night."
I reached out and clasped her hand. Then I released her. Rebecca was done eating, and I took her from Lara. We cooed at each other for a few minutes before I let Scarlett take my baby from me.
I looked up at everyone, finding most of them watching me.
"Don't worry about it," I said. "It was an experiment. I don't think it worked. I hope no one had a horrible time."
"There's something you're not telling us," Angel said.
"Maybe," I said. "If so, I'm sure you'll figure it out." I paused. "Look, it was just a game. Okay? We're making too much of it." I took Celeste from Lara and she buttoned up. I held Celeste for about ten seconds before Angel was pulling her out of my arms.
I would have told them more, but I wasn't really sure about any of it myself. I wanted them to imagine. I wanted them to understand me a little more, but I didn't think I could even express it myself, much less to anyone else.
* * * *
New Year's Eve arrived. The nearly two weeks had done wonders for Lara; she had fully recovered her strength from the birth.
Our love life was doing very well, too.
During the celebration, I announced the winners for the fishing contest. Thomas won the kids' prize and was tickled pink. Alan won for the teenagers. And Benny, in spite of only spending part of the time with us, won the adults' prize. There was some minor muttering about him being a ringer, but that was squashed when Eric and Rory congratulated him wholeheartedly, saying, "It's nice when the fox makes these games. Everyone has a chance."
"Even a human?" Benny had asked.
"Even a human," Eric said.
It was gratifying to see Benny being accepted.
Most of us stayed until early on January second, with a few families leaving the day before for work the next morning.
It was lovely to be home.
And it was time to plan.
Departure
I spent the first two weeks in January making arrangements. In bits and pieces, I moved the things I would need to my office at the school. I stashed an "emergency pack" in the car, which theoretically were the things someone would need if one were stranded in a ditch during a Wisconsin blizzard. I hadn't driven a car alone in some time, and perhaps people thought it was odd I was preparing the way I was, but no one actually said anything to me about it.
I also found time to research my target. I needed to be careful; I wasn't sure what breadcrumbs I might leave for Gia to notice. I did only minimal research, and I buried it amongst so much other web research that hopefully it wouldn't be obvious.
I started taking one or the other baby for a post-feeding walk, getting Lara used to going to sleep afterwards.
Finally, I decided I was ready.
* * * *
"I love you," I told Lara. "You're so beautiful when you feed them."
"Yeah, yeah," she said. "It's dark. You can hardly see."
"Honey, will you love me forever?"
She sighed. "Yes, Michaela. What's wrong?"
"Nothing," I said. "I never want to hurt you."
She studied me as I sat cross-legged on the bed, watching her. "Are you thinking of having another affair?" she asked me. She was grinning while teasing me into a good mood.
"I was hoping for a threesome with, um... Someone. I'm sure there's someone in the pack you'd want a threesome with."
She chuckled. "I'm sure there are worst ideas you could come up with, but for the life of me, I can't think of any."
I took Rebecca from her. She needed to be changed, so I took care of that. I bounced her around a little, making sure to get a good burp, and the baby was soon fast asleep. I set her back in her crib. By the time I was done, Celeste was finally done eating.
She was noticeably bigger than her sister.
"Are you sure Rebecca is okay?" I asked.
"She's fine," Lara said.
I changed Celeste and bounced her, then stopped by the side of the bed and sat down. "Give Mommy Wolf a kiss, baby," I told the baby. I leaned her down to trade kisses with Lara. Then I took my own kiss from my wife.
"Go back to sleep," I said. "I'm going to take her downstairs until she's asleep."
"I can do it," she said.
"No, I'm wide awake anyway," I replied. "I love you."
We kissed again, and I listened as Lara settled back into the covers. I slipped out of the room and walked quietly downstairs, bouncing Celeste gently. Karen and Eric were both downstairs and looked up as I appeared. The enforcers had all gotten used to my appearances with a baby over my shoulder.
"I can take her," Karen said. "If you want to go back to sleep."
"Naw, she'll be out soon," I said. "This walk is more for me than for her."
"Can't sleep?" Karen asked.
I shook my head and let Karen hold the baby for a while. It was only a few minutes before Celeste scrunched her face for the last time and fell fast asleep. We waited several minutes, then I took the baby back.
"Good night," I said.
"Good night," they both wished me.
I crept up the stairs quietly and slipped back into the bedroom. Lara was on her side, sound asleep. I kissed Celeste once more and whispered to her, "Mommy is going to make sure you and your sister are safe. Mommy loves you, Celeste. Never forget."
I kissed Rebecca in her sleep, reminding her that "Mommy Fox loves you so much."
I stopped beside the bed, staring at Lara. Part of me wanted nothing more than to fold myself into her arms and confess everything I had done. I stared at her for a while.
I loved her from the depths of my heart.
