Marry Screw Kill

by Liv Morris

  We’re in a checkmate with James and getting us out of this mess falls to me. I am his fiancée, the one who is supposed to pledge my heart and life to him in four short weeks. My hands start to tremble as I decide to do the one thing that will bring the boiling point down in the room: touch him.

  I force a smile as I walk forward and take his rigid hand in my own. He relaxes his hold as our fingers intertwine, then searches my eyes. He must find a false truth in them because the tightness in his jaw fades and the lines in his forehead change from straight to hardly there. My tense shoulders slump in relief as his rage subsides.

  Summoning my courage, I lean into James and rest my head on his crisp white shirt. He wraps his free arm around me and I melt into him while wishing he were Sin. His comfort asks nothing from me in return. He gives it to me freely. Even now, when I tilt my head to steal a glance at him, I see his eyes filled with compassion for me. I swear they speak to me without saying an actual word.

  “I told you it was too much for you to go to the grave without me. You’re not strong enough to handle a visit like that on your own,” James says, his voice soothing, like I’m a child being coaxed out of my worries, but his intense anger disappears into thin air.

  “James?” Sin takes a deep breath. I am afraid of what he might say. I can’t take a confrontation with James yet. I need a solid plan before I go down a lonely road leading away from this house. At this moment, I have nothing, which makes me feel less like a coward for deciding I need to stay.

  “You must be tired from working all day. Let me clean up the room.” My words are quick and certain.

  “But …” Sin watches me and I shake my head at him, an almost imperceptible motion, while begging him to stop with my eyes. He does, and I find it telling how I can communicate with him without saying a single word.

  “I’m exhausted.” James wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer to his chest. I catch a whiff of perfume, one I’ve smelled before, one that isn’t mine. My mind skips over the reasons for a fragrance on his clothing, though deep down, I know the answer and wonder if it even matters.

  The solid wall of man I’m leaning into contains no warmth or protection for me. The connection when I was in Sin’s arms felt like a place I could hide away. His arms offered me safety and comfort—two feelings I have not experienced in ages. I forgot how wonderful and liberating they are in this crazy world.

  “Head upstairs and I’ll join you in a few minutes,” I say to James while patting his chest. He kisses the top of my head and releases me from his arms, a sweet and tender display for him. Relief floods over me. He bought the story, and I should feel guilty, but I don’t, and I am too tired to figure out why.

  “Sin, follow me upstairs,” James says in a way that leaves no question that it was a command.

  “Okay,” Sin responds, hesitation in his voice as he looks between James and me. “I have some reading to do anyway.”

  James turns and heads to the door as Sin walks toward me. As he passes by, he leans into me, and for some reason, I lean right back, like a magnet to steel.

  “Don’t let him touch you if you don’t want him to,” Sin whispers into my ear. I nod and force my hands to stay at my sides. I want to reach out and touch him so badly, but I can’t risk James seeing me. I crave Sin’s touch tonight, not James’. “Come get me if you need me. I mean it.”

  Sin pulls away from me and I watch him walk out of the room. The pull between us continues and I follow behind him. I hide in the darkness of the hallway as Sin approaches an awaiting James at the bottom of the stairs. Sin’s shoulders take on a squared-edge when James pats him on the back. I cringe on Sin’s behalf.

  As I watch them continue upstairs, words float on the tip of my tongue, though I’m not brave enough to say them to Sin. Words asking Sin to take me away from this house and James. But my unspoken plea would’ve put a burden on him and caused a division in his family.

  “She’s a fragile thing. I have to treat her with kid gloves for the most part,” James says to Sin with a wink. I am convinced his wink was referring to sex, especially after what Sin saw between us this morning. James’ words of degradation send an ice-cold chill through me. “I’m not sure what she told you, but Harlow confuses things in her world with fantasies. She had a troubled childhood, for one. Plus, she lost her mother a few months ago. I’m helping her build a new life.”

