by Val Collins
‘Four kids! We agreed we’d have two.’
‘That was before Amy. Wouldn’t you like a house full of little Amys?’
‘Not unless we could afford full-time help. What about Maura? I know she loves looking after Amy, but I doubt she’d enjoy taking care of four young kids at her age.’
‘Mum’s raised her family. It’s not fair to make her raise ours. When you get pregnant again you’ll have to give up work.’
‘I don’t want to give up work. If Maura can’t cope with two kids, we’ll get a childminder.’
‘We’ve been through that. I don’t want a stranger raising our kids.’
‘Well, I don’t want to be tied to the house all the time. It wouldn’t do the kids any harm to spend two days a week with a childminder. I wouldn’t leave them with someone I didn’t trust.’
‘No child of mine is being looked after by a stranger. I told you that before we married, and I’m not changing my mind.’
Aoife screeched, ‘Then we won’t—’ She lowered her voice. ‘Then we won’t have a second child for at least three years, and I won’t change my mind either.’
Jason glared at her, but for the very first time Aoife didn’t look away. This was far too important to back down for the sake of peace. When Jason realised she wasn’t going to give in, he stomped out of the room. The front door banged so loudly Amy screamed. As Aoife went to comfort her, she heard Jason’s car drive away.
*
Aoife spent the next few hours pacing the hall. Jason had never stormed out of the house before. He was upset. He would calm down, come straight back and they’d talk everything out. By 1 a.m. she was losing hope. She forced herself to go to bed, but there was no way she could sleep. She was sitting bolt upright when she heard a car pull up, then drive away. A key turned in the lock and the front door banged. Aoife glanced at the clock. Slamming doors at 2:15 was not a good sign. She wasn’t used to fighting, and the thought of confronting Jason made her want to throw up, but she would be miserable until they reconciled, so what was the point in putting it off? Her legs trembled as she walked down the stairs and she had to sit on the bottom step for a few minutes to gather her courage. The smell of drink hit her the second she opened the sitting room door. Jason was conked out on the couch.
*
She must have dozed off at some stage, because the buzz of the alarm clock woke her. Aoife glanced at the clock, then quickly shut her eyes against the slivers of light creeping in through the crack in the curtains. Her head pounded and she felt sick to her stomach. Great! Jason drank, she got a hangover.
Jason looked as rough as she felt. He was standing at the kitchen counter still dressed in yesterday’s clothes, a mug of coffee in one hand.’
‘Morning.’
He looked at her but didn’t reply.
‘Did you have a good night? Where’s the car?’
Aoife put her hand on her head to stem the throbbing. It didn’t help. Why did everything have to be so difficult?
‘For God’s sake, Jason. Don’t be such a child. How are we going to sort anything out if you won’t speak to me?’
Jason put his mug on the counter and went upstairs. He stayed so long in the shower she had no choice but to leave. It would take an extra twenty-five minutes to walk to Maura’s. She’d have to ask if she could shower there, and then she’d have to walk to the train station. The joys of married life.
*
‘He’s never been like this before, Laura. What will I do if he won’t speak to me tonight?’
‘He was hungover. He’s probably feeling really stupid now. Whenever Gavin’s in the wrong he never knows how to make it up. I can see he wants to, and I just have to say “Hi” and he apologises.’ She grinned. ‘If I didn’t say anything, we’d have stopped speaking years ago. Ask if he’s feeling better and I’m sure he’ll be delighted you broke the ice.’
‘I don’t think he believes he was wrong. He probably expects me to apologise. I always do, even when it’s not my fault, but if I apologise he’ll expect me to get pregnant immediately and I’m not ready yet.’
‘You could agree but go on the pill.’
‘I couldn’t do that. Would you?’
‘It’s not a situation I’ve ever been in, but no, I don’t think so. It would buy some time but it wouldn’t solve anything.’
‘We’ve always been honest with each other, well, about the big things anyway. It would be such a betrayal. If you don’t have honesty in a relationship, what’s the point of being together?’
