My sister Ankie and me with customary butterfly bows.
Some classmates at Vaucluse Ladies College. I am fourth from left in the back row, with my arm around Maria.
Dressed up as the dapper duke in Les Cloches de Corneville.
The last dance I attended before entering the convent, aged eighteen.
Two days into postulancy.
Holy picture marking the occasion of taking vows for the first time, containing the image of the foundress of the sisters, Faithful Companions of Jesus, Madame de Bonnault de Hoüet.
Sister Mary Carla.
Benalla FCJ convent. The nuns’ dormitory was adjacent to the upstairs balcony. I used to crouch low on the balcony and secretly sun my bare head to encourage my hair to grow back.
My first days of freedom after leaving the convent—and that dress!
James and me on our wedding day, 1970.
A group of nuns graced my wedding day with their company
Still married to James—with our daughter, Caroline.
A serious moment during my first year in prostitution.
Feeding the swans with Caroline in Perth.
Enjoying a new life in Denmark, 1992.
With my daughters and grandchildren: (l-r) Victoria; her daughter Ruth; Caroline; Victoria’s son Damien; me.
Acknowledgements
FIRST OF ALL, I want to acknowledge the mysterious grace that has spurred this book along until it was finally completed. Over the years, this gracious urge has persevered whenever I thought it was too hard or when I tried to persuade myself that there was no need to continue.
In 1992, an anonymous benefactor arranged for me to have a laptop computer. I was not only very touched by this gesture, but in accepting it I also took on the challenge of one day finishing the book. This was the first of a long list of miraculous encouragements which were all necessary as my life continued through many inner changes and different motivations for writing.
I want to thank my friend, erstwhile counsellor and women’s group leader, Persephone Arbour, for writing the foreword to this book and for inspiring me simply by being who she is.
My friend Yosi Collins sent me her old computer when I couldn’t afford to keep paying for repairs to the laptop. My lack of computer knowledge has meant that I have often been dependent on assistance, but somehow this has always been provided, often completely free of charge. I count Murray Fairbanks and Bill and Rose McMullen among my most generous computer angels. Lynn Tulipan, a distant friend I hadn’t spoken to for years, came to visit from Karratha one week and used her skills to type many pages of longhand onto my computer, then disappeared as suddenly as she had come. Thank you, Lynn.
Even the government stepped in inadvertently by providing a computer training course, ostensibly to retrain me for the workforce, but as all my applications for jobs were faithfully knocked back there was nothing for it but to put my new skills to use by continuing to write.
I thank Craig Chappelle from the bottom of my heart for reading the first draft for me (when the pages weren’t even numbered) simply by way of friendship and giving me feedback without demolishing my confidence. English is not my first language and in prose this is often unconsciously evident in some strange twists of grammar! Don Eade, a writer and author, who was tenant/writer at the Katharine Susannah Pritchard Writer’s Centre in Greenmount, Perth for five years, fortuitously came to live in Denmark and did me the favour of familiarising me with presentation protocol.
Another friend, Kumara, also a published author, provided the feedback of a reader with fresh eyes and many thoughtful suggestions.
I received unexpected help from an FCJ nun I met in England, who wishes to remain anonymous. This book became enriched as a result of her frankness and trust, and I thank her.
Books I have found useful in confirming certain dates in my chronicle include These Women, a historical account of the Mercy order, and The Sisters Faithful Companions of Jesus in Australia, the latter by Sister M Clare O’Connor, FCJ.
Sally Haigh took on the task of copy editor for my first draft, and she has done more than that. She is a veritable healer of the written word. I thank her for the unflagging attention and skill she has brought to the task and her willingness to give the manuscript the extra time it needed as it evolved beyond her original brief.
The professional advice of Tanya Marwood and Andrew Burke, both well known in Western Australia, helped shape my book to its present format.
I can’t speak highly enough of the professionalism of the staff at HarperCollins. It has been an uplifting process to work with Nicola O’Shea and see the manuscript improve through her superb editing skills. I thank Alison Urquhart for her true encouragement and for her patience and kindness in answering all my queries and acting on my behalf.
I sought occasional guidance from a woman who has a reputation for channelling higher wisdom, and spontaneously the topic of the book would arise. The message, ‘Finish it; it will be successful’, always came up, so I had the feeling I was on a mission from God. I thank the unknown friends who inspired her, and the other unknown, unseen friends who gave me guidance.
