by T. A. Foster
“But it wasn’t your decision to make. You should have given me the option. It was up to me whether I wanted to keep those memories. You can’t get inside people’s heads like that.” He huffed.
I bit my bottom lip. “Technically, I’m not the one who got in your head.”
“You know what I mean. Your cousin. Whoever.” He jumped from the bed and paced.
“I get that this is all a big shock, again, but why are you so mad? I kept you alive for another year.” I didn’t want to say that I didn’t know how much longer I could do that without the Eraser Spell in play.
“I’m mad because of us. I lost an entire year of being with you.”
“What?” I didn’t have words. I had mourned my relationship with Jack. I had cried, eaten tubs of ice cream, gotten back together with my ex, started dating a movie star, and worked out until I collapsed—I had tried to move past any hope of “us” during the past year. It never occurred to me what would happen with all those feelings he had for me since we met. It wasn’t as if the spell erased what he already felt.
“The things I said to you in Vegas were real. I fell for you the day you came in for our first meeting. All year it has accelerated beyond any normal speed. I shouldn’t feel this way about someone I work with. I know that. But now, I think I understand why. When we got together in Vegas, I actually let myself believe we were meant to be, and it was only a matter of time before the rest of our lives started.” He rubbed his eye with the heel of his hand. “I know it was only three days, but those three days opened up something in me that I had fought for two years. Then to find out you took it from me? I don’t even know what to say anymore.” He reached for his jacket and headed toward the door.
I stood from the bed, realizing my shirt was practically see-through. “Where are you going?”
“I need some space to think.” He pulled on the handle.
“You can’t leave. It’s not safe anymore.” I tried to think of a way to keep him from leaving.
“Why don’t you do some little witchy spell and stop me?” He slammed the door behind him.
Shit. Jack was gone.
THINK, IVY, think. I debated whether I should chase him down the hall. Jack wasn’t the kind of man who liked to be told what to do, and he liked it even less that I had taken him out of the decision-making process. It didn’t matter. He was alive, and I wasn’t going to doubt that I made the right decision. If I had asked him in Vegas if he wanted his memory erased so he could stay safe, he would have said no. He would have taken his chances, unaware of how dangerous the situation really was. I made the right choice. The problem right now was that I had no idea how dangerous it was for him in Charleston.
He was already mad at me; I might as well rack up some more irritant points.
“Glamour.” I pointed at my reflection in the mirror. I needed a quick wardrobe change if I was going to catch up to him. I brushed the glitter off my jacket and jeans. I liked these boots I had packed and hoped I could run in them if I needed to.
I picked up my leather bag and dashed out of the door. The elevator was excruciatingly slow as I watched the numbers light up on the top. It was stupid of me to let him out of my sight.
Once I hit the lower level, I jogged out of the elevator and scanned the guests gathered in the lobby. I hoped he hadn’t left the hotel yet. I raced to the revolving door, just in time to see him walking toward the harbor.
I followed him, careful not to get too close. He needed to blow off some steam. Maybe by the time he walked a few blocks, he would feel better. I always loved how tall Jack was, but I especially appreciated it this morning. There was no way I’d lose him in the city.
Things had gone all wrong last night and this morning. He had tried to talk to me about his feelings, and all I could do was pry into his memory issues. I had probably made him feel terrible.
He stopped in front of the water and sat on a bench, sipping a cup of coffee. I surveyed the area, looking for anyone who had his or her eyes on him.
I walked toward the bench and sat next to him. “Hey.”
He stared straight ahead. “Hey.”
“I know you’re mad. I get that.” I watched a tugboat push a barge out of the harbor. It was funny that something so small could have the strength to move something so large. I looked at Jack and giggled.
“What’s funny now?” He turned to look at me.
“I guess we’re kind of like that tugboat and barge. I’m the tugboat, kind of like your bodyguard.”
“I don’t need a bodyguard, dammit.”
Maybe that wasn’t the best analogy to use. “Jack, I wish I could undo everything that has happened to you, but I can’t. All I can do is try to keep you alive. Please let me do that until we figure out what is going on.” I reached for his hand. “You would do the same thing if the roles were reversed. You would take my memory if it meant keeping me alive.” I squinted at him through the sun.
He shifted in his seat. “Maybe.” I saw him crack a smile. “Ok, of course I would. I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.”
“Then, please, stop being pissed at me,” I begged.
He turned to face me. “I can’t help feeling we missed our chance,” he whispered, and then his mouth descended on mine, before I could protest.
His lips moved against mine, and I tried to make sense of the kiss. Jack was an amazing kisser. He gave the kind of kisses that made me drunk and took days to recover from. I had dreamed of it and cried over it until I finally gave up on it. This one felt hungry, as if he was trying to tell me something.
He broke free and I struggled to breathe again. “Ivy, I don’t want to forget this.” He rested his forehead against mine. “Don’t take it from me.”
“I won’t,” I whispered in his ear as he held me against his chest.
The wind whipped off the water, and for a moment, I felt clear. Being in Jack’s arms seemed to steady me again, but the pangs of guilt were strong. It wasn’t the clearness that Jack would want. I knew then that he was right. Our chance had passed. The problem was, how was I going to tell him?
