He spent some nights at the apartment and some between the houses. Of course his ass never stayed on the couch once. He crawled in bed behind me every time. That only made it harder not to jump him.
He was able to make it to one of my appointments and was able to hear the baby's heart beat. It was one of the most awesome things I'd ever seen. The man had tears in his eyes. He tried to hide them, but they were there. I cried like a baby every single time I heard the sound, so I knew where he was coming from.
It was a Friday, and he was coming home for the weekend. It was time for me to move into the house. I'd been able to avoid it, but he was done letting me use excuses. I'd been inside of it a few times, and it was beautiful. We knew where my room would be and the baby's room. It was across the hall. Once Lance had started moving things into the house, he wouldn't let me go in and hadn't given me a key. He said I had to wait until he was done with it. That time had arrived. I'd packed up everything I was taking with me during that week. I knew he was going to give me one of his big daddy lectures about lifting, but I had never put myself in danger. I just wanted to make things easier on him. I also didn't need him going through my personal things, if you know what I mean. Like I said, I was insanely horny.
When he opened the door to the apartment, I felt like I was going to lose it. I didn't mention he'd had a key for months. He was wearing one of his jerseys and had on a pair of loose fitting shorts. His hair was still damp and standing up on top. His facial hair was perfectly shaved. I thought I was going to go crazy. I'd made dinner, and he acted like he hadn't eaten in months. The man looked so damn good. I had no idea how he kept that body with the amount of food he ate. It seemed like I gained ten pounds just from looking at food.
He packed all of my boxes into a truck and I followed him to the house in my car. He'd given me the lecture as soon as he'd seen the boxes that I'd packed. I told him we'd go through the toys and leave some at each place. He seemed okay with that. Pretty crazy that everything I was taking fit into the back of one truck. My apartment was so small. I had no idea what I was going to do in that big house by myself. I made sure to take the pillow he slept on while he was around just in case he didn't stay at the house with me. I needed his scent to sleep.
My nightmares had slowed down. They didn't happen at all anymore when Lance was there. When he was gone, I had them every few nights. I was glad that I didn't relive that horrible night every time I closed my eyes. At the same time, I didn't want them to stop completely. They were a reminder of my love for Brad, my promise to him, and why I needed to stay single and alone. I never wanted to be responsible for anyone being hurt again. If I avoided the situation all together, it would never happen. Worrying about the baby was more than I ever thought I'd need to do and was also more than enough worry for me.
We pulled up the drive and Lance jumped out of the truck. He grabbed my hand and walked me to the door. Then he opened the door and handed me the key. As we walked through the house, I looked around but didn't speak. The furniture I'd seen in his house filled the living room, dining room, family room, and outside deck. Brand new, stainless steel appliances filled the kitchen. I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. He turned to me with a smile on his face.
“You like cooking,” he said. “I wanted you to have better stuff than what I had.”
“You shouldn't have done this,” I said, as I shook my head.
“When I'm home, I like that you cook. I appreciate it. I just want you to be able to make what you want,” he said. “Think of the appliances like they're for me.”
He grabbed my hand and pulled me up the stairs. I'm not sure who was more excited. I hadn't seen his bedroom, so I had no idea what was in the room I was going to be sleeping in. When he opened the door and I looked in, I gasped.
“It's beautiful,” I said. “This was your furniture?”
“Yes,” he answered.
“If you had a bed like this, why were you sleeping in mine?” I asked, as I walked over and crawled up the bed. “This mattress is amazing.”
He let out a laugh and smiled down at me.
“Get up,” he said sternly.
“What?” I asked.
“I need you to get up,” he said, as he ran his fingers through the short hairs on top of his head.
“Why is that?” I asked.
“I have more to show you,” he said. “That's why. If you don't get up, we won't be leaving this room anytime soon.”
He turned to walk out of the room.
“I didn't think it would be this hard to see you in my bed,” he mumbled, as he walked into the hallway.
I got up and walked into the hallway to find him facing away from me.
“About time,” he said.
“My belly got in the way. I had to find my way out of that bed.”
He turned the knob directly in front of us.
“You ready?” he asked.
His voice sounded shaky. I reached out without thinking and rubbed my hand up and down his arm.
“You okay?” I asked.
He nodded his head but didn't turn to look at me. Then he slowly opened the door and stood back. I let out a gasp and tears instantly broke free again, damn hormones. My heart melted instantly. He'd bought the exact same furniture we'd picked out plus a few extra pieces. That wasn't it though. The walls were all painted with a scene from a summer day. That's the only way to explain it. The ceiling was painted like the sky. The walls had grass, trees, flowers, birds, balloons, and so many other things. It was the most amazing thing I'd ever seen. He even had a bookshelf filled with books and a little reading area in one corner. There was a toy box filled with way more toys than he had at the apartment. There was a changing table stacked with diapers and everything I could possibly need. I walked deeper into the room with tears streaming down my cheeks. It was like a dream. I couldn't have planned a room that awesome myself. I didn't know how he did it. I was speechless. I turned in a circle and looked around the room. Then I noticed a bat, ball, and mitt added into the scene on the wall. It fit perfectly. I walked to the closet and opened the doors to find clothes and more toys. On one of the shelves I saw another little mitt along with a ball and small bat. When I closed the door and turned around, he was looking at me with an expression I couldn't read. I just stood there and cried harder.