‘Honesty’s a luxury women often can’t afford. Once you have children, you’re committed to a relationship, however dishonest it is.’
‘Aren’t you and Gavin honest with each other?’
‘Too honest sometimes. I’d like him to say he loves being the father of four and working all the time. Even if I knew he was lying, it would still make me feel good. But I shouldn’t complain. At least I know I can always count on him.’ Laura picked up the spreadsheet. ‘Oh well, I’d better get back to these redundancy figures. I wish Delia had done them before she died. I really hate being part of ruining somebody’s life.’
‘It’s not your fault. The redundancies will go ahead whether you do the figures or not.’
‘I know, but it doesn’t make me feel any less guilty. I miss the times when only the babies kept me awake at night.’
*
Aoife was about to enter the HR office when she heard Robert’s voice. She’d managed to stay out of his way since their last encounter, even calling in sick the day he was due to give a presentation to the Dame Street staff. She spent ten minutes discussing babies with Karen, then returned to the office. She put her ear to the door to make sure Robert had left.
‘Are you out of your mind, Joe? It will only make things worse,’ Rachel said. ‘I don’t trust her.’
‘You don’t like her, you mean. How is it going to look when she finds out we’ve all been lying to her? What will she think we’re up to?’
‘I like Aoife too, Joe,’ Laura said. ‘But there’s Gavin to consider. His career would be—’
A door opened at the end of the corridor and Aoife couldn’t be caught eavesdropping.
‘Hi, Aoife,’ Laura said when she entered. Joe smiled. Rachel ignored her.
What was all that about? They were all lying to her? How could anything they told her affect Gavin? How dare Rachel not like her? She’d never been anything but nice to her and she’d put up with her moods and her jealousy. The hell with all of them. She couldn’t deal with this. Jason was her priority right now. She had to get their relationship sorted. Everything else could wait.
*
‘Hi,’ Aoife said as Jason entered. She had cooked his favourite meal and put Amy to bed early.
‘Hi.’
Aoife left some of the tension seep from her body.
‘Are you ready for dinner?’
‘That would be great.’
They ate in silence. Aoife picked at her food. She would not say anything. She had broken the ice. It was up to him to apologise.
‘Aoife.’
‘Yes.’ This was ridiculous. Her heart was thumping against her chest.
‘I’m sorry I stormed out yesterday.’
‘That’s okay, honey. Everyone fights occasionally. It’s no big deal.’
‘Thanks, sweetie,’ he said, pulling her into his arms.
Later that evening they sprawled on the armchair, both drowsy from their sleepless night.
‘Will we start trying tonight?’ Jason asked.
‘Trying what?’
‘To have a baby.’
Aoife struggled to sit up. ‘I don’t understand.’
Jason smiled. ‘I’m talking about our baby. Would you like to start trying to get pregnant tonight or are you too tired? I’m a bit knackered myself, but I’m game if you are.’
‘Are you serious?’
‘Huh?’
‘Jason, I made it quite clear I will not
have another child for at least three years.’
‘But—but you apologised.’
Aoife jumped to her feet. ‘I did not. I have nothing to apologise for.’
‘You asked me how I was and you made my favourite dinner.’
‘I was making it easier for you to apologise. I’m not going to change my mind. I thought you understood that.’
‘Where does that leave us?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Me neither. Goodnight. I’ll sleep in the spare room.’
*
The fight with Jason was all Aoife could think of. It wasn’t until she reached Manor House the following morning that she remembered the conversation she had overheard. She was walking down the corridor when Dan came out of the HR office.
‘Morning, Aoife.’ He stretched his mouth into a grimace that presumably was intended as a smile.
‘Good morning, Dan.’
Laura was pacing the outer office.
‘Are you okay?’
‘Dan’s on the warpath again. He said our agency costs are far too high and I should have hired a permanent employee by now. I suggested we hire you and said I had agreed with the agency that it wouldn’t cost us extra. He said you were a bad fit for the organisation and I was to let you go as soon as possible.’
