by Nora Roberts
“You’re nothing,” Angela shrieked, her face as pink as the silk she wore. “Less than nothing. I’m the best. The fucking best.”
She lunged, fingers curled and extended like claws. With a haze of fury misting her vision, Deanna struck out, her open palm cracking Angela’s flushed cheek. In an instant all movement froze. For once at least, they were both on equal terms. Horrified, the two women in the doorway gasped in unison and stared.
“Ladies, excuse us.” Kate Lowell stepped out from the stalls to the lounge, and motioned to the women. They flew out again, obviously in a hurry to bear tidings. “Well, well, and I thought all the competition was going to be out there.”
Dazed, Deanna stared down at her hand, which was still burning from the blow it had delivered. She blinked against the champagne stinging her eyes. “Oh hell.”
Kate nodded to the outside door, still swinging from the exit of the other women. “It’s going to make an interesting sidebar in tomorrow’s Daytime Emmy coverage.” She smiled suddenly, a brilliant flash of perfect teeth. “Would you like me to referee?”
“Stay out of this.” Teeth clenched, Angela took a step toward Deanna. She’d been humiliated now, publicly. That, above all, was intolerable. “And you stay out of my way. You’ve crossed the line.”
“I didn’t turn the other cheek,” Deanna returned, “and I don’t intend to. So why don’t we try to stay out of each other’s way?”
“You won’t win tonight.” With a hand that continued to tremble, Angela picked up her bag. “Or ever.”
“Lousy exit line,” Kate mused as the door swung shut behind Angela.
“I don’t know. It had potential.” Deanna closed her stinging eyes. “What now?”
“Clean yourself up.” Kate moved forward briskly to run cold water on a snowy washcloth. “Put yourself back together and get out there.”
“I lost my temper,” she began, then caught sight of herself in the mirror. “Oh Jesus.” Her cheeks were suffused with heat, dripping with wine. Her eyes were smoldering and smudged with mascara.
“Put the image back on,” Kate advised, handing her the damp cloth. “And when you walk out, walk out with a smile.”
“I think I should—” Braced for the worst, she spun toward the door as it swung open. Her already hot cheeks fired further as Finn strolled in.
“I beg your pardon, ladies, but as a reporter it’s my duty to ask what the hell’s going on in here. Somebody said—” He broke off, taking in the scene with one pithy glance. “Christ, Kansas, I can’t leave you alone for a minute.” He sighed, picked up one of the dry, fluffy hand towels on the counter and offered it. “I didn’t think that was a maidenly blush I noticed on Angela’s cheek. Which one of you slugged her?”
“The pleasure was Deanna’s.”
He leaned over to kiss her damp cheek. “Nice going, champ.” He touched his tongue to her lip. “You’re supposed to drink the champagne, baby, not wear it.”
Deanna set her shoulders and turned back to the mirror to deal with the damage. She would not be cowed, she promised herself. She simply would not be. “Just keep everyone out for five minutes, will you?”
“Your category’s coming up,” he said casually as he headed for the door.
“I’ll be there.”
She was, makeup freshened, hair fluffed, nerves raw. She sat beside Finn, her hand clenched spasmodically over his. Out of camera range, she hoped.
Her mind was as keen as a sword as she watched the presenters breeze or fumble their way through scripted jokes and into lists of nominees. She applauded politely, or occasionally with enthusiasm, as winners were announced and made their way to the stage.
She filed every instant, every gesture, every word in her memory. Because it mattered now, horribly. She’d lost a good deal of the sweet excitement she’d felt when they’d rolled up in the limo. No, she thought, she wasn’t just the kid from Kansas now, dazzled by the lights and the luminaries. She was Deanna Reynolds, and she belonged.
It wasn’t simply an award any longer, a pat on the back for a job well done.
Now it was a symbol. The culmination of what had started so long ago. It was a symbol of triumph over the deceit, the manipulations, the ugly intrigue that had flashed into pathetic spite in a ladies’ washroom.
