by Nina Blake
And it felt good.
The man dropped to the ground. Landed on his butt. Conrad looked down at him. Violence wasn’t the answer. Still, it’d do for the time being.
In the distance, he saw bystanders coming to help which was just as well. Conrad could leave now.
He turned and walked towards Bree, still standing by the car. He wished she’d got inside as he’d asked her. Wished she hadn’t seen the altercation. At least she’d been out of earshot of their argument. She’d been spared that.
Bree opened the car door and got in.
They drove off in silence.
Chapter twelve
In the car, Bree couldn’t bring herself to speak. Her eyes riveted to the road ahead of them, she refused to turn her head towards Conrad. She couldn’t bear to look at him.
Conrad’s Porsche felt like a prison. There was a tiny little foetus imprisoned inside her and she in turn was trapped in the car. The leather seats which curled around her, the beautifully laid out interior, it was all created to trap her.
She couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t move.
Bree no longer knew the man sitting beside her. How could she have let herself fall pregnant to a man she barely knew? A man she no longer wanted to know.
Nothing could have prepared her for the things Trevor had told her tonight but it all made sense. It fit in with everything Conrad had told her.
He pulled up outside her Bondi apartment and switched the engine off. All she knew at that moment was that she had to get out of the car. Desperate for air, she opened the door and slid out
“Bree, are you alright?” Conrad walked around to where she was leaning against the car.
She nodded, sucking in deep breaths of air through her open mouth.
He leaned in close to her, his hand on her shoulder at first, before reaching towards the nape of her neck. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”
He was talking about striking Trevor.
“So am I,” she said.
“It has obviously affected you. Let’s get inside.”
She shook her head. “No, we’re not going inside. We’re staying here.”
“Don’t be silly. Of course I have to take you upstairs. We can’t stay out here.”
“There’s something I’ve been wondering for a long time and I’ve never asked you about it but now I want to know.”
Conrad nodded.
“It took you a long time before you told me about Rebecca and the pregnancy and I was wondering if there was a reason for that. I know you were obviously very upset but… ”
“You think I was upset?” He raised his voice, something she’d never heard before. “That doesn’t even begin to describe it. I don’t need to go through that pain again.”
Still, she persevered. “It must have been so unexpected for both of you when she got pregnant and you hadn’t been seeing each other very long. You never said how you felt about it. Were you shocked? Happy? Were you looking forward to it?”
The look on his face told her he wanted to get this over with quickly. “At first, no, I wasn’t happy. I was angry. In denial. I thought she must have made a mistake.”
“I know lots of women can miscarry in the first few months but then lots of women also terminate their pregnancies. It happens. I know someone who did that.”
“What’s that got to do with it?”
She sucked in a deep breath, her eyes riveted to his. “Did Rebecca miscarry or did she have an abortion?”
She’d done it. She’d asked the question even though she wasn’t sure she could bear the answer.
Conrad’s face was expressionless. His dark rimmed blue eyes were stunning as always but there was nothing behind them. He didn’t flinch and he didn’t speak, then eventually his lips moved.
“Why are you asking me this now?”
“That doesn’t matter,” she said. “You haven’t answered my question.”
“Bree, what’s the matter with you tonight? You’re simply not yourself.”
Still, he wouldn’t answer. It was true. Rebecca had had an abortion. Conrad had forced a young woman to terminate her pregnancy and that was the man who stood before her, the father of her unborn child.
What had Bree done? What was she going to do?
She’d had one hope, the hope that Trevor had lied but now that was gone, snatched from her.
“Bree, are you pregnant? Is that why you’re asking me these questions?”
She only knew one thing. She had to protect her child. She had to lie and it had to be convincing.
“Of course I’m not pregnant. I told you that after we got back from Il Bosco.”
“Then what’s making you behave this way?”
“What way? Like a woman who’s been used for sex for the past two months.”
He glared at her. “Oh, come on. You haven’t been used for sex. One thing I’ve been very sure of is that you didn’t fall into bed with me accidentally. You knew exactly what you were doing. More so than other women. And, damn it, you’ve enjoyed it every bit as much as I have.”
She had to get away.
“Oh, the sex has been fabulous but that’s all there is,” she said. “There’s nothing more between us other than hot, heavy sex. It’s always been that way. It’s not a relationship. It’s just sex.”
“It started that way but we’ve moved on since then and now there’s more to it than that. We’ve got to know each other better and the more I know you, the more I care about you.”
He cared about her but that wasn’t enough, not nearly enough, not when she was carrying his child.
“How far have we really moved on?” she asked. “Don’t you remember what you said at lunch today? You’d be quite happy just to have another few months of sex.”
“That’s not what I said.”
“But you couldn’t tell me where we’re headed, what form our relationship might take.”
“So you expect me to marry you? Is that it? Two months together and I’m supposed to sign my life away.”
“I didn’t say that. It’s just that there’s no sense of commitment, no future between us.”
