by Banks, Evie
“WAKE UP!”
A body hurdled across the room and landed with a thud next to Renee’s head. Renee jerked awake and instinctively reached for the bat under the bed. It wasn’t there.
“Go away,” said Renee and buried her head back in the pillow. She’d been having an amazing dream. Someone had told her she was a queen and needed to move to England.
“Get up, Mom. It’s almost one o’clock, time for lunch. Roberts says no monarch since Charles II has ever been so crass as to sleep in until tea time.”
Renee moaned. It was true. The queen thing. There was a moment of panic and confusion before she realized she wasn’t at home. She wasn’t even in Texas. She untangled herself from sheets and a heavy blanket to find Cassandra bouncing next to her.
“You don’t even know what ‘crass’ means,” she said, hitting Cassandra with a pillow.
“Neither do you. Hurry up, I’m hungry! We’ll be in the restaurant downstairs.” Cassandra bounded off the bed and out of the hotel room.
Renee fell back onto her pillow and lay there a few more minutes, blinking at the ceiling. She didn’t know what was in store for her, but she had to lay out some ground rules. Such as, no flying her to strange cities without telling her which one she was in. And no calling her crass. Cassandra was right, she didn’t know what it meant, but it sounded like an insult. Suddenly, she sat bolt upright in bed and smacked herself in the head with her hand. She instantly reached for the phone and began dialing. There would likely be an enormous charge on her hotel bill for calling long distance, but she didn’t care.
“Farland’s Far Out Diner,” said a voice on the other end.
“Brenda?”
“Renee, is that you?”
“I’m so sorry that I forgot to call out of my shift today!”
“That’s fine, I got Gloria to cover for you. I know you’ve been out of sorts lately. Do you want to come in this evening? Jackie was talking about maybe leaving early—”
“Look, Brenda, I’m sorry for the short notice, but I’m not going to be able to come in today. In fact, I’m not going to be able to come in at all. I decided to take that…that family position I was telling you about.”
“Sugar, that’s great! When do you start? How about we go out to the movies tonight to celebrate, my treat, and you can tell me all about it? Gloria wanted to move into full-time anyhow, so it’ll work out fine as far as the diner’s concerned.”
Renee twisted the cord around her finger. “Well, I’m kind of already gone. They needed me to start quickly and there wasn’t time to tell anyone.” There was silence on the other end of the phone. Renee could hear the noise of the diner in the background: clattering plates, the buzz of conversation, the cha-ching of the cash register. “Hello? Are you there?”
“I’m sure going to miss you,” said Brenda with a heavy voice. “I think you’re doing the right thing. Sometimes you just got to get up and go with no looking back. Is my Casshopper with you?”
“Yeah, she’s with me.”
“Tell her not to forget her Aunt Brenda and that I’ll make her pancakes the way she likes them when she comes to visit. You probably don’t know when that is, do you?”
“No,” said Renee, beginning to tear up herself. Brenda had been more than a boss for the last five years. She had been a real friend. She couldn’t imagine not being able to talk things over with her while they filled napkin dispensers and ketchup bottles.
“You take care of yourself. I’m always here if you need me,” said Brenda.
“Thanks. I’ll miss you and will try to keep in touch, but you’ll probably know what I’m doing.” Renee didn’t give Brenda a chance to figure out what that meant because she suddenly added, “Oh, and if you see that guy who was looking for me again, call the police immediately! He’s dangerous and the reason why I had to leave like I did. I love you, bye!” Renee hung up before she started sobbing on the phone. She sat morosely for a minute and then got up.
Where was she anyway?
She had been so tired the night before, she could have been in Tokyo for all she knew. She went to look out the window and gasped. The scene outside was familiar and immediately recognizable even though she had never been there before. New York City. Oh boy. She used to dream about visiting New York City. For several long moments she stared out the window taking in the enormity and densely packed beauty of the city. It was even more impressive than the sprawl of Dallas and nothing like the scrubby, big sky emptiness that her town was located in. She hurried through her shower and dug through her suitcase looking for something suitable. She had thrown everything in without giving any thought to it. She settled on jeans and a sweatshirt. She looked around for a key to the room, but saw only a plastic card with the room number on it on a table by the door. She pocketed it so as not to forget the room number, but didn’t find the key.
