A Life To Waste

by Andrew Lennon

  His mum rushed to him and tried to push him off, as Dave raised his arm to throw what must’ve been at least his fifteenth punch, he drew his elbow back and caught his mum square on the jaw. She fell back onto the floor.

  Suddenly Dave stopped. He turned round to see his mum on her back after he had accidently struck her. He then looked on the floor in front of him and saw the bloody mess beneath him that was his fathers face. He felt complete horror.

  “What did.....I didn’t.....I didn’t mean...” Dave was mumbling. He looked in a complete trance, totally and utterly shocked by what he had just done. He looked around, glancing in a daze back and forth at both his parents lying on the floor, both defeated, both hurt, physically hurt at the hands of their own son. He ran out the door.

  Dave spent the entire night walking the streets, he didn’t really go anywhere or do anything, he just walked. He spent the entire night thinking about what he had done. How could he do that to his own parents? After everything they had done for him, how could he even think about laying a finger on them, let alone, what he did. Then he started thinking about how he had lost all his dreams and hopes in that car crash, he lost his coach, he lost his running career, but he hadn’t lost his parents. They had still stuck in there, every day since, even though he had treated them like dirt, they had never abandoned him. After hours of walking, thinking and being overcome with guilt, he decided it was time to go home. He needed to go and face his parents and apologise. He knew that his apology wouldn’t be enough at first, but he would try, even if it took years, he would try and get them to forgive him.

  It was daylight when Dave returned home, he walked into the living room where his mum was sat on the chair crying. He saw that theere was blood on the carpet, evidence left from the beating he had given his Dad. He tried to ignore it.

  “Listen Mum, I’m sorry” He said

  “Well it doesn’t matter now does it” she replied “ It’s too late!”

  “What do you mean? Mum, I’m sorry I”

  “He’s gone!” She interrupted. “He was unconscious when you left us last night, I thought he was dead!” She tried to stop the crying so she could speak, she was able to stop a little, but still kept losing her breath and sobbing while she spoke. “I spent half an hour just trying to wake him up, you made a total mess of his face, I can’t believe you did that! How could you do that to your own father!”

  “Mum, I didn’t mean too, I lost control” Dave wept.

  “Well he has left now” She said bluntly “He said he couldn’t live with you anymore, he had ignored the drugs, he had ignored the thieving, but now he couldn’t sit well knowing that any moment you could kill him”

  “Mum, I would never do that, I honestly didn’t mean that last night, I lost control”

  “Well what about next time you lose control hey! You nearly killed him last night! There is no point feeling sorry now, he’s gone! He packed his bags and he left!”

  Dave sat back overwhelmed with what he was hearing “I can’t believe it, I’m so sorry Mum”

  “Well you bloody should be! My husband is gone now and it’s because of you! What makes it worse is for some stupid reason, I still don’t hate you. I want too! I really want to hate you, but I can’t and that’s my weakness.” She started sobbing again. “He wanted me to kick you out, or if we couldn’t get you out, he wanted to call the police. I said I couldn’t do that, I couldn’t kick my son out onto the streets no matter what he had done. I can’t forgive you for what you have done, but I can’t hate you, for some stupid reason, I still love you and can’t see you put out there to waste away. Well your Dad said he couldn’t stay here with you. So, he gave me the option, him or you. I chose you”

  Dave couldn’t believe it, not only had his Dad left, but his Mum had chosen Dave over him. Why? After what he did why the hell did she choose for him to stay? Maybe it was some unwritten rule that Mothers have to stand by their kids no matter what they’ve done or how bad they are. Maybe it was embedded into her brain, or her heart. She had let the man she loved walk out the door and it was all Daves fault. He had never felt so low, so helpless. He had ruined his family and now there was nothing he could do about it. He leaned over and hugged his mum, gave her a kiss on the cheek and in a soft whisper with tears in his eyes he said “I love you mum, I’m sorry I ruined your life” Then he walked slowly to his bedroom and cried himself to sleep.

  Chapter 4

  Margaret, Dave’s mum, didn’t know it at the time, but choosing Dave over her husband would become the worst decision of her life.

  The morning after “that night” when Dave had come home he had shown remorse, he had been upset and guilty about what he had done. That didn’t last, it didn’t take long for Dave to forget about that night and what he had done. It seemed like he had forgotten about his father as well, or just didn’t care that he wasn’t there anymore.

  Dave had very frequent mood swings, every month or so he would be so full of anger that he would storm around the house trashing anything in his path, his mum was terrified of him, she was so scared that when he threw these fits of violence she would go and hide in her bedroom.

  Years had passed now and it was still Just Margaret and Dave living together. They didn’t live in the same house anymore, they no longer had their family home, they had to move to a far smaller house, in a not so very nice area. Dave of course blamed his mum for this, it was her fault that they couldn’t afford to live in their old house. The fact was, she genuinely couldn’t afford to keep that house anymore, her sole income wasn’t enough to keep up with all the bills and Dave had never bothered getting a job, he left it all to his mum.