“Please say something,” he said. “I'm freaking out over here.”
“I have no words,” I said. “You better write this down.”
I wiped both of my hands across my face.
“This is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, Lance. You have no idea. I know it's for the baby, but nobody has ever done anything like this before. Who did this?”
He stood silent for a moment.
“Lance,” I said.
“I did,” he said. “I did some research online and got some advice at the paint store.”
“You painted all of this?” I asked.
He nodded but didn't say a word. I never would have guessed he did it. I thought he hired someone. He was so much more than I could have ever dreamt. How could I have ever judged him? All I could wonder was how a man that was so loving deep down not want love? I had my reasons. They made sense to me. I just couldn't imagine what his could be.
My tears came harder the more I thought about how much work he'd put into a room for our child. The man was tearing me down piece by piece. I was trying so damn hard to put the pieces back up before he ripped my heart in two, but I wasn't sure it was working. The man had the ability to crush me. I knew it was going to happen, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
Chapter 12
Lance
Every single second, minute, and hour I'd put into the baby's room had been totally worth it when I saw her face. I'd had the keys to the house for a couple of months, but she didn't know it. The furniture moving was no big deal. I had a bunch of the guys from the team help me. The baby's room was what it was all about. She had no idea how much I worried abou
t her and the baby when I wasn't home.
Seeing her in my bed was not easy. I'd been able to sleep next to her, well wrapped around her really, for those few nights. I was hoping it would get easier with time. So far not being with her had gotten so much harder. I hadn't been with anyone else. She probably would have thought I was lying if I would have told her, but that didn't matter. I was not going to sleep with another woman while my baby was growing inside of her. I knew it wouldn't have made sense to anyone else, but to me it did.
She'd sent videos and pictures of the room to Carrie's mom and to Carrie. It made me feel good to see how proud and happy she was with what I'd done. She went on and on to Carrie's mom about what a great job I did. I could hear so much happiness when she talked. It was a happiness I couldn't wait to make her feel again.
Everything was going great between us. I felt like she was my best friend and had no idea what I'd do without her. I woke up every day looking forward to talking to her. Where I used to think of playing ball, she was quickly taking over. I loved my job. I always would. It meant so much to me. I just meant that I had other things to look forward to as well. She was still just as cocky, and I wouldn't have wanted it any different. I adored the way she kept me on my toes. It was perfect. I couldn't wait to get home each time I left.
I wanted her to know I'd do anything for my baby, and since she was my baby's mom, for her as well. That was how I played it anyway. She accepted things that way, so I wasn't changing anything.
I'd gone out of town for a couple of days, and she'd had an ultrasound while I was gone. She offered to reschedule it, but I said no. I didn't want to risk anything. She needed it when they said, not when it was convenient for me.
I got home and went to the apartment. It was late, and I wasn't sure if she was sleeping. When I walked into the apartment, it was so quiet. The place was so different without her or her things there. My stuff filled the small space and her furniture was there, but it still didn't feel right. I walked into the bedroom and looked around. I couldn't believe I missed her ass. I'd just seen her a few days before. I couldn't do it. The place was too quiet. I grabbed some clothes, threw them in a bag, and took off out the door. It was nice not having to drive far. I liked that she and the baby would be that close. She'd made it clear that we'd be staying at separate places once that baby was born, and I had no idea how I was going to do it. I was fine on the road, but that was different. How was I going to sleep without her in my arms when I was home? That was the question.
I let myself in when I got to the house. The lights were off on the main floor. When I walked up the stairs, I heard the shower running in the master bathroom. I slowly opened the door to let her know I was there.
“I'm here,” I said loud enough for her to hear me.
I didn't want to freak her out and have her hurt herself. When I stepped into the room, I could see the outline of her belly through the curtain. She looked so damn sexy pregnant. There was no reason for her to be self-conscious at all. She was absolutely beautiful.
“I thought you said you weren't coming here tonight,” she yelled out over the sound of the water. “Get your ass out of here. I'm fucking naked.”
“I'm about to see way more than you want me to in about three months. Are you really complaining about me seeing you through a shower curtain?”
“Be quiet,” she said. “Did you miss me that much? I just got in here. I'll be out in about twenty minutes.”
“You know I can't stay away from that smart mouth for long. Where are the ultrasound pictures?” I asked.
“There in the bedroom in the top drawer of the nightstand,” she yelled back. “I knew you missed me. I didn't cook tonight, but I have stuff in the fridge I can heat up when I get out.”
“What did you eat?” I asked.
“Nothing yet,” she answered.
“It's late,” I snapped. “You need to eat.”
“I wasn't hungry. I had a healthy snack when I got home from work, dad,” she snapped back. “The baby is fine.”
