by Claire Ashby
The car door flew open.
My gaze shot to Theo. “Have you not had enough of the train wreck of my life? Go away!” I yelled over the downpour drumming against the car.
Lightning flashed, illuminating Theo. “Scoot over to the other side. I’ll drive.” At first I didn’t move. “Listen, I got my driving leg, and that’s all I need to get you out of here. I’ll take you home.” His calm manner and words were exactly what I needed. I wanted home.
When I climbed across to the passenger’s side, he tossed his backpack and crutches into the back and situated himself in the driver’s seat.
At first we drove in silence. I sat with my back angled toward him, dragging fingers through my wet hair. Theo deftly maneuvered through the downpour. His driving kept me preoccupied. It hadn’t occurred to me that he could still drive.
He glanced my way. “I keep my old chopper in Mom’s garage. A Harley-Davidson.” He spoke as if he were talking about a lover. “I miss her. It’s only a matter of time before I ride her again.”
I looked at his profile in the darkened car and tried to imagine him racing down the highway on a bike. I figured he needed more than time to get back on a bike, but I could imagine his long, hard body straddling a motorcycle, his face set in an unapproachable, cool-guy expression. Theo was hot enough to pull off any variation of the American bad boy.
“Why can’t you get a car, like everyone else?” I asked.
“Because I’m not everyone else.” He rubbed his hand over the top of his head. “Who’s Jason?”
“My best friend growing up. Our best friend. Twins share everything, you know?” Leaning my head against the cool glass of the car window, I sighed. “He lived down the street from us. The three of us did everything together.”
Theo nodded, keeping his eyes on the road.
“Well, until high school when Jason and I started dating. He was my first love.”
Remembering that time still made me sad, not for the loss, but for how easy and simple falling in love was back then, full of naive dreams that things were meant to be. I shuddered to think about all those years I had wasted, heartbroken over him.
“Steve didn’t take it well?”
“No, he had it out with Jason. Steve’s always been extremely protective of me. My relationship with Jason had destroyed his friendship with Steve. But I couldn’t stop seeing Jason. First love is powerful. It consumed me. It also put a huge strain on my relationship with Steve.”
Theo gave me a knowing look.
“We were all going to go to University of Texas, but out of nowhere, Jason decided to move over an hour away and go to Baylor. He promised me nothing would change between us, but once he left, I didn’t hear from him again.”
The corners of Theo’s mouth turned down as he drove through the dark streets. “What?”
“I know. I couldn’t understand it either. I went to confront him. We’d only been apart for a month. I thought maybe he needed to see me to remember what we had. A girl answered his door. She was alone. I told her I was his girlfriend, and she said Jason told her he’d dumped me. So I turned around and went home.”
Theo shook his head in disbelief. “He didn’t call you?”
“No. But I waited anyway. For a long time I believed he’d come back. But he never did. I learned later that Jason married the girl after she got pregnant. For a while I wanted to be Jason’s pregnant wife more than I wanted anything else.” I was fully aware of the irony of what I was saying. “But Jason moved on without even telling me goodbye.”
“That story is a pretty close match to your one with Bradley,” Theo said.
“Yes, my history repeats itself,” I agreed warily.
“Did you sleep with Jason to get back at his wife?”
“No, I would never do that.”
“So when the chance came, you hooked up with him?” Theo turned into my parking lot.
“It’s not that simple.”
“It can’t be that complicated.” Theo circled the parking lot, looking for a vacant spot.
“I was on Facebook one night after Bradley and I broke up. Jason contacted me, and I gave him my phone number. The timing seemed perfect to reconnect. We talked for hours that night. He’d been married for seven years, and they had four kids. He left his wife after finding out she was having an affair.” I wanted to justify my actions, but I still felt the bitter aftertaste of shame after I swallowed the explanation.
“He said counseling didn’t help and they were preparing to divorce. I told Jason all about how I had called off my wedding. After a while, we stopped talking about our exes and moved on to reminiscing about our past. He called me again the next night. And then every night for a week. He was an escape. I saw my chance for closure.” We were sitting in the dark corner of the parking lot. The rain had eased to a light sprinkle. Theo turned off the car but made no move to get out; he reclined in the driver’s seat. Even with his injuries, he looked powerful, his hand behind his head, eyes locked on me.
“That Friday morning, Jason called and told me to pack my bags. He insisted we should be bold and jet off to Cancun for the weekend, celebrate being single again. The idea was outrageous, but I went with him. We reunited for the first time in eight years at the airport in Houston. We had a toast to our freedom, and then we jumped on a plane to disappear for forty-eight hours. I emailed Steve that I was visiting an old college friend who was struggling with an impending divorce and told him I’d be back on Monday. He emailed back to ask who I was with, but by then I was already in Cancun. I never replied.” I didn’t want to tell Theo about the drinking and dancing Jason and I did on the beach. “It started out pretty cool, being with him again after all those years. But something was off, and Jason knew it, too. We used each other to fill the missing spot in our hearts. Being with Jason was familiar and safe, but we didn’t have a real connection. By the next morning, I wanted to come home.”
“And that’s it?”
