She was unlocking the door, a sack of groceries in her arm, when a gray truck pulled into the drive. What did Josh want this time? She glanced at her watch. It was almost time for Alex to get home. Maybe he wanted to talk to Alex about something.
Josh slid out of his truck and glanced down at the old house. “It’s a mess, isn’t it?” His solemn gaze swung back to her.
Carmen nodded. “It can be fixed.”
He climbed the stairs to the porch and leaned against a porch rail, watching her. He looked perturbed.
“Alex should be home shortly,” she said.
“Yeah, well…actually I wanted to talk to you.”
She frowned. “About what, the house?”
“No. I figured since your father wasn’t around, he might want me to give you the pre-marriage speech.” His tone was light, but his expression remained solemn.
“And what is that?”
If her father had been alive, he would have heartily agreed with her marriage to Alex. He would have liked Alex. In fact, he never liked Josh too well, but what man does like a boy who is going to take his little girl away? No, it was more than that. For some reason, Dad simply didn’t care for Josh…never did. Personality differences, maybe. Or maybe he knew his little girl wasn’t really in love with Josh.
Josh shifted from one foot to another. “What about family, Carmen? Are you going to be happy a few years from now, knowing what you gave up?”
“I didn’t give up anything, Josh. I made a choice… children or Alex. I think a few years from now or twenty years from now I’ll wish I had children, but I don’t think I’ll ever regret marrying Alex.”
Cool gray eyes studied her face reflectively. “Where did I go wrong, Carmen?”
Carmen caught her breath and took a step back. “I don’t love you, Josh. I never did; not in the right way. You know that. You’re married to Lori now. Isn’t it different than it was with us?”
His expression hardened. “Yeah, she doesn’t want to bother with kids.”
“Well, didn’t you know that when you married her?” Of course he did. Lori had said it so many times when they were younger.
“I figured she’d change her mind.”
“Maybe she will, eventually. You’ve only been married a few months. Give her time to adjust.”
His attention shifted pointedly to the house. “You seem to be adjusting well enough, and you’re not even married yet.”
Her face flamed instantly…a fact he noted when his gaze returned to her.
“I knew you’d wind up moving in with him. All that talk about waiting …”
“We are waiting, Josh. And it’s really none of your business anyway. I don’t expect you to believe me. You never believed anything I said even though I never lied to you. You always thought the worst.”
She stopped. Where did all that come from? It was all true, but certainly irrelevant now.
She sighed. “Go home, Josh. There’s nothing between us anymore but friendship and I don’t want to ruin that with this kind of talk.”
A white truck pulled into the yard but Josh didn’t look that way. He held his arms out to her, waiting for her to hug him. She couldn’t see Alex, but she felt him watching her. Did Josh plan this?
“Go home to Lori, Josh,” she said gently. “I’m going to marry Alex.”
Josh dropped his arms and turned away. He took the steps two at a time and strode to his truck without acknowledging Alex. Backing the truck around, he threw gravel from the rear tires as he took off.
Alex watched him leave and then turned to Carmen.
“What did he want?”
Carmen shrugged. “He said he figured since Dad wasn’t here, he’d give me the pre-marriage speech.”
Alex stepped up on the porch and looked down at her. His gaze traveled over her face and stopped on her eyes.
“And?”
“Nothing.” She sighed and turned away. “I think he just wanted to know if we were sleeping together.”
“Did you tell him we weren’t?”
“I told him it wasn’t any of his business.”
“I wonder why he would care if we were sleeping together.”
She looked up at him, but his expression gave no indication what was going on in his mind.
“Would you care if your sister was sleeping with someone she wasn’t married to?”
A dark brow lifted. “But you’re not his sister.”
“Close enough. We were raised together.”
A wry smile twisted his lips. “I never thought about marrying my sister.” He gazed down at her, his expression still unreadable. “And no, I wouldn’t care if my sister was sleeping with someone she wasn’t married to. Not if she was twenty-five years old and in love with him.”
Did Alex suspect that Josh was still interested in her, or was he trying to say that she should be sleeping with Alex? She shrugged one shoulder and turned away, jabbing the key in the door.
“I don’t know.”
“Would you have hugged him if I hadn’t been watching?”
She turned her head and gazed up at him. There was no point in hiding the truth. He already had his mind made up.
“I don’t know … probably.”
“Then why didn’t you hug him while I was watching? He held his arms out to you. Didn’t it make you feel bad to refuse him a hug?”
“Yes, but I thought you might take it wrong.”
“You thought it might hurt my feelings.”
“Maybe.”
He smiled. “So you had to choose who you would hurt. I’m flattered, but next time; hug him if you want to. It looked so uncomfortable that it made me wonder anyway.”
He opened the door for her and took the sack of groceries.
She slipped an arm around his waist and smiled up at him. “You do know you’re the most wonderful person in the world, don’t you?”
His free arm circled her shoulders and his eyes twinkled with mischief.
“Yeah, but I never get tired of hearing it.”
