by Indiana Wake
The thing was, she had no clue what she was feeling. She had thought that she didn't like Forrest and she had made it quite clear that she did not want to marry him, but all that had happened downstairs in the family room indicated otherwise. She was so very confused and she had no clue as to how to sort out how or even what she was feeling. The only way she knew to vent out her feelings was by painting it.
That was it; quickly she got up and went down the stairs. It was raining when she got to the door, but she simply grabbed a lantern and raced across the yard. How good the rain felt on her head and skin. She was alive and wanted to dance and twirl while the heavens poured out their sorrows and for once the heat was bearable.
Inside the stables, she stared at the canvas she had been working on earlier. It was blank, how had she spent a whole morning here and still painted nothing? It did not matter she got out her paints. Closing her eyes, she breathed deeply. All she could see was Forrest’s face and she could hear Jake giggling into his fists. Deep down she knew he was not laughing at her, but still it stung. Forrest was an awful man. He had come here and turned her world upside down, now he shamed her in front of the children. Anger seethed in her gut and made her fingers twitch. Then she remembered something she had read the day she was pretending to be poorly. Free painting it had been called. Just let go of everything and let you body go free. Let it paint what the subconscious tells it. Opening her eyes and guided by anger she laid the first stroke.
She spent the entire time she was painting thinking about Forrest. At first she was so angry with him, but she kept wondering why? Now that she had made it clear that she wasn't interested in getting married and he had so generously let her out of the promises made by her aunt there should be no problem. But he took advantage of me. Slash, the brush tore across the canvas with more passion than she had ever felt. Did he? The strokes grew softer. What was wrong with her? The man was attractive and obviously used to getting his way with the ladies. But if that was the case then why did he need a mail order bride? Around and around her thoughts chased Forrest, as her hand added layer upon layer of paint to the canvas. Was it Forrest that was in the wrong? After all she had sat very close to him. Perhaps she was being immoral? Perhaps she was being a temptress?
Her brush dipped into the black paint, it seemed to match her mood and she almost carved the canvas as she painted.
It was time she kept away from Forrest. Perhaps she should ask him to leave. But why? The man was so handsome, with beautiful eyes that seemed to see right through her, but there was more than that to him. All the time he was helping people, from Edson to the children. Perhaps he was the kindness person she knew. He looked out for others, didn't think himself to be above others and treated everyone with the utmost respect.
Then she remembered how it had felt watching him play. So much passion came from his fingers. The sight of him had been magnificent and the way he felt sitting next to her… Even now she could feel the heat as if he were still there with her. His eyes smoldered as he began to lean down towards her. Just thinking about it made her heart hammer against her chest. How she had wanted him to kiss her, more than she had ever wanted anything at all.
As she thought of him, her hand took a life of its own and she was off, painting with an intensity that she had never had before. The canvas came alive under her brush and it was as if she were possessed, she could not get herself to slow down or to stop at any given point.
She continued to paint as it got darker and darker outside. Her lantern was there to give her light and she was lost in her work and the emotions she was putting down on the canvas that she didn't notice when dinner time came and went.
She was just putting the finishing strokes to the canvas when someone entered the stall. Jumping in shock, as she came out of an almost trance, Cassandra grabbed her painting and put it aside. Part of her felt too raw, she did not want anyone to see her emotions laid bare in that painting. She turned around, somehow hoping it was Forrest.
Chapter 11
Her chest fell in disappointment as she saw that it wasn't Forrest. It wasn't even one of her sisters. Instead, it was her brother-in-law, Edson. He looked at her with an eyebrow raised, noticing that she had hidden her painting, but he didn't pry. Instead, he gave her an encouraging smile.
"Your sister was worried when you didn't show up for dinner,” he said. “She thinks you've been in here long enough and that you should come eat and sleep. The stable will still be there in the morning."
Cassandra nodded. "I'll be there in a minute." Edson turned to leave, but Cassandra stopped him. "Can I ask you something?"
Edson turned around in surprise and looked at her with an eyebrow raised. "How can I help?"
Cassandra felt embarrassed. She wasn't even sure that she wanted to talk to him about her feelings. She just knew that her sisters wouldn't understand what she was going through. But since he had first not liked her sister and later fallen in love with her, he was the best man to get any answers from.
Clearing her throat, she lowered her head unable to meet his eyes. "How did you know you had fallen in love with Amanda?" Heat rose up her neck and face as she asked it and she kept her eyes firmly latched onto the hem of her dress.
Edson looked at her for a moment, before replying. "I don't know exactly when or how it happened. I had every intention of just letting Amanda be there for my children and that was it. But as I got to know her, I began to notice things about her. Such as her patience, her caring, and kind nature, how beautiful she seemed to me every passing day. I don't know how but your sister just stole my heart and I was clueless about how or when she did it. All I knew is when I thought of a life in which she wasn't a part of, I couldn't bear it. That was when I knew that I loved her and that I would do anything in my power to make sure she stayed in my life forever."
Cassandra looked up to see that his eyes had softened as he talked about her sister and he looked content and at peace with the world. She longed to find that someday. She smiled at her brother-in-law and said, "Thank you."
