by Anne Hope
The words stung, and pain and frustration tumbled into anger. “You’re the one who won’t let me go home. I’ve left my sister behind, my job, my patients, all because you said you think it’s for the best. If you’ve changed you mind, please tell me, ’cause I’ve got a life to get back to.”
He rubbed his eyelids with his thumb and forefinger. “See? Nothing’s changed. I’m still an ass.”
She stood and approached him. “When you’re through feeling sorry for yourself, let me know so we can get on with this.” Lia never could stomach a self-pity episode. She’d seen enough of them with Cassie to recognize this for what it was. “We’ve got to piece your past together, track down your long-lost mother, find out who wants you dead and why, not to mention work out how I figure into the equation… You’re not the only one who’s become something you don’t understand. So suck it up.”
Startled eyes settled on her face. A grin fought to break through the gloom. “You’re one kickass chick, you know that?”
She stifled a smile. “I’ve got no time to baby you. Life’s not fair. When it throws lemons at you—”
“I’m not a big fan of lemonade,” he snarled.
“I was going to say, pitch them right back. Harder.”
“Easy for you to say. You’re human. Beautiful and smart and so damn sexy it hurts—” Something dark, hot and completely entrancing flickered in his eyes. His breathing grew ragged. Tight fists balled at his sides as his scalding gaze traveled over her again. “And I can never have you. Because of what I am.”
She narrowed what little distance remained between them. “I’m here with you because of what you are.” Her voice sounded husky, completely foreign to her.
Something snapped inside him, the thin rope of self-control he’d fought so hard to hold onto. A pained growl escaped his lips as he lifted her off the ground, carried her across the room to the piano and pinned her beneath him. His musky scent, the hard feel of his body scraping her flesh, his hot breath tickling her cheek stoked the fires churning deep within her belly. She arched into him in desperate surrender, wrapped her arms around his neck and dared him to kiss her.
His glance drifted to her mouth. The heat of his need branded her. Boldly, she inclined her chin and brushed her lips to his in blatant invitation. A current of energy zipped between them. Something embedded in her chest began to melt and fuse. She could almost feel herself changing, a slight shift that made her stronger somehow, full and whole. The urge to deepen the kiss blossomed into a raw, tender ache.
At the tentative touch of her lips, Jace sucked in a mouthful of air and quickly released her. A draft rolled in to enfold her as he tore his body from hers and shot across the room.
Lia rose onto her elbows, dazed, her nerve endings still thrumming. He stood in front of the windows again, a broken expression on his face. Moonbeams filtered in through the curtains to drape him in pale, eerie light.
“I may have been a gambler,” he said in a rough, abrasive tone, “but the stakes are too high this time…even for me.” Wide, powerful fingers curled around the base of his neck. “I won’t do it.” His voice dripped with determination and finality. “I won’t chance stealing your soul.”
Lia lowered her lids to quell the burning sensation in her eyes. “Can’t steal what’s already yours,” she whispered, but it was too late. In the time it took for her to blink, he was gone.
Things had gotten complicated, not that he’d expected this totally fucked-up situation to be simple. The evening was soft, deceptively peaceful, but Jace knew the pervasive evil it concealed. An evil that hid not only in the gathering shadows, but in broad daylight. One that even now coursed through his veins, threatening to overtake him as he contemplated returning to the house and stripping Lia bare. Possessing her, body and soul. Absorbing her light until darkness could never sprout in him again.
Need morphed to compulsion, a black, viscous substance that saturated his bloodstream until every inch of him ached. The muscles in his abdomen cramped. His skin burned. The empty well inside him grew cold and cavernous.
He had to have her. All of her. Standing around trying to fight it was useless, like trying to stop dynamite from exploding once the flame reached it.
He kept telling himself that he was in control, that he’d keep her safe, but if he really believed that, he was an idiot.