“You little stinker,” she said with a grin.
“I’m not little,” he said as they walked through the door.
As he helped her put the groceries away, he paused and turned to her, a carton of eggs in one hand and a package of sliced cheese in the other.
“I guess we know what he came to your house for the other day.”
Carmen reached into the bag and pulled out a head of broccoli, avoiding his gaze. Did Josh tell him?
“What?”
“To talk you out of marrying me.”
She opened the refrigerator door for him, releasing her breath in a measured dose.
“That’s ridiculous. Why would he want to do that?”
He leaned down and placed the eggs inside the refrigerator and straightened, gazing down at her.
“Did he talk to you about being faithful and what would be expected of you?”
Carmen pulled the crisper drawer out and tossed the broccoli in it.
“Of course not.”
He placed the cheese on the shelf and lifted his brows. “What is the pre-marriage speech about…the last chance to back out?”
Her face felt hot. “I don’t know. I’ve never heard one before.”
They were both standing between the refrigerator and its door. She gazed up at him, butterflies beginning in her stomach.
He reached out and traced her jaw with an index finger, his gaze becoming sultry. His finger left her jaw and softly followed the curve of her neck. As if testing her courage, it slowly slid down her chest to the swell of her breast. There he stopped, sighed deeply and then stepped away from her.
“I’ve got to get up early tomorrow and stop by Mr. Steadman’s place before I go to work.”
That night as she crawled into bed, it occurred to her that moving into his house was a good decision. They had a better relationship now than they ever had, and she was actually getting to know him better. Still, living in his home left little r
oom for spontaneity. It wasn’t as though he could surprise her with a visit.
Chapter Five
The next morning Carmen decided to go down to the house and mow the lawn in the cool of the day. She stood on his porch for a moment, taking in the country around them. His house was built on a tree-covered knoll overlooking her farm, but part of Josh’s land was visible from their porch. Josh’s house wasn’t visible, but it was only about a quarter of a mile from her drive. Lori would be there today. It was her day off. It wasn’t that much out of the way and she could use the walk. Lori was having a rough time of it. She would probably appreciate a visit from a childhood friend.
Fifteen minutes later Carmen was knocking on Lori’s door. Lori looked surprised when she answered.
“Carmen! I wish I had known you were coming. I would have made a desert. Would you like a cup of coffee?”
Carmen smiled. “I just ate a little bit ago, but the coffee sounds nice.”
“You’re out and about early,” Lori said as she poured Carmen a cup of coffee. She set it on the table. “Have a chair,” she said, indicating a chair.
Carmen sat down and picked up her cup, taking a sip before she spoke.
“I was headed over to my house to mow the lawn and check the garden.”
Lori sat down at the table opposite Carmen and folded her hands on the table.
“It’s been so hot and dry. I’m surprised you’re getting anything out of it.”
“I’ve been watering it in the evenings. Now that I’m not staying there, I don’t have to worry about running out of water to take a bath.”
Lori nodded. “How is that working out…staying at his house, I mean?”
Carmen shrugged, warmth crawling up her neck. “It’s alright. I miss my house though…and my walks in the hills.”
Lori raised her brows. “I wouldn’t think it would be all that much further.”
“It’s not, but Alex wouldn’t like it.”
Lori lifted her brows. “So? Don’t tell him.”
Carmen stared at Lori. If he never knew she violated his trust, that wouldn’t exonerate her. She shook her head.
“I don’t want to do something behind his back.”
Lori rolled her eyes. “It’s not that big a deal, Carmen. Grow up. Do you want him to dictate your every move? He’s not your daddy…he’s going to be your husband.”
The warmth ran back up her neck and into her cheeks. She caught her breath.
“I don’t think of him that way!” She said in a rush of air. “There’s nothing sick about wanting a man to take care of you.”
Lori’s sigh was exaggerated. “I didn’t say there was anything sick about it. It’s just that it isn’t really fair to you…or Alex.” She threw her hands in the air. “Never mind. I shouldn’t have said anything. It’s none of my business anyway.”
Lori took the conversation elsewhere, but it remained at the back of Carmen’s mind, even after she left and walked to her house.
Was she encouraging Alex to assume a paternal role, or was she merely old-fashioned enough to think that men and women had specific roles? No, she didn’t think all women should want what she did, and she was perfectly capable of taking care of herself. She wanted to take care of him. Was she filling a maternal role? She smiled. There was nothing maternal about her feelings for Alex. Nor was there anything paternal about his actions toward her when they were alone.
By the time she reached her gate she was convinced of one thing. However unusual their relationship might be, it was perfectly healthy. Lori and Josh’s relationship was the one in trouble.
By the time she finished mowing the lawn and picking a few tomatoes and okra, it was almost noon. She cast a forlorn look at the beckoning hills and reluctantly turned toward his house. She hadn’t even been inside her own house…but that could wait.