Instead, I stepped quietly into the bathroom and gently closed the door. Equally cautiously, I opened the window, looked outside to make sure there was no one in sight, and slipped through the window. I closed it as far as I could while hanging most of the way out of the window, then lowered myself as far as I could before dropping to the ground.
I wondered why Lara didn't put bars over the window to prevent me from doing just what I had done.
It was a cold night, and I was dressed in nothing but my pajamas. I ran around the back of the house, carefully making sure no one was watching, then crossed the compound to the front door of the school. I slipped inside and made my way to my office.
Upon arriving, I pulled the things I would need from their hiding places. I checked the case containing the sniper rifle, which I had hidden in the ceiling panels. I had cash, maps, more weapons, and a few more clothes. I pulled on some clothes then sat down and wrote a note.
My dearest Lara,
I am sorry. I know what I've chosen to do will hurt you very badly. I wish I could find another way. If all goes very well, I'll be back in a week. If they hide from me, it may take as long as a month.
Don't send anyone after me. This is something I must do alone.
We will never be safe when people believe they can mess with us and get what they want from doing so. Lessons must be taught. I cannot allow any wolves to believe they can kidnap a member of our pack and live to tell the tale. As long as any of them is alive, our babies are not safe.
I will make our babies safe.
I love you. I love Celeste and Rebecca. Plea
se tell Serena I'm sorry.
If when I'm done, you will have me back, I will be back. If you can't love me anymore, I will understand.
Please forgive me.
Michaela
I left the note on my otherwise bare desk where they would certainly find it. I then composed an email to Michele Lassiter asking her to make sure my classes were covered, letting her know where to find class notes.
I gathered everything and slipped from the school, wondering how long it would be before the alarm sounded. Would Karen and Eric hear my car? I had intentionally parked it further away from the house the last time I'd driven it. I guess I would have to see.
I loaded everything into my car from the driver's side, not wanting to open more than one door. Then I climbed in, started the car, and slowly, quietly pulled out of the compound.
No one chased me.
It's a three and a half hour drive from the compound north of Madison to Iowa City. But I stopped at two cheap auto sales lots on the way. I stole a pair of Iowa license plates at the first one; at the second, I stole a second set, but replaced it with the first set I had stolen. I put the stolen plates on my SUV. It was likely the first dealer would notice the plates were missing and report them. It was far less likely the plates at the second dealership would be noticed as having been changed. With luck, I had a safe pair of untraceable plates for at least a couple of weeks.
I finished my drive to Iowa City. I had already planned all my routes, but the maps I had didn't give me elevation information. What looked like good line of sight from a map could be hopelessly poor. Similarly, a concealed location may not be as concealed as it appeared.
I drove around Brody Mortens' neighborhood without actually pulling into the housing development. A half a mile away was a small commercial office building. I had checked, and it looked like some, if not all of the building was available for lease, meaning the offices should be vacant. Driving through the building, I found things to be better than I thought.
There was a berm between the parking lot and the street passing behind the building, complete with bushes growing along the top of the berm. I climbed out of the car bringing a pair of binoculars with me. Dragging a sleeping pad we use for winter camping, I climbed up onto the berm, lying on my stomach, the pad underneath me to protect me from the cold ground, and when I was barely poked above the top of the small hill, I turned in the direction of Brody's house. Peering through the binoculars, I could see the house I was sure was his. There was a narrow gap between other houses, but I could see most of the deck and one upstairs window.
I settled in to watch.
My phone buzzed shortly after. I slithered away from the top of the hill and pulled it out.
"Get back here!" was the message. It was from Elisabeth.
I called her.
"What the fuck! Michaela, get your ass back here!"
"I'm sorry, Elisabeth. Did you find my note?"
"Lara is beside herself, Michaela."
"As long as people think they can do what these people did, Elisabeth, we aren't safe. I'm not safe. More importantly, my babies aren't safe. What would Lara do if someone kidnapped Rebecca and Celeste? She'd do anything they demanded. I can't allow that. These people need to know if you mess with us, you die."
"That is Lara's decision," Elisabeth said. "Not yours."
"They are my babies too, Elisabeth, aren't they?"
"You are not alpha!"
I didn't respond right away.
"I didn't mean it that way," Elisabeth said eventually, somewhat calmer. "You know what I mean."
"Yes, Elisabeth, I do. I am not alpha. I know that. But I am Mommy Fox, and Mommy Fox is going to make her babies safe. And I am a hunter, and I am going to do what must be done to the wolves who think they can get away with hurting me, with hurting us."
"Please, Alpha," she said. "Come home. The pack needs you."
I sighed. "Elisabeth, I am a half mile from their house. I have line of sight to the deck."
"What good is that going to do? The first thing I did was check with Karen. She still has her sniper rifle. Whatever gun you have won't reach that far."
"It was hard, Elisabeth, but I found my own. I couldn't get a night scope though."
"Everything has been going so good, Michaela. You've been happy."
"I had a plan, Elisabeth. A plan to keep my babies safe. To keep me safe. To keep the pack strong. No one messes with the pack and wins. And they think they won. I am going to fix that impression."
