by Rhonda Helms
“Yeah. It sure is.” My heart gave a dull ache, and I stood. I needed a moment to gather myself before I could sit here and fake like everything was okay. Just a minute to tuck my raw feelings deep down in my chest. “I’m gonna get a piece of cake. I’ll be back in a sec.”
I didn’t want cake. But it was a handy excuse to escape. I walked through the line and grabbed a plate of carrot cake. To help shake off my inner tension, I listened to the casual conversations around me. I moved as slowly as I could to the cashier.
It worked. As I headed back to the table, my happy mask was back in place. I sat down and dug into my cake, even though I didn’t taste a thing. Smiled and laughed at jokes. Camilla shot me a concerned glance, but I kept up the facade and served her a cheeky wink. She wasn’t fooled, but she didn’t call me out on it.
Ethan, however, was totally fooled. For once. Go figure.
The bell ending lunch rang. It was incredibly hard to stand and walk away from the table like I didn’t have a care in the world. All I wanted to do was grab Ethan by the shoulders and ask him why he didn’t love me.
After I dumped my trash, I turned and almost ran face-first into Ethan. He laughed and held his hands up to keep me from falling over. “Whoa, you okay?” he asked.
My smile was brittle; the facade was cracking. “I’m fine, thanks.”
I saw a flare in his eyes, but it was gone before I could label the emotion. He gave me a polite smile. “Okay. I’ll see you later.”
He strolled out the door, and I had to fight to keep from running after him. I just couldn’t do it. I’d laid everything on the line in the library. Had bared my heart to him, told him I loved him. If he wanted to talk, it was up to him.
Camilla came up and threaded her arm through mine. “You okay?”
We left the caf. “I will be,” I answered her. Ethan’s figure was absorbed into the crowd, and he disappeared. I sighed. “That was so hard.”
“I know.” She rested her head on my upper arm for a moment. “My first impulse was to yell at you to go talk to him. But I already knew what you’d say to that.”
I kissed her forehead and gave her a gentle smile. “It’s out of my hands. If Ethan wants to pretend things are normal, I’ll just have to pretend right along with him until they are.” And someday it wouldn’t hurt as much as it did right now.
We went our separate ways. I stopped by my locker to grab my books for class. I shuffled down the hallway, and in the entryway of a classroom I saw Tyler clutching Madison’s hands. Her face had hesitation written all over it.
I slipped closer.
“—messed up, Mad. I realize that now,” Tyler was saying. He sucked in a ragged breath. I could see the intensity in his eyes as he stared at Madison. Like she was everything to him. I’d never seen him that serious before.
She swallowed, and her hands began to shake. Her back was stiff, but her eyes were locked on him. “You really hurt me.”
“I did. And it was wrong. I made you feel like you were unimportant. Like you weren’t worth my best effort. It’s taken me a while to understand it, but I do now.” He dropped down to one knee and dug into his pocket. With flourish, Tyler revealed a ridiculously huge Ring Pop with a shiny red candy stone on top.
Madison chuckled, even as her eyes grew damp. A curious crowd joined me around the doorway, and a few girls sighed audibly.
“I’ve never known anyone as sweet as you.” He kissed the ring finger of her left hand, then slid the candy ring on. When he turned his gaze back to her eyes, there was a warmth in there that hit me square in the gut. No one had ever looked at me like that before—like I was the center of his world. “You make me the happiest guy in school, Madison. I know it’s really late to ask, and I’m an idiot. And if you say no, I will understand. But I’d be honored if you would attend prom with me. I am so in love with you, and I will continue to be, even if we aren’t together anymore. I miss you so much, babe.”
“Do it,” a girl beside me whispered.
Madison swallowed and licked her lips. With a trembling breath, she said to Tyler, “You’re super lucky I bought my dress back in September.”
Hope lit his face, and he stood. His face was tight with anticipation. “So is that . . . ?”
“Yes.” She beamed at him and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Yes, I will go to prom with you, you goofball.” Madison pressed a warm kiss on him, and he wrapped her in his arms.