  The house they lived in now was very small, the living room was always very dark. The reason for this was that only Dave occupied the living room.

  Margaret always felt tense around him and she couldn’t bare the sight of him. He had ruined her life. Margaret was miserable every single day, she couldn’t count the amount of times she had thought about taking her life. She never had any money left after taking care of all the bills, so outside work, she never left the house. She had no friends, no one she could talk to about how her day was or how she was feeling. Sure Dave was there but it was a waste of time trying to talk to him, he would either ignore her or start insulting her and shouting at her for disturbing him. Every day she thought about tying her bed sheet around the foot of her bed, then at the other end making a noose and putting it around her neck, every day she thought about this, then she thought if she just ran and jumped head first out of the window that the sheet would snap her neck. It would be quick, hopefully be painless and fast for her and then over. But she couldn’t do it. Not because she was afraid of death, she wasn’t, she would welcome death right now with open arms if he came knocking. But she couldn’t take her own life and leave her son alone. She hated herself for still loving him, she wished that she didn’t so she could just end it all and leave him to rot in that living room. A mothers love is too strong, even now that she wanted to get rid of it she couldn’t, she knew that somewhere deep down inside Dave still loved her too.

  Maybe that was the hope she was clinging onto. Maybe one day she would wake up and Dave would love his mum again, maybe he would be nice to her and caring, maybe he would be her son again, maybe, just maybe.

  Chapter 5

  It was Friday night, a night when most people like to relax, let their hair down, maybe have a little drink and eat some greasy food that tastes just that little bit nicer because they know it’s bad for them. Friday night is when the majority of people know that the weekend has arrived and they don’t have to face work for another two days. Unless of course you’re one of the unfortunate people that does have to work Saturdays, or Sundays, or both!

  Well for Dave, Friday night was just the same as every other night, he treated every night like Friday, he still eat the greasy food, still drank too much and well, relaxed, if that’s what you can call it. What do you call it when someo
ne who does nothing ever, does nothing? I can’t imagine that you can call it relaxing as they have nothing to relax from. They just continue to do what they always do. I think we can say Dave was vegetating as he was little more than a cabbage anyway. He well and truly lived up to the term “couch potato”.

  Dave had given his mum his orders for tonight. She had already done the shopping for this week but that didn’t matter, Dave had additional orders and there was no chance he was going to go all the way to the shop and back, screw that, his mum could pick up his stuff on her way home from work. He ordered a box of carling, a large pepperoni pizza, a big bag of peanuts, a big bag of tortilla chips and two big chocolate bars. This order, added to the stash that Dave already had should last him the night, hopefully.

  It was just gone midnight, Dave by now was starting to feel a little bit tipsy. He only had one or two cans left in his box of lager but he had to finish the box before he could go to bed. He had been watching horror films all night again, tonight had been Halloween followed by Hellraiser and then to finish off he was watching Candyman. Candyman was probably Daves favourite horror film, all of them were good in his eyes, even the corny ones, but Candyman was just that little bit more scary than the others. He didn’t quite know why, maybe it was Candyman’s voice, he loved the scene in the car park when Candyman calls out “Heeelen, Heeelen......Helen.” Every time that voice would send chills down his spine, he loved it.

  As Dave was enjoying the movie in his semi conscious drunken state, he started to drift off, his head started to droop and gradually his eyes started to close. The can he had in his hand started tilting just slightly, not enough to spill, but getting nearer every second to falling out of his hand. Every minute or so he would jolt awake, sit himself upright again and re position the can in his hand, then try and carry on with the film.

  Once again his eyes would start to close and the can would start to slip. This continued for quite a while, suddenly he jolted awake, but this one was different to the others, this time he had jolted awake to the sound of screaming. He looked at the TV and when looking at the screen he remembered he had been watching Candyman, that explained the screams so he could settle down and vegetate again, eyes drooped, can slipped.

  “AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

  This one made Dave jump out of his intoxicated dreams so fast that he was stood up off his chair before he even had chance to open his eyes. His can had gone flying out of his hand, he stood in shock looking left and right and behind him as though what ever it was that screamed would suddenly appear in front him. He heard shouting again, it was definitely a woman. This time it definitely wasn’t on the film.

  “AHHHH GET OFF ME YA BASTARD AHHH YOU FUCKIN MMMPPHHH”

  Dave then realised who it was shouting, it was Lisa from next door. He sighed, shook his head, walked to the kitchen to grab another beer then plonked himself back down in front of the TV, “Friday night eh” he said to himself, then chugged his beer.

  The screaming from next door was not a rare occurrence, Lisa, the woman who lived there, had what you could call, complicated relationships. You couldn’t really say that she fought with her boyfriend a lot, because the man she was fighting with changed every time.