The camera was on her. She could feel that cool, objective eye focus in. She could only hope that for once her emotions weren’t so clearly mirrored on her face. She heard Angela’s name announced, then her own.
She couldn’t catch her breath. Then Finn lifted their joined hands to his lips and the sharpest edge of tension smoothed.
“And the Emmy goes to . . .”
God, how could it take so long to open one envelope?
“Deanna Reynolds, for Deanna’s Hour, ‘When You Know Him.’ ”
“Oh.” All the breath that had backed up in her lungs came out in that one long sound. Before she could take another, Finn’s mouth was over hers.
“I never had a doubt.”
“Me neither,” she lied, and was laughing as she rose out of the chair to walk through the applause to the stage.
The award was cool and smooth in her hands. And solid as stone. She was afraid if she looked at it, she’d weep. Instead she looked out into the lights.
“I want to thank my team, every one of them. They’re the best. And I want to thank the women who appeared on the show, who battled back their fears to bring a painful subject out of the dark. I can’t think of any show I’ve done, or will do, that could be as difficult or as rewarding for me. Thank you for giving me something to remind me. Now I’m going backstage to stare at this beautiful lady.”
After the speeches, the applause, the interviews and the parties, Deanna lay propped up in bed, resting in the curve of Finn’s shoulder. Casually, she crossed her feet at the ankles.
“I think mine’s prettier than your National Press Award,” she said.
“Mine’s more professional.”
She pursed her lips, studying the gold statue standing on the bureau. “Mine’s shinier.”
“Deanna.” He turned his head to kiss her temple. “You’re gloating.”
“Yep. And I’m going to keep right on gloating. You’ve won all sorts of awards, Overseas Press Club, the George Polk. You can afford to be jaded.”
“Who says I’m jaded? And when I win my Emmy it’ll be every bit as shiny as your Emmy.”
With a delighted laugh, she rolled over to lie on top of him. “I won. I didn’t want to admit how badly I wanted that statue. After that scene with Angela, I felt I had to win. For me, yes, but also for everybody who works with me. When they called my name, I was flying. Really flying. It was great.”
“An interesting evening all around.” He ran a hand down her spine, enjoying the way her body curved to his touch. “Tell me again how you demolished her.”
Deanna’s lashes fluttered down. “I did not demolish her. It was a particularly effective but ladylike slap.”
“Like hell.” Grinning, he tipped her face up, then laughed out loud at the unholy glee in her eyes.
“I shouldn’t be proud of it.” She chuckled and sat up to straddle him, her body pale and naked. “But for just an instant, before I was horrified, I felt wonderful. Then I was numb, then I was furious all over again.” She linked her fingers, lifting her arms up high. “Besides, she started it.”
“And you finished it. You can count on her coming after you with both barrels now.”
“Let her. I feel invulnerable. Impervious.” She stretched high. “Incredible. It just can’t get any better than this.”
“Yes, it can.” To prove it, he reared up, running a line of kisses up her torso. Her soft sigh glided through him. Her hands fluttered down to cradle his head.
“You might be right.”
The sky was pearling with dawn, chasing the shadows from the room. Her body arched back, already fluid and ready for his. They had loved once in delirious haste, and now moved togethe
r slowly, letting the needs smolder and the air spark.
Gliding fingertips, whispering sighs, quiet urgings for more. Torso to torso they pressed together, tangled sheets pooled around them and morning sliding softly into the room. A touch, a taste, a subtle shift in rhythm. They lowered together to roll lazily over the bed, length to length.
No rush, no hurry. Quiet explosions shuddered through her blood, then streamed away like silk until others built. Her mouth sought his, sighs merging, tongues dancing. Even when he slipped into her, filling her, the flash of heat was as comforting as a sunbeam.
Across town there was another hotel room bed that hadn’t been slept in, or loved in. Angela sat on the edge of it, her robe held protectively over her breasts. The dress she had worn was a tattered heap of silk on the floor, a victim of her temper.
Most of that temper was spent now, and she huddled like a child on the big bed, fighting back tears.
