by Robin Roseau
"Very well," I said. "Then if I am to be denied knowledge everyone else in the room has, with no way of obtaining it, then I decline to participate in these hearings."
"Stop!" Lara said.
"And as I have no one to speak for me other than myself, if I do not participate, I believe the conclusions are entirely forgone," I went on.
"Elisabeth!" Lara screamed. "Stop her!"
"And as the conclusions are forgone, there is no reason to waste any more time." And then I slowly opened a cut across my cheek.
Elisabeth burst from her seat, leaping onto the table and straight at me. I began slowly opening a cut across my throat.
I didn't even try to avoid Elisabeth. She knocked me out of the chair, and we both went tumbling. And then she struck me across the head, and I knew no more for quite some time.
* * * *
I woke slowly, my head pounding. "Great," I thought. "Another concussion."
I moaned.
"Lie still," an unfamiliar male voice said. "You've got quite the concussion."
"Who?" I croaked.
"My name is Craig," he said. "I am a medic. Before you ask, I don't know why you are in the cells or what is going on, so I can't answer any questions except those pertaining to your health."
"They told you to say that," I said softly.
"Yes."
I opened my eyes and immediately closed them. I should have known better. Pain stabbed through my head.
"Can you dim the lights?"
"I'm sorry," he said. "They have two settings, on or off."
"How long have I been out?"
"Several hours," he said. "You need to shift and heal. Do you need me to categorize your injuries?"
"Concussion," I said. "Poorly healed slice on my left cheek. Short, shallow slice across my throat. Once I heal those, I may find cracked ribs or some serious bruising."
"Good summary," he said.
"Do you have food for me?" I asked him.
"Yes. Do you need some now?"
I considered. "I need to sit up a little. Are there more pillows?"
"I will obtain some," he said.
"You are being very solicitous towards the condemned," I said.
"I don't know anything about that. I was told to get you whatever you requested for your comfort."
"I suppose a water saw to cut my way out isn't in the offering?"
"No," he said. "I'm afraid not."
"Pillows. And juice, if it is available for me. And water."
"I will return shortly."
I heard him get up. He knocked on my cell door. It opened. He left, and I heard someone else step in.
"Wendy?" I asked.
"Yes," she said.
"Making sure I don't do it again?"
"Yes."
"Elisabeth knows how hard to hit me. I bet you don't."
"I can safely choke you out in about ten seconds," she said.
"I can stop my heart in two," I replied. "I think. I haven't been willing to try it. I'm not sure I could start it again."
"Why haven't you, then?" she asked. "Why such a dramatic display?"
"Why Wendy, I believe you are breaking the rules."
"Fuck," she said. Then she said. "I believe you were bluffing."
"I was raising the stakes. You're going to answer my question. And you're all going to answer any other questions I have. Or admit this is a sham and keep me drugged."
She sighed but didn't respond.
The medic returned and Wendy stepped back out, the medic replacing her. He helped me sit up, which hurt like crazy. Yes, I had cracked ribs. I leaned back into the pillows, panting and clutching my aching head.
"I have orange juice," he said. "I am told this is your preference."
"Only for this. The sugar hits fast."
He held it for me, and I drank slowly. I waited for a bit, trying to hurry the juice along, but my head hurt too much.
"Shift now," the medic said.
I sighed. "Why does everyone constantly think they get to tell me what to do?"
I concentrated on the concussion, trying to decrease the swelling. I'd done this before; I wondered if I would be doing it again anytime soon.
It took me a while, and I was panting with the effort by the time I had alleviated at least some of the damage.
"More juice," I told him. He gave me more.
"I have things to eat," he said. "I'm told these are your favorites."
I opened my mouth, not caring what he put in it. It was chicken. I chewed and swallowed slowly. I ate a little more then asked for water.
After that, I concentrated more on the headache, relieving more of the pounding. I opened my eyes cautiously, then threw my arm over my eyes, shielding them from glare of the overhead light. Then I concentrated on the ribs; they were cracked, not broken, and easy to heal.
When I was done, I asked, "How bad is everything else?"
"Nothing is bleeding anymore, but you risk a scar if you don't heal them."
"Like I'm going to live long enough for it to matter."
"Ms. Burns," the medic said. "There are a lot of very worried faces upstairs. Your alpha pounced on me the moment I appeared, asking for information about you."
I thought about what he had said. "I don't believe you were supposed to tell me that."
"No one told me what I could or could not say," he said. "Please, heal the wounds. It may not matter to you today, but maybe it will in the future."
I sighed. "Do you have a mirror?"
It turned out he did. He held it up. I opened my eyes again and looked at my face. He had cleaned the cut; it was held closed by a series of small butterfly bandages. I concentrated for a moment and watched it heal. Then I reached up and pulled off the bandages. The medic took them from me. I took the mirror from him and examined my face, brushing away a little of the blood. All healed, but I looked like hell.
Then I examined my neck. I hadn't gotten very far; it looked very much as if a man had cut himself shaving. I healed it anyway.
"Anything else?" I asked.