  To Dave’s recollection he had never seen the same man at her house twice. Lisa was not exactly a stunner, she looked a bit like a heroin addict if truth be told. She was extremely thin, her face was gaunt, he body was emaciated and her hair was long and brown, but it was greasy, it looked like it had never been washed. Dave assumed that based on her looks, the only reason she was able to get so many men was that either she was ridiculously easy game, as in would not say no to anyone, no matter how they looked. Or she was a prostitute. What amazed Dave even more than Lisa’s unbelievable pulling power, was that she was able to pull equally violent men every time.

  This wasn’t once or twice that she would bring a guy home and he ended up fighting with her, physically. It seemed to be literally every single time. Maybe she was attracted to men who looked like wife beaters, maybe she liked it, maybe she knew which men had a reputation for fighting with women. Maybe she started these fights herself every time.

  Maybe she would invite a bloke back, perhaps go to bed with him or perhaps not, then at some point decide to give him a good old right hook and see what his reaction was. Maybe it was nothing like this and she was just desperately trying to find love and failing miserably every time. Maybe she was just genuinely unlucky in love. Dave didn’t know exactly what is was, he had many theories, but what he did know. That woman had more fights in her house than Mohammed Ali had in the ring.

  Knowing what he did about Lisa's love life, Dave wrote off the screaming and shouting as being another Friday night fight for her.

  Dave didn’t feel sorry for Lisa, yeah she might be getting a beating every Friday night, but that was her choice, he thought. She could just stop going home with crazy blokes. Given that he knew just how easy she was, he had been tempted a few times to pop next door and try his chances. He knew she was sure game so it would have been an easy lay. Also he would probably enjoy going a few round in post sex boxing with her. Yeah she may have looked like the freakish offspring of Snoop Dog and a Twiglet but still, a lay is a lay isn’t it and other than his mum, Lisa was pretty much the only female that Dave ever saw, seeing as he never left his house.

  The problem was, Dave had no confidence at all, he had been overly confident when he was younger but that was years ago, all that had faded away now and left a shy middle aged loner. By the time Dave was drunk enough to build up enough confidence to even think about going to give Lisa a knock it was too late, fight night had already begun. Oh well eh, good for Lisa, at least she was going out and actually getting some action, it was a hell of a lot more than he was getting.

  Truth be told, Dave was jealous of Lisa. Sounds stupid doesn’t it, how could he possibly be jealous of the smack head next door who got a kicking from every bloke she took home on a Friday night. Well even violence and rage was some sort of emotion, it was something to feel. Yes it might have appeared horrible to outsiders but there was no questioning that Lisa felt in any given moment, far more alive than Dave ever did, that was down to violence and rage, the most raw of feelings. Dave could give those out, but he was never given them, he was actually given more hate than any person should ever receive from his mum every day, but he didn’t know about that. Dave felt nothing from the outside world, it was just him on his own all the time. No emotions, no violence, no anger, no sadness, no love. It wasn’t always like that, a long time ago Dave had something really good.

  He had the love of a good woman, he had someone who would give her life for him at any given moment. He had all the feelings and emotions that he longed for now, he had had them poured upon him every day. It was all gone now though, he had let it all slip away. Some people go through life trying to find love and never succeeding, like Lisa next door. Some people are tormented to go from one person to the next and never feeling that warm feeling inside, never knowing that they are special to a certain someone. Some people are never lucky enough to have any of that. Dave was lucky enough, he had it all, he didn’t know it or appreciate it at the time, but now approaching middle age he often looked back at those times, he had it all, he had Claire.

  Chapter 6

  Claire worshipped Dave, ever since the night they met in the pub she had wanted to be with him all the time. He didn’t know it at the time, but Dave loved Claire, he knew that he liked her, he knew he liked her a lot, he just wasn’t sure quite how much he liked her.

  Dave and Claire went out together all the time, she was a student and Dave didn’t work so they had a lot of spare time. Dave would be quite happy to just sit and drink all day, which is exactly what he did on the days that Claire had her lectures. Claire wasn’t a huge fan of drinking though, sure she liked the odd drink. What student doesn’t? But she didn’t like just sitting and drinking all the time, she liked
to be out and about doing things, she never wanted to be sat around just waiting for time to pass by.

  As a result of this Claire always had different days out planned. Claire was quite athletic so she didn’t have any limitations to what those days would be. Dave wasn’t quite as fit as his running days but was still in good enough shape to keep up with her. Besides, he loved to watch her during any strenuous activity. She was a fair bit shorter than Dave, she always seemed to be tanned, Dave assumed she used the sun beds, this was wrong she just had naturally dark skin, maybe she had Spanish or Greek heritage somewhere down the line, she didn’t know but she liked the fact that she always looked tanned, so did Dave. She had short brown hair, almost that of a mans hair cut but her pretty facial features helped her pull it off, this short hair was chosen Dave assumed so that she never had to worry about her hair getting in her way for any of her crazy activities.