by Agnès Ruiz
“You’ll get out of here faster than that.”
She was shouting too loud, and she knew it. She was mad at herself for being incapable pf modulating her voice in these moments. Joshua remained calm. He was barely amused by his sister’s aggressiveness.
“Or what? You’ll tell dad?! You need to grow up a bit, little one. What are you thinking?”
“Nothing at all. That is not your place.”
“And you think I don’t know that?”
His voice, blatantly arrogant, sounded like a threat. Joshua had never used such a tone with her. They certainly no longer got on well, but they put up with each other as well as they could, all these years.
“You should be in your office working instead of... being in here nosing about; or whatever you’re doing.”
“I think you’re taking it too much to heart, Joanna. It really is a weakness. Undoubtedly, just one more problem that dad can’t ignore. Quite a flaw for such an establishment as this.”
“You really want to talk about this now?!”
4
Joanna knew her face was crimson. She would have liked not to have been cursed with a skin that blushed so hastily at the slightest frustration or climatic difference. How many times had she wished she was just like Joshua? He was lucky enough to have a lovely tanned look, always smooth and even. He had stubble on his slightly-too-pointy chin to cover any imperfections.
She couldn’t conceal anything without the reinforcement of foundation. She was far from being an expert at handling this often thankless tool and putting it on her face. When she had to do an interview for the hotel, in her capacity as head of communications, she used the services of a specialist establishment. The price was enough to make her shudder. As she begrudged using the expense account, she paid out of her own pocket.
By doing that, she was sure she wouldn’t be reproached for throwing company money away...
Joshua didn’t have that disgust. He did, however, eat out at a restaurant once a week after his game of tennis, and charged it to the company. He maintained it kept him in shape, and besides, during the summer the guests would benefit from his skills on the courts. His father didn’t have anything else to say on the matter.
Except that Joanna was probably being too strict. Joshua had already reproached her for that. Joanna sometimes wondered if she had been wrong in going into this field. Maybe it was the case for the moment, Joshua said in the softest tone, almost careful with the effect his words would have on his sister:
“You know dad has been very tired, recently.”
“Indeed.”
What did he have in mind? Joanna was worried.
“He had sunken cheeks, he even lost weight...”
“And that should worry you”, Joanna confirmed. “You give the impression that... on the contrary, you welcome it!”
Joshua pulled a face and frowned. Joanna immediately regretted her words. She was being vicious. She didn’t mean it. Well, not like that. What could she add to soften her tone? Joshua was better than her with direct confrontation. And once again, beat her to it as she was dumbstruck.
“I simply became aware that the great Rodolphe G. Gaspardin was not immortal”, he announced with deliberate slowness.
He searched her gaze now, as if he were looking to strike the chord which he knew was vibrating inside her. He knew her well. It was undeniable. His comment was just right. Joanne felt her heart beat violently. A fast rhythmic inflating and deflating reverberated in her chest cavity, striking against her ribs, with a loud ringing which painfully pulsated in her skull and her ears with a long, excruciating, unbearable resonance.
“Enough!” she spluttered, the ends of her fingers holding her temple as if she were trying to stop the deafening racket going on inside her.
She closed her eyes for an instant, placed a hand on the mahogany desk, and breathed deeply. Finally, as Joshua was waiting reasonably for her to compose herself, she confronted him, looking him straight in the eye, with a calm voice, she hoped.
“It is obvious he’s not immortal! But he still has many years ahead of him.”
Joanna was mortified to refuse the inevitable. She felt ready to fight as if her words could extend her father’s time on Earth to infinity. She nonetheless knew it was like putting her head in the sand. She simply hated bringing up death.
“Are you sure?” Joshua asked, his eyes not leaving hers, accepting this battle he had deliberately provoked.
His dark looks had many different shades. He could be glacial, caressing or protective. At this moment, he could be taken for the eldest, ready to aid his sister’s distress. What was he protecting her from? She panicked, suddenly.
“I don’t understand. Do you know something I don’t? Is he sick?”
He shrugged a shoulder, nonchalantly.
“I found out that Dad has had some tests done, recently.”
“And?” demanded Joanna, drinking up the information that her brother seemed to be drip-feeding her.
“And nothing.”
“How?”
“Do you know what something called ‘medical confidentiality’ is?”
He was laughing at her. He used the same irony as Rodolphe G. Gaspardin. And it always hurt.
“Don’t treat me like a fool!” Joanna cursed.
“Why would I do that?”
“Because you don’t say things clearly and it’s annoying!”
“Do you think I’m not worried? The world doesn’t revolve around you, big sister!” he spat, viciously.
Joanna thought he was going too far. She was certainly far from feeling what he had just confirmed. Not even close. The centre of the family, if there was one, was Rodolphe G. Gaspardin. The others were just gravitating around him, like satellites.
“What do you know, then?” Joanna asked again, softly this time, hoping to get more information by being more accommodating.
She hit a blank wall.
“I didn’t find out anything”, Joshua was getting annoyed.
