by J. D. Tyler
“I think,” she said slowly, “that some memories are best left to resurface in the patient’s own time. When a person is ready, they’ll remember.”
“You don’t think I’m ready?”
“It’s early days and you have a long road ahead before you’re ready to rejoin the team.”
“I’m a head case. I get it. Doesn’t matter. I want to know what I’m up against so I can deal with it, or I’m going to go even more nuts trying to figure out what you’re all hiding.” His gaze encompassed everyone in the room.
Mac moved close, gripped his hand, and took over from her colleague. “All right. I can see this is going to hurt just as much if we keep it from you.” Rowan could see how Mac struggled with the decision to tell him. Even a doctor sometimes didn’t know what the best course of action was, psychologist or not.
“Micah… you were raped. I’m so sorry.”
He stared at her, uncomprehending at first. Then the shock bled in, the expression of a man who’d just watched his house burn down, or witnessed the death of a loved one. In a way, perhaps it was a death of sorts. The demise of any remaining innocence the soul might’ve clung to all those years, writhing and screaming on the ground.
“Once?” he rasped. “Just once, right?”
Rowan couldn’t see what difference once or a bunch of times made to a man who couldn’t remember, but it mattered to Micah.
“Tests suggest ongoing sexual abuse. But you’re physically healed now,” Mac emphasized. “As for mentally, you’re going to be all right. We’ll get you there.”
“You guys keep saying that, like I’m ever going to be normal again.” His laugh was painful, on edge.
“You will be. You are normal—”
He cut Melina off. “I’ll never be anything but fucked up!” His voice rose to a shout and he bolted upright, yanking at his IV. “Why bother with all of this? I’m ugly, tainted inside and out! What the fuck does anything matter?”
“Micah, calm down,” Melina ordered. She and Mac grabbed his arms, and Rowan pushed his chest, pinning him to the bed.
“Micah, stop!”
“Fuck you!” he screamed. “Let go of me!”
“Noah,” Melina called. “Reach in my right pocket and get that sedative into his IV.”
The wide-eyed nurse leapt forward to do as the boss said, retrieving the syringe while the three of them struggled to hold Micah still. Noah hustled to grab the spout attached to the IV tube, yanked the cap off with his teeth, and inserted the needle into the tiny hole. Clear liquid flowed into the line and by the time the last of the medicine went in, Micah’s struggles were already becoming weaker. One minute max, and he slumped, eyelids drooping.
“No. Please…” Then drifted closed.
He was out. They released him and Rowan studied her brother, overwhelming love and grief clogging her throat. His entire body was lax, his torment washed away, albeit temporarily, by a drug-induced sleep.
This wasn’t fair. To Micah, to the missing ones who might still be suffering. None of it. Her brother was such a good man. He didn’t deserve this.
Turning, she fled the room. Outside, she leaned against the wall and slapped a hand over her mouth, fighting to win the battle over the tears threatening to spill. She succeeded, but it was a near thing.
The trio inside filed out, and Melina spoke softly to the nurse. He hurried away, and the two women faced her, prepared to give their best rah-rah speech. Rowan wasn’t in the mood to listen, but she did, anyway. Micah’s welfare was at stake.
“You know he’s going to be all right,” Mac said. “We won’t accept anything less than his full recovery.”
“I know, and I appreciate that. But you saw him in there—the only reason he didn’t shift again was probably because of the drugs.”
“Maybe so, but honestly, he handled the conversation better than I expected. Don’t you think?” she asked Melina.
“I agree. It could’ve been much worse.”
“I don’t see how, so I’ll have to trust you both.” She sighed, regaining some control of her raging emotions. “What happens now? Will you continue the sedatives?”
“In low doses,” Melina answered, “just to keep him calm and suppress his ability to shift until he’s mentally stable. We’ll wean him off as he shows real progress in his recovery. And before you ask, there’s no telling how long that could be. Months would be my professional guess, but that’s a shot in the dark.”