At his house, she put the garden produce in the sink and decided to take a shower. Alex said he was going to work late tonight and then they would go out for dinner. It would have made more sense for her to prepare a supper for him, but he insisted that she should have at least one day a week when she didn’t have to cook. Life with him was going to be easy.
After a shower and lunch, she decided to go back down to look at the inside of the house. The temperature was still in the upper 80’s and the house looked lonely…assuming a house could look that way. Maybe she was the one who was lonely for it.
As she walked across the field, a deer came bounding out of the forest on the hill. Brutus barked and she hushed him. He didn’t usually bark at the deer and Alex wouldn’t like it if he started chasing them now. She was still feeding him in the dairy. Maybe she should bring his food to the horse barn. But this way he was closer to the goats.
Inside her house, she examined her bedroom. Aside from the limb that still stuck down through the ceiling into her bed, the room was a mess. It would take a lot of money to repair the roof and erase the water damage. Memories carried her into the kitchen. She pictured Mom washing dishes at the sink while Dad sat at the table eating some of her pie. They had a good life…poor, but good. Would her life with Alex be as good? Dad stayed on the farm most of the time, and Mom was the traditional housewife. They were available to each other all the time. It was different with Alex. He would be at work most of the day. Of course, he was available there too, if she needed him. Mom and Dad had wanted children too. Yet they only had one change of life baby. Then there was the baby they adopted but had to return before it was six months old because the mother changed her mind. It broke Mom’s heart. She was never the same after that. The adoption agency said that was really rare. Rare or not, it happened, and it could happen again.
Maybe she would get desperate enough to adopt some day, but not until she was sure a biological child was impossible. For now, she was content to focus on Alex. Would she feel the same after the new wore off of their relationship?
What would it be like to feel their baby move in her stomach…or to suckle it? To simply know that it was a part of Alex would be a wonderful experience. Alex had suggested AI, as if she were one of his animals at the clinic. No way. That was disgusting.
She sighed heavily and turned away from the kitchen. It was best not to think about it. No good could come of longing for things a person could never have. It was best to focus on the things within her grasp…like Alex. Who would have guessed she would marry someone like him?
She touched the banister and looked upstairs. That was one more thing Alex would find childish…her feelings about that room. She climbed the stairs and opened the door. It was one small room with what Mom called a three-quarter bed. She walked to the window and looked out. From that angle, she could see the place on the mountain. It was comforting. This was what she had dubbed the magic room when she was a child. Maybe it was. How else would she have landed such a wonderful man? Alex wouldn’t like it if he knew she harbored such childish thoughts. He wanted to marry a woman, not a child.
The screen door squealed open and a deep warm voice called her name.
Her heart skipped a beat as she hurried from the room. Would it always do that? She bounced down the steps to the living room to greet him.
He smiled. “There you are. I thought I might find you here when I saw the vegetables in the sink. Is something wrong?”
“No I just thought the house looked lonesome down here, so I came to visit.” She gazed up at his face. “I thought you were going to work late today.”
“Yeah, so did I, but we had some unexpected help.”
He gripped both her arms and pulled her toward him, kissing her on the forehead.
She slid her arms around his chest in a friendly hug. That was the way it started, but the warmth of his body, the smell of his cologne and the feel of his muscular back begged her to linger. As his arms circled her, she lifted her face to search his.
He leaned down and kissed her lips briefly. For a moment they stood in each other’s arms, gazing into each others eyes. Something ab
out being in the old house was reassuring. There was no defined point at which everything went wrong…or right, depending on the viewpoint. They decided to kiss again…and then again, a little longer. At some point her hands left his back and found their way up his chest to the back of his neck.
Finally she pulled back to gaze up at him, fully aware of her pounding pulse. His gaze traveled over her face, stopping on her lips. She waited breathlessly for his next move. A tiny voice whispered a warning about the longing that consumed her. She ignored it and it stopped talking.
Alex leaned forward, taking her face in his hands. Slowly he lowered his head and brushed her lips in a tantalizing way. His lips were warm and soft; questioning and inviting.
“Alex,” she whispered, and moved into his embrace.
For a moment they clung to each other, their kiss evolving from tender to eager and on to passionate. His body felt so good, so warm. He smelled delightful. His groan brought an echo from the depths of her soul and she pressed closer. She wanted to express her feelings for him, but mere words could not describe them.
He lifted her gently and stepped forward, setting her down again with her back against the wall. When his fingers laced through hers and his palms pressed her hands against the wall next to her face, his kisses became ardent. Alex knew how to make every nerve in her body ache for him.
The wall at her back gave her support to press closer to him, and when he freed one hand, she used it to grasp his neck and pull his lips down harder on her own. The hair on the back of his neck was soft and curly.
His free hand stroked her neck softly and slid down to the bodice of her blouse. It crossed her mind to push his hand away, but at the moment it seemed trivial. After all, they would be married in days. When he cupped her breast in his hand outside her blouse, she stiffened instinctively. Yet, could anything be too familiar at this point? She relaxed, leaning into his kiss; enjoying the full length of his body against hers.
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