Joanna bit her bottom lip, thinking deeply. She hadn’t been expecting this news. Why had she not thought her father could be ill? It should have been her telling her brother, instead of the other way round. Guilt was working its way inside her.
She thought back to when she found out she was pregnant and should have listened to her mother’s advice. She used contraception... She had probably carelessly forgotten to take it a few times... a bit too often.
“And condoms?” her father spat the words at her, nastily.
Guilt came rushing back into Joanna’s heart. Her father was seriously ill, without a doubt. She hadn’t seen a thing, hadn’t done anything...
“Could Mum find out some information?”
“Certainly not. She’s his ex-wife. She has no right.”
“Grandmother, then! After all, she’s his mother. I could talk to her about it.”
“And upset her? You forget she’s not young, any more. Her heart could fail.”
“We always said she would be the one burying us!” Joanna replied, softly.
Of course he was right. Why distress her so soon? They wouldn’t get any information for the time being.
“In any case, medical confidentiality is double-locked”, stated Joshua. Even their mother could not get anything. “I know because I already asked.”
“You’re really worried, then?”
Joanna was hopeful. Her brother was not necessarily trying to put himself at the head of the seaside hotel. He simply wanted to know how their father was doing. That was what he was doing in Rodolphe G. Gaspardin’s office.
If there was any information to glean, it was here that they should search. She noticed the agenda open on the PC which was softly whirring.
“So you are trying to learn more? Test results, maybe? Did you find anything, then?”
“You are interested now? My presence in the holy of holies doesn’t bother you any more, I’d say...”
“Don’t be stupid.”
/>
She moved around the furniture to be next to him, but he turned off the computer. He had turned off the screen when she got to him.
“Useless. I looked in all the right places. I didn’t find anything.”
Now he got up and Joanna felt that she should follow him. She felt strange, as if Joshua was kicking her out of the office.
“Were you really here... for that?” She asked, shaken, but suddenly suspicious again.
Joshua gave a sneer that she couldn’t comprehend.
“My big sister, always ready to solve every problem. You’ll never change.”
“What is it, Joshua?”
“Nothing, I assure you. I didn’t find anything. I told you everything I know. He’s had some tests done.”
“And then he suddenly decided to take a holiday”, Joanna added, “and he also gave his secretary time off”.
“Marguerite is a stenographer”, Joshua laughed.
His joke did not cheer Joanna up.
5
Joanna’s thoughts turned to tense theories. What if her father was not on holiday, but in recovery? Or, perhaps he had started treatment after a serious illness? Could he be having an operation without telling them?
Indeed it seemed it could be so. Fear paralysed Joanna. Had she hugged her father the last time she saw him? She had reproached him for just suddenly leaving, so close to the beginning of the season. They fought. Joshua was more flexible, assuring him that he would take over during his absence. Why had she simply not said the same thing?
Why did she always refuse to show any kind of weakness in front of her father? She had put him on a pedestal too early. From way up there, he shined, and protected them all under his imposing stature. He resolved his affairs with authority and mastery. No problem remained unsolved for long. It was as if he were born with it.
He, too, grew old. Joanna made that terrible realisation as she walked slowly back to the reception.
Mélanie immediately stood up to call out to her.
“I think I’ve done something wrong”, she said, her voice panicked.
She was no longer laughing and was biting her lip, and twisting her hands. When Joanna got behind the high desk top, she discovered that all of the computers were switched off.
“What makes you think it was you?” asked Joanna.
She couldn’t see how the young girl thought she had caused such a fault. She instantly forgot her troubles and her father’s vulnerability, and turned to the problem to solve before her.
She called the handyman, Grégoire Bontempois.
Five minutes later, a large man arrived, and he only needed a few minutes to realise that a fuse had blown in the reception area.
“You see, Mélanie, no need to say anything. What were you doing when the breakdown happened?”
Joanna only wanted to understand why the young girl thought she was to blame. It didn’t make sense. Unless she possessed super powers, she couldn’t have caused a general problem on three computers at the same time.
“I... I was doing my nails, and my bottle of nail polish tipped over onto the keyboard...”
Mélanie stuttered trying to explain her absent-mindedness. She carefully avoided looking at Joanna, convinced she would tell her to take her things and leave immediately. What would she have done if her father’s health wasn’t in the back of her mind? For the moment, Joanna saw the extent of the damage as she lifted the sheet of paper that Mélanie had hastily slipped over the keyboard, hiding the red nail polish which was smeared over the keys.
“Well, you don’t need me to tell you that the reception is not the place for doing your nails.”
“Yes, madam. You... won’t send me away?”
Joanna sighed.
“No. You made a poor decision. I’m sure you won’t do it again. Right?”
“You can count on that, madam.”
“Good.”
“Thank... you. Really.”
“What for?” Joanna was surprised.
“For not throwing me out. I like it here, you know.”
