by Agnès Ruiz
They were incompatible.
Guillermo did not feel comfortable in this unexpected situation. He hadn’t planned any of it. He should move on from the Gaspardin family, it was a fact. But one thing led to another, with his wounded leg, his unexpected relationship with Joanna. It just happened, he reasoned with himself sometimes; insomniac as he tried to find the non-existent solution.
As he cursed himself once more, he still organised everything so that Joanna wouldn’t come across anything too compromising over the weekend. For example, he had hidden his gun in a high cupboard, under his clothes. Neither the housekeeper, nor Joanna could find it there.
But he didn’t feel calm. Was it enough? What could he say if she discovered who he really was?
She would be afraid, no doubt. And she would be right.
Guillermo put down his phone and typed Joanna’s coordinates into his computer. He was able to find her easily. The tracer wasn’t his best idea, but at least he would know if she turned up without warning, as she had done that day as he got out of the shower.
How could he have left his door open? He was usually so meticulous.
Obviously, it wasn’t going to do. Had he gone soft in the head since meeting the young woman?
It wasn’t good, he repeated for the umpteenth time.
On the screen, he realised Joanna was at the carpark in Deauville. What was she doing there? Could he meet her without raising her suspicions?
He only needed a couple of minutes to decide then he called a taxi.
57
After walking randomly in the water along the sea shore, Joanna sat down on the sand. Alone and beset with concern, she made the most of the present moment, far from her mobile phone which she had deliberately left in her car.
She wanted to admire the spectacular sunset, listening to the powerful, slightly stormy waves.
Perhaps a storm was brewing on the high seas already, she thought. If that was the case, impressive rolling waves would form and intensify, imperious and rebellious.
The sound of the waves quickly became furious. The ferocious, rhythmic movement dug into the sand, biting away more and more of the beach until it licked the Boardwalk, as it often did. It would no longer be question of coming for a walk.
Nature should be respected in all circumstances. Joanna had often assisted the elements which unleashed itself against the coast.
It was sublime and fascinating at the same time. Against all odds, it made her feel calm. Thinking about everything made her feel tiny, but necessary. As necessary as all the tiny grains of sand which formed the beaches of Normandy that she loved so much.
As for the time, there was no danger. She could just make the most of being there and it was good. Better than good, even.
Joanna stretched out her legs. She smoothed down her trousers with her hand, as damp as the bottom of her blue shirt. Well, Guillermo’s shirt to be exact. What would he say if he saw his clothes in such a state? Whatever. Everything dries, even tears, she couldn’t avoid thinking with a persistent pain in her throat.
Joanna sighed and picked up a handful of sand. She watched the grains filter out through a small hole from her clenched fist. How many times had she done that?
Was it a symbol of time passing? A simple gesture telling her she could control everything?
She stretched out both of her arms behind her on the sand, like an invisible backrest, and showed her face to the tranquil evening. The air was crisp and still quite fresh for the period. Her hair floated freely and regularly caressed her face, masking her view several times, unveiling new sights of the changing and elusive sunset.
Joanna didn’t know how long she had been there as a shiver made her react, unless it was the two seagulls fiercely fighting over a piece of bread.
It was time for her to go back.
“Go back where?” her lips murmured.
Her voice blew far away into the wind. Perhaps it joined the greedy and noisy seagulls that were still quarrelling.
Joanna was aware that she had only been thinking for the past few hours. “Where was her actual place?”
As so often before, coming to the beach, and being near the sea, enabled her to put things into perspective. She had decided to do what was right for her.
She also wanted to clear things up with her father and his accusation which did not make sense. Now she knew that it was Marguerite who had gone into his office and nobody else! And he certainly knew it.
When she thought about it, she became enraged. She had difficulty calming it, calming herself... She felt like the waves which were more aggressive at the moment...
Joanna was going to throw this information in her father’s face the very next morning. Maybe she would also tell him how she had suffered hearing him say she was a parasite. This time, however, she was a lot less sure. She had had to keep her personal pain to herself too much. And it would undoubtedly still be the case.
She drove home when she remembered that she had told Guillermo she would spend the weekend with him.
“Not tonight, though”, she decided.
It was already fairly late and thick clouds covered the night stars. Even the moon was discreet, or fearful, only appearing on rare occasions and only showing a small part of its chubby face.
Joanna needed to clarify her ideas before facing tomorrow. When she was with Guillermo, she didn’t feel as though she could think. Why did this man have such an effect on her?!
58
On the landing, on Guillermo’s floor, she stopped, aware that he wasn’t home yet. She imagined him at the hotel, in his room, maybe waiting for her.
She should call him; she at least owed him that.
Except she didn’t. She didn’t owe anybody anything. It was part of her new resolutions. Save her daughter, of course, if at all. There were still limits, she told herself.