“Months. God, I have to go back to L.A. soon. How can I leave him like this?”
“He’ll be fine,” Mac assured her. “He’s got the whole team plus a bunch of staff looking out for him. The guys are in and out of here day and night checking on him, and when they find out he’s really awake, he’ll have tons of company. He won’t be left alone for extended periods of time, I promise.”
Damn, having to go was eating her up inside. And if she was honest, not just because of having to leave Micah.
Don’t go there.
“Then I guess I’ll have to hang on to that until I can get back here to see him.”
“When will you go?” Mac asked.
“In a couple of days. I took some vacation time in addition to my mandatory leave from the force, and it’s almost gone.” Belatedly, she realized they might not have heard why she was on leave from the LAPD. Then again, she hadn’t exactly kept it quiet and they didn’t ask for the story, so maybe word had gotten around.
“Make sure to say good-bye to us before you leave,” Melina said. “That way we can keep an extra close watch on your brother, make certain he’s handling your departure. I think he will, but it’s only a precaution.”
“I’ll stop by, no worries. Thanks for all you’re doing for him…” Damn it, she wouldn’t lose it. “Anyway, I’ll be back later.”
The walls were closing in. She had to get outside for a bit, and didn’t want to run into anyone. Not until she had herself under control. She exited through a side door and started walking, making sure to stay close to the building. If she was violating Nick’s “group of four” rule, well, he wasn’t her boss. It wasn’t like she could get fired.
Heading toward the back, she found herself standing at the edge of what Aric had said was the ball field. The grass was somewhat trampled, evidence that they weren’t all work and no play. Would Micah be well enough one day soon to join them in a game?
The thought of all he had to overcome was overwhelming to her; she couldn’t fathom how he must be feeling. Spinning around, she planned to head into the building again—and ran straight into a solid wall of muscle. A pair of hands steadied her, engulfing her shoulders, and she looked up, half-expecting to see Aric. Only this man was far too big and tall to be her lover.
“Hammer! I’m sorry. I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.” She stepped back, not out of fear or discomfort due to the man’s towering size, but simply so she could see him better. She could swear he’d been nowhere around just a second ago.
“That’s okay.”
His rare smile was blinding and she blinked. The huge bald man was truly stunning, the epitome of a beautiful, gentle giant. Especially with his usual reserve banished by a bright, welcoming smile. He sort of resembled Vin Diesel, only way hotter. And that was saying a lot.
“Did you… need something?”
“What?” He seemed startled from some deep thought. “Oh, not really. I spotted you through the window of the rec room and wanted to make sure you weren’t alone. I’m not sure if Nick’s rule applies this close to the building, but I wanted to, um, keep you company.”
The way he said it, kind of shy, was so sweet. The typically reticent man didn’t usually have much to say, but his quiet demeanor obviously hid a big heart.
“Thanks, Hammer.”
“John.”
“I’m sorry?”
“My name. It’s John,” he said softly.
“Oh, wow. That’s a great name,” she said, studying him. “Big John. I
love it!”
“Thanks.” He actually blushed, and suddenly seemed fascinated by his tennis shoes.
“You know, the guys are all betting your name is something really nerdy or embarrassing. And here you have a strong, solid name that suits you so well.” She leaned forward. “But why’d you tell me?”
He shrugged. “You’re a cop, and you’re Micah’s sister. I know I can trust you. I feel it here,” he said, placing a plate-sized palm over his gut.
She was beyond touched. “Thank you. Your secret is safe with me. After all, we wouldn’t want to upset the betting pool, would we?” He laughed quietly. As she watched him, gave the man some thought, the pieces began to fit together. “You joined the team with Nick six months ago.”
“Yeah.”
“He said you were in the FBI together. You were undercover, weren’t you?”
“Yes.”
“You were deep inside and you got made, didn’t you?” she asked, gauging his reaction to see if she was right. He tensed, looked into her eyes, and she knew before he spoke.