We walked back to the hotel. With his memories restored, Jack acted as if he had a new perspective on life. He told me he didn’t want to waste moments or hold back on his decisions. He was gung-ho on living carpe diem style. I wondered what that might mean where I was concerned.
I was on high alert, always worried someone was going to show up and snatch Jack. It was highly unlikely something magical would happen in broad daylight on the downtown streets of Charleston, but I wasn’t sure what our enemy was capable of doing. Holly texted she and Ian were on their way. We had a few hours to kill before they arrived. I debated whether to start a conversation with Jack about my revelation on the bench.
He was sexy, athletic, intelligent, strong, and a master of words and his tongue. He was the man I had crushed on for years. Had I really made this kind of decision in the middle of a magical crisis?
We walked through the hotel lobby, straight to the elevators. I opened the door to the room, and as soon as I turned to close it, Jack picked me up and hitched my legs around his waist. His mouth collided with mine, pressing deep with desperate kisses. He shoved the dresser lamp to the floor, and the shade rolled to the side as he deposited me on the wooden surface. I felt the wall slam into my back. Every move he made took me off guard, and as soon as I grabbed hold of a rational thought to talk him down, he surprised me with something else that shot heat through my body.
This must be what he meant by carpe diem. He tugged on the zipper to my boots and tossed them across the room.
He kissed my neck, sucking and licking like he would devour me right there on the dresser. He pulled me against his waist again and carried me across the room, dropping me in the center of the king-size bed.
All the alarms in my head started buzzing. No matter how much I would enjoy sex with him, I knew we couldn’t cross that line. It wouldn’t be a casual hook-up. How could it after the past th
ree years? If I slept with him, I’d be saying that I was his—that I could give myself to him. No matter what I tried to tell myself or how amazing he felt, it wasn’t our time. I didn’t belong to Jack. I never did.
He took my face in his hands and crashed his lips against mine. I felt the urgency claiming him. He was passion and heat. Every time he touched me, it was as if flames blazed from his fingertips.
I had to stop him. I had to tell him.
“Ivy, I think I’ve fallen so in love with you, I don’t know what’s right and wrong anymore. I don’t know what’s up or down. Being with you is the only thing that makes sense.”
I stared at the ceiling. His words caught me off guard. I reminded myself I had been stronger than this before. I had defeated a Proxy and taken down an immortal evil. If I could do those life-altering things, I could tell this man we were over before we ever began.
The lines around his eyes softened. “Do you know how good it feels to finally tell you all of that? I don’t have to pretend.”
Each time he smiled or laughed, my heart shattered a little more. The words were precious and genuine, how could I do this?
I pressed my palm against his chest, remembering when I found strength in how he shielded me from Helen. I sorted words in my head like ‘I’m sorry. It’s not you, This is hard for me too,’ but none of them felt right, none of them could simultaneously tell Jack what he meant to me while explaining how clear it was we weren’t supposed to be together. There was no easy or magical recipe to break someone’s heart.
I maneuvered to the side, rocking out from underneath him.
“What’s wrong?” He sat back on his heels.
I tugged on my shirt and flattened it against my hips. I didn’t want to cause him this pain.
“Ivy, are you upset with me? I shouldn’t have thrown you against the wall like that. I let it get out of control.”
“No, that’s not it.” I wasn’t about to tell him how hot it was that he could take control like that—that would confuse everything. “You need to know that I have to keep you alive. I promise I will keep you alive, but that’s all that’s between us.” I wiped a tear that stung the corner of my eye.
“That’s it?” His voice was low.
I was barely keeping it together. “Yes,” I managed to whisper. “That’s all we can be.”
“What about all of the things we said to each other in Vegas?” he questioned.
I fought the tears. “I realize for you it seems like we can pick up where we left off a year ago, but too much has happened since then.” I didn’t want to go into those details, but what choice did I have? “Look, I got back together with my ex, and then he left again. That whole relationship is complicated. I even dated someone else.”
“Right, the movie star.” He rolled his eyes.
I nodded. “Right. Jack, I had to move on. We couldn’t be together. I could never be the reason you died.”
“But it’s not your fault. And I know you can find a way to figure it out. You’re clever and talented. You’ve done it before.” I didn’t like that he had hope for us. It made it that much harder to continue. “Ivy, all year I could have moved on. Hell, I had no memory of us, but I didn’t. That has to mean something. I have been here for you this whole time.”
The words dug into my heart, needling it with pain. I shook my head. “I had to think about you in a different way. I do think about you in a different way.” I reached for his hand.
Jack sighed. “Is it all because of your magic? I don’t care that you’re a witch. I should have said that last night.”
I nodded. “That’s the biggest part of it.”
“But I’m fine with it. I think it’s amazing. I love it.” He cracked a smile.
My voice was shaky. “I wanted us to have a chance. I really did. Over the past year, I’ve learned things about myself and my magic that I can’t ignore anymore. I thought I could keep that part of my life separate, but I know I can’t. It wouldn’t be fair to you, or to me. I am a witch. I want to be a witch. And if that’s who I am, I can’t be with you. It’s impossible.”