At home, Joanna took a spoonful of crème fraiche from the tub then took a second before putting it back into the fridge, a satisfied smile on her lips.
Finally, she switched on her computer and typed out the letter she had in her head. She re-read it several times, and corrected one or two sentences until she was pleased with it. Without any remorse, she printed it, signed it then slipped it into a white envelope.
She diligently wrote her father’s name on the white surface and placed it on her keyboard.
It was already after one when she finally slipped between her sheets.
But she could hardly sleep. She tossed and turned several times. Beaten, she turned on the radio, only to turn it off almost straight away. Instead she reached out her arm to grab her book. Again, she quickly put it back when she realised she was reading the same line for the third time.
She turned off the light and lay back down, forcing herself to keep her eyes closed and stay still and forcing herself not to think of anything...
Mission impossible! It was unbearable.
She found her sheets rough and uncomfortable.
Joanna remembered other sheets, other arms. That was what she painfully wanted right now.
It was so late, her senses murmured as her heart beat faster with that excuse.
It was now two o’clock in the morning as she threw off her sheets and quilt. She got dressed and went back to her car.
There, she switched her phone back on and discovered that Guillermo had tried to reach her several times. She wanted proof that she wasn’t doing the wrong thing. She would still be welcome.
At the seaside hotel, Joanna parked at a distance. She didn’t want anybody to see her car in the carpark. What she did with her life wasn’t anybody’s business.
Not anymore! She made herself repeat.
She also decided to go through the garden. There was a back door for private use. Of course she had the keys, which would allow her an even more discreet entrance. It was in this way she slipped through the night and into the hotel. She was almost like a thief and thought her idea was as out of place as it was exciting.
What was the point in putting so much effort into being invisible at the risk of bumping into Grégoire? It was clearly he who would be on shift. Maybe he was sleeping. Or not.
The letter could wait until the next day. The hotel wouldn’t go under just yet.
Joanna continued on her way and found herself at Guillermo’s door. She knocked discreetly and even dared to scratch it with her nails. She smiled at her trick.
She imagined she was the heroine of a film, sneaking into the arms of her lover at a second rate inn.
The reality wasn’t too far off.
However, the silence went on for an eternity. Suddenly, Joanna realised the incongruity of the situation. What was she doing there in the middle of the night? Did she really hope Guillermo would hear her as she made mouse-like sounds? She should have called to warn him at least, or come tomorrow morning.
She had been completely reckless imagining he would wait for her. Perhaps he had done so earlier in the evening before the hours passed. He had given up.
That’s what she would have done. Obviously.
Joanna sighed. She didn’t want to go back home now, and be alone with her dark thoughts.
It really took the biscuit that she was in a hotel. Well, she had her master-key.
What if she used it to quietly sneak in next to Guillermo? A little impish smile appeared on her lips.
Recklessness was becoming her new catchword.
59
She fished around in her bag, but jumped when the door in front of her opened.
“Joanna?!” she heard mumbling.
“I’ve woken you up... I’m disturbing you, maybe...”
Guillermo was only wearing his boxers, but he was hardly upset. He let her in and looked at her, intrigued.
She had changed, he noted, his blue shirt had disappeared.
“You smell like the sea”, he sniffed.
“I took a shower, though”, she replied, dryly.
“I’m not being mean. Quite the opposite. It’s just a subtle salty smell. And I like it.”
“You weren’t sleeping, I hope”, she asked, suddenly wanting to get away from the long look he was giving her.
She saw his unmade bed and two pillows leaning against the wall. The computer was on the sheets, the screen lowered. A light blinked.
“I was working”, Guillermo confirmed following her eyes briefly before turning back to her.
“I thought you weren’t going to come anymore.”
“I thought so, too”, she replied, having fun.
Joanna felt intimidated now that she was there, in front of Guillermo. Their recent frolicking set her senses on fire. She wanted to touch him and held her arm out to his. Their fingers enlaced, playing with each other.
“Are you sure you’re OK?”
“Why do you ask that?”
“I don’t know; you seem different.”
“I went for a walk along the sea front. It always does me good.”
He slowly moved her towards the bed and they sat down as they spoke.
“It’s a shame, we could have gone together.”
“I needed to be alone. To sort my head out.”
“About us?” Guillermo asked.
“No, well, I don’t think so. Unless you think we should.”
“I don’t know.”
Joanna seemed disappointed by the comment. She was hoping for more enthusiasm. However, Guillermo was undoing the buttons of her blouse, one by one, as he watched her with obvious desire.
She put her hand on his fingers to stop him.
“Do you want us to stop seeing each other?” Joanna asked as she redressed.
“I feel good with you, but I shouldn’t”, Guillermo replied with effort.
“Why?”
“I’m not even sure I’ll stay here for long.”
“Ah! That’s right. Your flat is only a short-term rental...”
“Exactly”, Guillermo answered frankly without looking away from Joanna.