“They made me, the group of terrorists I helped take down. After the job was done and the lot of them were arrested, they figured out I was an agent, learned my real name. Mine got erased, and I didn’t bother to pick a new one. If I don’t exist, why do I need some name on paper?”
“True. So who coined the nickname Hammer? Or did you make it up?”
“No, Nicky did, by accident. When we first met, he said my fists were as big as the business end of a sledgehammer. The short version stuck.”
“Well, that’s true, too, but I still prefer John.” She winked. “I won’t spill it in front of anyone.”
“Say, I was wondering…”
The big man faltered, and stared over her head into the forest. Not because he saw anything dangerous or interesting out there. He had that look on his face men sometimes did when they were about to—
Uh-oh.
He cleared his throat, and tried again. “I thought maybe, before you head back to Los Angeles, I could, um, take you to dinner sometime? If you wanted. I mean, nothing serious. I just think you’re really cool and well, sexy and— Crap, I’m totally messing this up.”
Oh, God. How sweet was that? There was just one problem. A big, snarky redheaded one.
“You’re not messing anything up,” she assured him. Lord, how to let him down without hurting his feelings? “It’s just that I’ve already sort of been seeing someone. Not that it’s serious, but I don’t think—”
“Damn.” He smiled ruefully. “Should’ve figured, considering how much time you’ve spent together. But I thought maybe there was an outside chance for me, since he won’t claim— Never mind.”
“Won’t claim what?”
“Nothing. Forget I said anything.” Now he seemed anxious to drop the subject.
Sweeping the man with her gaze from head to toe, she came very, very close to accepting his dinner invite. However, wonderful as he seemed, the temptation was fleeting. In fact, the idea of being with a man who wasn’t Aric made her stomach hurt. It was an actual physical reaction that was troubling, how her entire being rejected the mere suggestion of getting close to another male.
Oh, God. I don’t want any man but Aric.
“I don’t really understand what’s going on with me and him,” she admitted. “I thought it was a simple out-of-town affair, as slutty as that sounds, but now? I don’t know. It’s more complicated than I thought if I can’t go out with someone as great as you.”
“It doesn’t sound slutty to me. Being alone sucks, you know? Sometimes it’s really nice to have someone, even if it’s not forever.” His expression grew wistful for a moment; then he shook himself. “Anyway, thanks for being honest. I’d thought maybe things were different with you two. At least I know it’s not me, and I’d never poach off one of my friends.”
“That’s good to hear, ’cause I’d hate to rip out your heart and eat it for a snack.”
Both of them faced Aric, who’d somehow come upon them without either of them noticing. He seemed mighty pissed, too. As she took in Hammer’s smile, she wondered if the big man hadn’t heard his friend approach.
“It’s all good, Red.” He waved a hand at Rowan. “You can’t blame a guy for trying to catch a gorgeous, smart, kick-butt woman, can you?”
Aric snorted. “Guess not. Just don’t let it happen again.”
“No prob. I’ll leave you two alone. Rowan, until later.” With a wink, he headed toward the building.
“I hope I didn’t hurt his feelings,” she said, frowning. “He’s a fantastic man.”
“Just how fantastic is he?” Stepping up, he wrapped both arms around her, pulled her flush against his over-warm body. “As good as this?”
His lips nibbled at hers and his tongue flicked gently, rather than swooping in for the searing, take-charge kiss he usually delivered. This one was no less dominant, but was… tender. Sweet and searching. Instead of a bolt of lightning, the tingle spread to her belly and toes like ripples on a beautiful pond, sparkling with light.
One of his hands cupped her cheek, and his thumb stroked her jaw as he deepened the kiss. He ate her mouth slowly, as though savoring her as long as possible, before drawing back. “My room?”
“Let’s go.” The words were out before she thought twice. The need to be with him was like an irresistible pull, so powerful a force it was useless to fight it. So she didn’t try, just for tonight.