“It doesn’t mean anything, honey.” Dan urged champagne on her, the equivalent to a kiss where it hurt. “Everybody knows the fucking awards are a sham.”
“People watch.” She stared straight ahead, sipping the wine she’d ordered chilled for celebration and now served as commiseration. “Thousands of people, Dan. They saw her walk up there, when it should have been me. They saw her pick up my award. My award, goddamn her.”
“And they’ll forget about it tomorrow.” He stifled both impatience and disgust. The only way to handle Angela, and to keep them both riding high, was to cajole, flatter and lie. “Nobody remembers who got what when the glitter fades.”
“I remember.” She tossed up her head, and her face was icy again, eerily controlled. “I remember. She’s not getting away with it. With any of it. I’m going to do whatever it takes to make her pay. For the slap, for the award. Everything.”
“We’ll talk about it later.” He’d already gotten word on the incident in the lounge. Too many people—people who couldn’t be easily bought off—had heard that Angela struck first. “Now you’ve got to relax. You have to look your best when we fly home later today.”
“Relax?” she spat at him. “Relax? Deanna Reynolds is getting my press, my ratings, now my awards.” And there was Finn. Oh, no, she wouldn’t forget Finn. “How the hell can you tell me to relax?”
“Because you can’t win if you look like a resentful has-been.” He watched her eyes flare with fury, then chill to an icy gleam.
“How dare you speak to me that way? And tonight of all nights.”
“I’m telling you this for your own good,” he continued, assured he had the upper hand when her lips trembled. “You need to project dignity, maturity, confidence.”
“She’s ruining my life. It’s just like when I was a kid. Someone was always taking what I wanted.”
“You’re not a kid anymore, Angela. And there’ll be other awards.”
She wanted this award. But she held the words back. He’d only become more remote and disgusted. She needed him beside her, supporting her, believing in her. “You’re right. Absolutely right. Tomorrow, in public, I will be gracious, humble and dignified. And believe me, Deanna Reynolds is not going to win another award that should be mine.” Forcing a smile, she reached out a hand and drew him down beside her. “I’m just so disappointed, Dan. For both of us. You worked just as hard as I did for that Emmy.”
“We’ll work harder for the next one.” Relieved, he kissed the top of her head.
“Sometimes it takes more than work. God knows I’ve had plenty of experience there.” She sighed and drank again. She’d drink all she wanted tonight, she promised herself. At least she deserved that much. “When I was a kid I did all the chores around the house. Otherwise we would have lived in a pigsty. I’ve always liked things to look right, to look pretty. To look the best they can. I started doing cleaning for other people. Did I ever tell you that?”
“No.” Surprised that she had now, he rose to fetch the bottle. He topped off her glass. “You don’t like to talk about your childhood. I understand that.”
“I’m in the mood for it.” She sipped again, gesturing toward her cigarettes. Obligingly, Dan picked them up, lighted one for her. “I earned extra money that way, so I could buy things. My own things. But I earned more than money. You know . . .” She took a contemplative drag. “It’s amazing what people leave lying around their homes, tucked into drawers, closed in boxes. I was always curious about people. That’s why I ended up in this business, I suppose. And I found out a lot about the people I worked for. Things they preferred to be kept private. I might mention to a certain married woman the name of a man not her husband. Then I might admire some earrings, or a bracelet, or a dress.” Through the haze of smoke, she smiled at the memory. “It was magical how quickly what I admired became mine. Just for doing the small favor of keeping information to myself.”
“You started young,” Dan observed. Her voice was only a little slurred, so he added more wine to her glass.
“I had to. Nobody was going to fight for me. Nobody was going to lift me out of that hellhole I lived in but me. Mama drunk; Daddy off gambling or whoring.”
“It was tough on you.”
“It made me tough,” she corrected. “I watched the way people lived, and I saw what I wanted. I found ways to get what I wanted. I improved myself and I broke my back to be the best. No one’s going to take me off the top of the heap, Dan. Certainly not Deanna Reynolds.”
He tipped her face back for a kiss. “That’s the Angela I know and love.”