  Sin moves away from James and regards him with his arms crossed over his chest. “I don’t buy the fantasy part. She seems perfectly sane to me,” Sin says, defending me to the man who says he loves me and wants to make me his wife. The only fantasy I’m guilty of believing is James’ lies. All of them. From the police believing Tony’s family is out for me to me not being strong enough to handle my mother’s death without pills.

  The black and white contrast between these two men leaves me with open eyes. I can almost hear the last of the blinders falling to the ground as I blink.

  “Well, you’ve known her, what? Twenty-four hours?” James’ laugh echoes throughout the house. “Hardly enough time to make a judgment. Remember, as a doctor, we need to study our patients. A quick diagnosis can lead to errors.”

  My hands form tight fists as I listen to his last remarks. I’ve heard enough for the night and return to the television room to clean up the pizza boxes and plates. Gathering them in under a minute, I throw the pizza box and beer cans away in the garbage, and place the plates in the dishwasher.

  Nothing is ever left out overnight. James would be livid if he found any trace of them in the morning. The last and only time I left a teacup in the sink overnight, he made me disrobe and scrub the kitchen floors on my hands and knees. My stomach turns at the thought. I didn’t even show any sign to him that I was humiliated. I caved into his demands out of fear—fear of being alone in this world. Looking back, he has used my weakness against me at every turn. That hindsight is twenty-twenty saying makes me see myself as a fool.

  My newly found anger with James makes me want to leave one of the plates in the sink just to piss him off. He deserves it after what he said about me to Sin, but I stood there silent in the shadows and let him speak about me, knowing full well James was telling Sin complete lies. Though, I am guilty of falling for the lies James has told me over the last four months. My biggest mistake is believing a marriage to him would be based on love.

  I have to face the fact that my battle is with James and no one else. I can’t ask Sin for help, though I’m convinced his offer was sincere.

  What does Sin expect to do for me anyway? A sad, depressing sigh leaves my lips. He has his entire life ahead of him. Medical school in New York City and possibly a beautiful girlfriend waiting for him there. I have to be realistic for the first time in months.

  Other than a few old clothes and books, I have nothing in my possession from my previous life. He had everything in the apartment I shared with my mother put into a storage unit somewhere in Rochester. He’s never even told me the location of the unit. If I knew where my things were stored, I could possibly sell them for a small amount of money. I need the cash to move out of here. Without it, I’m stuck at square one.

  Who can I ask to help me leave this house? My mother never told me about her family or my father’s—hell, I don’t even know their names or where they live. I have no way to get beyond the borders of Rochester.

  Emma, and my new friend, Sin, have offered their support, but I can’t burden them with my troubles. I need a job, a place to live … and a car. I have no idea what became of the beat-up piece of junk I used to drive. James said he found it inadequate for me. My wallet contains one twenty-dollar bill. I’m not even sure that would be enough for cab fare downtown.

  After deciding to properly clean away all the remnants of dinner, I flip the light off over the sink and stand like a statue alone in the darkness. Lost in my thoughts and the dilemma I find myself in, I peer out the large window in front of me and gaze up into the dark sky. James’ house is far
from the city’s brightness, so the twinkling stars light up against an inky black. The vastness of the universe stares back at me and I imagine myself as the smallest speck of dust in the cosmos.

  I am nothing. I am no one. But there’s someone new who believes the opposite. Sin’s sudden arrival into my life gives me a glimmer of hope that someone is watching out for me after all. I close my eyes and pray the hope will dispel the fear churning inside me.

  I grabbed a rope when I was drowning with nowhere else to turn. At the time, the person on the other end seemed to save my life, but now … that lifeline is nothing more than a tangled web entrapping me to a man I am beginning to despise.

  But how do I make an escape from James and our wedding that is set to take place in four weeks? And where do I escape to? Since he practically owns this town with his prestige and money, I have nowhere to hide from his reach. Even though the roof over my head is worth millions and the cost of my wardrobe could buy a sports car, I’m more broke than when my mother was alive.