Again, she thought of Hammer—no, John—asking her out, and mused over her refusal. Though she’d been tempted, there was really no question that she couldn’t have done it. The two men were as different as night and day; one a gentle giant, one all fire and tempest. John was very nice, but… the redhead called to her blood, challenged her, excited her as no man ever had.
For all his sarcasm and rough edges, most of it was a front. Aric was kind, and he cared almost too much. His guilt over Beryl had nearly killed him. He was loyal and loved his “brothers.” He’d stuck by Rowan through Micah’s recovery.
He was spontaneous and fun, too. She thought of their rendezvous outside the Grizzly and her libido heated. No man had ever taken her in public before, or at least in a place where anyone could’ve happened along. He made her feel alive, and he had a wicked sense of humor.
Aric had wrapped himself around her heart. And refused to let go.
The walk to his quarters was quick, and they burst inside stripping off their clothes. In his bedroom, he pushed her gently onto her back and moved over her like a blanket, alive and real. Her palms skimmed his back, mapped his muscles, his spine. When he brought the head of his cock to her opening and began to push inside, she opened, welcoming him. Sought the connection that was more than just physical, though she didn’t know what exactly that might be. It was the same mysterious thing that drew her to him time and again, a force bigger than the both of them.
Then she quit analyzing and let herself go, got lost in the thrust of his body, the way he danced over her gracefully. Stoked the fires higher. Wrapping her legs around his waist, she arched to meet him, taking him in as far as possible, kissing and licking the salty skin of his neck and chest. His chest rumbled, so obviously he liked her attentions. She kept it up, kneading the round globes of his ass as he made love to her.
And there could be no doubt—this was making love.
Right then, her heart trembled under an assault it had never experienced before. Hadn’t wanted to know. She wouldn’t name it, but it hung there in all its soul-shattering intensity, with the power to heal, to liberate.
Or to decimate.
“Oh, God, baby! I can’t stop,” he panted. He drove into her, picking up the pace.
“Don’t stop! Please, Aric! I need you!”
That sent him over the edge and he buried himself to the hilt, shouting his pleasure. Hot seed bathed her womb as she found her own release, clinging to him. Her lifeline in the storm.
The man she’d soon have to tel
l good-bye when she left for a city and a cold apartment that would no longer feel like home.
Not since a certain wolf and his family had gotten under her skin. And buried themselves in her heart.
The voice was noxious, like poison in his veins. Carbon monoxide in an enclosed space. A spike driven under a fingernail.
Kalen sat on his bed, head in his hands. Tried to shut out the intruder, but it was getting harder—no, almost impossible—to do. Even Nick with all his strength in foretelling the future couldn’t know what Kalen truly suffered. How bad the torment really was. The lure.
Nick had “seen” only a hint but couldn’t have guessed that the possible destruction of the entire Alpha Pack team—the world—rested on the shoulders of a young Sorcerer who’d never known love, or loyalty. That the Unseelie beast enjoyed exploiting that weakness. Had no idea that Kalen was losing ground every day in his battle against the darkness.
Because if Nick knew, Kalen would be dead already.
Without the pendant he was lost. His wards didn’t work on himself.
Better him than Mackenzie. He would protect her, no matter the price. With his last breath, when the time came.
And it would come.
Yesss, my boy, the voice purred seductively. Why do you bother to fight what you know is true? You are mine, and I do not share.
“Shut up, asshole,” Kalen hissed. “You’re full of shit.”
Am I? Does your pulse not quicken at the image of the ultimate power we’ll wield together? Does your cock not harden at the mere sound of my voice?
His groin throbbed, his length pushing against his leathers. Dark need demanded to be satisfied, the lust for mastery. To own all of the world.
Oh, yes, it’s such delicious temptation for a boy who’s had so little. No one has ever loved you—
“My grandmother loved me!”
And then she left you all alone. Poor mite kicked out of your family at age fourteen, unloved and misunderstood. But I will keep you safe, and we’ll rule together.
“God,” he rasped. “Help me.”