She smiled. Her head felt light, dizzy, her body free. Why, she wondered, had she been so afraid of relaxing with a bottle or two? “Prove it,” she invited, and slipped the robe off her shoulders.
Chapter Twenty-two
The snow outside the cabin was fairy-tale white. Rocks and shrubs caused the white covering to heave into mounds and bumps so that it resembled a blanket under which dozens of elves might burrow, waiting for spring. No cloud marred the eerie, icy blue of the sky, and the sun glinted off the glossy bark of trees.
From the window, Deanna watched Finn and Richard help Aubrey build a snowman. In her bright blue snowsuit, the toddler looked like a little exotic bird who’d lost her way going south. Curling tendrils of hair, as red as a cardinal’s wing, escaped from her cap.
Beside her the men were giants, bulky in their heavy coats and boots. She watched as Richard showed Aubrey how to pat and mold a snowball. He pointed at Finn, and with a giggle that carried through the glass, Aubrey bounced it lightly off Finn’s knee, but he crumpled convincingly to the ground as if hit by a boulder.
The dog, the mop-haired mongrel Finn and Deanna had dubbed Cronkite, sent up a din of barks and a shower of snow in his desperation to join the game.
“Sounds like quite a snowman.” Fran shifted her infant daughter from her right to her left breast. Kelsey latched on, suckling happily.
“They’ve started a small war,” Deanna reported. “Casualties are light, but it looks to be an extended battle.”
“You can go out and spend some of that nervous energy. You don’t have to stay in here with me.”
“No, I like watching. I’m so glad all of you could come up for the weekend.”
“Since it’s the first free one you’ve had in six weeks, I’m amazed you’d share it.”
“Getting away with friends is one of those luxuries I’ve had to do without too much.” She sighed a little. There was no use thinking about all the weekends, the holidays, the quiet evenings at home she’d missed. She had what she’d asked for. “I’ve discovered I need things like this to keep me centered.”
“Glad to help. Richard found the idea of fishing in this weather just primitive and macho enough to pique his interest. As for me”—she stroked her daughter’s cheek as she rocked gently in the chair Finn had hauled in from the porch and scrubbed down for just that purpose—“I was ready to go anywhere. When we get snow this early in November, it’s going to be a long winter.”
“
And not a particularly pleasant one.” Fran was right about the nervous energy, Deanna realized. She could feel it swirling inside—white water in the bloodstream. Deanna turned away from the window to sit on the hearth, where the fire crackled hot and brightly behind her. “I feel like I’ve been under siege, Fran. All this—this tabloid crap about Angela and me brawling in the ladies’ lounge at the Emmys.”
“Honey, most of that’s died down, and everyone knew it was crap to begin with.”
“Most everyone.” Restless, she rose again, prowling. “All those sly allegations in the press about her bearing up stoically after I supposedly refused her offer of friendship. Friendship, my butt.” She shoved her hands in her pockets, dragged them out again to gesture. “And that nasty undertone of glee in some of the stories. ‘Talk show divas in cat fight.’ ‘Claws bared in ladies’ room.’ And it was just close enough to the truth to make us both look like idiots. Of course, Loren couldn’t be happier. The ratings have skyrocketed since the Emmys, and there’s no sign of a downswing. People who couldn’t care less about the content of the show are tuning in to see if I lose it and punch out a guest.”
Fran snickered, then caught Deanna’s quick glare. “Sorry.”
“I wish I could think it was funny.” Grabbing the poker, she stabbed viciously at the flaming logs. “I did think it was funny, until I started getting letters.”
“Oh, Dee, the majority of the mail has been supportive, even flattering.”
“So I’m perverse.” Her shoulders jerked. Oh, she hated the fact that she was being a fool. Hated more that she couldn’t seem to stop thinking about the whole ugly incident. “I keep remembering the ones that weren’t. The ones that ranged from ‘You should be ashamed of yourself,’ to ‘You should be horsewhipped for your lack of gratitude to a fragile little flower like Angela Perkins.’ ” Her narrowed eyes were as hot as the flames. “Belladonna probably looks like a fragile little flower.”