As soon as they were gone, I went back to Carrie's room and looked at my phone.
Lance: I would have gone with you.
How the fuck was I supposed to know that, I thought? He hadn't even been talking to me. I couldn't imagine that drive with him. There wouldn't have been much to talk about with him. I also didn't even know he was home.
Me: The baby is fine. I'm leaving for the hospital soon.
I was being a smart ass really. He didn't respond. I figured he was busy somewhere. It had been a long time since his last text. I put the phone back and went to get in the shower. When I was done, I packed my stuff, grabbed it all, and left. I heard the buzz as soon as I opened my car door.
Lance: You confuse me, Lucy. I don't know what to think anymore.
The entire drive to the hospital I tried to figure out what that was about. If anyone was confused it was me. He had no reason to feel that way. I'd never done one thing to make him think anything bad of me. I'd pretty much caved to every request he'd made. That wasn't like me at all. What could he possibly be confused about, I wondered?
I walked into Carrie's room to see James on the bed in her arms. He started going on and on about his new baby. It was adorable. Scott picked him up and looked over at me.
“I'm going to walk James and his grandma out,” he said. “I'm going to grab something to eat too. You staying for a bit?”
“Of course,” I said. “I don't know when I'll see my girl again.”
“When your baby is born,” Carrie said right away.
“I just hope you can make it in time,” I said.
“We'll all be ready,” Scott said.
I hugged James and Carrie's mom who made me promise I'd call when I got home. Then I sat down. As soon as the door closed, Carrie looked over at me.
“What's going on with you and Lance?” she asked.
“Ugh,” was my reply.
“Lucy,” she said.
“I don't want to talk about it.”
“That's too bad,” she said. “Something's going on.”
I shook my head and looked over at the sleeping baby in the tiny bed thing.
“Are you seeing someone else?” she asked.
“No,” I snapped. “Why the fuck would you ask me that?”
“I was just curious?” she asked.
“Why?” I asked. “There has to be a reason for you to be curious.”
“Scott was talking to Lance about a month ago and said he thought you were with someone else,” she said.
I thought about it for a moment. That was about how long he'd been acting so damn different. I thought about his earlier text about me confusing him. I thought he'd already grown tired of me and the whole situation. He was still a concerned dad, but it was nothing like before. Was it all because he thought I was with someone? Why would he think that?
“Lucy,” she said, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“What?” I asked. “I don't understand.”
“Me either,” she said. “I didn't want to ask you. If you wanted me to know, you would have told me. That was my thinking anyway. It's just driving me crazy. You seem off, and I know he is too. He asked Scott to see if I knew anything or noticed anything different.”
“I'm pregnant with his baby,” I said.
“I know,” she said. “You've kept up your whole stance on no relationship this whole time as well.”
“So has he,” I said.
She shook her head.
“What is wrong with you two?” she asked.
“Nothing,” I said.
“So you're not seeing anyone else?” she asked.
“No,” I said. “I would never be with another man while I'm pregnant. Everything seemed fine between us. One day it all changed. I never could figure it out no matter how hard I tried. I don't get why he would think that. I work and go back to a house he bought. I'm not sure when he thinks I'm doing that. I thought he was tired of me.”
“I didn't want to get into it. When you were blowing off your phone, I had to send a message. Then I thought maybe it was true. Are you okay?”
“I'm fine,” I said.
“Who's Brad?” she asked.
My whole body went stiff. Did she ask what I thought she did, I wondered? Maybe I heard her wrong.
“Lucy,” she whispered.
“Where the fuck did you hear that name?” I snapped.
I didn't mean to flip and I knew it wasn't the place or time for me to lose my shit, but I was inches away from doing exactly that.
“Calm down,” she said.
“Where?” I asked. “Tell me now.”
I could see major concern in her eyes.
“You said it in your sleep before,” was all she said before the door opened and Scott walked in.
I stood up and looked over at Scott and back to Carrie.
“I'm going to head home,” I said.
“Lucy,” Carrie said.
I walked over to the beautiful new baby and leaned in to kiss her soft little forehead.
“Aunt Lucy loves you baby girl,” I said.
Then I stood up and walked over to Carrie.
“Don't leave,” she said.
I nodded.
“I need to,” I said. “I'll see you later. Take care of that baby. I miss you guys so much.”
“You can still move here,” Scott said. “The house is still there waiting for you.”
“You can sell it,” I said. “I can't leave.”
“Is it Lance?” he asked.
“He's part of it,” I said. “He's not the only reason though.”
I hugged Carrie goodbye and walked out. There was no way I was standing there any longer. She'd mentioned Brad, and I couldn't deal with it. Was she telling me the truth, I wondered? Had she heard his name in my sleep? I did dream about him, and I could have said it. Could that be why Lance thinks what he does of me? Did I say Brad's name in my sleep? What else could it be? Is he the one that mentioned Brad's name to Carrie?
I got in my car and started driving. My world was colliding with my past, and I wasn't having it. It was not happening. I'd already let Lance in way more than I had anyone in almost six years. I wasn't about to let anyone else in that far.