“Yes. We both knew our night together was a mistake. Even though he was separated from his wife, even though she had had an affair, Jason believed he’d betrayed her. He was determined to go home and do whatever he had to do to mend his marriage. So we came back and went our separate ways. And that’s it.”
Theo’s gaze penetrated me. “How come you didn’t make him use protection?”
The question was almost too personal, but I couldn’t blame anyone for asking.
“I did.” My face heated. “We bought condoms on the way back to the room that night. I thought he used one.” I looked away. “But in the morning I realized he had never opened the box. We both drank so much. He claimed he forgot, using the excuse that he wasn’t used to needing them.”
Theo punched the dashboard, and I jumped.
“I know…” My stomach churning with the memory of how reckless I’d been. “The whole weekend was a mistake.”
“I’m not pissed at you. I’m pissed at him.”
“I found out I was pregnant, and I called Jason. Before I shared the news, he cut me off. He didn’t want to meet or even talk. He said things with his wife were better than they’d been in years, and he was grateful to me for helping him see the light, but he insisted his wife could never find out about our trip to Cancun. So I said it. I said: I’m pregnant.”
Theo’s eyes smoldered with concern and interest. I was grateful to have someone to talk to, someone who didn’t seem to judge me for messing around with an ex.
“Jason stopped short of asking me for an abortion, but his relief was obvious when I told him I would do it all on my own, that I didn’t need his help.”
Theo’s eyes scanned my face for several moments. “He doesn’t want the baby? He doesn’t care?”
“He has four kids already, and he knows I have support.”
“
Support?” Theo coughed as if he was choking on disbelief and his eyebrow arched. “From who? I haven’t seen anyone around here taking care of you.”
“Well, I have my brother—”
Theo interrupted me. “You mean that guy back there?” he asked with a jerk of his thumb.
I waved away his concern. “He’ll get over it. Plus I have Ellie and Jake and my other friends and family.”
He shook his head slowly. “Other than Ellie and Jake, does anyone know?”
“No, but the point is,” I said, placing my hand on my belly, “we don’t need him.”
“You are a stubborn woman.” Theo opened his door and pulled his crutches from the backseat. He came around to my side before I had both feet on the ground, and he reached for my hand. “I should go kick that guy’s ass.”
Startled by his words, I couldn’t stop myself—I grinned foolishly at Theo.
Returning to my condo with Theo was not what I had anticipated for the night. I found it cathartic to dump the events with Jason that had led to my present state. Being candid with someone who was completely removed from all parties was about as close to therapy as I was going to get. It would be a lie if I claimed I didn’t care what Theo thought of me. But if Theo passed judgment on me, it didn’t show.
“You cool if I crash here tonight?” he asked on the way to my door. “I mean since we’re turning into sleepover buddies and all, I think it’s my turn to be your guest.”
“I suppose so, but don’t have high expectations in the accommodation department. I don’t have a guest bed for you.”
“I’ll take the sofa.”
“I don’t have a sofa.” I slid my key into the lock, Theo standing close behind me.
“What do you mean you don’t have a sofa?” I walked in, switched the light on, and he followed me. “You’re still moving in,” Theo said.
“No, I moved back months ago. All my stuff is here, or at least what I decided to keep. But I’m still unpacking.” I looked around the room and tried to see it from his eyes. My condo was empty, with the exception of the boxes scattered around the room. Worse still, the boxes were covered with a thin layer of dust. “Actually, I gave up on unpacking. I’m in no hurry.” I dropped my keys in the bowl on the kitchen island.
Theo looked in one direction and then the other, his eyes growing bigger. “Why don’t you have a sofa?” He walked through the empty dining area and to the kitchen. “What do you have against furniture?”
I kicked off my shoes, picked them up, and dangled them from my fingertips. “We gave away everything in the condo when we moved. Bradley wanted a fresh start for our house. When our new beginning tanked, I took only what was mine from before I met Bradley. So this is my new, new beginning.” I smiled. The spare bedroom had previously held my library, but I’d need that room for the baby. The majority of my boxes were filled with books. I needed to find a place to put them, because parting with them was out of the question. They were a part of me, a part of my past. From Kurt Vonnegut to Nora Roberts, I had many traveling companions. Their stories had taken me away when I’d needed an out. They filled me with hope when I needed to know love could last. For me, a book held the potential to change my life, at least for the moments lost between the pages.
I padded barefoot along the path of boxes to my bedroom in the back corner of the condo. “I have big plans to renovate, but so far I’ve only finished my bedroom. It’s more comfortable back here.”
The truth was, my place looked pretty deserted. Before putting it on the market, I had painted everything neutral, making the place a clean slate for any potential buyers. The nice thing was, I didn’t have to try to erase any lingering traces of Bradley. I knew my initial asking price was much too high, but since the condo was the first place that was all mine, I hesitated to walk away from it. In retrospect, I wondered how much faith I had really had in my new life with Bradley. Maybe I had known I was going to need an escape hatch.
Funny how life can double back on itself.
“Come on in.” I led the way to my bedroom.