The growing crowd exploded with whistles and claps. I joined in.
Good for you, Tyler, I cheered silently. Madison wouldn’t have to worry again about feeling taken for granted. He’d learned from the experience and had proven that to her with that simple but heartfelt promposal. Kinda made me feel like I had a part in them reuniting.
I let that happy thought buoy me out of my own inner darkness as I wandered to my next class.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Camilla
Tuesday of prom week. I could hardly believe it was almost time—not to mention that school was about to end. Yesterday I’d been such a flake in my classes, despite upcoming finals. But the end was near, and I could make it.
It didn’t help that I’d been torn for days about what to do regarding Benjamin. Over the last week or so, I’d started writing to him a dozen notes suggesting we talk about the book, but I’d tossed them all away. Everything made me sound like a dork, like I was trying too hard.
But yesterday I’d caught him looking at me as I walked into the room before class. He’d ripped his hot gaze away from mine before I approached our row, but I knew what I’d seen. A hint of interest in his eyes. Something deep and resonant, like the looks we’d exchanged before I’d asked him out.
I was going to talk to Benjamin today about the book, once and for all. I needed answers, whether I’d like them or not.
Statistics class was so hard to focus in. It didn’t help that from across the room, I could feel Zach’s quiet gaze on me. Despite his intense stares in every class, he hadn’t talked to me for quite a while now, other than the rare occasional text. Apparently, he was going to keep his promise and quit hounding me. My mom’s words from before rang in my head about how I needed to give him a chance.
I knew she was right, and remorse had twisted my stomach over the last few days as I’d considered her advice. I should talk to him today after class, if only to ease this lingering tension between us. He had respected my boundaries; I should show him I appreciated the effort.
When the bell was over, I darted outside and waited for Zach. Soon he appeared through the door. When I stepped in front of him, he stopped and jerked a bit.
“Oh, hey. Is . . . everything okay?”
I nodded. “Do you have a sec?”
“Sure, sure.” We moved away from the crowd. His body was stiff as he stood and stared at me. He crossed his arms over his chest and waited in silence.
My heart gave an irregular beat. “Um. I just wanted to say . . . well, a lot of things. First, thank you for not pushing me so hard about prom anymore.”
“You’re welcome,” he quietly replied. “You know, I’ve done a lot of thinking. I was a jerk to you.” I went to open my mouth, but he held up a hand. “Wait. Let me finish. This is hard enough for me to say. I liked you—like you. From the first time I met you, I thought you were smart and funny. You make class fun with your smile and laughter.”
My heart squeezed. “That’s so sweet of you. Thank you.”
He shrugged. “Of course I wanted to go to prom with you. Who wouldn’t? You’re perfect.”
God, no. I shook my head and laughed. “Oh man, I’m so not perfect. I screw up everything.”
“I don’t mean you’re flawless.” He paused, scrunched up his face as he struggled to explain. “I mean . . . well, I think you’re everything a guy could ever want in a girl. It’s taken me a while to remove my head from my ass, but I know you don’t like me like that. And that’s okay.”
I sighed. “I’m sorry.”
“No, really. It’s okay. I know you like Benjamin, and I was unfairly rude to you about that. I wanted to hurt you and I exaggerated the truth. He doesn’t go around talking about you like that—if anything, I’ve only ever heard him say nice things.”
I admit, my heart skipped a beat at that.
“I know we’re really late in the year and prom is just around the corner.” He drew in a deep breath and seemed to steel himself. “But if you want to break off prom with me and go with someone else, I’ll let you go with no hard feelings. I promise.”
Everything stilled around me for one long, tempting moment. I could walk away from him without it blowing up in my face. Maybe take a chance and see if Benjamin would want to come with me, despite it being just a few days away.
Then I looked into Zach’s eyes and saw the angst, the emotion. I couldn’t do that to him. No, I didn’t have feelings for him, but we could be friends. And friends didn’t treat each other like that.