She found Cassandra and Roberts in the hotel restaurant going over a menu. Chase was nowhere to be seen.
“The spinach and artichoke soufflé here is world renowned,” Roberts was saying. “You can’t go wrong with that, but the foi gras with bulger wheat crackers should also be delicious. Oh look, it comes with a side of braised carrots!”
“Don’t they have macaroni and cheese?” asked Cassandra.
“I haven’t heard of that, is it an Italian dish?”
“Umm, I think so. But the box is in English.”
Roberts looked skeptical, but motioned for the waiter to come over and ordered macaroni and cheese for Cassandra and himself, with extra grated cheese on his dish. The waiter raised an eyebrow. “Excellent choice.”
Renee walked up to the table and Roberts immediately stood to pull out a chair for her.
“Please sit,” she said when Roberts appeared to have no inclination to do so. He nodded his head and took his seat again. The waiter appeared incredulous.
“We were just ordering, Ma’am,” said Roberts.
Renee quickly glanced at the menu. She wasn’t sure what language it was in and there were no pictures.
“Steak,” she said, handing back the menu. “Well done. With a side of corn on the cob and biscuits. And iced tea please.”
The waiter rolled his eyes and left, muttering something under his breath about hick tourists.
“So what’s on the schedule for today?” she said and stifled a yawn.
“A spot of shopping is in order. Perhaps a visit to a salon as well.”
“Shopping? I don’t have any money,” said Renee quickly.
Roberts patted his breast pocket. “Never you fear, Ma’am. We have a little walking around money, if you will. You didn’t think we’d allow you to be introduced to your subjects dressed in your track suit, did you?”
Renee stared down at her Rodeo Daze 1998 sweatshirt. He had a point. The waiter returned with glasses of water for all and an iced tea that he set in front of Renee with little bowls of sugar and lemon slices. A tiny matching pair of silver tongs and a spoon rested in them.
“Fancy,” she whistled through her teeth. “Where’s Chase?”
“I believe he’s speaking to the Prime Minister.”
Renee nearly dropped her lemon wedge. “You’re joking.”
“No Ma’am. The government has been intimately involved in this process. Everything is top secret, of course. The country is still in mourning and everyone agreed that it would look vulgar if we announced a search for the heir before the bodies of the royal family were even in the ground.” He sipped his tea. “You really ought to learn to drink hot tea. It’s barbaric over ice.”
Renee was grappling with something. “You mean no one in all of Great Britain knows that there will be another queen…or king?”
“I’m sure it’s crossed everyone’s minds, but the shock of losing the royal family as well as so many others all at once…the funeral arrangements alone were all-engrossing. I didn’t sleep for four days straight and then fell asleep in one of the caskets we had picked out. I was asked to lie in it
to see if it would be a good fit for the Duke of York since we are the same height, and dropped off right to sleep since it was the first time I had laid my head down since that awful day.” He bowed his head and he looked grieved. He looked up and his voice was brighter. “Those prank players let me lie in that casket for five hours and when I awoke I was all alone in a dark room full of caskets. I nearly had a heart attack right there and then the Duke of York would have had to find another one for himself.”
Renee looked at him with understanding. “You didn’t sleep, you buried your queen and then you immediately went out searching for a new person to take her place. This must all be really hard on you.”
Roberts rearranged his sorrowful face into an expression of pique.
“I am simply doing my job, Ma’am. I’ve always served the royal family in one way or another, and I always will.”
Before Renee could respond to this noble sentiment, Chase strode into the restaurant. His face lit up when he caught sight of the three of them and he dodged around tables to reach them. Seeing him reminded Renee of the issue that was troubling her. Chase took a chair between her and Roberts.