“We don’t have to talk about it”, Joanna decided.
“Maybe that’s better”, Guillermo murmured.
“We can just enjoy each other, is that it?”
Joanna’s voice was challenging. Yet she was upset with herself as she didn’t feel she could go back on it all, and if she insisted, maybe Guillermo would make her leave now.
Her phone rang as soon as she threw her blouse towards the foot of the bed.
“That’s the ringtone for my daughter... I have to answer it.”
With her skirt hitched up and again in just her bra, Joanna stood up to get her phone out of her handbag. She was afraid the ringing wouldn’t stop, but her heart was panic-stricken, too. Why was Zoé calling her in the middle of the night? She was supposed to be sleeping at her friend Lilas’ house.
Her maternal instinct told her something was wrong.
She answered, feverish, but she heard the characteristic beep. Zoé had already hung up.
“What’s going on?” Guillermo asked.
“I don’t know.”
60
Guillermo ordered Joanna to call her daughter back straight away.
“If she’s trying to call you at this time of night, it must mean that something’s happened”, he insisted.
“Thanks, that’s reassuring”, she replied, nervous.
She struck him down with a look, but he didn’t lose his seriousness. She let the telephone redial Zoé’s number. Her daughter was soon on the other end of the line. Her voice was jerky, scared, and Joanna’s own voice became high-pitched during the discussion.
“I’m coming straight away. Don’t move.”
Joanna turned to Guillermo then looked for her blouse to put back on. She had to do it several times as her movements were too nervous.
“So are you going to tell me what’s going on, or not?” Guillermo clamoured as he buttoned his shirt back up, too.
“It’s a family thing”, Joanna simply shot, upset.
“And it’s nothing to do with me? Whatever. I can help you. I’m not just your neighbour, dammit.”
Joanna looked at him, her breath taken away by the scene. Then she realised he was right. Why did she always carry every burden on her own shoulders instead of sharing them? For once she would try to trust somebody. Yes, trust, she repeated to herself.
“Well, it’s Zoé... She’s not at her friend’s as she told me. She... She went to a concert in Caen, with Lilas and her older sister, Jessie. They were on their way back then their car broke down. They are all alone on the edge of the road in the middle of the night. They don’t even know where they are exactly.”
“How will you find them?”
“I’ll take the usual road towards Caen.”
Her words lack conviction, but Joanna didn’t have many other options.
“What kind of phone does Zoé have? A recent model, I suppose?”
“Euh... yeah”, Joanna thought briefly. “She’s just had it.”
“Well, I’m sure I can trace her.”
Stunned, Joanna watched as Guillermo took charge of the situation. She was no geek, but she knew what geo-localisation was. That was something at least. She spared herself from asking the question as Guillermo opened up his computer and started a programme she had never seen before.
She had never had to resort to such a strategy to find her daughter. She was surprised when she understood Guillermo needed a password to enter the system. Maybe she was dreaming, but she had the impression he was doing his best to cover his hands as he entered his code. Pffft, as if she was going to rummage around in his little things.
Unconsciously, she turned gloomy, but forgot her reticence when a map came up on the screen. But she moved forward when she noticed, in the corner of the screen, a localisation had
already been identified. She had the name. She gulped, about to ask, but Guillermo pulled the rug out from under her.
“Give me her phone number.”
His voice was authoritative and did not accept any other discussion.
Guillermo put in the information and clicked enter. Very quickly, a point came up. He turned on his phone, seemed to synchronise both gadgets and found the same information on his telephone screen.
“We can go.”
“I can manage alone.”
“At this time of night? Out of the question.”
“I can take care of myself, you know. I’m not just some poor damsel in distress”, Joanna rebelled.
“That’s not the question right now. But with two, it’s always easier to handle. I will deal with directions and you drive. I doubt your daughter wants to spent much longer lost in the middle of nowhere so late at night.”
Of course, he was right. Since when had he been so convincing? There was no smile or carelessness. Joanna felt like there was a stranger in front of her. But not just any stranger. An experienced man who knew what he was doing and where he was going.
She would have liked to have such qualities in her own life.
Even his steps were more fluid and quick despite the plaster.
“Don’t go breaking your other leg”, Joanna insisted anyway, on the stairs.
Guillermo looked at her for an instant and saw humour in her pupils.
“I had a whole other weekend in mind”, he said softly.
He was gentle and Joanna felt herself melt under his tender look. She wanted to reply that she did too, but her mind was only on Zoé.
Strangely, she wasn’t angry. Maybe that would come later when she found her. At the moment she only wanted one thing: to hold her in her arms and have her back safe.
61
“Do you feel up to driving?” Guillermo assured.
He was serious again and full of self-control. Unexpectedly, it did Joanna good and it calmed her. She closed her eyes, and took a deep breath before starting the car, not without glancing at Guillermo to show she was sure of herself, too.