"Michaela," Elisabeth said. "You haven't given Lara a choice. If you aren't back by noon tomorrow, she will be forced to declare you rogue and banish you from the pack."
I pulled the phone away and stared at it for a while.
"Michaela?" Elisabeth said. "Did you hear what I said?"
"Yes, Elisabeth," I replied, putting the phone back to my ear. "Tell me I am wrong. Tell me my babies aren't at danger because these people got away with kidnapping me. Convince me I'm wrong and I'll come home."
"They aren't any danger," she said. "They're going to implode. Half of them will be dead by the end of this year."
"What about the other half, Elisabeth? What about the surviving, desperate wolves. What about the stories they spread? I would have preferred swift, sure retribution. Instead, revenge will be served cold. But there will be revenge, and it will be sure and complete. Elisabeth, convince me the pack is safer if I let them live, and I will come home."
She took a breath but didn't respond to that. "She's going to banish you, Michaela!" Elisabeth said. "She won't have a choice. You've gone rogue. Her orders could not have been more clear."
A lump formed in my throat.
"Elisabeth," I said, "When they're older, please tell my babies how much I loved them."
One, Two, Three
I didn't wait for a response. I killed the call and turned off the phone. There was nothing more to be said, after all.
I climbed back to the top of the hill. I watched.
It was another two hours before I saw the first out on the deck. I stared through the binoculars. The figure on the deck was definitely a wolf. He was so bundled up, I wasn't sure if it was one of the ones who had kidnapped me. But it was a male wolf, and as far as I was concerned, any males living in that house were fair game.
Most importantly, I had the right house, or at least I thought I did.
I waited. I watched. No one noticed me. No one disturbed me. What business existed in the office building behind me faced the other way, and no one came around the back.
I watched. I waited.
I saw more wolves periodically. I recognized one of my kidnappers. I saw a female I thought might be Emily; I wasn't sure. I would avoid killing any females, but if they died inadvertently, that was unfortunate. They may have tried to be kind to me, but they were all culpable in what had happened. We would have heard if Johnny Mack was dead, and if no one had killed him yet, then everyone here was to blame for it.
I watched a while longer, and then I slipped down the hill slightly, looking around. I needed a second location. I pulled a bandana from my pocket and tied it to a bush next to my hiding location, far enough below the top of the berm it wasn't visible from Brody's house.
I identified three likely locations. I moved down into my car, started it, and set the heater to high while I studied the maps I had printed. I made a decision and put the car into gear.
I drove six blocks, timing the drive. It was longer than I would have liked. But I found a quiet road, and right next to the road, a large, sturdy tree. I parked and climbed the tree, bringing my binoculars with me. It took me a minute to reach the branch I wanted. I turned away from the trunk and lay down across the branch, raising the binoculars to my eyes. I searched, and I found my bandana hanging limply from the bush where I had tied it.
I mimed taking a shot then descended from the tree as quickly as I could: five seconds. I ran to the car and slammed the door. Eight seconds. I checked the map o
f the area. I smiled.
I drove away carefully and found a hardware store where I bought the things I would need. I drove back to the tree and proceeded to nail boards into the side of the tree, forming a ladder. I wouldn't use it climbing back out of the tree but it would make it faster climbing up.
And then I got in my car and drove east back into Wisconsin. I changed my license plates, found a motel, and climbed into bed.
* * * *
I woke in the late afternoon. I turned on my phone and collected the messages. I had three text messages from Lara: "Please come home so I can forgive you." The next was, "I need you, Michaela." The third broke my heart. "I will love you forever."
There were more messages from Elisabeth, Serena, Angel and Scarlett. They were all one form or another of ordering, begging, or cajoling me to come home.
The one from Karen was the most useful. "Don't wait after you fire. Don't admire your handiwork. Take the shot and run."
I listened to a few of the voice mails. There was only one from Lara. "Little Fox, please come home. Please don't leave me. I need you. Rebecca and Celeste need you. Michaela, I love you so much. Please come home."
"I love you too, Lara," I said out loud, fighting back the tears.
* * * *
I drove to a clothing store and bought more clothes. I found a fabric store and bought a sewing kit. I bought groceries. I then drove two towns away, finding another motel. I never bothered checking out of the first. I didn't know if Lara would hire Greg Freund to find me. I didn't know if they could trace my cell phone. I was willing to let them catch me eventually, but I didn't want that to be too soon.
I spent a couple of hours making more preparations, using the sewing kit and clothes. I had dinner and napped, then left the motel at midnight. I drove into Iowa, found a quiet place to change the license plates, and called Angel.
"Michaela!" she said. She started crying immediately. "Please come home."
"Oh honey," I said. "You know I can't. Do you understand why?"
"You are being foolish. Lara is very angry."
"I know," I said. "Are you allowed to talk to me? I don't want you to get into trouble."