Safety was an illusion, free will a lie people told themselves every day to convince themselves they had some control over their screwed-up lives. The truth was, they were all at the mercy of forces they couldn’t begin to comprehend, nothing but pawns on a giant chessboard, guided by an invisible hand toward their own demise.
The fact that he wasn’t human didn’t make him the exception. He was as clueless as everyone else out there. Lia was right. He was feeling sorry for himself, and he hated it. Hated being so damn weak, a slave to dark, overwhelming urges he couldn’t understand, let alone temper.
Distance. That was what he needed. Distance and time to get the hunger under control, to contain the monster he’d become. The monster he’d been all along. His father had seen the growing evil inside him, had secretly feared it. At least that was what Jace had gleaned from Lia. But nothing David Cutler had done could’ve prevented his son from coming into his destiny.
With mounting disgust, Jace explored the grounds, stopping at the place where Justin had shot himself. No evidence remained that an eighteen-year-old boy had taken his life here. The blood and brains had long ago been washed away by the rain and absorbed into the ground. Jace fell in a crouch, ran his palm over the spiny grass. When he closed his eyes, he could feel remnants of the kid’s broken aura, like a signature he’d left behind to mark his existence.
He wanted to say he was sorry, but there was no point. Nothing would bring Justin back.
What’s done is done.
The best he could do now was to ensure something like this didn’t happen again. The visit with David Cutler had been a sobering experience. Exposure to Regan, then to Jace had wrecked the man’s sanity. Sitting across from him at the asylum, Jace had seen the chips in his father’s soul, as if someone had taken tiny bites out of him until there was barely anything left.
With a little mental coaxing—the man wouldn’t have been so forthcoming without it—his father had confirmed what Jace already suspected. Making love to a human was dangerous. Even if Jace managed to love Lia without swallowing her life-force, there was no telling what side-effects their joining would have. According to Regan, David Cutler was lucky to be alive…if that could be considered luck. Regan might as well have killed him when she had the chance.
He couldn’t risk doing that to Lia.
He had to put this situation to rest, and soon. Even if he could keep his hunger under tight rein, there was no telling how long he had before his presence infected her. Every person’s tolerance was different. Some broke quickly, while others resisted. It seemed to have something to do with the strength of their light. The stronger the essence, the longer it took to affect it, and no one’s light was more powerful than Lia’s.
But eventually he’d get to her, too. It was just a matter of time.
The hairs on the back of his neck suddenly rose, and his internal debate came to an abrupt end. The air carried a frisson of something he couldn’t explain. He sensed another presence. One that wasn’t human. Some faceless creature hid beyond the trees, watching him.
A ball of fury tightened in his gut. “I know you’re there,” he yelled into the night. “I can feel you.” Which one of his newly acquired stalkers crouched in the woods? Marcus? Diane again? “What’s the matter? Afraid to face me?”
Something crackled, then the presence was gone. The breeze blew across his face, gentle and undisturbed. He raced into the forest, searching for a sign that someone had been there but saw nothing beyond his own warped shadow.
Jace wagged his head. Maybe it wasn’t Lia’s sanity he should be worrying about. Maybe he was the one slowly going insa
ne.
Chapter Twenty
The next morning, when the sun peeked over the clouds to paint the sky pink, Lia crawled out of bed with a disgruntled sigh. Another missed day of work at the hospital. Another day of being unable to confide in Cassie, not that she knew exactly what she’d say.
Another day of fighting this irrational attraction to Jace.
That attraction had completely taken her over last night. She would have made love to him, right there on the piano, with no thought to the consequences.
Shame flooded her cheeks. What on earth was wrong with her? As if it wasn’t bad enough that the guy was her sister’s boyfriend—fine, ex-boyfriend, but that didn’t change the fact that Cassie had serious residual feelings for him—he just happened to be a dark, immortal creature whose kiss might kill her. That would be enough to set off some serious warning bells in any sane woman’s head.
But not hers. It wasn’t fear that clogged her throat. It was disappointment. If only he wasn’t so damn noble…
Then what? Would she make love to him? Hand over her soul on a silver platter?