“Then choose me.” His chestnut eyes bored into my soul.
“What?”
“Choose me. Choose a regular life. Give up your magic. Choose me instead, Ivy.”
I couldn’t believe what he was saying. My mind was confused and muddled with the meaning behind his words. “Give up magic?”
“Yes. I know it’s asking a lot but—”
I stood from the bed. “Asking a lot? You don’t know what you’re asking. My entire family is magical. It’s who we are. It’s a part of my being and I can’t just turn it off like a switch.”
“You do it all the time.”
“I do it to interact with humans, sure. But I don’t give up that part of myself when I’m at home, or when I’m with other witches. I don’t want to.” It was insane what he was suggesting. I would be an outcast in the magical community. I couldn’t Time Spell anymore, or read through my mother’s herb books. No more Glamour or Remedy Spells. I would never fly again, or glow again. I shook my head. No. I was certain before, but staring the choice in the face, my certainty was cemented.
“No, Jack. No.”
He ran his fingers through his hair. I watched as he walked to the bathroom and slammed the door behind him. The silence was deafening. I pulled my knees to my chest. One day I hoped Jack would understand that timing is everything.
“WHAT IS the plan when they get here?” Jack asked. He sat near the window.
Besides trying to smooth the awkward waters with Jack, I didn’t have a plan. I needed to find out who the cloaked men were, what they had to do with Foresights and dreams, and why the council needed to take them out in 1949. There was nothing easy about this situation.
“I don’t have one.” I pulled the zipper on my second boot. It would be so much easier to Glamour myself back together, but there was no way I would risk making myself weaker by performing any spells in front of him. Jack had rumpled my clothes and turned my hair into a knotty mess.
“That makes me a little concerned.” He looked at his phone. It was ringing. “Hold on, it’s Ann.”
I made the bed and put the room back together as best I could. The lampshade wouldn’t stay on the lamp now, but I would have to fix it when Jack wasn’t looking. I heard a knock at the door. Jack was still talking to Ann.
“Hey, girl.” Holly hugged me and Ian leaned in next.
“Hey.” The timing was awkward, but I was happy to see my brother and cousin.
Ian pointed at Jack. “So he knows everything?”
Jack waved, but returned to his call. Ann must have something serious to discuss with him.
“Yes. His memory is completely restored. The Eraser Spell is gone. I couldn’t deny it anymore.”
Ian put his arm around my shoulder. “It’s not your fault. There are forces pushing us to do things we would never do. It’s ok.”
“Wait.” I stopped him. “Did something else happen?”
“Yes, but we’ll talk about it later.” He sighed.
I didn’t like the way that sounded. They walked into the room and sat on the bed, all of us waiting for Jack to finish his call.
“Anything new happen with you since last night?” Ian asked.
I shifted on my feet. “What? No. Nothing. Nothing at all.”
Holly giggled. Great. She wasn’t making this any easier.
“What’s so funny?” Ian looked between us.
“Holly’s just being ridiculous.” I glared at her. “What do you think we should do next?”
“Sorry about that.” Jack shoved the phone in his pocket and reached his hand toward Ian. “Hey, good to see you again.”
Ian smiled. “You too. It’s a little weird, but good to see you.” The last time they had met was at one of my book signings. Ian tried to attend all of my local events.
“Good to see you, Jack.” Holly smiled.
I bristled, unsure how J
ack would take seeing her again. She was the one who had stripped him of his memory, something he already seemed to have forgotten over the past few hours. Well, that was until he was face-to-face with her.
“Holly.” He nodded at her. “I’m not going to shake your hand, but know it’s because I want to keep the memories, not because I’m being a rude ass.”
“Oh, of course. Totally understandable.”
I sighed. That went better than expected.
Jack pulled up two chairs, one for me, one for him. I sat next to him.
“Ok, so back to what I was going to suggest.” Ian broke the awkward silence. “I think we need a Locality Spell.”
I looked at him. “Who are we trying to find? I don’t even know who the cloaked men are. We don’t have names.”
My brother’s voice softened. “Ivy, we need to find Finn.”
Holly gasped. She probably didn’t mean to, but I was glad someone could express what I was feeling.
“Finn?” I stuttered his name. It didn’t seem right to say it with Jack in the room, especially not after what we just talked about.
“Who’s that?” Jack asked.
Ian seemed to be the calmest of the group. I let him take the lead. “He’s my friend, another detective on the SGPD.”
“And he’s missing?” Sometimes I forgot how Jack could zip into reporter mode.
Holly chimed in. “Not missing so much as he’s on a vacation.”
Jack arched one eyebrow. “Vacation? And we need him? He’s one of you, I’m guessing.”
My heart was in my stomach. I thought I might be sick right here in front of everyone. I ran to the bathroom and slammed the door behind me. I turned on the cold water and splashed my face. Get control, Ivy. Control this.
I hadn’t thought any of this through. Jack’s passion hit me like a boulder, and I had stupidly almost completely given in to a crush I had burned for three years. What was I thinking? I patted a cold washcloth on my neck. I stopped it, I reminded myself. I stopped it.