  I wipe my fingers under my eyes and will myself not to shed another tear, even though I know it’s futile. I should focus my energy on finding a way out of this labyrinth James has made of my life. Each and every turn seems to lead me back to where I begin.

  I place my hands on the sink and my bracelet clinks on the stainless steel. I look down and a diamond’s twinkle catches my eye. James gave me this bracelet a month ago. I cringe when I think of that night.

  James came home from the hospital after being on call for over a day. He greeted me in the kitchen with a smile from ear to ear. He never smiled like that, especially after a long shift. I tried to step away from him as he closed the space between us. A spark in his eye worked as a warning that something was afoot.

  He pulled me into his arms, but my muscles didn’t relax in his hold. I was waiting for the next shoe to drop and it did when he leaned down, and whispered, “Meet me upstairs in fifteen minutes. I have a present for you.”

  He pressed his lips against mine and ravished my mouth with his tongue. When he pulled away and left the kitchen to go upstairs, I caught my breath and worried my lip. I glanced at the clock and watched the minutes go by slowly, my stomach a knotted mess.

  I started up the stairs after fifteen minutes and paused outside the open bedroom door. My legs refused to move, but James saw me and called to me. He was lying on the bed naked, propped up on one elbow. Though James was the first man I had seen up close and unclothed, he had the appearance of a man in his prime. Toned arms, defined abs, and long, firm legs made for running. His hair appeared to be wet, so he must have taken a quick shower before I came up. But one item on his body stood out to me, literally—I couldn’t miss his erection as he stroked himself with one hand.

  “Come lie down next to me,” James said as he eyed the open space on the bed beside him. “I have something special to give you.”

  I buried a laugh as I walked forward. It seemed pretty clear what he was going to give me. I made it to the edge of the bed before he spoke again.

  “Now, take off your clothes and come here.” He spoke with an undertone of impatience as he let go of himself and patted the comforter.

  I obeyed his command and removed my clothes. His heated stare made me squirm in search of being safe from his eyes. I considered turning around and hiding myself, but James wouldn’t have liked that one bit. I chose to do as he asked to keep him happy. I laid the clothes on the upholstered bench at the foot of the bed and my hands remained at my sides as I fought the urge to cover all my exposed areas.

  “Harlow,” James’ stern voice filled the room, causing me to jump, “I will not ask you again.”

  I nodded and lowered my head, cowering before him. I climbed on the bed and scooted myself beside him. Bending my knees up, I brought my long hair over my breasts to hide myself from him.

  “I don’t understand you being so shy. We’ve been fucking for weeks now.” I flinched at his words. The reality of them shook me. Fucking. Not making love or even having sex. The hardcore term didn’t set well with me. “Aren’t you the least bit curious about your present?”

  James searched my face for a reaction, so I played along, even though I had a clue his idea of a gift would end up with me on my back and him pushing inside me.

  “What is it?” I gave him a half-smile and he returned it with a shit-eating grin.

  “It’s a reward type of gift.” I knitted my brows, even more confused than I was before I sat on the bed. “It’s attached to something and it’s yours after you take care of it. With your mouth.”

  I lifted my shoulders and he glanced from my eyes to his penis. I followed his trail and saw a bracelet of some kind at the very base of his full erection. It was looped around him and I closed my eyes for a brief second in hopes of willing it away. But when I glimpsed down again, the diamond bracelet shined in the room’s light.

  “It’s a tennis bracelet, babe. You suck me, and it’s your reward.” James spoke in a husky voice and laid flat on the bed. He reached for my arm and tried to guide my body. After a few instructions from him, I tasted him on my tongue for the first time. James tried to encourage me by saying my first blowjob came with a prize.

  Now, looking down and toying with my heavy diamond covered jackpot, I say it came with a price—a very high one—and I intend to pawn it this Monday and use the funds to start a new life. It’s the one item he’s given me that I feel I’ve earned.