Yes. She couldn’t lie to herself, and that undeniable truth rankled.
Lia scrambled to the adjoining bathroom and splashed some water on her burning face. She was losing it. Seriously losing it. She had a good life, a nice solid future, the career of her dreams. And here she was, considering throwing it all away just to be near this man. The mere thought of being without him carved such a profound hole in her spirit, it smothered her breath. A myocardial infarction probably wouldn’t have hurt this much, and she’d seen enough patients succumb to it to know.
None of it made any sense. She wasn’t the needy type. She didn’t become obsessed with men the way Cassie did. She didn’t pine after them, call them repeatedly, camp out on their doorsteps. That wasn’t her style.
Yet with Jace, that was precisely what she’d do if he decided to walk away from her. Something buried deep within her was irreversibly attached to him. And that something would surely curl up and die in his absence.
God, she was pathetic. How many times had she raked Cassie over the coals for her unhealthy devotion to men who didn’t deserve it? How many times had she urged her sister to walk away and never look back? Lia finally understood how naive she’d been. The heart didn’t color by numbers. It didn’t follow an invisible checklist, assess the pros and cons, make a rational choice. It simply loved. Beyond reason. Beyond comprehension or imagining.
Was that the sickness she suffered from—love? She didn’t know it well enough to be sure, couldn’t trust anything that was happening inside her. Her soul was split in two.
With a muffled grunt, she slipped into the outdated pair of jeans Jace had given her last night, then topped it off with a snug black tank top. The look screamed sexpot, at least when compared to her usual wardrobe. The outfit made her feel exposed, no question about that, but it also made her feel surprisingly feminine.
She hardly recognized her reflection. Her eyes were bright, deep and blue, with a hint of wildness. Her hair fell in unruly tangles to caress her shoulders. She grabbed a brush to straighten it out, then decided against it. She liked the dangerous, untamed edge it gave her. For the first time in her life, Lia felt sexy.
Her gaze settled on her mouth in the mirror. A mouth that still tingled from Jace’s near kiss. She raised her hand, ran her fingers across her lips to soothe the gentle throb, then closed her eyes and moaned in defeat.
How was she going to face him? But more importantly, how was she going to get him to kiss her, for real this time?
Minutes later, when she could stall no longer, Lia swallowed her reservations and wandered downstairs. The sizzling scent of bacon drew her to the kitchen. While she’d slept, Jace had picked up provisions and was now busying himself making breakfast. “Sleep well?” He stood in front of the stove, scrambling some eggs. His gaze never strayed from the pan, yet he’d sensed her presence.
“As well as can be expected.” Her reply sounded whiny, even to her.
He ventured an uneasy glance her way. “I figure it’s best if we eat in from now on.” With a flick of his wrist, he flipped the eggs. “Too many potential weapons in a restaurant.”
Amusement crept in to battle glumness. “Are you worried someone will hit you over the head with a burning pan?”
“I have a feeling I’ve got a pretty thick skull. Not so sure about the others, though.”
Silence stretched between them, so thick she could almost reach out and touch it. “That’s one big elephant we’ve got here,” she quipped in an effort to crack the tension.
Jace didn’t reply. He simply continued spooning eggs into a plate. Anxiety skittered across her nerve endings. She was convinced he could hear the wild sprint of her heart. If not that, then he was surely reading her thoughts.
Don’t think about last night.
Of course, telling herself not to think of something was a surefire way to ensure she thought of nothing else. Like fire igniting, the memory of his body crushing hers exploded in her mind. Her flesh began to prickle and burn. Her lips thrummed again.
Jace’s passionate curse wrenched her out of her daydream. He’d spilled a spoonful of eggs on the counter. Quickly mopping up the mess, he refused to look at her.
“So that’s how it’s going to be. Fine. Try ignoring this.”