‘Oh, great! Jason won’t talk to me and Dan wants me fired. This really is my day.’
‘Jason didn’t apologise?’
‘He apologised, then expected me to get pregnant immediately. He moved into the spare room when I refused.’
‘Gavin moved into the spare room when the triplets were born. He stayed there so long I thought we were finished, but he moved back again. Jason will get over it, you’ll see.’
‘I can’t bear the thought of him leaving me.’ Aoife’s voice shook. ‘He and Amy are all I’ve got.’
‘He won’t leave.’ Laura put an arm around her shoulders. ‘Don’t worry about Dan. I told him it would be very difficult to find someone with your IT skills.’
‘What IT skills?’
‘I had to pick something he knows nothing about.’
‘How long will he wait?’
‘That’s anyone’s guess. I said you were the only one who knew anything about the HR system, and if you left it would put the project back months. He agreed to wait until I got someone else trained up on your job. It’s bought us some time anyway.’
‘How much time?’
‘Depends on Dan’s mood. He might forget all about it tomorrow. Don’t worry. Things have a way of working themselves out. Jason will come around and everything will go back to normal.’
When Rachel arrived, Aoife was reminded of the conversation she had overheard. She couldn’t mention it now. There was no way to have that conversation without annoying Laura, and she needed Laura on her side.
EIGHTEEN
Aoife dropped Amy at Maura’s house. Since their argument, Jason took the car to work each morning, and she had to walk to Maura’s and then to the train station. Jason now treated her as if she were radioactive and made a point of avoiding physical contact, making wide circles around her whenever they were in the same room. All her attempts at conversation were met with yes or no answers. She was worn out, barely sleeping, and she was running late again.
A car honked. ‘Hi, Aoife.’
‘Robert? What are you doing here?’
‘I was driving past when I saw you. Get in. I’ll give you a lift.’
‘No, thanks. I’m taking the train.’
‘Don’t be silly. I’ll have you there in half the time.’
‘In this traffic? The train only takes forty minutes.’
‘I’ll bet you twenty euros I can get you to Dublin by eight-thirty.’
‘I don’t bet.’
‘I—’
The train horn blasted. ‘Oh hell!’ Aoife hefted her bag on her shoulder and raced down the street. She was halfway through the car park when the train pulled away. ‘Damn, damn, damn,’ she roared.
‘That’s very restrained.’
‘Why are you still here?’
‘I’m waiting for you. You don’t want to be late for work, do you?’
Aoife hesitated. There was a thirty-minute gap between trains. What was the harm in taking a lift? She opened the car door and Robert grinned triumphantly.
‘Now, let’s see who wins that bet.’
‘I didn’t make any bet.’
‘Well, I did,’ Robert said. ‘There’s no point driving a BMW if you don’t drive fast.’
He muttered impatiently as they crawled towards the motorway and Aoife smiled. Robert noticed, but she didn’t care. It was worth being late to see him devoid of his usual smug, self-satisfied expression. When they reached the motorway, Robert had his revenge. He drove like a lunatic, forcing his way into different lanes and jamming his foot on the brake so often Aoife felt nauseous. They took the exit for Palmerstown and Robert relaxed when he saw the bus lane in the distance. At the first opportunity, he pulled into the lane, bypassing all the traffic.
‘Would you like this car?’
‘Are you offering it to me?’
‘I’m thinking of giving it to my sister as a wedding present. It will be a year old by then, but it’s a good solid car, isn’t it?’
‘It’s fine.’
‘My parents gave it to me for my thirtieth. They were middle-aged before they could afford a BMW, and Mum was really excited about buying me this, but it’s an old man’s car, isn’t it? I’d like a Jag. That’s a proper car.’
‘You should get out of the bus lane. You’ll be fined if you’re caught here.’
Robert shrugged. ‘How much? Eighty euros? That’s nothing.’