"You’re always welcome. Now, let's go inside before your sister worries herself to death." And grinning at one another and basking in their bonding moment, they left the stable to go home. Edson offered her an arm and Cassandra took it. How nice it would be to find a man as good as Edson.
The next morning, as everyone sat for breakfast, Cassandra could not help but observe Forrest and mull over everything Edson had said last night. Forrest looked at her every so often and seeing her staring at him, would raise an eyebrow in question. Cassandra could only smile and shake her head in response.
She noticed how he was considerate to all of them, kind to the children, respectful to Edson. She noticed how well mannered he was and how he made sure that everyone around him didn't need anything. He would pass whatever was required before they could even ask for it.
There was more, for he was strong. Calluses marred his hands, for even though he was rich he liked hard work and ‘oh my’ was he handsome.
Cassandra felt her heart melting the more she realized what an astounding man he was. She couldn't believe that she had been stubborn enough to turn down a man like him and to treat him the way she had. He had been nothing but kind to her and she had shunned him time and time again. She could not take back all that she had said and done previously, no matter how much she wanted to, but she vowed that she would forevermore be as kind and nice to him as she possibly could. A man such as him deserved the utmost respect anyone could give and she did respect him.
Forrest looked up at her once more and smiled. She smiled back and her mind automatically drifted back to when they had almost kissed. Her cheeks turned red, just at the thought, her breathing grew shallow, and if his red face was any indication, he had been recollecting the exact same thing. They both quickly looked away and pretended nothing had just happened.
Chapter 12
They were in the middle of their breakfast when John, the Ranch hand rushed in and
looked around in a panic for Edson. “Fire,” he rasped, "The stables are on fire!!"
Everyone jumped out of their seats and rushed out toward the stables. They reached the yard and were surprised to see the flames roaring high into the sky.
The smoke was thickening by the second and pretty soon it would enwrap the entire stable block. The children started to cough so Amanda and Sabrina ushered them inside. Cassandra knew she should help, but she was rooted to the spot. She couldn't move. Her sanctuary was literally burning to the ground and with it, her beloved paintings.
All around her men rushed back and forth. Forrest, Edson, and John had all run to the stalls. That was when she heard the sound of horses screaming. Taking one last look at her studio, she headed in the opposite direction, the side of the barn where the horses were kept.
Edson, Forrest and John all came out with horses in each hand. Once they were free of the barn, they let them go and ran back. They would not get them all the roof was starting to burn. While the men went after the horses, Cassie remembered the children’s ponies. Dapple and Trigger. They were kept a little away from the main horses.
While the men opened stall doors and tried to usher the horses free, she picked up her skirts and ran towards the pony’s stables. Forrest was trying to drag a frightened mare from its stall. As lumps of burning straw licked at its hooves, it refused to budge.
“Leave it,” she cried but he could not hear her. What should she do? The ponies screamed to her right, Forrest was on her left. Turning towards him, she was going to help. At that moment, the horse surged forward and he guided it from the barn.
Cassandra ran to the ponies’ stables, she opened the first door and Dapple the gray pony was cowering at the back. Too afraid to come near the aisle where flames cracked across from the other stalls. He reared into the air and Cassie panicked. Maybe she should just run from here. Ash was spiraling down from the roof and a piece landed on her arm. It stung and she swiped it away. She turned to go, but she could not leave the ponies. Opening the other door, Trigger barged past her and fled the barn. She approached the prancing Dapple. “Easy boy,” she cooed. With a shaking hand, she reached towards him and the halter he was wearing. He reared again and she ducked just missing his hooves as he crashed down. Then she clasped onto his halter and pulled him towards the door. The fire was roaring now, like a living creature it seemed to dare them to approach.
“Cassandra,” a voice seemed to whisper amongst the flames. For a moment she thought the fire was calling her and then she knew it was Forrest.
She pulled harder on the halter and Dapple surged forward and dragged her from the stall. The gangway was a mass of flames and burning straw. Panic seized her as Dapple surged towards the light. She must hold on and let him pull her out to safety, but she caught her foot and was ripped from him. Dapple surged forward and raced through the flames and she fell to the floor hitting her head. For a second she tried to stand, but the lights were going dim and she felt so tired. It wouldn’t hurt to close her eyes for just a second. Something was wrong, pinpricks of pain laced her arms, but she was tired, so weary, so she let herself fall to the floor. Just a few moments sleep would be all right.
Strong arms pulled her from the floor and her eyes opened and looked up into beautiful gray ones. It felt so good, but she knew it was wrong. “Put me down,” she shouted but it came out as just a whisper between her coughing.
“Hold on my love,” he said and he clasped her to his chest and ran from the barn.
She could feel tiny pricks of pain as ash fell from the roof and stuck to her arms. Forrest covered her as much as he could and soon they were out into the blessed clear air. Forrest put her gently on the ground and she looked up to see men stood behind him.
“What happened?” she asked through her coughing.
“You could have been killed,” Forrest said as his gentle hands brushed off the ash. “How would I cope if anything happened to you?”