"Not that I could tell, but other than a quick look to make sure there weren't any other mysterious wounds, I haven't disrobed you."
I checked my limbs; they seemed fine. I could wriggle my fingers and toes without any discomfort. I sat up slow and levered my feet off the bed. The room began to spin, and I moaned.
"Damn, I hate concussions," I said. "Couldn't they just have answered my question?"
"All I can give you is acetaminophen," the medic told me.
"I know. I'll take them." He handed me three pills. I slammed them down, chasing them with water. I held my head in my hands, my elbows on my knees.
"Rest," he said. "Do not exert yourself. And for heaven's sake, don't take another blow to the head while you are still suffering the symptoms from this time."
"Thanks for your help, Craig. You're going to need a body bag soon."
"I hope not," he replied. "There are a lot of people upstairs who are worried about you."
"They're the ones who are stuffing me into it."
He didn't respond that. Instead he collected his things and knocked at the door. He left; Wendy returned.
"Well," I said. "Now what?"
"Rest," she replied.
"I would like to know if you intend to answer my question. If not, there is no reason I should suffer through a few days of feeling like this."
"If I promise to get an answer for you by the time I next come to see you, will you rest?"
"Which answer will you get?"
"Whether we'll be answering."
"I will expect an answer available by the next time the cell door opens," I replied. "Whether that is you or someone else."
"Craig won't be able to answer."
"Wendy, I have been given a great many reasons to distrust everyone. Right now I believe you are playing word games with me."
"I will have an answer by the next time I see you, and that will be sometime t
his evening."
"All right," I said. "Thank you." I opened my eyes and looked at her. Then I looked over at my pillows and very slowly lowered myself to them. Wendy pulled my feet up on the bed and pulled a blanket over me.
"The lights are either on or off?" I asked.
"Yes," she said.
"Off, then, if that is a choice."
"I'll knock several times on the door before turning them back on. You'll have time to shield your eyes."
I didn't say anything but simply closed my eyes and tried to sleep through the raging headache.
* * * *
I slept. I couldn't have told you how long. There was knocking at the door, and I woke, not remembering where I was. It was dark, and then it wasn't. I hastily pulled the covers over my head with a groan.
The cell door open and Wendy entered.
"Dinner," she said.
"You woke me for dinner? You couldn't let me sleep?"
"We will answer your question once you are healthy enough for us to proceed," Wendy told me. "We will also answer your other questions except those related to the personal motivations of any individuals involved in these proceedings."
"Why that exclusion?"
"I am not authorized to answer any questions at this time," she replied.
I closed my eyes.
"Will you behave? Will you rest?"
"I was resting," I said. "But I do not intend at this time to take any drastic steps. I can not promise what mood I am going to wake up in tomorrow."
She sighed. "You need to eat. And you need to rest. You need to be able to use your brain again."
"That will be a day or two."
"Then it is a day or two."
It was my turn to sigh. I slowly climbed to a sitting position, my eyes still closed. I opened them slowly. "Feed me then and let me go back to sleep."
Cameron came in and set a tray down on the table that Wendy had carried in. I picked at the food and drank the water.
"No more," I told Wendy after a while.
"You barely touched it. All you did was push it around like a petulant child."
"Want to trade places?"
"Eat a little more, Michaela. You need the strength the food provides."
I sighed and ate a little more of the dinner. "Satisfied?" I asked her.
"You need to finish the water while I'm here," she said.
"Oh for heaven's sake!" Then I clutched my head and moaned for a moment. "Fine." I drank the water.
I didn't wait for her permission. I turned away from her and lay back down in the bed. Again she pulled the covers up over my shoulders.
"Lights off?"
"Yes."
"I'll be back in an hour to take you to the bathroom," she said.
I sighed. "Fine."
* * * *
It took me two days to recover from the concussion. Craig checked on me a few times, not saying anything that wasn't directly related to my medical condition. I saw Wendy and Cameron more often.
During one of their visits, I asked Cameron, "How do you feel about the vaunted Greg Freund stabbing me in the back like this?"
He tightened his lips but didn't answer.
During the next visit, I asked Wendy, "Is there a kangaroo somewhere? I always wondered why they were called kangaroo courts."
She managed to avoid a retort, but I thought perhaps it was a close thing.
Still, she was trying to be kind. So the next time she came, I asked her, "Do your attempts to be kind to me help you assuage the guilt you must feel for your part in this?"
"Michaela," she said sternly. "I am not allowed to tell you anything I haven't already told you." She stressed the last three words, and I thought perhaps she was really trying to tell me something.
"You know," I said. "If you don't want people to think the worst of you, maybe you shouldn't leave them in the dark over important topics. Like, oh, 'Hey, Michaela, congratulations on singlehandedly righting a wrong and making your pack safer. Again. Now, if you don't want to be tried for capital crimes, you should perhaps run to Canada faster than I can chase you.' You know, something like that."
She pursed her lips, ordered me to drink the water she brought for me, then helped me down to the bathroom.