I stepped closer and squeezed his arm. “That’s really nice of you. I appreciate it because I know you mean it. But I’m totally good with being your prom date. As friends, of course,” I added. Just so we were both clear.
The tension leaked from his body at my words, and he smiled. Nodded. “Yes. Friends. Okay.”
“Besides, I already bought my dress, and this particular shade of red won’t match anyone else there,” I teased. Mom had dragged me from store to store until I’d found one I loved, along with a matching pair of heels. It was unfortunate Benjamin would never see me in my foxiest outfit ever, but I’d dance my feet off anyway and have a good time with my friends.
His grin was almost wide enough to split his face in two. “Okay. I’ll see you later, then.”
We went our separate ways. My next class, English, was meeting in the library for study time, so I ran all the way there to avoid being late. I made it just before the bell rang, dumped my bag on a nearby table, and headed to the stacks. My teacher saw me and gave me a nod of acknowledgment.
I wandered down the aisle to find a good resource for my final paper. But I had a hard time focusing. My chest felt lighter somehow; resolving that stuff with Zach had been more freeing than I’d realized it would be.
I shot Joshua a brief text. I talked to Zach and we worked things out. Feeling much better.
My phone buzzed. Good. I know that’s been stressful. Hugs. BTW meet me outside *right* after bell.
Okay . . . ? Why? I wrote back.
He replied with a picture obviously taken from his lap, his face stern. No arguments. We’re hanging out today.
Yes, sir. I chuckled quietly as I fired back my reply, then returned my attention to the library books. When I found one that seemed to fit, filled with autobiographical information, I plucked it off the shelf and headed to my table.
The next half hour passed fast. I focused on work, took notes, made good headway on my paper. I was proud of myself for buckling down and focusing. My hand flew across the notebook as I wrote my thoughts.
Someone sat down at the table across from me and cleared his throat. I looked up and nearly dropped my pencil in surprise.
“Benjamin. You’re not in my English class.” Duh. Could I sound any dumber? Of course he wasn’t, and we both knew it. I bit back an embarrassed sigh.
“You catch on fast.” His mouth curved into a ghost of a smile. I drank in the unexpected pleasure of seeing him. He had on a slim-fitting white T-shirt, and his dark blond hair was in messy spikes on his head. “I’m studying for an upcoming test.”
This was my chance. If only my stomach would stop trying to burst its way out of my abdomen. I dropped my hands in my lap to hide their nervous shake. “So. I . . . I read Cyrano de Bergerac.”
Surprise flew across his face, but he covered it quickly. “I figured you might have forgotten about it, since I didn’t hear anything.”
He was good at this. I couldn’t read into his words at all. So I chose mine carefully. “I hadn’t read it before, but I did find it interesting. Really interesting. In fact, I sat up most of the night reading it. My heart broke for poor Cyrano.”
His eyes grew heavy-lidded, and he nodded. “It’s a tough spot to be in.”
“Have you ever been in a spot like that?” And, oh God, that was about as forward as I could make myself get. Even that much of a confrontation made my pulse throb under my skin.
His nod was so faint I could barely see it. Our eyes were locked dead on each other, and neither of us looked away.
The bell rang, and I immediately wanted to smash the stupid thing into pieces. No! We were just starting to get somewhere.
He gave a short laugh and shook his head. “I guess we’ll have to save the rest of this conversation for another time.”
“Maybe during psych?”
“We have a quiz, remember?”
Oh crap. No, I’d completely forgotten. Wonderful. I hadn’t even studied for it.
I gathered my things, and we walked to the library doors. I wanted this moment to stretch on forever. “When are you free?”
“So you are still interested in . . . the book?” There was a strange uncertainty in his voice that surprised me, reflected in his word choice. Was he nervous?
My chest filled, and I felt lighter than air. “Yeah, I am. The book is the most interesting thing I’ve encountered in a long time. In fact, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.” His uncertainty, his obvious fear of rejection, gave me the courage to be more truthful.
His responding smile was shy. “Okay.”