Cassie wanted to say, thank you, but all she could do was cough. Again and again she coughed the smoke from her lungs as she looked up into gray eyes filled with tears.
All around her men rushed to the stables throwing buckets of water as fast as they could but it barely touched the raging flames.
“Let me take you inside,” Forrest said and he bent down to pick her up again.
For a moment, Cassie wanted him to do just that. She wanted to feel safe within his arms, wanted to press her head against his chest and let the world float away. Then she saw the flames had reached her studio. Getting to her feet, she tried to talk, tried to walk towards it but all she could do was cough. Her hand pointed towards the stable she could not move. All her love and work was in there burning to the ground. The piece she had just finished last night, the one that encompassed all her emotions about yesterday was in there. Now, she would never be able to see it and figure out what it was and what it said about her feelings.
Forrest grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her gently. "What is the matter? You’re scaring me, Cass. Why won't you go inside and be safe? You're worrying me!"
Two words sprung from Cassandra's mouth as she stared at the flames devouring the stables, oblivious to the shaking and the worried tone of Forrest or how close to her he stood. She couldn't see the panic in his eyes or the worry that you have only for a loved one, all she knew was that her paintings were burning. So she said, "My paintings."
Forrest looked at her a moment. It was as if he poured his love into her. Then he turned back to look at the stables, looked at her once more and before she could comprehend what was happening, he squeezed her arms in reassurance and rushed away. As she stood there helpless, he rushed into the flaming stables. Cassandra came to her senses and yelled after him, but he either didn't hear her or he ignored her calls and ran into the flames.
Cassandra started to run after Forrest, but strong hands grabbed her arm and pulled her to a halt.
“You can’t go after him,” Edson said.
“But Forrest…” She stood there, watching the flames as they engulfed the building. It was not her paintings that made her lungs ache as she screamed and prayed that God would keep him safe. Her paintings were forgotten, only the safety of Forrest was on her mind. How foolish she had been, obsessing over a few silly paintings. Forrest was now in the mouth of the flames risking his life because she had been too preoccupied with her stupid paintings. If anything were to happen to him, she would not be able to live with herself.
Edson held her arms and she fought against him. Wanting to run into the flames and help Forrest as he had helped her. What was happening? How long had he been gone?
There was a loud crack as a roof beam split and a big plume of dust rose as it crashed down into the building. “No,” she screamed.
As the moments passed, she pictured a life without him. The mere thought shattered her heart into a million pieces and made breathing impossible. She realized that she could not see the world in which he did not exist, in which she couldn't see his face every day. Her thoughts ran back to what Edson had said the other day and it dawned on her that somewhere down the road, she had fallen in love with Forrest. Her fondness and respect had turned into love and she hadn't even realized.
If she were to lose him now, after just finding out that she loved him, she would die. She could not picture being without him for a moment longer and she stood on the balls of her feet, searching for him in the thickening smoke.
Finally, she saw a figure emerge from the smoke. The figure seemed misshapen and was carrying a rectangular shape in his hands. Cassandra pinched her eyes and tried to see if it was Forrest. When finally the face came into focus, she let out a sigh of relief. It indeed was Forrest and though he was limping, he seemed to be all right.
Seeing him, she pulled herself free of Edson’s arms and ran to him. Covering the small distance between them in moments she lunged into his arms. Forrest dropped the canvas in his hands to hold her, but she didn't care. She had eyes f
or no one and she thought of nothing but this man in front of her. Forrest hugged her close and placed small kisses on her hair as she hugged him in return.
Cassandra could not believe how wonderful it felt to hold him close but as the danger passed, she felt her anger rise.
Pushing him away she lashed at him with her eyes. "Why in blazes would you go in there?” she yelled. “You could've been hurt or burnt or worse, you could've died! I can't believe you could be so reckless with your life. Do you not think of others before pulling stunts like these? I can't believe you didn't even consider how this would affect others! How it would affect me."
Forrest gaped at her with his mouth wide open. How could a woman go from hugging to yelling at him, in one moment? "But, but, I went to save your paintings,” He stammered. “I was only able to save one, though, so I'm sorry about that."
"I don't care about the paintings!" Cassandra said, angrily. "If anything had happened to you, I would've.... I would...." she couldn't even finish the sentence; her words got caught in her throat.
Forrest's eyes softened and he approached her. He held her by the shoulders, forcing her to look into his eyes. "You would've what?" he asked.
Cassandra stared into his eyes and saw them blazing with intensity. They gave her the strength to finally say what she had just realized. "I would've died, Forrest. I can't imagine a life without you. Somehow, I have fallen in love with you and I can't bear the thought of ever losing you. You have become my life and I would die if I were to lose you."
Forrest's eyes grew in intensity and he shone with pure radiance. A smile so beautiful it broke her heart, adorned his face and all the love she was feeling for him, she could see reflected in his eyes. "I too, love you. I think I have from the moment I laid eyes on you that first day. When you told me you didn't want to marry me, it broke my heart. But I wanted you to be happy and I wanted the chance to be in your life, no matter how you wanted me. But, the truth is that I love you and I think I always will."