His eyes were filled with contempt. “Well, what kind of future would you like?”
Her eyes brimmed with tears. “Don’t you see? We’re doomed. It’s been doomed from the start. I just didn’t know it earlier. We don’t have a relationship. We have sex. Unbelievable, breath-taking, mind-blowing sex. But that’s all we have. You can’t have a relationship based on sex. It’s bound to fail.”
“We haven’t failed. What are you talking about?”
“I can’t stand it any more. I don’t like any of this.”
“Any of what?”
“Your controlling, domineering attitude, for one thing. I don’t know what kind of man you are any more. Punching out Trevor like that. What were you thinking? Was I supposed to respect you because of it?”
“You weren’t even supposed to see but you wouldn’t get in the car.”
Bree raised her eyebrows. “No, I’m not very obedient.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“You assaulted a man on the street like a common thug. You might drive a flash car and live in a penthouse apartment but that doesn’t make you better than some hood off the street. What is it with that aggressive, macho attitude? Do you think hitting another person makes you tough? That it makes you a man.”
His lips tightened. “It wasn’t about being tough. Believe me, that man deserves much more than I dished up to him.”
Conrad Savage was rich and powerful and he knew exactly what his money could buy. Conrad with his Porsche and his penthouse apartment with harbour views – what was there that he couldn’t buy? A million acres of wilderness in the north west was no problem for him. What else could he buy with his money?
He’d told her everything had its price and she hadn’t believed him. She could never have dreamed he could buy an abortion, pay a doctor to terminate a foetus the mother wanted
to keep. But then, that didn’t matter when you had the money and determination to go ahead with it.
Rebecca had been pregnant but even that hadn’t meant it was too late for Conrad to arrange for what he believed had to be done. He could buy anything he wanted.
Everything has its price.
They were his words, not hers, the words he spoke to her their first night at Il Bosco.
Earlier in the day, Bree had found it hard to believe she could be pregnant. No morning sickness, no swollen breasts, her stomach still as flat as ever. Yet in the matter of a single evening she had switched and turned full circle. Inside her body another life was growing and it was her job to do everything in her power to look after it.
But then, this wasn’t a job. It wasn’t the career she’d planned for herself at this time. It was more than that.
It was her destiny.
She knew this in a way she’d never known anything else. She’d do everything in her power to protect her child.
Whatever it took. Whatever the cost.
Conrad had forced a woman into having an abortion before and he would do it again if he had to. Bree was only two months pregnant and knew anything could happen in the first trimester of pregnancy but that was a chance she couldn’t take. She couldn’t wait that long.
She’d been wasting her time with petty arguments and now it was time to get to the point. Tonight she’d done everything in her power to rile him, pushing him to the brink but it hadn’t been enough. She had to get rid of him.
She had to act now. She had to get away from him.
Conrad grabbed her shoulders. “Aren’t you listening? Haven’t you heard a word I’ve said?”
She peeled his hands away. “I’m sick of the sound of your voice. I want you to leave me alone.”
“Bree, what are you talking about?”
Suddenly, it came to her.
She had to make him hate her.
“Conrad, there’s something you should know. I’ve never trusted you. Right from the beginning.” He shot her an evil look, then she continued. “When Trevor said you were involved in the stolen rock art, I didn’t believe him at first but he put that seed into my mind.”
“I told you I had nothing to do with it.”
“Yes, but I didn’t believe it coming from your mouth. Stephanie was working on the story for the paper and I got her to report back to me about it. I know you spent the whole day with the police at some teleconference.”
“Yes, I was helping them with their investigations. They needed someone who knew a bit about Aboriginal art, someone who knew the business side of how it works. That was me.”
“But at the time I didn’t believe you. I asked you about it and you wouldn’t tell me you’d spent the whole day with them.”
“They told me not to discuss it with anyone. That it would compromise the investigation.”
“I didn’t believe you.”
“But surely Stephanie told you Trevor’s client has been charged and he’s out on bail. Trevor will probably get disbarred because of it. Maybe you didn’t know that part.”
“I know about the client. But Trevor… disbarred?”
“He kept his hands as clean as he could. He hasn’t actually been caught committing a criminal act but there’s enough evidence to stop him from practicing.”
She was shocked but she didn’t care about Trevor any more. She had to focus on what was important.
“None of that matters,” she said.
“I’m innocent. Of course that matters.”
“Conrad, you just don’t get it. I didn’t believe you. I couldn’t just take your word for it. It’s not about who stole the rock art. It’s about trust. I didn’t trust you then and I don’t trust you now.”
He grabbed her shoulders again. This time his fingers dug in deep. “What’s going on?”
She jerked herself of his grasp. “Don’t touch me. You can’t manhandle me like that. Who do you think you are?”
His face reddened, his fists clenched. This was the second time he’d shouted at her. She didn’t know this man. She’d never seen him before.
“Do you think you can play games with me?” he said.