What of the many characters in this book, who all played their parts so well? From my heart I thank my parents, the FCJ nuns, my ex-partners, my two daughters, and the several people involved in my healing processes. And of course I particularly thank all the men who were once my clients. What would I have written without them?
I thank my friends in the little town of Denmark where I live for having faithfully reflected back to me the ultimate truth of One Loving Presence.
CARLA VAN RAAY
About the Author
CARLA VAN RAAY was born into the Catholic south of Holland and came to Melbourne, Australia, with her family in 1950, when she was twelve. She was a radiant child until the age of six, when trauma changed her. Her choice to enter a convent at the age of eighteen was part of her inability to face life. In 1969, when she was almost thirty-one, she found the courage to leave.
Carla adjusted to the world without guidance from anyone. She fell in love for the first time in her life more than two years after her marriage. Alone and with a daughter to support, the idea of prostitution came to her. She worked for pimps as an escort to learn the ropes, then struck out on her own. Loving her work at first, the nasty sides of the business gradually asserted themselves. Carla realised that she was being driven by dark forces. The truth eventually became clear and she was able to start healing the abuses of her childhood.
After twelve years of celibacy, Carla has entered into a new and different relationship, the topic of a work in progress entitled The Price of Passion. She is also producing a workbook on overcoming self-sabotage. Carla now lives in Perth, Western Australia. News of her talks and upcoming books is on her website:
www.carlavanraay.com
Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins author.
Praise
‘an extraordinarily frank account’
The Age
‘It’s an extraordinary tale by any standards’
Weekend Australian
‘Van Raay’s compelling memoir, written simply but with deep insight and a passion for life, comes in three parts…Van Raay ties these three phases together with her search for the middle road, and her painful, joyful journey to self-acceptance’
Herald Sun
‘God’s Callgirl, a journey starkly recounted by van Raay in this study of a lost life recovered by bizarre chance’
Courier-Mail
‘God’s Callgirl…is a book of extremes…the need to understand human behaviour is what drives this narrative, with its overriding theme of guilt and innocence’
Sunday Telegraph
‘written simply but with deep insight and passion for life…Van Raay ties it together searching for the middle road and painful, joyful acceptance’
Daily Telegraph
‘[a] turbulent story, a frank
and often shocking book’
New Idea
Copyright
HarperCollinsPublishers
An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers, Australia
First published in Australia in 2004
This edition published in 2010
by HarperCollinsPublishers Australia Pty Limited
ABN 36 009 913 517
www.harpercollins.com.au
Copyright © Carla van Raay 2004
The right of Carla van Raay to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her under the Copyright Amendment (Moral Rights) Act 2000.
This work is copyright. Apart from any use as permitted under the Copyright Act 1968, no part may be reproduced, copied, scanned, stored in a retrieval system, recorded, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
HarperCollinsPublishers
25 Ryde Road, Pymble, Sydney NSW 2073, Australia
31 View Road, Glenfield, Auckland 10, New Zealand
77–85 Fulham Palace Road, London W6 8JB, United Kingdom
2 Bloor Street East, 20th floor, Toronto, Ontario M4W 1A8, Canada
10 East 53rd Street, New York, NY 10022, USA
National Library of Australia Cataloguing-in-Publication data:
Raay, Carla van.
God’s callgirl: one woman’s life journey from convent to sex worker.
ISBN: 9 7807 3228 2363 (pbk.)
ISBN: 978-0-730-49212-2 (ePub)
1. Raay, Carla van. 2. Prostitutes–Victoria–Melbourne–
Biography. 3. Ex-nuns–Victoria–Melbourne–Biography.
4. Adult child abuse victims–Victoria–Melbourne–
Biography. I. Title.
306.742092
About the Publisher
Australia
HarperCollins Publishers (Australia) Pty. Ltd.
25 Ryde Road (PO Box 321)
Pymble, NSW 2073, Australia
http://www.harpercollinsebooks.com.au
Canada
HarperCollins Canada
2 Bloor Street East – 20th Floor
Toronto, ON, M4W 1A8, Canada
http://www.harpercollinsebooks.ca
New Zealand
HarperCollinsPublishers (New Zealand) Limited
P.O. Box 1
Auckland, New Zealand
http://www.harpercollinsebooks.co.nz
United Kingdom
HarperCollins Publishers Ltd.
77-85 Fulham Palace Road
London, W6 8JB, UK
http://www.harpercollinsebooks.co.uk
United States
HarperCollins Publishers Inc.
10 East 53rd Street
New York, NY 10022
http://www.harpercollinsebooks.com
God's Callgirl Page 46