Chapter 16
Lucy
The second I walked in the door, I saw a few bags on the table that weren't there when I left. I opened the bags to find some new stuff for the baby. It seemed like Lance was buying more than I was. It made me laugh to picture him in the store baby shopping. It had to be an adorable sight.
I pulled out my phone and sent a text to Carrie's mom letting her know I was home and would call her later. Then I quickly text Carrie as well. She'd just had a baby. I was so excited to see her, and I'd taken off at the first sign of pressure. It was horrible of me. I just couldn't take it. She didn't respond right away, and I figured she was busy loving that new baby and her big boy. Then I took a deep breath and started my next text.
Me: Thank you for all of the stuff you brought over. The baby is going to be the happiest child in the world with everything you buy.
I shoved my phone in my pocket and headed up the stairs to put the things he bought away. When I flipped on the light in the nursery and walked over to the dresser, I stopped. The gift I'd gotten him was open. He'd opened it. That meant he'd seen the jersey and the picture. He hadn't said anything. Maybe he didn't like them, I thought. I couldn't seem to do anything right with him anyway. The baby would love looking up to see daddy on the wall. That was what mattered. I started putting everything away when I felt my phone buzz against my ass.
Lance: I'm glad you liked it. I'm sorry for bothering you yesterday. You scared the shit out of me. I walked in and your clothes were everywhere. I had no idea what happened. I was worried. I'm just glad you're okay.
Me: I should have told you. I didn't think you'd even notice I was gone. I won't do it again.
Lance: It's okay. It was none of my business really.
I could
n't stand the distance that had built between us. The man had really grown on me. I didn't want the baby to have parents that couldn't talk without things being awkward. I kind of missed him too. He'd taken over as my best friend. When Scott mentioned me moving, there was no way. I couldn't do that to Lance or the baby. That was what I told myself anyway. I honestly didn't want to be away from him either. Was the distance between us caused by him thinking I was with someone else, or was it because he was tired of me? I was about to find out. I wasn't really sure I was ready. It wasn't something I wanted to find out with him standing in front of me, so I took the easy way out.
Me: I haven't been with anyone since you. I just wanted you to know that.
Lance: Fucker has a big mouth.
Me: It was Carrie.
Lance: He told her then. What an asshole. I bet he offered up his house again too.
Me: Is that why you bought this house? Was it because of Scott.
Lance: No! It had nothing to do with him. I'm just sick of him trying to save the day. It's not his fucking job. I wasn't over there trying to take care of his woman.
I read that text twice. He didn't say anything else. I waited a minute or two and figured he hadn't even realized it.
Me: Why did you think I was with someone else, Lance?
Lance: Open the night stand drawer and pick up the ultrasound pictures. You'll know why?
Oh shit! I took off for my room and opened the drawer. Then I picked up the picture of Brad and me. My fingers moved over the picture, and I was so glad we were sending messages. He'd found a fucking picture of us. Tears came down my cheeks. It seemed to happen all the time, so I brushed them away with my hand as if they were meaningless. That night Lance came by when he said he wasn't going to. He asked about the pictures of the baby, and I'd told him where they were. I wasn't even thinking about the other picture. Everything seemed so natural with Lance. I shouldn't have been that comfortable. I could only imagine what he thought. That was why he'd pushed me away. I couldn't blame him. I would have done the same thing.
Me: It is not what you think, Lance.
Lance: That's fine. Don't worry about it.
Me: That picture is six years old. There is a date on the back.
Lance: I didn't take the time to look at the back. It doesn't matter anyway.
Me: Like you're one to talk. Are you going to tell me you haven't been with anyone in the last five months? You're something else with your double standards.
Lance: Not that it's any of your business, but no I haven't. Have you not seen my massive jack off arm? It's been getting a lot of action.
Me: That is disgusting.
Lance: That's no worse than you playing with yourself while I'm in the shower.
I read that line again and felt my cheeks heat. They were so damn red.
Lance: Nothing to say to that, Firecracker. Don't think I didn't hear you. It about killed me.
It about killed me too, but he didn't need to know that.
Lance: Who's the guy?
Nothing like getting straight to the point.
Me: That picture is part of my past. I don't want to talk about it.
Lance: He obviously meant enough for you to keep that picture. You two looked pretty happy. It sounds like love to me.
Me: It's not like that. I'm not ready to talk about it.
Lance: Let me know when you are.
I didn't say anything back. I was still thinking when I heard the buzz again.
Lance: Our baby's going to look damn good in that jersey. Thank you for that and for the picture. That shit rocked my world.
I didn't have a second to type before he sent another message.
Lance: And don't ever scare me like that again.
Me: I won't. I'm sorry, Big Daddy.
The month that followed was much better, but things still weren't back to normal. Lance was gone most of the time. He'd come over here and there when he could. I made dinner each time so he'd have some good food before leaving again. He had his hands on my belly every chance he got. There were a few other places I would have loved to have those hands as well, but he wasn't giving in. The man wasn't even trying to make a move. I honestly thought it still had something to do with that picture and me not talking.