“Did you have a nice talk with the Prime Minister?” she asked casually.
“Yes, everyone is very eager to meet you.”
The waiter brought the plates of macaroni and cheese, and Renee’s steak, but left before Chase could put in an order. Cassandra eagerly dug into her plate of macaroni, but Roberts just stared at the bright orange pasta in the bowl before him. Just like he had ordered, there was extra grated cheddar on top.
“Come on, Roberts, it tastes good,” encouraged Cassandra as she shoved another spoonful into her mouth.
“Doubtful.” He tentatively scooped up a spoonful of the pasta and nibbled a single one off the end of the spoon. “A culinary triumph,” he said and laid the spoon down.
Chase, however, was looking at it with interest. “Do you mind?” he asked.
“Be my guest. I’m sure they serve this in every dining establishment in Tottenham,” said Roberts and pushed the bowl away.
“Snob,” said Chase and pulled the bowl to him. He dug in with gusto. “Delicious!” he said and it was some moments before there was conversation again. Renee wondered who would reach the bottom first, Cassandra or Chase. It appeared to be a dead heat. Renee cut off a small piece of steak. It was good, but couldn’t compare to good Texan barbecue. She chewed slowly, waiting for Chase to come up for air. He washed it all down with Roberts’s untouched glass of water and leaned back, full and sated.
“Good idea, kid,” he said and reached over the table to ruffle Cassandra’s hair. She beamed.
“So the Prime Minister…” Renee prompted.
“What? Oh, right. Everyone is over the moon that you accepted.”
“Who is everyone?” she asked.
“The government. The shadow cabinet is filled in too, of course, but so far everyone is doing a good job of keeping it hush hush. I think I’m ready for dessert,” he said.
“But that’s just the thing—how is the country going to feel when you unveil me? Are you just going to spring it on them? Pull the curtain back and say ‘Surprise, here’s your new queen and oh, by the way, she’s an American who doesn’t even know the name of the prime minister’?”
“It’s Neville Rufus,” supplied Roberts. “About as likable as a porcupine. I don’t know what is planned for your ‘unveiling,’ but I think we have a few weeks before it happens. After all, you’ve got to get situated and brought up to speed on British history, society, royal etiquette. Don’t worry about being American—the former royal family was as German as sauerkraut, but the country soon forgot that and by the time Cassandra is queen—”
“Really? AWESOME!” said Cassandra.
Renee looked at her daughter and felt weak. She was regretting her decision more and more every minute.
“Princesses don’t shout in restaurants,” said Roberts. “By the time Cassandra is queen, she will be so thoroughly English she won’t remember how many stars are in the American flag.”
“It depends on if they let in Puerto Rico,” said Cassandra and dove into her food again.
Chase leaned forward across the table. “No one is going to riot. You are the heir and the populace has always accepted the heir.”
“Well,” said Roberts, “except for that time when Edward II had a red hot iron thrust up his backside.” Roberts looked up to find Chase, Renee and Cassandra staring at him in open-mouthed silence. “What?” he said.
“That was a long time ago,” said Chase to Renee, while he glared at Roberts. He turned back to Renee. “Besides, you’re from Texas. You probably have more guns than the entire criminal population of Glasgow so you could hold off the rampaging hordes if it came to that.”
Renee let the subject drop, but she was certain that it would come up again. She didn’t feel that she was a good representative of anybody unless it was down-on-their-luck single moms with no formal education. She’d have that constituency sewn up.
The rest of the day was devoted to shopping. Renee was reluctant to buy anything more than a couple of blouses and a skirt, but Roberts insisted that her wardrobe needed “supplementing.” She discovered that his definition of supplementing meant replacing her wardrobe several times over entirely. Cassandra had apparently dropped her resentment at being dragged to New York because she was the one now pulling Renee by the hand into boutique clothing shops. Roberts was surprisingly enthusiastic about sorting through the racks and picking out items. He brought an armful of his selections to Renee who was waiting by the dressing room, feeling like an imposter.