Joanna observed Mélanie with a forgiving look. It was possible the kid was telling the truth. Was she being too tough on her? She had forgotten she was only eighteen years old. What had she been like at that age? A single parent, working hard at the hotel to win back her father’s admiration... Joanna shook her head as if trying to chase away her harmful thoughts.
“We all make mistakes”, she repeated, as if to comfort herself.
She stayed with Mélanie for a few more minutes before leaving. That was why she’d been looking for Joshua, to remind him that she wouldn’t be there that evening. He had tried to find out more, but she kept it to herself. Actually, she was looking forward to going out with her childhood friend, Linda. They had planned to go out partying somewhere.
Now, her heart wasn’t really in it. She phoned Linda to cancel. Her friend had insisted, trying to change her mind. Joanna arrived home and found her daughter, or rather jumped on her when entering her bedroom.
“Mum! You could at least knock!” cursed Zoé, taking off her headphones with a brisk movement.
“I did...” Joanna defended herself, tired of the same remarks, day after day. “But it doesn’t change anything! You’ll end up as deaf as a post from wearing your headphones so much.”
“That way I’ll have peace and quiet.”
Joanna pursed her lips and guessed they were once again running into a brick wall with this conversation.
“Your meal is ready. You just need to microwave it. And I would like it if you didn’t stay up too late.”
“I don’t have class tomorrow, I told you.”
Of course, Joanna hadn’t forgotten. Even though every day seemed the same. Even more so as she always worked weekends.
“I’m going out tonight, so don’t worry if you hear any noise during the night.”
Zoé sniggered at that.
“If things weren’t bad enough. You tell me not to stay up too late, and you’ll be back in the middle of the night.”
“I’m your mother; I’m allowed to have fun, too, now and then.”
Zoé threw her an insolent look, but said nothing else. It was better that way. Joanna did not really want to know what her daughter was thinking at that exact moment. Cautiously, she left Zoé’s bedroom and went to run herself a bath.
This is the right way to relax, she thought happily. She lit two vanilla-scented candles and lay back in the bathtub. She closed her eyes and plunged her head in the water to get her hair wet before coming back up and relaxing completely. The smell of the foam mixed with the scent of vanilla began to ease her mind.
6
Joanna had only been in the water for five minutes when she heard banging on the bathroom door.
“What is it?” she shouted, unhappy.
“There’s a guy here. He wants to see you... He came earlier, too.”
Joanna frowned. What was all this about?
“Tell him I’m not available. He can come back later...”
“That’s what I told him. He’s insisting. He says he’ll wait if he has to, and that he’s not going anywhere.”
Joanna had no other choice than to get out of the bath. She blew out the candles aggressively and wrapped a towel around her long hair. Her movements were quick while she had wanted to take care of herself, and take the time she desperately wanted to focus on rest and unwind. She stretched out her arm to unhook her towelling bathrobe and slipped it on, drying herself at the same time.
She moved as quickly as possible, as she just remembered that she had left her handbag out. Knowing Zoé, she knew she wouldn’t be keeping an eye on the person until she was ready. In other words, anything could happen. Run off with her credit cards, for example, without her even knowing who it was.
Upon leaving the bathroom, a glance was enough to confirm her suspicions. Zoé was back in her room with her headphones on. She was once again voluntarily deaf to the outside world.
One on
ly had to wonder how she could have heard the guy ringing the doorbell. He must have been so insistent that she couldn’t have done anything else.
If that was what happened, then he was far more talented than she. She couldn’t get her daughter’s attention.
From the threshold of the living room, she found the stranger sitting on the sofa. He was holding a book: one that Joanna was currently reading, and that she had left on the coffee table the day before.
“Can I help you?” she asked, arms crossed over her chest.
He was blond, quite tall, and rather handsome. She thought he was out of place in the small room. She didn’t like having people visit her home. Especially those she wasn’t expecting. As she scrutinised him, she realised he was doing the same. He stood up when she entered. He seemed visibly surprised at her attire and didn’t hide it.
“Oh... it was true, then?”
“What was true?”
“That you were in the bath...”
“That’s what Zoé told you? I wonder why you didn’t believe her and better still, why you didn’t think to come back later”, she rebuked.
“I’ve already been twice”, he pleaded. “And I suppose you didn’t know”, he quickly added, seeing her look surprised.
“Indeed”, Joanna acknowledged. “Well, if you could tell me why you are here so I can go back to my bath... I have to go out tonight.”
“I’m your downstairs neighbour.”
“Pleased to hear it. Incidentally, that changes nothing and can wait.”
“There is a leak coming from your flat.”
“Excuse me?”
He was joking, there was no doubt. He repeated his claim with more certainty. His playfulness had stopped.
“The best part is that you’ve just admitted it.”
“Now?”
“You are difficult to get hold of. And your sister doesn’t seem capable of giving you messages, so yes, now would be preferable.”
“Right: one, she is not my sister, but my daughter, and two, I did not know about your earlier visits.”
“Your daughter?” the neighbour was surprised, sceptical.