With a recklessness that surprised her, she filled her head with heated images of her and Jace. She imagined his hands on her body, his lips gliding over her skin, his tongue…
“Stop it.” He pitched the empty pan in the sink, spiked his hair with his fingers. “You have no idea what you’re doing.”
“I know exactly what I’m doing.”
He turned on her, his beautiful face pinched with agony, his eyes blazing with fury. “Don’t you think I want you, too? Lia, when I’m near you, I feel—” He choked on the word. “I feel more than it’s humanly possible to feel. Like you’re everything that’s missing inside me. Every instinct I have wants to claim you, to possess you. But there’s another part of me that’s dying to destroy you. I don’t understand it. I’m not even sure I can control it. So be careful what you wish for.”
His honesty sent frozen wings fluttering down her back. She pushed the disturbing sensation aside. “You’re forgetting something. Diane already tried to take my soul. She failed.”
Jace walked up to the table, placed his palms on its smooth maple surface, and leaned over her. “You can’t be sure of that. We can’t be sure of anything. Would you walk into an operating room and slice a patient open without knowing what you’re looking for?”
“Of course not, but this is different.”
“How?” Conviction thinned his mouth. “How is it different?”
When she didn’t answer, the fight leached out of him, and he dropped into the chair across from her. “I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m trying to keep you safe. And the biggest threat to you right now is me.”
Her pulse took off at a gallop again, and his gorgeous mouth curled into a smile. “That’s one strong heart you’ve got there. Let’s keep it beating.” His gaze traveled downward to settle between her breasts, where turmoil raged. Then his eyes locked with hers again. “No more dangerous thoughts, or there’s no telling what I’ll do to you.”
The words were meant as a warning, but to her they sounded like a promise.
He suddenly reached into his pocket, pulled out something shiny, then stood and circled the table. “I almost forgot to return this.” He reached out and clasped her locket around her bare neck.
Lia lifted her hand to touch it, and her fingers grazed his. Something hot and gripping passed between them, laced with tenderness. “I thought it was gone for good.” Her throat felt scraped and raw, as if she’d swallowed a mouthful of sand. “Cassie gave it to me. A gift for my sweet sixteen. Cal took it when the Watchers abducted me. Where did you find it?”
“It doesn’t matter. The important thing is that it led me
to you.”
Her senses blurred. That seemed to happen often when he was near. “How?”
“I’m not sure. Your energy is all over it. It calls to me, like I have a built-in tracking device where you’re concerned.”
“Must be your body trying to reconnect with what it lost.”
His eyes darkened to emerald green. The back of his hand accidently skimmed her breast as he pulled away. At the faintest hint of a touch, her skin came alive. For the briefest second, she saw the flaming images that smoldered in his head, and they were every bit as scorching as the ones tormenting her.
Anxious to place some distance between them, Jace hastened to the counter, grabbed one of the plates, and tossed it like a Frisbee across the room. It landed on the table in front of her with impressive precision. She was surprised the dish didn’t shatter.
“It’s plastic,” he replied. “Go ahead. Eat before it gets cold.”
Jace spent the better part of the day scouring the house, looking for any indication of the life he’d lived, trying to understand the kid he’d been and the man he’d become. A few things seemed vaguely familiar—a boy’s tattered jersey jacket stashed away in the closet, a collection of toy cars carefully arranged in a trunk and stored in the attic, an old shoebox decorated with birdlike images penned in a child’s scrawl. The handful of gray feathers that blanketed the interior elicited a tug of sadness inside him but failed to trigger a memory.
His inability to recall his past self only served to remind him that any humanity he may have possessed had evaporated like a spring rain, and that reality stung worse than a rattlesnake. Without a past, a man was nothing.
Nothing but a walking shadow.
Pissed off that he’d wasted so many precious hours on a fruitless hunt, Jace made his way downstairs, where Lia sat, holed up in David Cutler’s old home office. She’d devoted most of her morning to searching the Web. From the looks of it, Jace had been diligent about paying the bills, whether he lived here or not, because all the utilities and services worked, including the Internet.