‘I wish I didn’t have to worry about eighty euros.’
‘Wait until you’re a famous journalist. Eighty euros will be nothing to you.’
‘What are you talking about?’
‘Dad told me you want to be a journalist.’
‘That was a long time ago. I’m not interested in that any more.’
‘Really? So why are you investigating Delia’s death?’
‘What?’
‘Everyone’s talking about how you’re always asking questions. Have you forgotten there’s a clause in your contract about bringing the organisation into disrepute?’
‘So?’
‘It won’t help our reputation if you accuse one of our employees of murder.’
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’
‘Dad and I aren’t going to stand by while you make your name out of ruining our business. I presume you still need a job.’
Robert had turned to face her and didn’t notice a bus in front stop to pick up passengers. He jammed on the brakes and Aoife was almost thrown through the windscreen. Robert swore loudly and forced his way into the traffic queue, ignoring the honks of irate drivers. When he had overtaken the bus, he pulled into the bus lane again.
‘I told you, I’m not investigating Delia’s death.’
Robert snorted but didn’t reply. They drove in silence until they reached the outskirts of the city. ‘There you are,’ he said, pulling up beside a hotel. He jumped out of the car. ‘Eight twenty-five on the dot.’
‘You’re letting me out here?’
‘They do a great breakfast,’ he said, pointing at the hotel. ‘You’ve plenty of time to walk. Don’t forget what I said. You won’t get a second warning.’
*
‘What was Robert doing in Kildare?’
‘I didn’t ask.’
‘I wouldn’t mind coming to work in a BMW,’ Rachel grumbled. ‘Why’s Robert being nice to you? He’s never shown interest in any of the rest of us.’
‘He isn’t interested and he wasn’t nice.’
‘Why? What did he say?’
‘He just wanted to show off. He wanted to prove he could get to town before the train.’
‘Well, he can drive me to work anytime. Thirty’s not very old. He’
s reasonably good-looking and not short of money.’
‘I thought you hated him.’
‘That was before he showed an interest in you. When he finds out you’re not available, he might consider me. Try to get him to drop by the office so we can get to know each other.’ They were standing in front of the mirror in the ladies’, and Rachel pulled at her hair. ‘Would it look better short?’
‘It suits you that way.’
Rachel frowned. ‘I should never have got it dyed. It’s closer to plum than red. I need a more sophisticated look. I’m fed up with Chris, and think of the life I could have with Robert. Several foreign holidays each year and a house on Sorrento Terrace. I could see myself living there.’
‘Where the millionaires live? How could Robert afford that?’
‘Dan’s not short of money. He probably helped.’
‘A house like that would cost more than Dan could earn in a lifetime.’
‘I heard Dan made a fortune during the property boom. He bought a new house a few years ago, and he has more than one home abroad.’
‘Trust him to be one of the few to keep his fortune after the property market collapsed. I wish I could afford a mansion overlooking the sea.’ Aoife shrugged. ‘But not if I had to share it with Robert. He gives me the creeps.’
*
Later that day, Laura said, ‘I was right about Monica. She’s handed in her notice. Can you get on to the agencies and arrange a temp?’
‘For how long?
‘A month initially. If she works out, we’ll extend it to six months. If they can still stick each other by the end of it, we’ll give her the job permanently. Make sure you test everyone’s Dictaphone skills. You have the tape, right? Oh, and make sure all the candidates have good IT skills. Dan’s computer illiterate. He can barely open his own e-mails.’
Aoife phoned several agencies and set up interviews for Tuesday. On Monday afternoon she printed out the CVs, checked the computer in the training room and set up the Dictaphone. She put one earplug in her ear to make sure the tape still worked. A low female voice she didn’t recognise said, ‘Meeting with Joe on the eighteenth of January at two p.m.’ Amy’s birthday. That was the day Delia had been murdered. The tape clicked off. A short silence followed, then the tape clicked on again. Aoife heard Joe’s voice say, ‘You were looking for me, Delia?’