“This is Chanel. It’s classic.” He handed the pieces over and told her to try them on.
Renee did as she was told and disappeared into the fitting room. She did not like the results. Although the pieces were well cut, she felt boxy and thought she looked like an office secretary. She reemerged and waited for opinions.
“Marvelous,” gushed Roberts. “You look ready to give a speech at a charity event or open Parliament.”
Cassandra made a face. “I think you look old.”
“Thanks, honey,” said Renee. It was what she had been feeling herself. Behind Roberts’s back, Chase made a cutting off motion across his neck. Renee smiled. She agreed completely.
“Do you think you can do better?” Roberts said, peering down his nose at Cassandra.
“Yup,” said Cassandra and hopped off her chair to find clothes.
Roberts harrumphed and continued to tell Renee how elegant she looked and that the former queen had been the epitome of a Chanel model when she was younger.
Cassandra returned five minutes later with her arms laden. She pushed her mother back into the dressing room and dumped everything on the upholstered bench. “Layers, Mom. Or sharp and fitted.” Seeing her mother’s confusion, Cassandra stayed to help her mother sort through the pile. Renee had to admit that her daughter, who never wore anything fancier than high top sneakers with pink laces, had an eye for fashion. Renee loved everything Cassandra dressed her in and each time she emerged from the dressing room, Roberts gave his grudging approval. Chase was in and out on the phone, but flashed thumbs up whenever he saw one of Cassandra’s selections.
They went from store to store and all of them had shopping bags hanging from their arms.
“You’ll need formal wear, also,” Roberts announced. “Some cocktail dresses and a couple of evening gowns should hold you over until we can do a proper shop in London and Paris.”
“You mean this isn’t enough?” said Renee in wonder.
“Of course not! You need to have enough clothing so that you are never seen in the same thing twice in a five year rotation. We just need to get you through the first month for now.”
“Are you crazy! I’ll have to spend my whole life shopping to fulfill that requirement. It will cost a fortune.”
“And a fortune you have.”
“When can I wear my cowboy b
oots?” she demanded.
“Never. Well, perhaps on All Hallow’s Eve, in the dark of the night while you feed your dogs and no one can see you.”
Renee stuck out her tongue. They entered another shop.
“Mom, try this on,” said Cassandra, bringing over a satiny evening gown. It was silver and had bits of crystal sewn along the bust line. Renee fingered the smooth material in awe. This put her wedding dress to shame and she had loved that gown; had saved three months’ worth of wages to purchase it. She went into the dressing room and slipped it on and came back out. Roberts and Cassandra clapped their hands.
Chase, who was on the phone again and not paying attention to the proceedings glanced at her and stopped talking mid-sentence. He lowered the phone to his side and stumbled a bit to find his words. “That dress is lovely, Mrs. Krebs,” and returned quickly to his phone conversation.
She tried on several more items, though none were as magnificent as the first. Chase was back with them now, but not saying much. Roberts had left to inquire about alterations with the sales woman. Chase looked so grimly serious, always staring in a direction away from Renee, that she couldn’t help but tease him a little.
“Do you even have a change of clothes? You’ve been wearing that same grey suit since I met you.”
“I know how to travel light,” he said. “That’s what they teach you in the Special Forces. Here in civilized society, however, an extra shirt and pair of knickers is all one needs. I wash them out every night and dry them with the hotel blow dryer.”
They had wandered near the men’s section of the store with Cassandra trailing after them, yawning. Renee pointed at a smart, charcoal grey suit. “Why don’t you try that on? It’ll be my treat, as queen.”
Chase looked askance at it. “The expense accounts are examined. How would it look when the auditors come across a men’s suit on the heiress’s shopping account?”
“You’re just making that up. Come on, don’t be a sissy.” She motioned for the salesman to assist them. “He wants to try on that suit,” she said.
“Mrs. Krebs, I really don’t think—”
“Come on, Mr. C., please try on the suit.” Cassandra grabbed one of his hands and Renee took the other as they started pulling him towards the men’s fitting room.