“Have you done anything to get ready for the little guy?” Theo asked. “How much time do you have?” He went to the corner of the room, dropped his backpack on the floor, and took a seat on the ottoman of my reading chair.
“Oh, seventeen weeks down—twenty-three weeks to go.” I stepped into the closet to find pajamas. “I’ve got plenty of time.” I grabbed deep purple cotton shorts with tiny dots and a soft lavender cotton tee. I headed to the bathroom and quickly changed. I pulled my hair into a high ponytail and washed my face, scrubbing away the dried tears. I brushed my teeth and noticed my beaming reflection. Aside from the current state of drama in my life, I was hit with a sudden rush of happiness to be sharing another night with Theo.
I returned to my room to find he’d explored my reading table and was flipping through the copy of A Girlfriend’s Guide to the First Nine Months that Ellie had lent me. He looked a little out of place.
“Discover anything shocking?” I lowered myself into the chair, facing him. I tugged my shirt down to hide my tummy.
He slammed the book shut. “Nope. This stuff is sugar coated.” He raised the book for emphasis and tossed it on the reading table. “AIT is shocking.”
“And what’s AIT?”
“The army school where I learned to be a medic,” he said.
“I can’t even imagine.”
He adjusted his one leg and I thought about the medicine cabinet loaded with pill bottles.
“How are you doing?” I asked. “How have you been?”
He slid his hand over the angry scar on his neck. “I’m fine,” he replied. “Getting better every day.” His words rang true: He looked better, no gauze on his neck, more of his arm exposed, only a few bandages. The unveiled skin showed more than a hint of the violence he endured. Raised, red flesh that had been knitted back together snaked out from under the covered wounds, running up to his elbow and under his shirtsleeve.
“And what about you, girl? You went into your own battle tonight. Are you all right?” There it was again, the look of genuine, unadulterated concern. Theo’s core of kindness sparked out in contrast to his cocky self-assurance. The combination was truly alluring.
“Tonight was tough,” I said. “Let’s not get into it again. But I have something I want to show you.” When I pulled myself out of the chair, I bumped against Theo’s knee and stumbled.
He caught me, his hands firm on my hips. “Steady now.”
“Sorry, sorry,” I mumbled and moved toward my dresser. Steady? Not even close. Calm down, I thought, and pulled in a slow deep breath. I picked up the ultrasound and walked back to Theo on shaky legs. I handed him the image of my unborn child and sat in the chair again.
A huge grin shot across his face. He had a gorgeous dimple on his left cheek that I hadn’t noticed before. Something stirred inside me, a desire much deeper than attraction. When he looked at me like that, my insides trembled, and every cell longed to reach out to him.
“Ah, Meg, this is amazing. Look at your little baby.” His eyes sparkled as he gazed at me and then back at the photo. I became acutely aware of his proximity to me. My knees rested next to his one knee. We were eye to eye, and my mouth went dry. “Thank you for sharing this with me.” He took my hand and placed the photo in my palm. I twisted back to leave it on the table next to my books. At the same time, he reached down, cupped my foot in his hand, and pulled it to his lap.
“You look so uptight. Everything will work out. Relax.” He squeezed my foot, applying glorious pressure in all the right places. I dropped my hands to my sides and sank into the chair. I’d been alone for so long, for too long, and his touch was incredible. A moan slipped out of my mouth. “Good girl… Just give in,” he murmured.
He grasped my ankle firmly with the ha
nd from his injured arm, and with his other hand he squeezed, pulled, and stroked my foot; he worked his way up to my ankle and calf muscles. By the time he reached the back of my knee I was writhing, groaning lasciviously with my eyes clamped shut.
I failed to contain myself as he seamlessly switched to my other foot, starting all over again. My breath was coming out in short, ragged gasps by the time he stopped. I opened my eyes and was devoured by a full-body flush.
“Did you like that?” Theo asked, his eyes glassy, his voice thick and husky. Damn him for being so sexy.
“Thanks.” It came out as a croak, followed by a shaky laugh.
“Sure thing.” He cleared his throat. “Can I have a glass of water?” Immensely grateful for the diversion, I bolted for the kitchen and took the opportunity to gather myself.
He was in the bathroom when I returned. I placed the glass on the bedside table and went to the other side to slip under the covers. I pulled my hair free of the ponytail and let it fan out behind me. I faced the wall, so my back would be toward Theo when he came out.
The bathroom door popped open. Several seconds ticked by in silence. I turned back to look.
He stood in the doorway with the light behind him. “Um, I take it you’re okay if I sleep with you?”
My pulse galloped, my imagination getting the best of me. “Yeah, sure, of course.” Our sleepovers were unexpectedly gratifying.
Resting my head back on the pillow, I pulled the covers to my chin. I listened as he approached the bed, felt the pull of his weight as he sat on the edge. I could hear the sound of him unzipping his backpack and the rattle of his bottle of pills, followed by the sound of drinking and the thunk of the glass being placed back on the table. The light went off, and then something different happened: Theo crawled into bed with me. Every other time we’d ended up in bed together, Theo had stayed on top of the blankets. Sharing the space under the covers, our bodies were closer than ever before. Theo’s breath heated the back of my neck, and I squirmed.