I stopped taunting her after that. It wasn't making me feel any better, and it wasn't accomplishing anything. I felt I had goaded her into revealing as much as she was going to.
* * * *
It was Friday morning when we finally resumed. I was offered breakfast and a shower along with fresh clothes; I recognized them from my closet at home.
I wondered why Lara would have bothered bringing fresh clothes for me.
When I was brought to the hearing room, everyone was waiting. I made my way to my chair and sat down.
"Ms. Burns," Daniel said. "Do you still wish the answer to your question?"
"Yes."
"You understand it is not pertinent to these proceedings."
"I understand you are telling me it is not pertinent," I said. "I also understand you believe there are reasons you do not want to tell me. It may be related to why there are so many other things no one is telling me. The way this has been handled has been bullshit from the beginning, and everyone in the room knows why except me. I believe that information is exceedingly pertinent."
He studied me then turned to Lara.
"For most of us," she said, "the day Angel encouraged you to call Greg."
"I knew before your challenge," Wendy said.
"My other enforcers were not privy to any of this before they needed to be," Greg said. "That means Tuesday morning."
"So let me review," I suggested. "Everyone from Madison, Greg, Daniel and Brooke knew prior to my conversation with Angel, and Wendy knew when she was acting like a trusted friend for the last several weeks."
"Yes," Daniel said. "That is accurate."
Angel refused to look at me.
Every face in the room looked grim except Christopher West. He couldn't be more pleased at the events so far.
I was missing something. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I was missing something important.
But I knew I would figure it out. The only questions were, would I figure it out in time, and would it be enough?
"Thank you for answering," I said. "I have no further questions at this time."
Lara immediately said, "I would like to add additional charges to the list of charges. I would like to add one more count of Endangerment of a Valued Pack Asset."
"That would be for the events on Tuesday?" Daniel asked.
"Yes," she said. "Also related to those events I will add one charge of each level of Insubordination and one charge of each level of Dereliction of Duty."
Lara and I stared at each other, not quite glaring at each other.
"Will there be anything else, Alpha?" Daniel said.
"Yes," Lara said. "Michaela. You will eat your meals and drink the water that is offered to you, in keeping with your normal appetite. That is a direct order from your alpha, and failure to follow that order will result in additional charges of Insubordination. Do you understand?"
"You have just given me an impossible order, Alpha," I told her. "My normal appetite is based on the amount of physical activity I exert. Right now, that would be about zero. In order for me to burn the food you are shoving down my throat, I would need to find other ways to burn that energy. Do you wish me to pursue these alternate methods?" I required extra food when I healed, and I was sure Lara knew exactly what I was talking about.
"No!" she said firmly. "Michaela," she added more softly. "Eat reasonable meals."
I studied her before responding. "I hear and understand your order, Alpha. I question your right to order me to do anything, but that is another matter."
Daniel spoke. "Then if there is nothing else, we shall proceed. Ms. Burns, I strongly encourage you to remain quiet. You are not to disrupt these proceedings. You are not to question the witnesses at this time; you will
have opportunity later."
"If I have objections?"
"This is not a human court. I am the sole judge of what material will be presented."
I considered my options.
"I have one more small question then, and then I will shut up."
He nodded.
"Why you? Why doesn't Lara pronounce my sentence and tell Elisabeth to kill me?"
"Lara is unable to provide an unbiased decision. It may be that I am not completely unbiased, either, but I represent a compromise. I am as unbiased an alpha as anyone was willing to trust. And I think given the grave nature of the charges against you, you understand why it requires a pack alpha to sit as judge."
He had just told me something else that was important. I added it to the list.
"Will there be a transcript?" I asked.
Daniel smiled. "You said one more question and then you were done."
"I appear to not be thinking as far ahead as I normally do," I said. "I seem to be off balance. I believe that is the intention of everyone here, so congratulations! It's working. I realized if there is no transcript, I should take notes. I have not been offered the opportunity to do so."
"You will have access to all materials presented," he said after a moment. "And you may take notes as you judge appropriate."
Greg gestured, and one of his wolves retrieved paper from a cabinet in the corner of the room. He gave me several pads of paper and several pens in a variety of colors.
"If you need a break, please wait for a pause," Daniel said. "May we proceed?"
I nodded.
Daniel turned to Lara. Lara stood up, looked at me briefly, then down at her notes. She began pacing before she started speaking. I had never seen her pace before, except for the night we had announced our wedding to the pack, and she had been exceedingly nervous.
"The facts of this case are not in dispute," Lara began. "Everyone present already knows them, but they must be reviewed." She paused. "For some of the facts to make sense, we must first review some history."
Lara then spent a half hour outlining my independence, my repeated refusals to fully accept her authority as alpha, and my repeated attempts to escape my security detail. She then went into the details surrounding our initial dealings with the Iowa City pack, beginning with Kimberlee Mortens first arriving in Wisconsin. She repeatedly discussed my cavalier attitude towards my security detail and offered in evidence such incidents as the times I had spread cayenne pepper across my trail or climbed out the bathroom window.