I nodded and went to walk away when his fingers tangled in mine. He tugged me toward him. My skin tingled from the sensation of our hands intertwined.
“I’ll see you later.” The words were simple, but there was a heavy intent in them I couldn’t help but hear.
He wanted to see me. He liked me. I wasn’t crazy, and I wasn’t reading into things. Oh my God, I couldn’t wait to talk to Joshua about it.
“I’m looking forward to it.” I knew he could probably hear the nervous, excited tremble in my words, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to hide it from him. I wanted him to see how I felt.
“I’d better go,” he said, but our fingers were still locked together.
I crooked the corner of my mouth. “You’ll have to let go of my hand first.”
He gave me a toothy grin. Released my hand and, with a slow nod, turned and walked away.
I floated through the rest of the day. Classes went by in a hazy blur. My mind was wrapped around the intoxicating memory of Benjamin’s fingers holding mine. Out in the hallway, where everyone could see. No mistaking his intent there.
When I got to psych, he was already in his seat. His lips were curved as he watched me walk toward him. My pulse throbbed in my ears, a roar like the ocean.
“Hi,” I whispered when I sat down.
“Hi,” he whispered back, still staring. Still smiling.
Mrs. Brandwright walked in and closed the door. “Quiz time, folks—this part is multiple choice. I hope you’re ready, because it’s a doozy. The essay quiz on Friday will be even more fun.” Her smile looked downright evil.
Regretfully, I turned my attention away from Benjamin and gave the quiz my best. It didn’t help that every five minutes, I kept glancing at the lean lines of his muscled back, the way his arms flexed as he wrote. But I didn’t want the teacher to think I was cheating, so I kept those peeks brief.
The final bell rang. At least I made it through most of the quiz. I got up and gathered my stuff, then dropped my quiz on the desk. I stood outside the door, waiting for Benjamin. Eager to pick our conversation back up. Eager to touch his hand again.
Would he ask me out? Had he talked to Zach and now knew we were just friends? Benjamin would probably wait until after prom, out of courtesy for his cousin. I could be okay with that.
A heavy yank on my arm tugged me away from the door. I whipped around and saw Joshua. “Hey! What are you doing?”
�
��Did you forget? We’re going out. Come on—I want to hit the mall early since I have to study.”
Crap. I’d forgotten all about that. I couldn’t ditch Joshua to wait for Benjamin. “Okay, okay.” I went with him to my locker and grabbed my backpack, filled it with books and notebooks for studying tonight. I hadn’t seen Benjamin walk by, but maybe I’d missed him.
Should I text him? Was he looking for me?
To hell with it. I was going to do it. I typed out a brief message and explained I had to take off, ignoring Joshua’s foot-to-foot shuffling right behind me, then hit send. Then I let my best friend take my hand and practically yank me out the school doors.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Joshua
I don’t know.” Camilla twirled her wrist to study the dozen glinting gold bangles stacked in a row. “Does this look like me? I don’t normally wear jewelry like this. It’s a little . . . bold.”
“I think it’s perfect. Gold and red go nicely together.” I sipped my soda and peered at the rack. “But I also like this coppery color, which complements your skin tone.”
“Oh, that’s prettier.” She picked up the copper bangle set and slid them on. “Yeah, I dig this more. Perfect. And look, there are even earrings that match!” She grabbed those too and put them in her small wicker basket.
“So did he text you back?” I asked. Camilla had filled me in on what happened with her and Benjamin today. For once, I was glad to be wrong—apparently the guy had been trying to send her a secret message. And holding her hand like that in the hallway at school was definitely not the act of a casual friend. “Have you guys talked about hanging out, or are you too shy to ask, given what happened last time?”
She flushed. “I haven’t brought it up yet. I’m trying to just live in the moment instead of worrying about where it’ll lead. I’ve realized I spend too much time feeling anxious over things that haven’t even happened yet. Worries about prom sucking. Worries about Benjamin not wanting to date me. On and on and on. All of it was wasted energy. So I’m happy texting him and connecting with him right now.”