  “Harlow.” I jump as James calls out to me in the dark kitchen. The sound brings me to my present reality. His feet pad across the kitchen floor toward me and I try not to stiffen as he draws near. Just two more days and I can leave this place—and him. I just have to play nice while he’s watching. I spin away from the sink and face him. He stands tall in front of me; a towering form I once thought would be a fortress and help me find my way in this world after the heartbreak of my mother’s death. Instead, I realize he’s used his power in my weakness to keep me away from the world.

  “James,” I answer quickly, “I was getting ready to head upstairs.”

  He brushes a stray hair from my face. “So lovely in the shadows. Your hair glows around you like a halo. My lovely angel.”

  He reaches for me, but I move to the side away from him. He answers my movements with a huff.

  “I have a headache tonight. I’m sorry.” I rub my forehead to make the fake excuse seem real. I also shield my eyes in the darkness. I have never been good at lying. James will be able to see right through my excuses.

  “You shouldn’t have gone to your mother’s grave. I warned you about it. You’re simply not strong enough to handle it on your own. Did you take something for your headache?”

  I nod and begin to walk away from him. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have gone.” More lies tumble from my lips as I agree with his misdiagnosis. My days as his patient are marked, because I am checking out of here. With my back to him, I let myself smile in victory. I imagine Sin giving me an encouraging grin that I am making my own choices, or at least trying to.

  “I better get some rest.” I make it to the stairs before he says anything back to me. Emboldened, I’m tempted to race up them. He will not touch me tonight—hell, he’ll never “fuck” me, as he says, again. In the back of my mind, a small voice tells me I have the strength to leave James. The voice sounds a lot like Sin’s.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Sin

  I’m standing behind the closed door in the guest bedroom with my ear pressed hard against the wood. I strain to hear anything in the house—footsteps, voices, or possibly a door shutting—but I don’t pick up a single sound other than my own heartbeat pounding loud and fast in my head.

  Two sides war in my mind. Part of me wants to check on Harlow in case she needs me. I can still picture her soft eyes looking at me through tears. An ache forms in my chest and my shoulders collapse. I have this overwhelming desire to bust into their bedroom, throw Harlow over my shoulder, and take her far away fr
om James’ reach. But a small part warns me to stay put in this room, not get involved, and stuff away my worries. It’s the selfish, cowardly part of me that sees my own future and nothing else.

  My better half wins out. I turn the doorknob and step out into near darkness. All the lights in the house are off except a lone table lamp to give me some guidance in the hallway.

  An eerie stillness fills the air around me and I wipe my hands over my clothes. I decide to walk downstairs to grab a glass of water even though I’m not thirsty. It gives me an excuse for wandering around after James escorted me to the room.

  Before James headed to his bedroom, he told me we had brunch tomorrow morning at the club. Then, after brunch, we would head over to his condo downtown. He said it would be closer to the “action.” His devilish wink that followed spoke volumes.

  I think he wants me away from his prisoner. He likely noticed the connection I feel with her. There’s no way he missed it. There seems to be an innate perception between us that goes beyond words or reason; the kind of familiarity that occurs without even a thought. I can read her face and eyes like I’ve known her all my life.

  How could I tell him my true desire would be to stay here in his house close to her? I am his guest and he’s pushing me out the door. I can’t really shove back. At least, not now—not when Harlow hasn’t asked me for help.

  Continuing my trek toward the stairs, I pass by their master suite. My steps slow and I crank my head toward their bedroom door.

  Nothing … not a sound.

  I pace outside the door for a few minutes, wondering what’s going on behind the closed door. A vision of Harlow tied up and helpless races through my mind. The unknown makes me jittery in my own skin.

  Confused and defeated, I change my mind about going downstairs for a drink and head back to my room. I find some sweats and a T-shirt where I stashed my suitcase in the closet. My eye catches Harlow’s old purse on the closet shelf and I reach for it, then pull out the book of poetry I found last night.