I pulled the door shut and walked back into the bedroom. The bedroom smelled exactly like Lucy. It was the smell I'd missed in the apartment. I walked over to the drawer, opened it, and grabbed the ultrasound pictures. The baby was getting big. I could make out most of the body parts. She'd told me that the baby wasn't cooperating when she went and they hadn't been able to figure out the sex. I was okay with that. The idea of being surprised was pretty cool. I looked over the pictures again and decided I was going to go down and heat us up something eat. I opened the drawer and something slid forward. I picked it up and couldn't believe what I was seeing.
There was no way, I told myself. It couldn't be. She wouldn't do that to me. Lucy had been so sweet with a little cocky mixed in through the entire pregnancy. She said the baby was mine. Carrie said it too. There was no way she was with someone while she was pregnant with my child, was there? Had she been with him the whole time? I looked down at the picture again. It was her and a guy together. They looked really happy and very much in love. There was no fucking way. I felt my blood begin to boil. I had to get out of there.
I stuck the picture under the other stuff she had in the drawer. I couldn't have her making up stupid excuses if she figured out I'd seen it. I wasn't stupid. I fucking knew better than to let myself feel for her. She was different. At least I thought she was. She'd made comments about the women that used me. Was she just like the rest of them? I quickly tore off one of the ultrasound pictures and put the rest of the them in the drawer before closing it. I needed time to think. I couldn't believe I'd let my guard down. How could I have thought she wasn't like the rest?
I walked over and opened the bathroom door a crack.
“I have to run out for a bit. I'm just going to go back to the apartment when I'm done,” I said, as I tried to keep my voice as calm as I could.
“You sure?” she asked. “Let me at least feed you first.”
“I can't,” I said. “I have to go. I'll see you later.”
Before she could say anything, I took off down the stairs and out of the house. I got in my car and took off. When I walked back into the apartment, I walked into the bedroom and fell down onto the bed.
“You're so damn stupid, Lance,” I said into the empty air. “You knew better.”
I'd even bought her a house. I didn't regret it. It was a better home for my child. How could I have let myself think she gave a shit? How could I have thought I was more than just a damn ballplayer to her? She didn't even like the game. Nothing was making sense. I thought we were more than just two people who fucked. I thought we were really good friends and so much more. I let myself care about her. She was good. She had me fooled, but that shit was over. I'd never be that stupid again.
She was the mother of my child, but that was all she was. The more I thought about it, the more I felt my stomach tighten. Was she lying? Was the baby really mine?
I picked up my phone and called Scott.
“I need to talk to you,” I said feeling like my whole world was crashing down around me. “You can't say anything to Carrie.”
Chapter 13
Lucy
Things changed with Lance. It came out of nowhere. I had no idea what happened. He'd come by the house even though he said he wasn't going to. He seemed fine when he yelled in to me. Everything seemed okay. Then he said he had to leave and that he wouldn't be back that night. From that moment on, everything was different.
I didn't get to see him before he left again. In the month following, he was so different. I asked him often if everything was okay. Each time he'd tell me he was busy with the team. I got him to come by a few times for dinner. He'd eat and maybe watch a movie before leaving again. He brought some things with him for the baby and seemed to keep most of our discussions on the topic of the baby.
I sent him messages during the games, but he didn't respond to any of them. I tried to joke around and mess with him like we had been for months, but he'd pretty mu
ch cut me off. He'd talk about my appointments and baby stuff. Other than that, small talk was the most I could get. We'd talked about names for the baby before but had never made any decisions. He'd argued that the baby have his last name. I wasn't sure I wanted the baby to have to live up to any high expectations because of who his or her father was. During that month I decided that the baby would have my last name.
I'd already ordered a framed picture of him from the photo shoot him and guys had done for the company. I put it on the wall in the baby's room where he'd painted the ball and bat. I wanted the baby to have Lance there every moment and thought that was a nice way to do it. I'd even ordered a little jersey with Lance's name and number on the back. It cost almost as much as an adult one would have, but I knew he was going to love it. The jersey was wrapped in a box on the baby's dresser. I was going to give it to Lance when I showed him the picture, but he hadn't made his way up to the baby's room since he left that day.
After two weeks of him blowing me off, I figured he'd either already gotten over the idea of having a baby or he'd found someone else to spend his time with. I busied myself with work, cooking, cleaning the house, and baby stuff. Each day that passed hurt a little more. Then the hurt began to turn into anger. Anger at myself really. I'd been stupid to think Lance wanted to be around. I should have known he'd get bored with the whole thing. He was a busy man that could be with any woman he wanted.
The man had me fooled. He'd gone all in on the being a daddy thing. I couldn't believe everything he'd done. He'd bought a house and moved me into it. The way he painted the baby's room was like something I had never seen before. He'd even set up a room for the baby at the apartment. He'd been around when he didn't have to be. We'd spent so much time together. I honestly started to think he cared.
It was better that he'd changed his mind when he did. He'd proven exactly what I'd said in the beginning. It was going to be me and the baby. I don't know why he didn't just let me move. Why had he argued for me to stay?
Playing Hardball: Part 4 Page 7