Lance's life really was busy. He was always on the go. I couldn't believe how hard he worked. When he wasn't home, he messaged or called every day to make sure everything was okay. I think we were both worried about everything and if he'd be home when the time came. I still had a month to go and an appointment that week. Then I'd start my weekly visits. He had team stuff the entire day of my appointment, so there was no way he could make it. We'd joked that the doctor was going to say something about how big I was and that I needed to slow that shit down. He called me right before going into some big team meeting to tell me good luck not getting in trouble. I told him I was going to blame it on him. When we hung up, we were both laughing so damn hard.
I walked into the doctor's office with a huge smile on my face. In less than a month, I was going to be holding a beautiful baby in my arms. Lance was back in my life. I appreciated it even if it wasn't the same as before. Maybe one day I'd be able to open up about Brad to someone. Carrie's mom cared about me, and so did her dad. Carrie was still talking to me, and she'd given me a pass on the whole hospital conversation. Things were going well for all of the people I cared about.
The nurse called me back and started the process I'd grown used to. When she asked me to get on the scale, I burst into laughter. She shook her head and looked at me.
“The baby's dad messaged me on the way here to say the doctor was going to bust me on the weight thing. Sorry,” I said. “It's only funny to me.”
I got on the scale and watched her write the rather large number on her paper. We went through the rest of the stuff as well. I didn't think you'd want those boring details. Then she got me ready for my ultrasound. We'd set both appointments up together so I'd only have to go once. She squirt the cold shit on me, and I felt like I instantly had to run to the bathroom. Then she moved her magic wand around my belly.
“Can you tell what I'm having?” I asked before she even had a moment to figure it out.
I seriously felt like a kid at Christmas that was holding my present but couldn't rip into it yet. I'd been waiting for months to find out if the baby was a boy or a girl. It didn't matter either way. I just wanted to know. She'd done the last ultrasound, so she knew the baby wasn't cooperating before.
“You're having a girl,” she said, but she didn't look up for a second.
It seemed like a second thought to her. She was watching the screen as if something was going to happen and she didn't want to miss it. My eyes moved back and forth between her and the screen over and over. The longer she sat silently moving her wand, the more nervous I became. Usually she was talkative, but something was different. I wasn't sure if she was in a bad mood or really looking for something on the screen.
“I'll be right back,” she said, as she stood up and walked out of the room.
I grabbed my phone. Lance was in the middle of whatever crazy shit he had going on, and I needed someone to tell me I was just being crazy. I hit call on Carrie's mom's name. There was no way I was calling Carrie. She'd had two kids and I didn't want to feel stupid calling her.
“Hey, Lucy,” her mom said in a chipper voice. “How was your appointment?”
“The nurse started doing the ultrasound. She didn't say anything but spent way more time than before looking at that screen. Then she said she'd be back and left the room. Please tell me I am being unreasonable worrying.”
“It's probably nothing,” she said. “Maybe she wanted to ask the doctor something, or maybe she just had to pee.”
I heard the humor in her voice and was so damn glad she was the one I'd chosen to call. We were both laughing when the door opened and the woman came back in with the doctor.
“I had to call reinforcements to tell me I was crazy to be wor
ried,” I said to the doctor. “Is it okay if she stays on the phone.”
“Yes,” the doctor said. “Let me have a look at the little one.”
She sat down and moved the wand around for what seemed like forever. I looked between the two women, and Carrie's mom sat quietly on the phone. The doctor pulled the wand away and looked back at me.
“Go ahead and get dressed,” she said. “You can keep whoever it is on the line. I'll be back when you're done.”
I felt like I was going to be sick. There was worry in the doctor's eyes. I could see it, and I was hoping I was wrong. Carrie's mom kept telling me to calm down. She said it was probably nothing. Then she asked if I wanted her to call Lance. I told her no. He was in the middle of a crazy busy day. There was no need to worry him. I was worried enough for the both of us. I didn't want to freak him out and pull him away from his life only to find out I was being unreasonable. The doctor came back in and sat down in the chair in front of me.
“I'm sending you over to hospital, “ she said, and that was it, I was a mess. “I don't want you to worry. It is most likely nothing. I just want you to get checked out. I'll meet you over there in a bit. I've already called to tell them I was sending you. I'm going to finish up with everyone that is already here, and then I will be there. It's not anything for you worry about. I just want you to be checked. It's better to be safe about any little thing.”
I was so glad Carrie's mom was on the phone. I heard her moving around and whispering on the other end of the line. The doctor was still talking, but I didn't have a clue what she was saying. Then I heard Carrie's mom's keys and the sound of a car.
“Go to the hospital, Lucy. I'm on my way. I know it's going to take hours, but I will be there as soon as I can. Carrie's not home.”
“Don't bother her. She has two kids. You don't have to come. I'll go myself,” I said.
“I am on my way,” she snapped. “Everything is going to be fine. You heard the doctor. She said it is most likely nothing. She just wants to make sure. That's a good thing. They sent me to the hospital when I was pregnant with Carrie and it ended up being nothing. Make sure you stay calm for the baby. Do you want me to call Lance?”
Playing Hardball: Part 4 Page 9