Bree delivered her final blow. “Don’t threaten me. We’re through, Conrad. There’s nothing left.”
She stepped back slowly, not willing to risk any sudden movement.
His pale eyes gripped her like a vice. “I’m not going to let you go. Not just like that.”
Bree turned and walked away. If he didn’t want to let her go, if the horrible words she had thrown at him tonight weren’t enough, she’d make sure it was over.
She knew what she had to do.
* * *
Four days later, Conrad slammed the door of his Porsche and looked up at the art deco apartment building in which Bree lived.
It had only been a few days since their argument and he still didn’t understand what had happened, why she’d been so angry. She’d been spiteful as though she intentionally wanted to turn him against her.
She was a strong-willed woman so he reasoned there must be some explanation for her behaviour, something driving her, some reason for her anger. Despite the vitriol she’d shown him, he knew in his heart that she wasn’t wanton and if she’d been hurtful she must have had her reasons. Many people had nasty tempers and he was sure there was more to it in this case.
There was one thing of which he was certain. If he could talk to her they’d make it, they’d find a way.
She was worth more to him than any business deal. There wouldn’t be another Bree around the corner.
It had taken an argument to make him see that and he regretted it but he’d been stubborn himself, assuming he could have it all his way. He wasn’t the only male in the world who was content to take the individual elements of their relationship – companionship, friendship and of course hot steamy sex – without offering commitment in return.
Now he knew his way wasn’t the right way for them and that their relationship deserved to be taken more seriously.
Conrad strode to the leadlight double doors of the building and pressed the buzzer for her apartment.
He smiled as he looked down at the large white box he was carefully balancing. He’d ordered the cake that morning from the pastry chef at Chez Jean-Louis, the best in the city.
The San Honore torte was a masterpiece. Cointreau custard filled profiteroles were scattered around the outside of the cake which consisted of layers of delicate sponge, custard and the chocolate mousse he’d specifically requested because it was Bree’s favourite.
He waited a minute and pressed the buzzer again but there was still no answer. It struck him as odd as it was seven in the evening and she was usually home at that time.
Still, there might be another way. He pressed the buzzer for Gwen, Bree’s neighbour. He’d met her a couple of times.
“Hello, this is Conrad Savage,” he said into the intercom. “Bree’s friend.”
“Yes, dear, I know who you are.” There was a pause and the buzz of the door release. “Come on up.”
He flew up the stairs two at a time, holding the cake box securely in both hands. Bree’s silver-haired neighbour stood on the landing between the two apartments, her door ajar.
“Thanks for letting me up,” he said. “I was after Bree but she’s not in.”
Gwen shook her head. “No, she’s not.”
“I might wait on the landing for a while. Just until she gets back.”
“You might not want to do that. You’ll be waiting a while, dear.”
Conrad looked at her expectantly. “Why’s that?”
“Didn’t she tell you? She’s gone to Melbourne.”
“She didn’t mention it,” Conrad said. “I haven’t seen her in the last couple of days.”
“It was all so sudden. It certainly took me by surprise, but then that’s young people today. Very career minded, she is.”
“So she’s gone for work. Did she say w
hen she’d be back?”
“Oh, she won’t be back. She’s got a new job at some big firm over there.”
He felt as if a knife had been thrust into his stomach. Bree had taken a new job in Melbourne without even telling him. He was coming here to tell her he loved her, to find ways of overcoming their differences. He was laying himself bare, coming to her with open arms and, damn it, he would have done anything it took. Anything.
But she had simply left. Moved to another city, no less. She could have moved further away, that was true, but the message was the same either way. She wanted to get away from him.
“Didn’t she tell you?” Gwen asked.
He shook his head. “No.”
“I’m a little surprised. You seemed like such a nice couple. I told her so but she just said that if she was going to take the job, she had to leave right away. They needed her to start immediately and it was a big promotion.”
“I’m sure she had her reasons for going so quickly.” Conrad looked down at the cake box in his hands and passed it to her. “This was for Bree but I’d like you to have it.”
“Thank you. I’ve got the grandchildren coming tomorrow and they’ll love it.”
Gwen slowly lifted the lid off the box and a shard of regret cut into Conrad. The words ‘I love you’ were spelt out in icing on top of the cake. The words Conrad had found so hard to say because he’d been denying it to himself. The words he was going to say tonight.
The old lady’s eyes opened wide as she saw the message, then as she lifted her gaze her expression told him she understood everything.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
He smiled reassuringly. “So am I but I wouldn’t want the cake to go to waste. You can scrape the icing off. I hope your grandchildren enjoy it.”
Conrad walked down the stairs, thrust the door open and strode towards the car. He slipped into the Porsche and slumped onto the front seat, his hands resting on the steering wheel. The keys were in the ignition but he wasn’t going anywhere.
For the first time in his life, he had no direction, no aim.
How useless it all was. The car, the properties, the stocks and shares.
Bree was the one thing that’d make him happy and she’d left without even saying goodbye.